Playgroup Squabble

First of all, you do not need the drama!!! I know it is a hard decision, but if everything you saying is true, you need to be done with "that" group. Period.
You and Addyson can find a new, healthier group.
:)

You've tried talking to this lady, and it got you nowhere. You now have 2 choices: (1) Stay in the play group and accept this woman's behavior; or (2) Leave the group.

If you leave the group, you don't owe this woman a lengthy explanation.

Just let the other mothers who are fed up with her know that you are no longer going to that playgroup. If they want to start a new one with you, take it from there.

I would wonder why you would want to belong to this playgroup. Do playgroups have to be so organized taht people have to sign-up online and meet the standards of some arbitrary leader ?
This leader sounds like someone I would not want my child to get to know.

Here is a wise saying: "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'" Beware of the temptation to respond in like manner, but instead treat her the way you want to be treated (the Golden rule) and "kill her with kindness" (from sincerity of heart, hoping the best for her). Beware the temptation to badmouth her. Whether you leave or stay is up to you, the important thing is the WAY you do it!!!!! Talk to her alone and tell her how she has offended you, in complete humility, and try to right the relationship with her, so you can live at peace with all people so far as it depends on you. If she refuses to listen even when you take a NEUTRAL person along (not someone on your side) to talk to her, then she is being stubborn and hard-headed and certainly not living in line with the religion she believes (so don't judge IT by HER). YOU can be the key to helping her get back on track, if you approach her about this in the right manner. The most important thing is: HOW you do what you do - with revenge, hatred, bitterness, gossip & getting others to side with you...OR with grace, love, humility, and for the goal of peace.

Isn't life in general stressful enough? Why would you want to put you and your daughter in that situation over and over again?

Seems easy enough to me. If it isn't enjoyable, don't be involved.

I don't belong to any play groups but I'd RUN as fast as I could away from the situation. Your child is going to pick up on your stress and do more damage than good.

I've never understood the concept of "play dates." I hate the term actaully. Can't kids just PLAY and not need all the structure and rules. They'll get enough of that later on.

Enjoy the time with your daughter. She'll learn a lot from you as long as you are happy and relaxed. :)

Good Morning A., It really sounds like she is letting this whole thing go to her head. Me personally I would quit this group, and tell her the truth about why, and maybe start a play group of your own with the other people who are feeling the same way about what is going on. I am a very strong willed person who says what I am thinking and feeling, believe it or not she will get over it, sooner or later. If she does not like that you are feeling this way, too bad for her to lose "one of her" people.

HI A.,

Unfortunately it seems that the "organizer" thinks she is the end all be all. There is no sense in going to a playgroup where the moms are stressed about socializing with other moms. I'd say split the group of those who are not comfortable and make your environment happy for all who attend.

Hi A. -

This can be a difficult situation. I too joined a playgroup (in a fairly small town) and was very exicted to connect with other moms just like me. Well, I found out quickly that a lot of the moms were not like me at all, and I was in a very similaar situation. The first thing I realized, is that I don't really have to like every woman I meet. Our group eventually did split because of the size, which helped a lot - but there was definately some animosity between some members of the group. I did meet some of my (now) closest friends and we got together frequently outside of playgroup - if you feel that there are women you connect with - do something outside of your playgroup and then maybe it would make sense to gracefully quit the group. I do occasionally still meet with other members of our playgroup, just because my kids get along so well with their kids. I don't have to like all my children's friend's parents, but at least I will know them :)
I really believe that 'what comes around, goes around', and eventually the 'boss' may be the one wondering why everyone quit and are doing things without her. Hang in there!

If I was in your situation, I would leave the group and start up a new one with the others who will probably leave when you do. No one should talk to you (or anyone) like she did when you confronted her. That's ridiculous! You and your daughter deserve to be around nice, respectful people.

I would let her know how you feel and that it is also making other parents uncomfortable. I would let her know that all though she started the play group it was meant for all to enjoy. I would also let her know how much your child likes playing with hers.
I would deffiniately say that if it makes so many uncomfortable everyone should let her know and also you should start a group of your own if that is what it takes. I am all for people having religious themes to their groups, but only when people know what they are getting into. A group needs a leader, but a good leader considers all ideas from her group and listens. You don't need to feel uncomfortable at a child's play group. You child will pick up on this too and it's not good for them.

I live in a small town too. I still think it's better that you pull out of the group. I would find a pleasant but still direct way to say that you need to be in a group where everyone's opinion is valued equally and no one is the official director. You need to enjoy your time with other moms and this is just not a good start. Even in a small town, you will find other friends and so will your son. Hopefully that other mom will lighten up as time progresses or she will make her son crazy.

It seems to me that a plyagroup is merely friends who get together to socialize. You can do that at any time. It's a free country, right? Drop out politely and just let everyone know that you still want to be friends with them and would like to continue getting together with them, but in a somewhat less structured manner. You shouldn't have to justify who your friends are or why/when/how you want to spend time with them. This isn't high school. You shouldn't be treated like a child. And continue to invite the "leader" and her son over for playdates with your child since it seems that your kids get along well. Then it will be less personal toward her and you can continue to be friendly in public.

A.,
I guess I would have to start with this question: "If it were your daughter coming to you in 5 years about a similar problem on the playground, how would you handle it?"

First of all, the playgroup is as much for the mom as it is for the child. If your child is getting benefits from it, but you are constantly under stress and unhappy, that will soon make itself known to your daughter.

Secondly, a play group can be diverse, with different ideas and practices,for obvious reasons. It is a great lesson in tolerance and acceptance for small ones. However, if the beliefs are making you or others uncomfortable, or are being forced on others, then it is no longer acceptable.

Personally I would say that the benfit you are getting is far less than the emotional problems. Yes, you may end up with two groups, but so what. If everyone is happier and healthier that way it is fine. Just make sure that you don't talk badly about the other leader or the moms and kids in that group. Just say it was a difference of opinions about certain things and you decided to leave. No hard feelings. Face it, if you stay, there will be lots of hard feelings. In a small community, you can't afford it, I know.

So, if it were me, I would walk away. No back stabbing, no name calling, no whining. Do this in an open and free exchange. Do not get mad. Simply talk to the "leader" and tell her that you are leaving. DO not recruit others in front of her, or try to get them to leave. They need to make their own decision. You could stay and "suck it up" but by reading your letter, I think you would be very unhappy and that creates more tension. There will be an eruption soon.

The end decision is yours. But think about the first question, "If this was your daughter..."

Good luck.

A.

Sure it's a small town, but does that mean everyone else has to suffer? I am guessing that this woman has never been stood up to - which is why she assumes she can get away with all of this.

I have always stayed away from control freaks (that's what we call them here in the cities). Leave quietly, start your own smaller group of women who respect each other and love their children. You won't regret it. Once her kids grow a little older they will absorb her personality and wreak havoc on the other children. Getting out will save you the added headache of childhood control freak drama.

As to being "correct" in your neighborhood, everyone is waiting for someone to break out of the circle she is holding. It might as well be you :o)

She sounds like a big bully. Leave the group and prove to everyone that you will not be bullied by another mom. You might be surprised how many others will be glad to see someone else taking charge and might want to help you start a new group. you don't have to mean, just be honest. You and your kids deserve better :)

I hate to say it, but I say get out as soon as you can. That doesn't sound like a good situation at all. Playgroups should be fun and worry free. So what if she started it. All it takes is one person to start it up, and then the job is done. She definately doesn't need to be as bossy and structured as she is being. I belong to a playgroup in our neighborhood and it is extremely relaxed. Anyone can join and bring whoever they want, and when we meet someone just volunteers to host it the next time we meet. The kids have a great time playing together and that is what matters. Sounds like your "Boss" of the playgroup is taking her position a little to far. She is definatly not your boss!!!! I would just tell her that you think she is taking the playgroup a little too far and don't like the way she is treating you. I would think if you just ignore it she's only going to get worse. So what if you see her again, she'll probably have more respect for you and definatly won't talk to you like that again!! Take care and good luck!

That is not how a playgroup should be! I feel there are two good options:

1. Continue attending but then also set up your own playgroup (but do not recruit while attending your current playgroup). I have mets lots of people at the local library in my city or the park. Then you could fade out of the first group. You could always invite the son over for a playdate if your daughter was really missing him.

2. Kindly tell the organizer that you appreciate all her time and energy she has put into it but you feel the group's dynamic isn't working for you anymore (or you could say the times or schedule isn't working for you). However, you would like to set up some playdates for your daughter and her son - then she might not feel so rejected. You could even ask her for tips on starting a playgroup in order to stroke her ego if you feel inclined- everyone likes to feel important.

I was in a couple of playgroups at the same time, and a few of the mothers/fathers were in both. There is no law stating you can only be in one. To me, the role of the organizer is to keep a list of all participating families, set up a schedule, maybe organize a few special get-togethers (egg hunt, going to pumpkin patch), and organizing meals when a parent has another baby or death/crisis in the family. We rotate attending homes and then in the summer rotate local parks. It works great for us! Gook luck.

If I were you I'd just contact the Mom's that you have stuff in common with and you like and start your own group. Obviously the group leader has decided to move a different direction and is trying to get you to leave.
It's a shame that people have to act like that, especially people that claim to be so religious. This is why I'm not. If going to church means that people will act one way there and another way outside of church then I'll pass.
Anyways, I'm getting off topic. Life if short. Surround yourself with people you like and who appreciate you. Especially at a playgroup where you are teaching your daughter how to treat people and how to allow others to treat her.
Best Wishes,
J.
Mom to 4 and soon one more through another adoption.

Life is too short for all this drama so don't take it. I would tell her that you are not my boss and if that is how you view me then I am leaving the group. Many people feel that they need to control everything and everybody- (probably she has little or no control at home so she needs to find it with the group.) If she is as bad as you state, why would you want her to spread mores lies about you or your child and be so disrespectfultoward you? Small community or not you would benefit from a group of mom/kids that respect each other and probably enjoy it more. So what if you she "her group" out at activities you done nothing wrong and treat her as you would anyone else with respect. Hope this helps.

Hi A.,
I have been one to not take anything from anyone. If you find this is not the group for you change and make a group of your own. It sound like you have a lot of others that feel the same way. Just go your own way and leave her to her own group and the way she wants to run it. The people that like that kind of treatment will stay with her and the ones that do not will move on. You are your own person and it sound like you have enought to worry about without someone trying to run what you do and think about other people. You have to make up your mind about people for your self and she is not going to give you a chance to meat great people. Just think about what you might be missing by not trying to get to know all the people you can. You can learn from everyone. Just think about what you have learned from this lady. How not to be. Good luck you are a strong person. Anyone that can raise a little one on their own is very strong.... A.

I honestly think I would leave and form a new group. Those who enjoy the kind of group that they are providing can stay with her. And those who see things from your point of veiw can join you. Sometimes people don't mesh and that's ok. But she has no right to disrespect you and others like she has. It's ok if you see each other at events. Then the kids can catch up with the kids they won't see often anymore. Try to stay above the drama and just tell her you have different ideas on how to run this group and it would be best if you moved on. Don't make a big fuss. Just leave and form a group that best suits you and some of the other mothers. It should be a fun time for you and your daughter. Good luck to you!

Please let me tell you that no matter how hard you try there are some people that live for the drama in life and it will never change and is so not healthy to have in your life or your daughters. Her daughter is learning these same habits and I dought that that is what you want for your child. As far as the religion part, you have your own beliefs and she has hers and it is not at all appropriate for her to push that on you or anyone else. Good luck.

Life is too short for problems like that. I would split and start your own play group. Your daughter will find someone else that she likes playing with. Good luck.

Consider it an opportunity to display good character to your daughter and the other children. Make a choice to politely drop out of the group without any nasty explanations or blame. Since you've already addressed this woman about your concerns, you don't need to rehash them all over again. At the next meeting, I would just say, "Ladies, Addyson and I have a little announcement! This will be our last time at play group. Thanks to all of your advice and friendship, we've found lots of new ways to play and interact and we're going to focus on "just us" for awhile." Then if you end up starting a new playgroup with all the other moms that wish they had been as brave as you, you'll be free to do so after your "us time" is over. Good luck!

A great philosopher once said that the most important thing in life is to be happy. This playgroup is obviously having the opposite effect for you. It seems like you would also be doing some other parents a favor if you split the group up, seeing that you said about half would go with you. It's interesting how this woman pushes her religious beliefs on the group and yet her behavior undermines that same religion she preaches about. Dawn K was right....this woman treats your group like a dictatorship. That is not tolerable. If not for any other reason, you should leave the group and take half of it with you just to let her know that she can't treat people like that and get away with it.

My guess is that bossy-mom has some serious self-esteem issues. She probably believes that if she's not the boss, she'll get the boot completely. It seems like she's created a cliquey club. I don't like the idea of not allowing people to join. It's a play group, not an upscale country club! Sheesh! Personally, I'd be out of there in a second. I'd very kindly let her know that I want a situation that isn't so structured and dictatorial. Later, when everyone's joining your group because it's more fun, be kind enough to let her join, too.

Ditto what the others have said. It sounds like there isn't much of a valuable or respectful friendship going on with this woman. Discretely discuss or email the other women you think may be interested in leaving and having their own group and then leave. In parting, say as little as possible, make no excuses, and don't let her make you feel guilty. I'd simply tell her that the group no longer works for you (and don't let her controlling ways eke out an reason other than that)...I'd even tell her in an email to avoid a verbal confrontation. Then, don't take any calls from her (if you have caller id), unless you really want to talk to her. Another idea, you could always say that you think the group is getting too large (and with more than 6 kids, it well could be) and that you should split off. You could have your group at a different time so as not to conflict with hers. You might want to try this first to maintain a decent acquaintanceship, but if it doesn't work, just leave.

Hi A.,

I like a lot of the suggestions to leave the group and start your own. She may think she is your boss, but she's not. If you do decide to leave the group, the only thing I would strongly recommend is being honest to her and tell her why you're leaving. You don't like that she has to approve all new members, you don't like her attitude that she is the boss, you don't like that she is bringing her religious viewpoints to the group, you don't like the way she talks about other group members, and lastly, you don't like her lies!

Telling her not only insults her "management" skills, but gives her two options on how to deal with it - use it constructively to become a better leader or continue to be ignorant and losing members.

I wouldn't worry about running into her within the community, when you tell her the truth you have nothing to be ashamed of and she can choose if she wants to be friendly to you at these encounters in the future just like you can.

The nice thing that you will be doing for your community is offering the members a CHOICE! You and the rest of your community can choose who and how they want the playgroups to run, and that can be beneficial to everyone!

Good luck!

Start your own playgroup and take with you all the other mom's who are just as disgusted by the queen bee boss as you are.

Small town or not, as an adult in a "playgroup", you do not need to bossed around by an over zealous control freak! I would politely drop out and arrange play dates with other families that YOU have things in common with or at least enjoy their company and conversation. It sounds likt the "organizer" has more on her agenda than just a fun-filled play group. If you want to be part of a religious group or Bible study, then you pick one through the church you believe in. Open discussion about religious differences is one thing, but to push it on others defeats the whole founding principle of this country of freedom of religion. The other mom thinks she's the "boss" of her playgroup. Playgroups shoule not have a boss. It's one thing to set some ground rules (healthy snacks, no computer games, whatever the group decides on) but it should not be a dictatorship. Hang out with the ones you get along with and don't worry about hurt feelings!

I agree with the other posts. Get out of that group. There are alot healthier groups around to join.

I'd learn how to work it out in the group. It's a playgroup, but still a lot like working outside the home. When you work, you work with difficult personalities. You can either quit, or learn how to deal with tht type of personality. Especially in a small town. I don't believe in abandoning the group yet, because you'll meet new moms yet, and believe me, this is not the end of meeting up with difficult people. MOre are out there. So, deal with it, tell yourself it's for your daughter, it's unpleasant for you----but a lot of things in life are. Keep it in perspective, realize that she does bug you, is obnoxious, and has her issues. Remember, it is her issue. You just stay in there, buck it up, and move on when you make other friends when your daughter is too old for the group, and will make friends in preschool. You could also quit, but I'd never badmouth her. I'd quit and just say that when we have a schedule clash. Always leave a situation with grace and style. Good luck. And keep your perspective: she is obnoxious, that's all. SHe gets on your nerves, that's all. You don't like her, that's all. The important thing is that you are healthy, your children are healthy, and so is your husband. You have a roof over your head, and food on the table. The rest is just life...and when were we promised a perfect life? You'll run into more like her as time goes on, better learn how to rise above now.

Tell her where she can stick it and then leave. That is not a healthy environment for you or your child, and if you think that the group will split when you leave then at least you know that you've got half the amount of people to start a new group with. Chances are if you are being treated this way then so are other people. The question you need to ask yourself is: "Is my dignity and self respect worth my daughter having a friend who's mother is so disrespectful and sets such a a bad example for her own child?" Walk out with your head held high and knowing that you made the right decision for you and your daughter. At least that's what I would do :)
p.s. As far as her pushing her religious beliefs on others, that is never acceptable no matter who the person is, especially if they conflict with your own. If you need any justification to leave, let it be that you don't think that people with a religious background as themselves should participate in telling lies about not only other women, but children also.

Hi A..
It sounds like this woman has some control issues and likely won't be changing any time soon. If you were closer to her, I'd suggest you keep working on it with her, but it sounds like you've only met b/c of this play group. It was good that you brought up your concerns to her. I have three possible thoughts that you might want to consider. One, resign from being the "assistant" - this will allow you to enjoy the group, but stay out of much of the drama. Two, ask the others in the group that might have similar concerns and see if they'd like to address the issue along with you. Three, start your own group - I know you said it's a small community, but the fact is, not everyone will get along just b/c they live in a similar area. I'm betting, if you wanted to do #3, you could find a positive way to do it, meet on a different day, focus on child development, etc. Hope one of these can help.

I'm not sure they type of online group you have but if it isn't this, check out meet-up.com I would even recommend starting your own group. Like previously said...it is not worth the drama. Take who ever wants to go with you and start a new one. There are now gaurantees in life and you aren't going to get a long and like everyone you meet. Good luck!

Drop her! She sounds like a real pill.

Start your own playgroup, but be as gracious as you can as you about it. Say that it's becoming inconvenient to stay in that playgroup. If she demands an explanation, jusust say that you seem to have clashes and that it would be better for all, especially the children, if you dropped out of the playgroup. Try not to badmouth her, because that can backfire in a small community.

Hope you find a fun group for you and your daughter!

J.

Hi A.,

Start your own group! If you are feeling this way towards this woman, there is a good chance that the other woman in this group are feeling it too.

Small town or not, nobody needs drama. Life's too short. It's meant to be enjoyed! Have fun!

Good luck!

J.

Wow she sounds like she was that snotty little brat in Jr. High that was a Queen Bee in her group. Run don't walk away from this woman and the play group, and as another mother said; Kill her with kindness when you see her. I am sure other's feel the same way. You get out of this world what you put into it. When she looks around and sees an empty playgroup maybe then she'll realize. But either way, do you want your daughter around someone like that? She sounds horrible.

A.,
I understand that it is a tough situation living in a small town where you are likely to run into these people a lot. I agree with everyone else and have to say that play groups are supposed to be fun and they should be a rewarding experience for kids and the parents. If it isn't, you are teaching your daughter that it is okay to put up with this type of behavior. So, I would quit the group and start my own if I were you. But do it tactfully and be forthright with the current group of people.

For example, announce to the group that you are going to branch out and start your own group so that you can work it around your own schedule and types of activities. It's okay to tell them that you don't want religion to be a central part of your play group because it is very personal to you and those discussions make you uncomfortable -- if you feel that you want to bring it up. If not, keep your reasons very light and non-specific. Tell the group when you plan on meeting and let them know that they are also welcome to join your group if your schedule works for them and that you'd love to keep the friendships with all of them. Also, if your daughter has special relationships with a few of the children, mention that to the mom's and tell them that if your new group doesn't fit their schedules that you'd love to meet occasionally at other times if you can since your daughter has a connection with their daughter/son.

Just be sure to keep yourself above the squabbling and don't mention tactics or what others are doing wrong. If people are going to talk about you or shun you they'd probably do it anyway so just make sure that you are happy with your decision. Always remember, your daughter is observing your behavior and how you react to and with people in the world and if you want her to be strong and independent you need to be strong too.

Good luck.

A., you seem way too smart to get stuck in a "play-group" with a dictator! Small community or not, you are too stressed with what should be a "stress-releaser", and your daughter is going to feel this. The gal in charge is apparently feeling inadequate, and her way of compensating is to be bossy to others, to the point of intimidation. Start your own little group! My guess is you are not the only one feeling this way! And of course, pray for her, and when you see her out "kill her with kindness"--nothing works better! good luck-

It sounds to me as if you need to start your own playgroup. If there are enough of you that feel this way, it shouldn't be very hard to get other members to join. Living in a small town, if somebody doesn't put their foot down now, this mom is going to rule everybody's lives from here on in.

I would have any of the other ladys that feel the same way have a sit down with her. She needs to hear how all of you feel about it. She can not act as if she is your boss. Everyone in a play group is to be treated equal. If she doesnt understand that then unfortunatly you may have to leave. If more ladys leave and go along with you then thats their right. A play goup is not a time for moms to talk about each other or micromanage other people. It is atime to have your children learn and make friends. If it was me I would leave I have had to do this before because of some of the same things. Hope you have good luck on this one.

Hi A.,
This sounds like a tough situation but if I were you, I would quit the group and join a different group. I'm involved with the MOMS Club in my area and our club has age based playgroups for members to join if they choose. It sounds like this mother isn't good for you or your child to be around and what's even more sad, her own kids can end up acting just like her! I've seen this happen many times. Move on, start over and before you know it you will find some really great moms out there to make friends with. Check out the MOMS Club at www.momsclub.org Good luck!

I would not like all the gosip either. That mother and who ever else is acting like that is just going to make it difficult for the children in the long run. I am not saying pull out and take a bunch of people with you, but what I am saying is that if you have mothers come up to you, and tell you that they are not happy, maybe tell them how you are feeling too and let them know that maybe it would be a good idea to just start your own little group. Take turns at different houses. Good luck

If it's not fun for you AND your daughter stop doing it. Start your own group and learn from her mistakes. She doesn't need or deserve an explanation unless she ASKS for one. Since you live in a small town I would be very careful the explanation you give her (knowing her personality now) and I wouldn't say anything negative to anyone -keep it positive or say nothing.

Wow! That sounds like a lot of drama and is way too much for me personally to handle. I would leave the group and start a new one on my own. Whoever wants to join you can and just be sure they know not to bring religious beliefs with them. Keep everything open and up to everyone to decide and it should run smoothly. Although, there is no guarentee on anything. Good Luck!

Too bad your not in our area I'm actually a organizer in our area who's willing to work with people & I will actually accept suggestion because I believe in team work & respect but I don't get many people they keep on disappearing to the one group that disrespected me & my boy because of it being bigger as in assuming more successful because of alot of people but in reality how true can those people be alot rather be in a crowd treated like doormats as in being walked on or others like to be the trashers as in turning their participants in to doormats the only reason they continue to stay because being in a 'big group' makes them 'feel popular'and wanted because they are able to join.

I say take the people with you who are being treated as doormats maybe they will be aware of it maybe they will go with you or you can stay in that group & be the nicer one's but it won't help to complain because she won't listen or stop what she's doing because she sees herself as the leader so she will be the boss enjoying the 'followers' following her it gives her a feeling of admiration because she will think of 'members weak'

I only started a playgroup of my own because I didn't like being a doormat and I didn't want my son to think its okay to put down others or being disrespected so I say I'm going to try & not give up because maybe one of these days I will get people who will not be judgemental

Life is hard enough! Is it really worth it?? I would leave the group. Who ever wants to go with you, great. She sounds very difficult and a playgroup should be fun for EVERYONE! It is not worth the drama and she seems unreasonable. Best of luck!

Find a different group! Or start your own! And please let the kids play! With the first child, a parent tends to be very protective, after the fifth, like me, a parent realizes that we can't and shouldn't be so micro-involved in our kid's lives.

With someone like that, the only thing you can do is leave the playgroup and start your own. I bet you will find that a lot of the others will follow you if she is that controlling. Also you can get others involved that isn't in her group. I would just start one up, if you have a few friends in the group or with kids the same age as yours, see if they would help. Remember playgroups are for the children, people don't own them, they guide them.

When our subdivision was more established, someone initiated starting a playgroup and sent invites to those she knew had kids. All were welcome, and the only organization was time, day of week, and who's house it rotated to each week. The kids played together, the mom's and occasional dad chatted and snacked. It was fun and nobody, even the person who initiated the idea, was in control of anybody but their own child.
I would have a neutral party with you to tell her you appreciate her work, but since she is not willing to compromise, you will agree to disagree and part ways w/in the playgroup setting. Explain that your daughter enjoys her son and maybe there could be playdates if you both would like that, but for now you will not be attending her group.
I do think you have the ability to start your own group, not as competition but just to fit your needs of what you think playgroup should be. I'd advise to restrict any badmouthing of the other woman or group from your attendees, it's not a good example for the kids and will only continue the negative tone you're trying to get away from. A playgroup is really best with only 5-10 families involved and there's sure to be more than that in your community!
Best wishes.

If I were you I would split the group. Just do it in a friendly way. Let her know that the play group isn't meeting your needs and you have just decided to start your own. That way running into each other in daily life won't be a big deal. Also let the woman know that you and your son are still interested in having play dates with her son.