Problems with 4 Yr Old

It seems like you haven't "gotten over it" if your son is telling other people his last name is different from what it is and you are allowing it. 4 year olds don't make those kinds of decisions on your own. It seems like you are the one that may be encouraging the problems you are talking about. You need to be the grown up here and encourage your son to spend time with his dad and be proud of the last name that he shares with him. Kids learn by example. You said yourself that he pays his child support and wants and does spend time with your son. Why aren't you encouraging your son? There are lots of moms out there who do it all on there own. Your reward should be in raising a happy, healthy kid that knows BOTH his parents are involved in his life.

You should quit worrying and give the baby his dads last name. Why with everything else the child is going to go through in his life would you worry about something so small, just enjoy your days with your baby, your are a good mom and let him have his daddys last name. Dont worry about something so small... he is going to deal with this his whole life if you dont change it NOW while hes little and doesnt know the differenct.. .That is his daddy... then when he grows up it wont even be an issue to him.. why even let him go through that if he doesnt have to.... L. www.athomebusiness.myarbonne.com

Hi. I have a 4 yr old daughter, and I am 'suddenly single' but, here is my similar issue, and what I have done about it. J (Haylee's father) has two other children with another woman. Both boys. Kaeden is 2 months younger than Haylee. Josh was not with the boys momma through her 2nd pregnancy, he was with me. So when Kaeden was born his mother gave him her last name, as she was the only child and wanted the opportunity to carry on her family name. Once court time came they did demand that Kaeden's last name be changed to match his fathers. (Me and their mother are actually very good friends, and speak on a daily basis in an effort to keep our siblings close as siblings should be.) She did confide in me that she did not change it on paper, and I totally understood why. However, Josh would get very mad every time he would say his full name and use the mothers name. Finally I sat down with Josh and had a big talk, I mean look mister, you dont' give a damn about this child anyways, why would you push to have him change his name, when in his eyes, he has the right name the name that his one and only has, his mommy. I say let your son be comfortable for now, and who cares what daddy says. when he is older and able to understand what is going on then explain to him the situation. right now, all he knows is that he does not want Daddy's name, he want's mommy's name because mommy is all that he knows to be stable and constant. maybe that helped. good luck.

I was raise by my mother and my father had nothing to do with my life. I know nothing about him other than what my mom tells me. And I am 29 years old.
I know this is a nasty place to be, and the best thing you can do is tell your son that he is who is is. Try to find reasons for him to be proud of who he is. I dont think you are handling it wrong. This guy sounds like he is just trying to make things hard. To protect your self though I could call you case worker. (if you have one) Let them know what is going on so you can have something on file with the state so IF the guy gets a wild hair you can have something somewhere that you have talked to this guy.
It sounds like too even going to your lawyer and having some of the other issues like school and all will be mediated.
Good luck.. Keep your chin up your son sounds like a great kiddo!

one why did you changed his name. Why can't you hyphenated your last names. His father is trying to control your life and your son's. Don't invite his family to birthday parties if they are going to be childish enough to go Tell on You. If they want let them have their own little party for your son myselves. I know it sounds harsh but I don't like too see people getting push around. Stand up for yourself. My son doesn't know his "BIO" daddy but my husband has been here since he was a baby. My son has my last name b/c of school and a lot other issues. My son's doesn't have my husband or his "BIO" daddy b/c his my son. My husband has never raised the issue. I haven't changed my last name either.
Just do what you have to do. If I were in your shoes I won't have changed his name. Tell me to get over it.

Also a note to other MOMs who say just get over it and that E D has influnced her child. SHE has been with her son from day one and why should she have to get over it. Don't be so quick to judge that she tells her son anything b/c Children pick up on everything. And why would he want a last name different from his MOMMY. It's only natural.
Please don't judge.

Good Luck

From the child's perspective, I see two possible senarios here.

1) You child identifies with you more because you are there for him and dad is just a once every so often figure that floats in and out of his life. If this is the reason for the name thing, it heavily involves his self-identity and both GROWN UPS should just get over it and let him call himself what he wants to call himself. Otherwise, yall are jacking with his self esteem and self image.

2) He is a smart cookie and realizes this is a sore point with both parents and is playing it to its full potential. In which case, when you drop it (and both parents will need to drop it) - it loses its power. Yes, he has a tremendous amount of power as a 4 year old because he's playing one parent against the other.

My advice is that you and dad (without little ears) talk about it and reach a compromise. Since he so readily uses you name and his teachers do also, I'd suggest using: first, middle, your last, his last. So let the kid have 4 names! When he gets older, he can legally change his name if it remains a big deal - but for now, you need to respect the paternity of the dad, the self image of the child, and check your own agenda at the door. Dad needs to respect your position as caregiver of the child and realize that you (hopefully) aren't pushing the wrong name intentionally - its just something your son does for 1) his own image, or 2) power. Best of luck! :)