Potty Training Regression - Scottsdale,AZ

Hi B.... it is perfectly normal for a child to regress. both of my boys did. i have realized with both of my boys that they get to a point where they are just to busy to go on the potty realy into whatever it is that they are doing for the moment so i try to dicipline myself to notice the last time they used the potty and make them stop what they are doing and go even if they say they dont have to because they always do. i dont know if this is the correct way to do it i just know it works for me. because i do handle it this way my son now tells me wait mom dont do anything till i come back and he goes potty. so it works for me. i hope this helps!!

Just had to chime in with my 2 cents:

No more punishments. It is an "accident" and her feeling shame and bad about herself doesn't help. Instead, reward her for having a dry day instead of punishing.

Go with her all the time, whenever she wants you to. It's totally normal. She doesn't need that kind of independence right now and the idea that she must be "brave" along with the threat of possible punishments is setting up a fearful situation. We tell our kids to "be brave" about bad things like shots, you don't want to feed into the idea that the bathroom is bad or scary. You want to act like it's a great thing, she should be so proud of herself for being a big girl rather than for overcoming the "fear."

We adopted our 2nd child, our son - he was one when he came home - and I can't tell you how much our daughter was thrown for a loop! We thought we were prepared, ready, etc. but the transition was A LOT harder on her than we all expected. So give her all the reassurance and attention you can right now, and if she wants you by her side in the potty and everywhere else, indulge that need as much as possible! Congratulations on your upcoming addition!

Hi B.,

Potting Learning is tricky business for toddlers. I have 4 children. At one point or another they all "regressed" a bit. Usually around 3 years old if they learned the potty earlier. They get through it. Really. You will get through it - really:)
If she wants you to go with her to the potty and you don't want to go, (which I understand..sometimes it's frustrating when you know she can do it alone), but what are the reasons you think you shouldn't go with her? Really. Step back. Ask yourself why are you NOT wanting to go with her to the potty? What do you feel will happen if you just indulge her in this? HOw do you really think putting her in time out for having an accident is helping her? 3 years old is a very sensitive and fragile age. One minute they are super independent with, "no I can do it by myself!" And the next minute they cling to us for dear life. It doesn't make it easy for us parents, I know. But this job isn't easy, and when we listen to our inner wise mamma voice...she will always lead and guide with compassion and love. Even when she has to discipline. And, 3 year olds can not manipulate us. They just don't have the cognitive skills to do that. They are really just trying to figure things out. So, continue to praise her when she stays dry and for "being brave". And when she doesn't and isn't, just say, "that's ok honey. We all have accidents. Let's get cleaned up." Then move on. You'll have bigger battles to fight. She has other learning to do:)

Best wishes in your parenting journey and congratulations on your new baby.

In peace,

A.
mom of 4. Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com

I agree with the other answers that not punishing your daughter for "accidents" is appropriate. But, I went through a similar situation with my daughter at the same age. She was completely potty trained, wearing panties and had rare accidents. She was to the point of no accidents outside the house (at daycare, friend's house, etc.). As soon as she and I were home alone, she would have bowel movements in her underwear, and I would have to clean them. At first, I played along, ignored it, even tried making her clean her own underwear, over the course of a couple months. Finally, two weeks before her 4th birthday, I sat her down and told her that if she continued to have these "accidents" we would cancel her birthday party. Well, she stopped going in her underwear. I know it sounds mean, but it was a control issue. Kids will try to control their environment. It's our job to show them how to do it in a constructive way to get positive results.

there are lots of things it could be from the mundane of drinking more now than before, being under more stress or just doing it for attention to the things we as parents don't even want to delve into, I hate to say, like molestation. for that matter it could be environmental. if she had only started going to the preschool that in itself may be the problem she simply may not be ready to be there. Please do not take my advice as a means of scaring you but know that there is something going on and you should have your daughter checked by a doctor. it seems very odd to me that she no longer wishes to go potty by herself.

best of luck.

I just want to add one thought....think about the amount of time and attention she received during the days of diapering. Mommy stops what she's doing, picks up baby, takes her to a changing area, goes through the changing process, etc. There is a lot of focused energy on her, just her. OF COURSE, she wants you to go with her to the potty. She misses you and doesn't have the verbal skills to say so. I recommend taking your magazines, or kids books into the bathroom and just sit and talk and read and look at pictures with her while she goes. Help her wipe and clean herself. Praise her ALL the time. Then after a few weeks of being with her everytime, slowly start doing other things around the bathroom. Clean the mirror, straighten up, but stay nearby. And soon she'll trot off by herself one day.....
Good luck,
Jen

Hi, B. -
This is hard, I know. My daughter potty trained for a full year from 2 - 3, then we essentially started over when her twin sisters were born. I understand your complete frustration, and I'm not an expert. That said, everything I have ever heard or read strongly warns against punishing a child for anything to do with pottying. It then becomes a battle of wills, and you will lose. I guess you'd have to concentrate more on the rewards and with time, it will all work itself out.
Good luck.

I think it is important not to stress too much about this. Going with your daughter to the toilet seems like a small request...I still do it with my daughter when she asks (about 50% of the time) (she's been trained since 18 months)
I know she has a loathing for the flushing sound of the toilet...esp those powerful public toilets. that could be part of this. Our kids develop their own quirks. No big deal really. They grow out of them.
I would definitely avoid punishment (time out). It may be counterproductive and put you on a course to a battle of wills rather than an attitude of cooperative problem solving.
I dealt with a small regression not long ago...they come and go, but I think they linger longer if we try to shape our childrens' behavior before figuring out why they are regressing or letting them be a part of the solution. (Letting daughter help clean herself up...pack extra clothes, choose a bathroom she would prefer...)
Good luck!!

Hi B.,
Sounds normal to me too. In fact, whenever my son has an accident (he's almost 4), I always figure out what I (or my hubby) did to cause it: usually a change in the potty-routine somehow. We sometimes think he is more "mature" than he is, and give him the benefit of the doubt too much when it comes to pottying.

Only once has he had an accident because of illness.

I stopped a recent string of accidents a few weeks ago by regressing his potty-schedule back to what it was last summer: worked like a charm :)
T

This kind of piggy backs what other's already said, but I feel like maybe she is feeling like she needs more attention or reassurance. Also, I'd go ahead and accompany her to the potty, but only you know your own child. both of my boys trained really early (by 18 months in both cases) but the first wanted me with him for pooping for a long time after that, but eventually outgrew that of course. And the second one became independent totally faster, not wanting me in the potty with him, at around 3 or so, but for the first year or so, he did always want me with him and I did accompany him.

This is normal. Both of my children have done this and we made it through it. One of the most important things is to not give her "time-outs" for wetting herself. They really don't understand what they have done wrong in this situation and the positive reinforcement seems to be what works the best.

When my children have accidents(which they still do on occasion) we simply say, "Oh no, what happened, you better go get some clean panties." They are then responsible for getting themselves cleaned up and disposing of the dirty panties into the laundry. This is how I have always responded, no spanking, no yelling, it is just a learning process.

Even though you do not have a new little one, yet, she may be sensing that something is going to change. If you are talking about a new baby in front of her or going to "appointments" to do paperwork, etc. she might be sensing the change. Embrace her and love her more than ever and you might be suprised at her reaction. As parents, we underestimate what our children actually understand and if we step back to evaluate what is happening in the home, we realize how the child is seeing things and perceiving them.

I haven't gone through potty training my daughter yet and I am not a psychologist...to me, THIS SCREAMS ABOUT BEING ABOUT YOUR SECOND ADOPTION/NEW BABY!!! The very thought of a new baby puts the older child on alert and being adopted might heighten those feelings of insecurity. I of course don;t know how old your daughter was when adopted (or if she knows now that she was) but regardless the idea of a new baby could put her in that mentality of...baby they want...baby they get...ergo wetting pants again. I don;t know...just hit me when I read your request. Good luck

B., I hear your frustration in your post and can empathize as I also have a recently turned 4 year old that had some potty training issues. By now you probably have loads of good advice, but there is a couple things I would suggest. Be careful about using any form of punishment when dealing with potty training or sleep issues as these are physiological and often not an issue of disobedience as they may appear. Bowel and bladder training are far more physical than mental in nature. Using negative reinforcements like time outs and other discipline may actually compound the problem (don't get me wrong, I believe in discipline but trial and error taught me a few things). When my daughter (past age 3 1/2)was having accidents while playing outside or on the computer (mind you she day trained just after her second birthday) I had to force myself to stay calm, clean her up and quietly and calmly talk to her about how this could have been prevented. She was just so involved in what she was doing that she simply ignored her body's urges. What you and your daughter are going through is VERY COMMON and NORMAL. Remember that our children sense emotional change and stress in the house (and yes that means your upcoming adoption)even if they can't verbalize it. This may be creating some security issues and maybe even fear. So, my recommendation is to accompany her to the bathroom as often as she likes because she will soon enough no longer need you (my daughter was the same way until recently when she goes to the toilet all by herself). Try to relax and realize that this will pass. Best wishes and Congrats on the wonderful opportunity to adopt! R., midwife mom at home with 2.