Picking up my daughter (age 4) from preschool, the teacher asks a little boyto sing what he was singing today in class to his mother (in a "this is cute" tone). He doesn't want to at first, but then wispers it in mom's ear. Mom sings in a laughing voice, "I'm too sexy" or something similar. The teacher LAUGHS at this and says, "oh yeah, that's it!" The boy starts singing it out loud and sang it about 4 times more. I'm confused, shocked, and disturbed. The assistant teacher who didn't seem too surprised, asks what the other song he was singing was today..."something from Katy Perry...and Vegas?" The boy then sings a full verse from that song...which I recognized, but I don't know all of the lyrics (I seldom get to listen to my music ...ever). Both teachers laugh and the mom laughs. The assistant teachers says, "Well it just goes to show that they are listening even when you think they aren't." The other teacher says, "Yeah, especially the ones with a good beat."
My daughter was finishing her snack next to another little girl, 3 feet from all of this. I know I can't shelter her from everything, but I had higher standards than this for her school....which is part of the school district....not private. I honestly think using the word sexy is inappropriate for a 4 and 5 year old (and actually depending on the kid....much older than that).
I've taught inner city schools and if a student sang this in my classroom, I would have said, "You need to sing another song that is appropriate for school." I would NOT have encouraged this, as I have felt the teachers (and the parent) did.
I'm not super wound about this, but am dissapointed with the teachers. What do you think? Do you think it was inappropriate and unprofessional of the teachers to react this way? I really don't think they were disapproving of his song choice at all. They thought it was cute.
Thanks all. I do believe it is all about time and place and this wasn't the time or place. My child and the other little girl were sitting at the table finishing snack....school was not over for them. The boy just finished his snack and we were all standing in somewhat of a circle....I was also chit-chatting with the teachers when the Head Teacher asked the boy about the song. IT WAS NOT DONE IN A WAY TO "INFORM" THE PARENT. If it were, the teacher would not have encouraged him to sing again and again once the parent responded in the way she did.
I expect my kid to hear stuff out and about and yes, she asks questions about what she hears all the time. I am very liberal and explain everything I can in an age appropriate way. I just would prefer that she not hear age inappropriate things AT school from her teachers. I expect higher standards from teachers. I am one. I've been taught and trained for what is appropriate and what isn't.
I may or may not say anything to the director. I have a working relationship with her and I feel she also has these same high standards.
I'm also getting a little fed-up with the attitude of "let the small things go." "Loosen the leash." Wow. When we start letting the "small things go" and "loosen the leash" on what we feel is important for our children, we will get a group of nasty people who only do for themselves and feel entitled to do as they please no matter how it affects others. Oh, what... maybe we're there already. Call me judgmental. That's my job as a parent. To judge what is good and bad for MY child.
I am with you, not appropriate. What are people thinking?Very sad that people let their kids listen to that.........Garbage in.....garbage out
I don't see anything wrong in what they did, he was simply singing a song he heard on the radio. I think some people get way to uptight about this kind of thing.
He wasn't singing it to your daughter, nor was he swearing. Had the teacher taught him the song, that might be different. The telling of the incident seems to indicate the mother and son sang this song at home prior to this day at school. I would say the teacher isn't "at fault" here. This kiddo clearly has been exposed to certain songs you would choose not to allow your child to hear. It can be difficult to understand other parents' decisions, but the choice of music between parent and child is one that can only be made in the context of that relationship. As for the teachers asking the child to share the song again, I don't know that this sounds like it was encouraging. The teacher did seem to want to inform the parent what her son was singing at school, the son liked the attention, so he sang it again. It happens. When they put the kid on the lunchroom table and tell him to walk the catwalk, that's encouraging. As for the word "sexy" - well, it's just a word. You have the right as Parent to your own child to discourage her to use it. It's not a Deadly Seven and it's not an insult.
Overall, this conversation wasn't with you, about you, or overtly discriminating or insulting. This mom and her son will have their journey just like you and your daughter have yours. Happy Parenting!
I wouldn't be happy about this either. And I don't think it's cute!
I'm sorry but I'm just going to blunt - some of you need to relax and stop trying to make everything in to a bigger deal than it is.
When i was young, 4 or 5 probably, I would sing along with my mothers music, songs like "Do you think I'm sexy" && "Hot Legs" by Rod Stewart, "I'm Too Sexy" Right Said Fred etc. Hell, i loved "Like A Virgin"!
I was a KID. SINGING ALONG TO WHAT SOUNDED LIKE A FUN, UPBEAT SONG! It's not the end of the world, i didn't grow up to be some perverted miscreant who is overly sexed just because i sang some songs that mentioned sex/sexy!
I've said it before & I'll say it again: Stop yanking the leash so damn tight. As long as you teach your child right & wrong, teach them that just because tv/movies/music talk about something or portray it in a good/fun light, that's not always how it is in real life etc. THEY'LL BE FINE! You can't be helicopter parents all their lives or else they will never learn to be independent people.
Honestly? I think you're being too judgmental. It wasn't your child, nor was it between you and the teachers. It was another parent, the teachers, and that parent's child. As long as they didn't encourage your child against your wishes, get your panties out of the twist and let it go.
Me, I think it is inappropriate. Had it been my sister, she would have just said he was just singing a song. We agreed to disagree about kids drinking soda and watching certain movies.
You just aren't going to get all parents on the same page.
* My 6 year old has found Lady Gaga music on you tube and loves to sing "Baby I was born this way". As well, my older daughter used to sing the music from Grease..."Reproduction ~ Make my stamen go bizerk (sp)". It was funny, yet not age appropriate. Once they hear it and like it, they don't stop. I never encourage(d) them to keep singing it.
It's not like the teacher was encouraging the child to sing this in front of all of the students in the middle of class. I would have had a problem if she did that, however, it was the end of the day and the teacher was talking to the child's mom. I wouldn't have thought anything about it and I wouldn't consider it unprofessional. If your daughter brings it up, use this as an opportunity to explain that you don't want her to use those words.
I think it's appalling-we have a brief window of time in life to be innocent-and it shouldn't end at four. A four year old singing "America the Beautiful" would have been just as cute-
Hi J.-
I don't know...even back in the dark ages...as a 4 year old I did a mean rendition of "I Wish I Could Shimmy Like My Sister Kate" (...she shimmies like a bowl of jelly on a plate...) and I would 'dance' to herb albert and the Tijuana brass very naturally AND provocatively I am sure...and my VERY conservative parents took it in stride!
I never became a stripper...and at that age really had no clue probably about the 'adult' overtones...
I would relax...and pick my battles...
Best Luck!
michele/cat
***ETA
I just read your 'so what happened'...
I am sorry you are tired of the 'loosen the leash...let the small things go' responses...and I assume that my 'pick your battles' response would be included there as well.
I have seven kids...ages 22 to 15. I am merely giving you MY perspective based on what seems to have worked for me. All of my kiddos...while not perfect by any stretch of the imagination...are kind, considerate, bright productive young adults. ONE of the things that *I* learned early on was to 'pick' my battles. I cannot control what other people choose to do...but I CAN use those moments as teachable ones for *my* kiddos...
I certainly meant no offense...
take care!
michele/cat
Children are like sponges. They soak everything up-good/bad. I would be bothered by this too! I think the teachers shouldn't have tolerated that kind of language in a school setting. Whether they thought it was cute or not is irrelevant--its wrong. The age group is way too young for that kind of adult material and it shouldn't have been allowed or encouraged. I would bring this to the head teacher's attention and voice your concern.
M
I don't agree with it...I don't think it's appropriate...I wouldn't have appreciated the way they handled it. That being said, I know I have high standards...my parents did for me growing up. I remember giving a friend a cassette tape back that she had lent me because I didn't like the lyrics on some of the songs (this was in HS). She said, "It's no big deal, you get used to it." I just remember thinking, I don't want to get used to it! Unfortunately, for those of us that thing like you do...this is the world our kids are growing up in. I remember my mom telling me, "I can't control what the rest of the world does, I can't control what happens at your friend's house, but I can control what goes on in our home." After all my screw-ups and 'learning experiences'...I realized I was the happiest when I kept those high standards for myself. Good luck!
OK...I have always tried to censor what my kid listens to....but you can't MAKE other parents do the same. I think that age 3, this kid has no idea what the word "sexy" means or is. He might as well be singing "garbanzo beans"! However, I agree with Quees, that perhaps this was the teacher's non-judgemental-sounding way of bringing it to this child's mother's attention. Sounds like she didn't get it. Go figure!
I agree with you. I find the whole thing in poor taste, not cute. If the teacher and parent were inviting me in to listen to having the child repeat the song, my facial expression towards the teacher would have said, "sorry, not funny, I'm surprised you're shining the spotlight on that, that's irritating to me." and I would have walked the other way. Sad the adults signal this out for more attention, it wouldn't get any more attention from me. Yes I would be disappointed in the teacher, but I wouldn't take it any further. It just gives the whole issue more attention, hopefully now it is done and over.
I'm not a prude nor a helicopter parent, & I'm on your page - I wouldn't like it if it were my kid sitting there, and I wouldn't find it cute. I don't blame the kid for singing, & I'm sure he's a nice kid with nice parents, but the teacher has to consider that other parents might not appreciate it & think about how it might come across to other parents. If other people, especially kids, are in earshot, she's not having a private conversation with a parent, and if she wouldn't be ok picking the song for the next school recital, she shouldn't be encouraging it to be sung at school if other kids are around. Different parents have different limits, & I'd expect a teacher to be respectful of this when kids are so young & impressionable. This is not about right & wrong in my view. It's about a teacher not being mindful enough to not encourage what might be offensive to others, whatever her personal opinion might be. When kids get older, they'll listen to what they want, but they will have the ability to think about what they are listening to - preschoolers can't do this. I personally also think that I agree with you because kids today have much easier access to things they are not yet ready for - much more than in the past. The songs that I used to listen to and that of my parents, even if suggestive, were nowhere as explict as what's out there today - and minus the over the top videos. There's certain music (e.g., my workout playlist) that I like that I would never listen to in front of the kids, but that's me. There's plenty of upbeat, age-appropriate music around that both adults and kids can enjoy. Also, my young kids are incredibly independent, and I think this is very much influenced by the fact that I actively try to avoid having them get messages about what they are supposed to be thinking/looking like, etc... through bombardment of popular culture. Of course there are things my kids might say/do at home (e.g., anyone's kid ever tell a poop/butt joke?), but there's a time & a place for everything, and they know that school is not it.
Totally appropriate-no. But a song with the word sexy is pretty tame in comparison to something derogatory or obsene. Also, for the teacher, it would be somewhat unfair to the child to react as if he was doing something wrong as obviously his parent let him listen to this music.
Many people do think children imitating adults is cute.
I wouldn't have cared for it. And it'll be *your* job, not the teachers', to explain to your daughter, on her level, what the word means. I imagine she has no idea. Probably the boy doesn't either.
But unless your daughter asks, I'd wait to see if the matter, or the word, came up again; the children *may* have forgotten all about it. "Sexy" may be age-inappropriate, but it doesn't quite fall in the profane or bathroom-and-barnyard word categories.
If it does come up again, I'd talk to the teachers. I'd approach them with curiosity rather than anger. It's entirely reasonable to want to see if you and the teachers are on the same page.
I have two girls 13 & 9 who are great kids, we have made a lot of effort towards not gettting sucked into the pop culture vacuum. I KNOW it's made all the difference in their attitudes, grades, view of the world and choice in friends. Not to sound snooty but they just seem more mature than a lot of the other kids their age but they still fit in and have lots of friends and relate to what's going on around them.
I just don't think you can keep children from seeing/hearing this sort of thing. It just doesn't seem like a big enough deal to talk to a supervisor about. If something happens again with this teacher I'd say something directly to her in a not too aggresive way.
Here's what I've learned...I doesn't really matter what other families do or what they allow their kids to watch/listen to etc. It's far more important what you allow in your own home. Your daughter will have to navigate life on her own more and more as she gets older and the values and standards you set will stay with her as she figures out what's right and wrong. I know everyone says peers take over but honestly I think they just don't give us parents enough credit. Raise her the way you and your husband see fit and it will work out. As long as you have an open dialog with her and a great relationship, moments like that one will be talking points and lessons not bad influences. Good luck with your daughter, sounds like your doing a great job!
I agree that it is inappropriate for a child of that age to be singing such a song, and especially inappropriate for a teacher to encourage it (assuming that she did find it funny). I don't think the teacher was TRYING to be inappropriate, but I think that oftentimes today many adults forget what it is like to be innocent, and to have innocence in our children preserved. I'd be mortified if my child sang such lyrics, as I would have NO clue where he would have learned them.
On the other hand--I can see how a teacher might have approached the parent and asked the child to sing it for the parent so that that mom could hear for herself what her son was singing at school. That, to me, seems to be a more likely scenario. Her playful tone was probably just go get him to do it without fear of being punished.
Sorry I came to this thread late. I teach the age group of your daughter and I am appalled that the "professionals" would encourage and allow this. It might be cute to the parents and teachers, but in a classroom setting it is NOT ok. I am all the time having to redirect kids who are singing the songs they hear in their parents' cars on the way to school. Most of the time they don't know what the words mean, but IMO that doesn't make it right. At the preschool level, repetition is a learning pattern. So to hear a song sung by another kid puts it in the brain just like learning to count does. Would you want your child to come home calling everyone an A hole just because Suzie said it and her mom thinks it's cute?
No, the teacher wasn't informing the parent. If she had been, and was professional, she would have told the mom in hushed tones or out of the room. She certainly wouldn't have had the child perform it again. It is obvious to me that the teachers dropped the ball as far as professionalism goes. In their (my) line of work, it is par for the course to redirect or correct in situations that you don't personally disagree with in order to be professional. In other words, I might think it is the cutest, most hilarious thing I ever heard and saw, but I have to not outwardly support the behavior in the classroom as it is not appropriate.
Didn't you ask people's opinions? Their opinions were to let the small things go. Why ask if you don't want to know?
I agree. I think you did the right thing talking to your kids about it in the car, and the rest of it is pretty insignificant.
