Private Messages

If I'm engaging in that kind of exchange, whether I was the offender or not, then I've been online too long and need to find something constructive to do with my time.

i dont get why you would have to send someone a pm telling them you dont appreciate their response? that seems childish. I mean arent the questions on here supposed to get differing opinions? did you J. want everyone to agree with you? Unless someone is downright attacking you in a response I dont see why you would get aggitated enough to PM them. I don't believe in Pming for negative things, I mean if I disagree I'd rather debate and go back and forth in my swh, so other people can view and put their input in it too
Also I dont believe you can report someone for disagreeing with you in a response? this site wouldnt exsist if that was the case.

I loath Pms. Way too many passive aggressive mommies here. I deleted my account once because one person was harassing M. so much, over breastfeeding!

If a Pm isn't helpful, it shouldn't be sent. If you don't think a post is helpful, ignore it. In fact ignore anything that bothers you, if you ask M..

How about Plan C - Ignore and move on with your day?

ROFL - so your "empath" gift allows you the knowledge that someone reported you? That's a pretty special gift.

Usually when I find a question to be rude and condescending, or an answer for that matter - I laugh at the person and show my sons how some people are half off their rocker.

And then I go about my day.

But you can post a response passive aggressive question in retaliation. I guess that's as good a way of dealing with it as any.

Or you could pick a PM fight.

Or you could call names, something like....oh i don't know, maybe call her a "snot nosed tattletale".

Yep - all of those are good mature and healthy answers.

Or like the kids say on the Sesame Street - one of these things is not like the other! :)

HTH :)

UGH! Why waste time and energy on some random person's random comment on the internet?? Who cares what someone you don't even know says about you? Honestly, it can get way out of hand and is J. not worth the aggravasion it may cause.

If it's bothering you so much, turn off the monitor and go do something fun with your kids.

When I am centered, I ignore. There are people here that I am completely deaf to, because I know they raise my aggravation level.
When I lose focus and am not able to resist, I call them out in public, so there is no misunderstanding or misquoting. In my experience, negative pms end up being a back and forth and cause further frustration.

Kozmoma:

Oh sweet mother of God. You would NOT believe the PM's I have received!! One told M. to F**K off/myself. Yeah. REALLY!! I've been threatened too.

Were you around when one member on here started a post about one of the dad's sucking? SOOO many mom's came to his defense!! I was soo happy to see that. She got bashed - A LOT. and the question was subsequently pulled. I am sure she received a TON of PMs for that post.

If you get an unwanted PM - J. ignore it. Really. Why give them ANY credence? If they are swearing at you (showing their real colors behind "closed doors" as it is) report it. Don't reply. They aren't worth your time.

One friend had someone PM her - "go away little person"...yeah - the maturity of some people, right? Age is not a sign of maturity. You need to remember that....I know some men who are in their 60's and still "think" like high schoolers....makes M. laugh...they still say "dude" and such!! LOL!!

So anyway - resign yourself to this - know there will ALWAYS be bad apples in the bunch. Some stink to high heavens they are soooo rotten. Others are J. a nuisance. And then you have the bright, shiny ones that J. make you smile!!!

So don't worry about the little people. There will ALWAYS be people who are rude, condescending and passive/aggressive. They have little self-confidence and lower self-worth - so they need to boost themselves up by using words to make themselves look bigger and better.

I would rather send an encouraging PM to the person who was getting dumped on than go after someone being rude. I have questioned a few posters' remarks publicly, (esp. when they go ballistic in the So What Happened) because geez louise, if you ask a question, don't expect to get 100% comfortable or validating answers on a forum-- and don't go off on people if you don't.

I've received a couple of nasty PMs-- one woman who (in my belief) had very strong problems with her perceptions and how she expressed them (not grounded in reality, J. in her dogmatism) , and one woman reamed M.-- but she was going down the list and reaming everyone who hadn't agreed with her. I did report her, but also told her off. I don't tend to go after people, but if someone comes after M. in such a fashion, I'm allowed to then tell them what I think of them-- in that case, it wasn't much.

Isn't life J. a little too short for that?!

The trend, IMO is to call them out in the open. Because if you call them out in a PM then THEY call you out in the open about your PM, you have to then go on the defensive... does that make sense?

It sounds like some people have too much time on their hands.

I take a few deep breaths, ignore, and move on..........

ONE TIME I was very offended by someone's response and sent a message (IMHO nicely written) about how their comment was offensive, etc.
Guess what - it backfired! She came back with an even MORE offensive response. I realized then - that's why I do not do that.

Neither after many years on here...I am sick of the bickering back and forth about "so and so PMed M. about what I wrote"..."I wrote so and so and told them off"..

It's old and childish. If I don't like what someone wrote on my post I ignore it...there are those that are repeat offenders and I usually J. skip over any response they have.

If it's on someone else's post....not my problem.

Now there are two times in my history here where I did stand up for two individuals...one in a PM (never heard back from the original offender but they PMed M. first), then the second I did in public J. as about 30 other parents did the same!

I don't do hardly any reporting...unless I think it's a troll.

ETA: I agree with Hazel W....I will send a "great thought PM" or a encouragement PM rather than fuel the negativity.

I've never felt it necessary to "call out" anyone. It's a public board. If you don't like an answer, move on. Who appointed you judge and jury?

If I find someone's answer to be rude and condescending, I ignore it and move on. Of course, I don't find someone strongly disagreeing or using sarcasm as something worthy of being called out... they are simply giving their opinion in a different way than most prefer...

IF someone is blatantly rude and actually flaming, then I will report them as such. I don't feel any need to PM them about it, because they OBVIOUSLY know how their answer would be taken. I might also mention them in the SWH, and ask them to clarify their answer....

But for the most part, I IGNORE the things that bug M.... Not everyone on the internet is going to agree with M....

I'll actually go with a vote for calling them out on the public board.

Because sometimes a good flouncing hissy fitting foaming at the mouth flame session is J. so gosh darn entertaining (usually at the expense of the writer - not who they are complaining about).
Sometimes it's fun to tug on the tigers tail.

Neither, zero, none of the above.

I do not send PMs for rude responses. I hate getting PMs for rude responses I may have left (which has happened twice or three times). If someone leaves a rude response on a question, what makes you think a PM will be well received?

I ignore them or report them unless they are so hateful that I feel I need to support the person they are blasting, and I put that into my response as and "ADD:" to my answer. I never PM because who needs the BS back and forth.

I don't have time for responding to rude members. I ignore it and if they are really aggressive or say something threatening, then I might report them. Otherwise, leave it alone. Its not worth it to try to prove a point or be right.

I saw a cartoon that I really loved. It showed a medieval army preparing to go to battle. The knights were in their armor on horseback. Next to the general's tent was a man in modern garb set up with a machine gun in front of him. The general was talking. The caption was, "I don't have time to talk to a salesman. I've got a battle to fight."

There are some people like that on this site. They're eyes and minds are closed to a better way. You can't change their mind or attitude, so don't bother. Their actions say, "Don't give M. the facts, I've made up my mind."

Good luck to you and yours.

I think it's most appropriate to ignore rude comments. Many times people consider comments rude, when posters simply disagree with them. And if the poster is truly being rude, why would I want to interact any more with them? I read it and move on. I am not up for having some online argument with some faceless stranger online. It's not worth the time and energy to M..

Who cares? Ignore, ignore, ignore. Why let a complete stranger get you so up in arms?!

If I receive a negative PM from a mom, you what I think? I think that she is crazy, and that maybe she needs to step away from the computer and get some fresh air. I will NOT respond to that type of b.s. - I am an adult & refuse to argue & fight with a random internet stranger. No one "wins" & it accomplishes nothing.

It's my opinion that if you are insecure, imbalanced, angry, unhappy, etc., then internet forums, social media are not a good thing for you & that you will be our own worst enemy & ruin it for you & those around you.

I J. ignore those people and their comments. Why waste my time on someone else's issues, what would be the point?

Actually, I don't have time to waste. I have participated in this forum for years, and it has been VERY helpful and FUN. I like to help those who need advice or look for it. I have seen a couple of very rude responses in the last years, and I J. reported them, but for most of them, I J. ignore them. It is not worth it, I don't know these people and this is public site.
I believe that most moms in H. want support, help and give the best of themselves, so let's J. have fun and share!

For M. no responses on this sight are that serious. Even when someone may have been offended by my comments and PM's M.. I don't take it seriously and don't get alarmed.

We are all entitled to our opinion and I am of the mind that is what this sight is all about.

I'm not tempermental about comments. They are J. the opinions of others and they are entitled to them.

It has to be pretty over-the-top rudeness for M. to call someone out. I've been on this forum for years and I haven't had to do it too often.

I have never received a PM about being rude because I truly try to put some thought into my responses. I think many people hide behind their keyboards thinking they can say whatever they want. I refuse to be that person. If I am going to take the time to respond to someone's post, I would like to have my response be relative and thoughtful. Sometimes that happens- sometimes, not. But at least I try.

Other than that, I ignore, move on or realize that it's time to walk away.

The only PM's I ever send are to thank someone or to offer encouragement. This isn't facebook, you don't really know these people. Move on, let it go.

I think pms for that reason are ridiculous...its a public forum. By participating you have to know that you are going to get all kinds. On the rare occasion I get one that is nasty I either disregard or have fun at the expense of the pm-er. (mean, I know)

I only PM people with positive stuff, never for negative stuff.

I find it interesting the most people seem to like to pm negative stuff, J. like writing critical reviews on products and such. Angry people like to share their anger I suppose.

I J. ignore them; I don't engage.

Public response if someone is disseminating incorrect information. I don't PM. I've received unpleasant PMs maybe twice. (Although I probably deserve more.)

Some posters seem to think that passive aggressive responses/actions are mature, healthy ways to deal with conflict. We call these posters preteens.

Sometimes if people don't think enough they might deserve to be called out publicly. I get a lot of PMs. Mostly positive or asking for more info, background. etc.
I love the PM feature as it gives us a way to expand on things for the people that ask, etc.
I have reported unsolicited nasty PMs as deserved. Not many, maybe 2....you know the kind that then deny it? Yeah...those!

I call it out. Usually, the person has not read my question properly or is J. being an idiot.

Seriously? Aren't we adults here? If I don't like someone's reply, I address it right in my post. I don't send harrassing PMs.

I think if you have an issue with someone you should either let it go or send them a private message. I don't need to read someone's rant against another person.

I think sending a PM indicating that someone isn't adding anything positive is silly. I personally feel it is up to the original poster to J. ignore unhelpful responses.

No, I wouldn't report someone in retaliation of them reporting M..

I don't report unless it is solicitation or obviously derogatory.

But sometimes its fun to call people out on a public board...especially if they are really wrong about something!

I think privately is nicer-we can't hear each other's tone-we hope our words come out as we intend-but it doesn't always happen-best to contact someone privately to clarify their message-I think.

I have been part of this board for several years now and rarely send PMs. I can think of a total of two times that I have sent PMs when I felt the answer someone gave M. was crossing a line into hateful and nasty. One person responded and re-phrased her answer...she understood what I meant and apologized. The other responded back and basically laughed at M.. To say that I was offended with this person does not even come close to describing it.

I have rarely reported anyone either. Everyone is entitled to their opinion even if I don't agree with it.

Neither one. It's their opinion. If I don't agree I J. move on past it. I did ask for others opinions after all. If we all agreed it would be most boring. The differences in each of us is what makes life entertaining and allows us to open up to others point of view.

So, if you posted a question and someone was obnoxious. Chalk it up to them having a different opinion. Then move on.

BUT as for messaging them??? Nope, it J. makes a person look a little childish and totally immature to do something like that.

As for my PM's? I check them maybe once every 4 months J. to delete them. I have missed out on some fun comments and the chance to interact with some ladies but I J. don't do it often.

I have been reported a few times. J. for answering a question with honesty. I do not think I have ever been nasty, J. to the point. I have never reported anyone and I would not. I feel you have to expect people to have lots of different views.

I really don't overanalyze what others post. If I don't agree with it, I J. look past it. If I do agree, I give a flower. The only time I have used PM is for information purposes. I would never try to be mean in a PM for any reason.

You have to set your own tone here because you never know what you're getting with other people. I can never tell if my post/question will be understood, let alone receive a cordial response. My PMs have been well-received and not, and it's usually depended on the mindset of the recipient.

I have simply learned not to come to this board with anything that is near and dear to my heart. If I find something to be particularly ugly, I J. report and keep it moving.

I have found over the years that is it usually best to ignore those comments. By responding, it adds fuel to the fire, and a fire can't burn without fuel. I take the good information, ignore those persons that give rude comments or information that does not apply to my life, and keep on going. After all, they aren't the ones walking in my shoes, nor M. in theirs :)

Who has time for all this junior highish stuff?

If I read something I don't agree with or something I don't like, I move along. I don't have time to harass someone or worry about reporting things, etc. I actually have a life I guess. I don't live and die by Mamapedia. Some do though.... So sad.

No. I don't think the member should be called out either way. This is the Internets, remember? People talk all kinds of crazy stuff - passive agressive, plain old aggressive, whatever.

I do feel that calling someone out through PM is warranted if the individual is abusive or overly offensive, though. Again - this is the Internet, this is going to happen regardless...but I have to draw the line somewhere.

Updated

No. I don't think the member should be called out either way. This is the Internets, remember? People talk all kinds of crazy stuff - passive agressive, plain old aggressive, whatever.

I do feel that calling someone out through PM is warranted if the individual is abusive or overly offensive, though. Again - this is the Internet, this is going to happen regardless...but I have to draw the line somewhere.