Potty Training HELP for My Son Who Has Stopped Using It!!!

Maybe he's aware, if you've mentioned it, that he cannot go to school in pull-ups, and he's fighting going to school by regressing and being sure to stay in them. You could talk with him about how he feels about going to school. I would not do it in the context of "Are you pooping in your pants so you won't have to go to school?" because surely he'll deny that. I'd wait until he's calm and quiet and start talking up the idea of school and seeing how he reacts.

Letting him wear pull-ups is giving him the message that you're accepting that he isn't using the toilet. He will keep using them as long as he gets to wear them, so it's time for them to go, and please resist using them "just for overnight" or "just while we're at the store." That will send him mixed signals.

If there are no changes or upsets in his life (other than starting school), then I'd sit him down and calmly tell him, Here is a new set of underwear with your favorite character on them. Here are the pull-ups. And now we're walking to the trash can outside and the pull-ups are going into it. I know you can use the toilet again and I'm really confident in you.

Have him put them in the trash. If he resists, cries, etc. just stay calm and low-key and do it yourself. Then when he goes to the bathroom in his pants, don't yell or punish; immediately walk him to the bathroom and have him strip off in the tub; have HIM hold his soiled clothes -- any and all of them, underpants, pants, socks, etc. -- under the tub tap to rinse them well. Have HIM put them into a plastic bag (which you'll take for a real wash in the washer later). Have him wipe up the floor where he was when he peed etc., even if it doesn't look wet. Have him wash, wash, wash his hands even if he doesn't want to. In other words: No more pull-ups and any messes he makes, he cleans up. It will seem to take ages but you need to stay very calm and not criticize and harp on it as he does it, just stand with him and offer instructions as needed. Don't punish, just make him clean it all up every time -- not as punishment but with an attitude of "I'm sorry you have to do this instead of play right now, but whenever there's an accident from now on, you need to help clean it up." And do it every time, even if it takes ages because he's sulky or balky or wants to go play.

Eventually he will figure out that the time it takes to do all that every time he soils himself is time he could spend playing.

I would have to agree with Leigh. My son did the same thing when his little sister was born. We made him clean up his messes and he stopped. We never went back to pull ups. It didn't really take too long, he didn't like cleaning the poop. Kids do puzzling things all the time. You may never know why. Sometimes spending too much time talking about why will reinforce the behavior, and you still don't know why. The important thing is to stop it. Now. Since it has already gone on for months you will need to be very patient, yet firm when you get rid of the pull ups. Be careful not to shame him, but let him know that this is no longer allowed. Good luck!

You can take him to the doc to rule out anything physical, then I'd have a sympathetic talk with him and send him to school in regular clothes. If there's a problem, be prepared to go to school and change him or send along extra clothes if you can do that without embarrassing him. I think this will pass. Get him talking about what's on his mind if you can - struggles over growing up and being away from you more maybe?? I doubt he's doing it on purpose.

He may be stressed about going back to school. Regression is a cry for help, its not that he didn't/can't learn how, he is no longer doing it. I'd take him to a professional counselor who is good at working with kids and see if you can get to the bottom of this. 4.5 is a pretty young for school (my daughter is this age). Kids should be allowed to be kids much longer, especially boys!!!!

Best wishes!

I wholeheartedly agree with everything Leigh and Angie said, he's too old to be doing this and you need to help him stop.

Leigh nailed it. I'd do exactly what she says. Good luck.

Just a stage, his brain is working on some other skill right now and his potty training skills are on the back burner. There's not a lot you can do except sit him on the stool every 30 minutes. It will pass as soon as the new skill his brain is working on is integrated and in use. It could just be new wiring too so it may not be anything you can see.