Young Children Singing Grown-up Lyrics

Updated on August 29, 2009
N.W. asks from Buffalo Grove, IL
15 answers

My 8-year old has a lot of different songs her mom put on her iPod. They range from Britney Spears to Linkin Park. While we monitor the type of music she listens to, her mom does not.

She loves to sing along to songs. Many of the songs are about grown-up subjects (even if they don't have swear words in them). She likes the Justin Timberlake song "Sexy Back" and the Britney Spears song "Womanizer." There's other songs that talk about playing with yourself (in a very hidden way), killing yourself etc. Most of these songs are on the radio.

Do you allow your kids to sing these songs out loud? It's kind of unnerving to hear her sing "Dirty babe/You see these shackles/Baby I'm your slave/I'll let you whip me if I misbehave." She doesn't KNOW what she's singing. And I'm not about to tell her! However, how would you keep her from singing those songs if you don't tell her why?

I'm pretty sure it's not hurting her (which is why I haven't said anything) but it's not something I like her to sing out loud in public...in the grocery store!

Any suggestions?

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all the advice! I have been very hesitant to tell her what the songs mean, but we did have a talk with her about the Katy Perry song "I kissed a girl" because she kept singing it over and over in a restaurant. It's a catchy song, but it's basically about being a lesbian.

I think all I'm going to say is that it's not appropriate to sing in public because we might disturb other people and leave it at that. Plenty of time for her to "get" lyrics when she gets older! I too remember "Like A Virgin" when I was young and all I knew was it was a catchy song. All my parents did was tell me not to sing in public or the dinner table and I realized what the song meant many years later.

Thanks again! I'm not about to get into it with her mom on the songs on her iPod. It's too trivial to make a big deal over (even though I don't approve!)

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J.D.

answers from Chicago on

Hi wouldn't let her listen to them!!! Children see enough bad images on television. You can explain to her these songs are for grown ups and not made for sweet little girls to listen to. Because if she continue to listen to them and she will be getting older, she may think it's okay to act out what she's hearing.

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M.P.

answers from Chicago on

LOL, your question reminds me SO much of me at that age singing "Like a Virgin". My father asked if I knew what a virgin was. I came up with the answer I though was pretty impressive, the only virgin I knew, Mary (Shout out to Catholic school). I think he had to go into another room not to laugh. I guess I have no good advice for your question. As a mother now I don't think Brit does not set a very good exmaple for young women. But then again may Maddon didn't either back in her day.

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E.H.

answers from Chicago on

Their are a lot of different kids cds available now. I would go out and find some a the library and download the ones she like on her ipod. Look at BareNaked Ladies cds like "Snack Time" or Scribble Monsters "Songs with No Character" they aren't baby songs, but they have kids lyrics. I play XM kids 116 in the car only now because my 4 yr old asked me what something meant when I was singing along to a 90's song I liked. I didn't think it was a big deal because I knew they wouldn't understand the words, but then I realized, they don't understand and that can cause questions I am not ready to answer yet to a 4 yr old. Good luck.

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E.R.

answers from Chicago on

Sorry, but I DO think it is a big deal! Do you let this 8 year old wear makeup or suggestive clothing? Do you let her do other 'adult 'activities? of course you don't! Singing about being a love salve and being whipped for fun is just plain gross in a culture like ours that totally sexualizes little girls. Girls get a LOT of their future self-image from things like clothing, music, etc. Don't set this cute, smart 8 year old to have a negative, overly sexed up self-image at such a young age!

My son is nine and loves music. He used to make little playlists on my iPod, so we got him his own last year. He loves to listen to classic rock like the Beatles, etc. but also songs from the radio. HOWEVER- there are a lot of songs I do not allow him to download for the reasons you just described.

Now, I am not a fan of 'fake' Disney manufactured type teen singers like Jonas Brothers or Hannah Montana. I like it that my son listens to real music by real bands. But we have vetoed many downloads just because the song is too adult.

I would have a serious talk with the girl's mother- it is just gross to have a little kid singing about bondage or whatever. I remember last year Flo Rida was on AI and my son heard his song about 'going down, going down' - which is OBVIOUSLY about giving head- and asked my fiancee (soon to be his stepdad) to download it for him. My fiancee double checked which song is was and quickly vetoed it.

I explained by saying that even though it was a catchy song and my son liked how it sounded, that some of the words also meant other, more grown-up things that were just inappropriate for him to listen to. He was a little miffed, but we downloaded something different.

You are being responsible here- I would definitely not let this issue drop with the mom. You don't want your cute 8 year old sounding like a skank!!!

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D.G.

answers from Chicago on

Everyone has given you decent responses, but I did notice one important thing left out. You are the stepmom and walking on shaky ground when it comes to discipline. Don’t get me wrong, I totally agree with you. These songs are completely inappropriate for an 8 year old. But if you step in and take it away and tell her she can’t listen to these, then you are going to be starting a fight with your stepdaughter’s mother. The first person you really should be talking too is your husband and what he thinks. I have many friends with stepchildren and they learned early on that there rules did not apply with the step kids. I think you can try to talk to her about the music and show her bands that are more age appropriate, but ultimately if her mother chooses to let her daughter listen to this music, then it is not your business to step in.

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S.K.

answers from Chicago on

I remember buying a CD at Walmart for my youngest daughter... and my older daughter said "Mom....have you listened to it?" When I did... it went back to the store, opened, I told them what some of the lyrics were and Walmart being a "family" store took it back with no problem. With downloading songs now you don't have that control. It's a hard call...but I would tell her the songs aren't appropriate and make sure her mom knows what the lyrics are. I had no clue until I really listened to them!! That was 20 years ago!!! Good luck!!!

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A.B.

answers from Champaign on

I have shut off the radio when any Lady GaGa songs come on. I simply say "This song is not appropriate for children." I have younger children I can say I just don't want them to hear it, but although Lady GaGa has cool and interesting music, I just don't want my 11 year-old or even the younger ones singing "I wanaa take a ride on your disco stick!"

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B.Z.

answers from Chicago on

I will never forget driving in the car one night when my father asked my oldest sister the meaning of the song "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson. I was terrified that he would ask me, although I knew nearly every word to the song! I was about 8 years old at the time, my sister was 12. For the next couple of years, I sang only church songs or songs from musicals in front of him.

Perhaps a statement about a random song on the radio will do the trick... like saying, "Wow, why would someone want to hurt himself?" and change the channel. Or a direct conversation about the songs may be necessary. I don't think it's too early for the latter.

Chances are her mom isn't going to address the significant identity and self-respect issues in her music. Someone should do so eventually, and it might as well be you, a caring adult in her life.

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M.T.

answers from Chicago on

Try a proactive approach, expose the young child to different types of music. Sing with her and when she sings inappropiate lyrics change the musical subject or change the words to the song. Whatever you do don't criticize her especially if the child only visits with you. I learned the hard way when it came to sharing values with step children. Be patient and strong.

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M.X.

answers from Chicago on

Children can pick up a song if they listen to it just one time-i know my 5 yr old does! They are exposed to this music every where they go...stores, car rides (other people's cars). If this is all they hear they will continue to sing it although the meaning of the music goes right over their head. They...just like everyone else...like the catchy beat.

At home, my daughter loves to listen to Laurie Berkner....great music for kids-catchy and so so fun! She plays her Laurie Berkner Cds 10 times in a row at sometimes as she plays in her room. Play lots of fun, and age appropriate music in her presence that both you guys can sing and dance along to (we do :) and mopping often turns into a 2hour chore lol!)so that she doesn't have to pull out her ipod. However; have a conversation with mom and dad about the inappropriate nature of this music and perhaps she can at least stop brining that ipod around when she comes to visit (I'm sure it inspires her to sing these songs). Maybe offer to load some great music to her ipod if it's ok to remove that other music with mom since she did get it for her.

And you're right, that music isn't hurting her and she will easily forget about it and move on to the next catchy beat next week...just make it something fun and age appropriate :)

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D.K.

answers from Chicago on

It's part of the times we're living in ... My daughter loves Weird Al, well he's pretty good & funny but sneaks in stuff here and there, she hasn't a clue and thinks I'm very out of it to ask her please to not sing those lyrics and to skip those songs. Come to think of it, she's a huge Beatles fan and most of their stuff is about sex & drugs, too if you really listen. Sometimes I'm stunned by what went over my own head, too!

You're in a tough boat there with a destructive force in the birth mom. Maybe just tell your daughter its just not appropriate for a classy young lady to say those things and offer her alternatives. If she asks why, ask her why she thinks it would bother you. I learned from a smart lady that when your kids ask about difficult things to turn it around and see how much they know before hitting them between the eyes with the whole enchilada, so to speak. It's called laddering or something like that. You get the idea. I think that girl is lucky to have you.

D.

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A.W.

answers from Chicago on

Absolutley not!!!!! Garbage in, garbage out. I was a 5th grade teacher for 7 years prior to having my daughter, and I was sickened by the types of music parents allowed their children to listen to. Even if it seems like it's not "hurting" her now, trust me, it will most likely catch up to you sooner or later. I did see a very noticable difference in the dress/attitude/demeanor of those girls who listened to more adult music than those who had not been exposed to it. What those lyrics are doing are de-sensitizing her to very innappropriate subject matters, so when certain situations arise in her preteen/teen years, her entire mindset as to what is right and acceptable will be skewed. I aim to raise my daugther to be shocked and disgusted by such crude, degrading lyrics, no matter what her age. If she hears someone singing about a woman as a sex object, I WANT her to be uneasy about listening to it. I personally don't listen to those songs myself for the same reasons. So... to sum it up - stick to your guns. You are the adult and know what's best -that's why children are given parents! Good luck! :-)

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S.E.

answers from Chicago on

I do agree with you that she should not be exposed to this kind of music but unfortunately since it is your step daughter the only one who can do anything about it is your husband. If what she is doing bothers you speak to your husband he probably feels the same way you do.
I did not have a girl but we never exposed our son to secure adult style music that was overly suggestive. To this day he prefers Country Music and Christina Rock over Rap or Rock music. Our son was a singer just like your step-daughter. He would sing anyplace, anytime. In the store, in the shower, at the beach, it did not matter where we were if he felt like singing he sang. Got a lot of strange looks but I never stopped him from singing. First of because he had a good voice, still does, and because what better way for a child to express his joy than through music.
The music we expose our children to at a young age often will be part of the molding process our children go through as they grow. If we let them listen to sexually explicit music and watch violent or inappropriate things on television then we can't say anything when our children mimic what they see or hear. Mimic or coping adults is how children learn and grow.

Good Luck,

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D.W.

answers from Chicago on

It is going to be hard to stop her exposure to the music, especially if her mom isn't being careful about what she is listening to. I too am a step parent and there have been a couple of times when I or my husband has said that we think a song is inappropriate and the response is "So, mom lets me listen to it." So here is some possible advice from me. Play some music you think is more age appropriate (some of the other mom's had great suggestions) and make it fun when you first introduce it. Maybe dance around, sing out loud in the car. I have had moments where I find songs horrible (my step daughters are 12 and 14 and listen to a lot of rap and dance) and made it known and they just look at me like I am a jerk. One song I am thinking of I really hate because I find it really really degrading to women and my youngest loves it... she has no idea the real context and doesn't care. I try to remember that she will forget the song in a year, and will be blessedly ignorant of the real meaning for about another 4 years.

My other suggestion is to start teaching your daughter where it is appropriate to sing. My dad was a stickler for this: no singing at the kitchen table, no singing loudly in stores or similar places. I know you said that you don't want her singing in stores, maybe teacher her to hum the melody instead or that it isn't a good place to be singing out loud, as it may bother or offend other people. My dad always explained it to me that I need to be respectful of the people around me and they may not like the words of the song or may not hear the whole thing and take it out of context. It was always about respecting those around me. See if maybe this helps.

I know it is hard situation, but I think you can really do some good. Good luck.

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I.J.

answers from Chicago on

My friend downloads the any music she feels is inappropriate, listens carefully to the lyrics and beat of the music. Then, she discusses it with her children. Surprisingly enough she discoverd for the most part they liked the beat of the music. Once they conversed about the meaning of the lyrics good and bad they made better listening choices. Problem is, many of the songs have very attractive beats in the music, why not purchase just the music if possible. I know it's a lot of work but, it worked for them.

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