Question for SAHM Who Have Hired Help (Maybe 2 Days a Week??)

I wouldn't know, but you might try asking M.K....

Sounds like you need a mothers helper. Do any of your neighbors have a middle school aged kid that could use some extra cash? Around $3-5 and hour is more than ok for one in that age group while you are home. Or, if you would rather have the house work done rather than child care while you do house work, you could get a cleaning service to come once a week. Or you could hire both! We all need a little time to ourselves every now and than, I know I love me a good long bubble bath!

Hey Jess...

Your asking for help has not one iota of similarity to the other post about asking for help. We all need help some days, we also need an ear sometimes, and we all need a little space.

There is a huge difference between "I need some help what do I do," and the issues listed in the other post. I wish you luck in your search.

Page...that answer rocks!

I'm sorry you're getting such negative responses here....Its a legitimate question that you have!

That being said....check with some of the older tweens or teens in your neighborhood. We have a little girl that lives across the street. Her mom and I got to talking over the summer. She just completed her "babysitting" classes through her jr. high school and, while her mom wasn't even comfortable with the idea of her "going it alone" she is a GREAT mommy's helper. She comes by and plays with my 2 little boys (5 yrs and 10 months) while I get dinner/laundry going during the week (she's here about an hour or less) and sometimes on the weekend she'll come and hang out with the boys while I get a project completed. We have a playroom in the basement, so she hangs out with our sons in the playroom while I get some stuff done in the main part of the house (this came in handy while we were painting the living room....not an ideal time to have two little ones under foot). When the weather is warmer....she LOVES taking my lil guys for a walk so I get a minute to get some things done. Sometimes, I get so much done in the time it takes her to walk them once around the block that I'll join them on the second and third time around. What I LOVE about her is that she's still young enough that she enjoys actually playing with the kids...she's not just sitting there on the phone or watching TV or whatever. We pay her $5 an hour (her mom wouldn't allow us to pay her anything more than that...though I would have gone up to $7 happily). But sometimes I'll just round up and give her a "tip"....like if she's only here for an hour and a half, I'll just give her $10.

Also, because her mom and I have now grown more comfortable with the situation (and because her mom is RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET) we've had her over to babysit on the occasional date night. Obviously, we weren't out very late (about 6:00 until 8:00) and weren't gone very long (just dinner) but it helped knowing her mom was super close by if anything came up. This time, I insisted that we pay her $10 an hour....because she was technically "on her own" without us home. BTW, she's 14 and, honestly, one of the most responsible kids I've ever met!

If you're looking for someone more college aged...you'll probably have to up the hourly rate by a couple dollars. But I doubt you'll have any trouble finding someone in college who could use the extra money.

I think you can ask your hired help to do whatever you want. I have friends that have their sitters wash and chop veggies so making dinner is a snap. I have others who have them do laundry and others that just play with the kids. As long as you're up front about what you want them to do, I think anything goes (within reason, of course). I'm a SAHM and I also prefer to focus on my kids rather than scrub the toilet, so I have a housekeeper come every other week. She charges $75 each time and it takes three people just over an hour to get the house spic and span. It's a huge help for me and I think it's money well spent. My husband and I are talking about getting other help so I can get some "me" time too. It feels self indulgent, but I think if I can get away and have some space once in a while that I'll be a calmer and better mom and wife. Good luck and good for you for making sure you have some free time. I think that's so important!

i didn't get to read m.k.'s post, looks like it was taken down. i WISH i had help and if you can afford it you should go for it. i've learned a few things from 2 types of families i know... 1. the mom works part-time... she is a better mom for having a few "sane" days and 2. the mom who can hire help a few days... also a better mom for having a few "sane" days. good luck, i hope you find a good match for your family!

I take my daughter to an in-home daycare two days a week so I can do all that. Honestly, grocery shopping is extremely hard to do with her, she wants to jump of the shopping cart, if I put the seat belt that it has she screams and tries to rip it off by pulling it (of course it doesn't work), she wants to play with the credit card machine when I am trying to pay, etc, etc. So on those two days she goes for a few hours and it gives me some time for myself. We pay $25 a day, so I think it is pretty affordable, that's for 1 child only though. Later this year when I have the baby I guess it would go up to at least $40 but we need the peace and quite to maintain our sanity LOL! i think $ 125 is decent, specially if you find a college student. They are usually more affordable and some are great with kids.

okay Page W is funny... I was thinking the same thing

I would say if you can totally afford it have your groceries delivered you can do it online in most cities and hire a house keeper so you dont have to worry about cleaning up all your projects on your own

I haven't hired any help yet but have been considering it. I'm a SAHM but need/want to start working again. I could have written your post myself, except I only have one son (6 months). I may end up just putting him in daycare a couple days a week so I can get some focused time for "work work". But if I'm not trying to get anything done that takes a lot of thought and focus, the plan is to have someone come to the house and just play with the baby for a few hours a week. Change diapers, maybe give him his solids, and the big one - naps. My son is very difficult to get to sleep for naps, and he often won't stay asleep unless someone holds him, so having someone help with his naps would be a windfall for me.

I would still handle all the cleaning/cooking/etc. around the house. The babysitter would just be to give me a few hours' break from the baby.

And it's not at all horrible that you need a break. Some women are naturally mom types, and love spending 24/7 taking care of their kids. That's awesome. Other women (like me) are happier focusing on a career. It doesn't mean we love our children any less, or are bad moms. It means we have different goals in life. That's awesome too.

I know a couple of families that have au pairs. Not sure if you are looking for someone that committed and full-time (they live in your home while attending school and also help out with childcare a certain number of hours a week) but it is another option I have not seen mentioned on here yet. In one family, both parents work, but dad is an airline pilot and mom is an on-call surgical nurse, so they sometimes have to be gone overnights or weekends. In another family, dad works full-time while mom is a SAHM but with 4 year old twins (and they have had an au pair since the twins were babies) plus a 12 year old. Having the au pair has allowed that mom to do her grocery shopping alone, get housework done, and work very part-time from home while the au pair is taking care of the twins.

I'm in the same boat--so I look forward to reading your responses! My husband is deploying in a few days and I have 3 little ones at home. I think $12-15/hour is great pay for 2 kids! Go for it!!

Geez I WISH I could get some hired help... but the hired help would be cleaning and folding laundry (I despise folding laundry) lol. I can understand your need to do things. I remember flipping out a couple times on my ex husband cuz he'd come home from a non-chalant job where they'd bring in an x-box and play all day and wouldn't help, drove me nuts. If you get a part-time nanny most actually do laundry, dinner, etc. I can't personally tell you what but my cousin's a travel nanny, she travels on vacations with millionaires who don't want to be bothered by their children which is sad. But obviously your situation is WAY different than that lol. Whoever you choose start slowly, with you around the house, then build up to a date night... that's just me cuz I don't trust hardly anyone :P.

OMG, YES! You definetly need some time for yourself. Plus, its good for the kids too to be with someone besides you. I think 7-8 hours a week is totally reasonable. Before my 2 1/2 year old son started preschool 8-9 hours a week I would bring him to an in home babysitter who charged 8 dollars an hour. I know she gave a discount if you brought 2 kids. Personally, I would want someone to watch the kids so that I could have a break to do other things, even if its just grocery shopping or laundry. But having someone come to your house is ok too. It just depends on what you want to get done and also who you feel comfortable around. I think regarding the pay 12-15 dollars an hour is reasonable depending on what you want them to do. You deserve it.

I know you have some good answers here, but thought that I have made a living out of this for 12 years I'd put my 2 cents in!
If you just want someone to only play with kids, maybe make and clean up lunch, $10 an hour. If you get a real experienced, high end person that you can't pass up then up it to $12 and hour.
If you want to ask someone to run and fold laundry while she plays with kids, and help get the kids to put it away with her, plus make a dinner for the whole family that you can enjoy when you get home - up it to $14 an hour.
If you want a little more work than that, like pick up some milk and diapers on her way over, clean the kids bathrooms etc - up it to $16 an hour.
And always ask the person when you interview how much she would charge for the specific responsibilities you want (some will do everything for nothing, some ask for the moon). Also find someone that will fir your schedule and flexibilites - do you want a set schedule every week/same hours each day? Or do you want someone flexible, call you monday for this weeks schedule? Offer a dollar more for flex time. Plus, give a little more or little tip for Friday nights and weekends.
I think it's better to pay by the hour, then the person won't feel taken advantage of if you're late, just always pay for the hours you promised, even if you send her home early. Hope this helps

Absolutely hire a "mother's helper" if you can afford it. The time off from your kids would be good for you and I bet they would enjoy the enrichment of another person to interact with them. I would suggest working around the college student's schedule and plan your activities accordingly. I think paying hourly would make more sense than a weekly wage, especially with a variable schedule from week to week. $15 an hour seems fair, but of course you need to negotiate that with your helper. Just make sure the student is a good fit for you and for your kids in personality, interests and temperment. Good luck.

Hi Jess, My twins are now almost 3 and I still have the nanny that I hired when they were newborns. At the time, having help everyday during the week was a necessity beyond belief. Now, it is probably a luxury that we are lucky to afford. That being said, I am so happy we have her. I am more patient, less distracted by all the "stuff" that doesn't get done, etc.

In terms of things I ask her to do outside of childcare: cleaning the girls room, changing their sheets, keeping their things organized, doing all of the family laundry (wash and fold), unload the dishwasher in the morning, take out the garbage and recycling while the girls are napping.

In terms of childcare, she and I often do activities together such as take them to the park or to their Gymboree play / art classes. However, now that they are older, I will sometimes let her go with them by herself to these places (1 time per week max). Having her at the house, allows me to do all the grocery shopping, errands and dog walking without the girls. It also allows me to play with the girls while she tidies up the kitchen after breakfast or brush their hair and dress them while she does the laundry.

I think the rates you suggest are reasonable. We've had our nanny for several years and have raised her pay from $16 - 18 per hour (plus vacation, holidays and a yearly bonus). I generally pay babysitters about $16 but I've had sitters (all college or post-college women, not teens) quote starting rates as low as $12 and that is for date-night sitting. We generally don't go out too late ... often dinner or a movie getting home between 830 - 930 pm. As I recall, when I was in college, that was just the time I was getting ready to go out with my friends! So a sitter might like making $50 before a Saturday night out with her friends. :o)

If you can afford a little help, go for it and don't apologize or feel defensive. I know that my husband also sees the value. Our girls absolutely love her too. A good mother gives time to her children; you can still do that with an extra pair of hands to help. In fact, sometimes you can do it better.

Cheers!

Wow,
Who knew such a reasonable question would spark so much controversy!
I'll just tell you about my situation--
My 4 year old daughter is in preschool 5 mornings a week. 3 mornings a week I have someone (I guess I could call her a nanny, more like a general helper, sanity-maker) come to help me with my 1 year old and with general household chores. When the baby is awake, she showers all her love and attention on him and when he's asleep she helps around the house. Without talking much about it, we've defined what she does and doesn't do around the house. She does fold laundry, sweep and vacuum, tidy (she's got a gift for this), and occasionally mends clothes and waters plants or empties the dishwasher. She doesn't do the dirtiest housework (i.e.cleaning bathrooms or doing dishes).
For this work, I pay her a salary (her idea) of $250 every two weeks. We have an agreement that she arrives around 9:30 and leaves not earlier than 1pm. Sometimes she stays a lot later to help out or because she's having fun. In return, I give her holiday pay and lots of flexibility to pick the days she works. This is important to her as she also cares for her elderly father.
It works for us.
Good luck. I whole-heartedly support your decision to carve out and define some time for yourself, however that works best for you.

So I just read through your responses and it is quite surprising what most of the people here have said... talk about some people needing to get a life! I was reading your post and saying to myself, wow that's just like she wrote down my exact thoughts!!

P.S. Your update it right on point and pretty funny!!

There's NOTHING wrong with feeling overwhelmed by being pulled in 12 different directions!!! I have a 4yo boy and 13mo girl, and there are days I just say "screw it" and nothing gets done except playing with my kids. My kids get extremely precocious if we try to stay in the house all day just so I can get "stuff" done. However, my 4yo helps me with the laundry and dishwasher and LOVES to help sweep and mop (when I have the energy to get the stuff out!!). The bills get done when I can (usually after the kids go to bed), and contrary to you, I actually enjoy taking my kids grocery shopping. They're really good, so I lucked out there!!!

My sanity saver is the gym!!! I can take my kids to the kids room for 2 whole hours while I do what I want at the gym... work out, take a class, sit in the jacuzzi, sit and read a book.... Find help where and when you can and DON'T FEEL GUILTY for needing it!!!!!!!!!!!