Playdate Drama

I think you put Jane in her place, if she keeps it up just politely point out that it is rude to talk about other people and you will not engage in it. As for the flirt, I wonder if she realizes that she is doing it. You need to ask her to stop asap and that if she got the impression that you were flirting back then she was mistaken. If you say nothing to the flirt then she will think it is OK and it can become a big problem.

Ok with the flirt. Watch her. Does she do that with the other women? Some people are just touchers, when they talk to you they touch your arm, hug, rub your back a little. I've had both men and women that are like that do it to me, but they also do it to everyone else.

If not then, the best thing you can do is talk about your wife. If you keep bringing her up the lady will get the hint. Like this,

"Oh your arms or so nice and firm."
"Thanks, my wife and I like to keep fit."

"You look great today!"
"Thanks, my wife really loves this shirt too."

Just keep bringing it around that way, she'll get annoyed and leave you alone. I've seen some of the dad's do this. I've done it to a couple of gents. It works.

The gossip, you can't stop her from talking about the other woman to the other women. You can walk away from her when ever she says it to you. You've already stated you don't appreciate it, didn't help. The best thing to do is roll your eyes at her and ignore her, or change the subject.

Better yet, since this is the new hot topic, tell her you don't condone bullying. That will probably shut her up.

Kudos to the other woman for not letting this woman run her off. If you like the lady that is being bullied, I would make an extra special effort to talk to her. If the playground bully sees you two be chummy, she might leave you out of the hen pecking.

I actually feel kinda sorry for you. It's tough for a guy to step into a woman's world and handle it gracefully. Keep trying. :)

Makes you glad you were born male, huh?! Some women can't help but be catty for any reason (um - just look at some of the responses on here :) ) Good for Mary for ignoring it. Perhaps Jane isn't going to hang around much longer if she isn't getting the responses she is looking for.

As far as the flirt, next time she makes a comment about your arms or says something else flirty, you can say - 'yeah, I told my wife you liked my arms - she totally agrees!' If she has an inkling that your wife knows about her flirting, she should probably take THAT hint...especially if there is ever a chance that **GASP** you can't make the playdate but your wife can!

I don't agree that you shouldn't say anything to the flirt. It's one thing to verbally say things to you, but something else to start to touch you. I would honestly just back up and put your hands up like you are blocking her if she approaches to hug you and say something like, "Oh no, I'm happy to see you but no more hugging (or feeling my muscles), only my wife gets to do that!" That's letting her know that it isn't ok, and thats your "personal space". and after you do that and she continues, I would be more firm and say "please dont intrude on my personal space any longer". I would be upset if a woman was disrespecting my husband like this and would hope he would take a firm stand against it.

It sounds like everyone else basically knows the "real" Jane, including Mary, and actually verbally tell her to shut up, so I think if everyone continues to do this, she will eventually not get the attention from it and give it up. Or you can hope anyway. =) Good luck!!!

Well, surely you're old enough to know that you can't change anyone else--you can only change YOUR own actions and reactions to it. (Psych 101)
Soooooo.....some options:
*Stop going
*Say what you think to the gossip and the flirt & let the chips fall where they may
*Continue going, being awkward & uncomfortable

(Funny--We had a HOT dad baseball coach O. year. You should have seen the moms initially! It was very funny. But you know what? The novelty kind of wore off after a while and he was quickly just another smelly baseball coach to everyone--male and female!

"how do I have the flirt?" *snicker* Freud much?

There are two types of flirts, the natural flirt, it is part of their personality. If you look at their behavior towards other women it is not that much different. They are harmless, enjoy the attention. Just don't say anything to them about being married or anything that shows you think they are interested in you because they will laugh at you. Or in my case, Oh yeah!! I want to do Judy over there too.

Funny that, I have found this hurts the mans ego. Oops! :p

Then there is the desperate flirt, they are starved for attention. This is akin to the "nice guy". You need the attention, you want to be wanted. Those are the ones you have to watch because they are desperate for affection and will act on anything the perceive as attraction from you.

Have fun!

Sorry, Mr. Mom, I don't have any advice for you because I think you are handling things VERY well.
I guess my only suggestion is to try to shake her hand in greeting when she is moving in for a hug. If she doesn't get the hint, then tell her that hugs make you feel uncomfortable or that you value your personal space. If she gets offended, that's HER problem.

Good luck! Those women are lucky to have you in their playdate group. There is a SAHD in our summer reading group and we ladies really enjoy chatting with him.

Edti**** You could always go this route with the flirt! Go all Ron Swanson on her! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgwJk7c5o4A&feature=re...

Sounds like you are doing everything right. It's funny how dynamics go. Almost every year of my daughter's school, there is a SAHD. Once he shows up for a class thing or just pick time, the dynamics change and some women just get kind of giddy. It's just an adjustment. However, that is different than flirting. You are handling her fine, make sure you don't flirt back and certainly no one on one time. Make sure you have a boundary or line in the sand drawn for yourself. Where if she hugs it's fine, if she grabs your arm, fine, but if she drapes an arm around you or says something about sex, that's too far. And know what you will say at that point. Then you're not caught off guard.

And Jane. Why must there always be a Jane. The best thing is to just ignore her comments, which the group seems to do. If she throws a comment about Mary your way, nicely say that you prefer not to talk about other people, and change the subject. Ignore her enough and she'll hopefully get the hint. But it's always better to say what you will or won't do so you don't have to scold the other person.

Good luck- post an update in a while, love to hear how this all turns out!

Well, I checked out your profile pic - I think I would flirt with you too!! I would just stay the course. Don't ask for one-on-one time with her or allow it to happen.

Ignore Jane. IF you give her attention it will only fuel her fire. Let her make a fool of herself.

ETA: YOUR PROFILE PICTURE IS GONE!! Why did you take it down?

It sounds like you already handled Jane. As far as the flirting goes - it doesn't bother your wife (good for her!), and you are reacting appropriately. If it really bothers you, you can be blunt.

Tried to look at your profile pic after reading Cheryl's comment - but it's gone.
:(

My husband was born a flirt - tho he denies it. He swears he doesn't flirt. He does tho and it does not bother me at all. Some people are just more charming then others - Maybe you are just a charming person and this mom picks up the niceness and enjoys the feeling of someone being nice to her.

As far as Jane goes - ignore her and if she continues then continue with your comment of letting her know we are all adults and to knock it off.

Good luck!

Welcome to the wonderful world of SOME women. It's kind of like when you find yourself in a room full of really macho guys trying to prove how manly they are. Some women are just like that, the stereotype of negative female traits. I make a point not to hang out with women like that OR guys who think the louder and more agressive they are, the more manly they are.
It's all just signs of insecurities, I'd find another playgroup.

Start talking about your wife a lot. ;) And put yourself out of her reach. Do things like cross your arms so she can't squeeze them. You confronted Jane, so why not the flirt? Tell her that her behavior is uncomfortable. Some people are naturally more huggy/flirty/friendly than others, but if it bothers the recipient, then they need to back off. I like to hug people, but I don't like hugs from people I don't like. I step back when they go in for a hug. Your space is your space, regardless of the type of person she is. I think you are right not to do the private play date. Edit: I love the idea that your wife can attend instead of you. Call her on her intentions.

I think you've already made your point to Jane and if Jane loses her audience, she'll stop.

My profile picture was messed up too. I had to click on edit by my name then it took me to my profile page and I was able to change it. Some mom suggested that to someone else.

I think perhaps embarrassing the flirt in front of everyone may be the only way to get her to stop. Otherwise perhaps planning a play-date with only the moms that get along?

I think I would say "Please stop touching me, I don't like it when you hang all over me".

Sounds like you made it clear with Jane her snide comments are childish and annoying. Sadly, some women do get perpetually stuck in middle school behavior. I think she'll stop being so rude now that you've called her on it. If not, as soon as she starts in again, speak up to the group with a changed subject. I always like "Anyone seen any good movies lately?" Serves to remind everyone that the topic should be changed to a more appropriate one.

Good suggestions from the Moms on handling the flirt. Yes I would keep mentioning your wife in the conversation when she's lavishing you with compliments. Continue to decline any and all invitations that put you alone with her. She'll get the hint that you are not interested.

If she truly is a flirt, and not just touchy feel-y person. Keep doing what your doing. Stay the course, and dont give in to her one on ones. What garbage, and disgusting!!! even worse if she is married. Lucky you!!! lol

If wife knows that shes doing it, maybe have wife come to a few, if she can. See if flirt does it then!!

Jane is a gossip hound. She has no self confidence. She is making herself feel better by going after Mary, which she feels is a threat to her some how. Maybe she know something about Mary outside of the play date. These women bug me. Jane, needs to be put in her place by more than just you. Since your the man of the group, if you see Jane coming, or you hear Jane talking. Get up and leave. Dont side with Mary, or defend her, but also dont give Jane a window to gab. Dont advise anyone else about ignoring her, or she is going to feel picked on. She might leave the group, but then oh well right? less gossip and more play!

Ehh, the gossping/snide remarks etc are immature but do happen in gatherings of women. It's annoying, but true. I recommend finding another playdayte group and one that is maybe a better fit! Try meetup.com

Oh geez, women can be so ridiculous. The poor thing probably doesn't get much attention at home and is loving the presence of a man. Some can be so insecure that your focus and attention will become their personal goal. It's crazy! I know I sound mean, because I can be and get so tired of this behavior that gives the rest of us a bad name ;)

funny. i should show your post to my hubs and say see this guy didn't die taking care of girls :)
anyways, drama between women is just a part of life. something in our genes, air, food...who knows, so you will be walking on eggshells if you are around gossip. if you are the only one being talked about this other woman, politely ask her to stop and tell her it makes you uncomfortable, and that you like to create your own opinion of people without influence. how do you handle the flirt? show up next time with your wife. make sure you two are together, and in sync and that maybe will show the flirt that you are not looking for something.
funny though. right?

If the other moms play into Jane's gossip, there's not much you can do but remove yourself from it.

If they don't, you can change the subject obviously and abruptly when she starts the gossip. If everyone else is on board, she'll get the message.

I second the idea of asking the flirt to please get out of your personal space, that you'd rather not be touched. As for 'Jane,' it seems like you (and all the other mothers) have already told her you don't want to participate in gossip. Maybe SHE needs to find another play group, if she can't be around that other woman peacefully and is making the other parents' lives uncomfortable.

I would wonder about the long-term prospects of this group for you, if you're not comfortable with 1/3 of the people in it. If the other 4 mothers are fabulous, that could tip the scales, but 2 out of 6 isn't a good sign. Good luck with things!

So you have nice big muscles in your arms, aey?

AND you are ex-military? Mmmm-Mmmm!

~Ha-Ha! Sorry! Couldn't resist! :)