There's a guy acquintance that I talk to regularly. He is older - 60s and he's been married 40+ years. He's a nice guy and very kind to many people. He jokes a lot with people. Usually it's more with people he knows well. There's times when I'm chatting with him and what he says seems a little more fliratious to me. And there's things he says when we're having a one on one conversation and I doubt he'd say some of these same things if others were around. I'm not sure, but that's what I'm thinking. His eyes wander sometimes as if he's admiring me. And he's made comments about my figure.
Can any flirtation/joking from a guy that's been married this long be considered completely innocent?
Sometimes I think about the things this guy says to me and wonder how I would feel if it was my husband saying it to another woman.
Today he was joking around with me and I got caught up in it so I joked back then I realized that I hoped he knew I was just joking. He said his back was hurting and I said jokingly that I would rub his back. I was completely joking and had no intention of rubbing his back. But I hope he knew I was just joking.
I will notice my husband joking with women when I am around and I wonder what he may say to women if I'm not around. My dad was also really a jokester with women when I was growing up, but it certainly would borderline more toward flirting. Especially waitresses and female service people. I felt like it was very obvious flirting. Thank goodness he and my mom were divorced by then, but still it was a bit much when the woman was probably many years younger than him. And some of the things he would do say were usually because it was an attractive female.
Do your husbands get a little flirty with other women? Do you consider it completely innocent?
I've never seen my husband flirt with any other woman but me. No, I wouldn't be ok with it. Likewise, I don't flirt with anyone other than him, as well. I'd probably stop joking with this senior. ;c)
No he doesnt, and no I wouldnt.
Not OK. My neighbor has been chatty and friendly, a little overboard and sort of no boundaries on silly stuff (I put up with it to keep the peace) for 5 years but he's NEVER INAPPROPRIATE in a flirty way AT ALL. Suddenly, the other night, he made an inappropriate comment about me being "hot" and his FIL agreeing with him that I was "hot" when I had to tell him to move his truck so I could get out of the driveway. It was like, the line was crossed and I immediately went from friendly to calling the kids in and curtly going inside.
If you noticed him checking you out and SUSPECTED some comments were a bit "not OK" there really is no reason you should have joked back about rubbing his back. I get it, you were just being nice and joking and didn't mean to, but in my experience, every man is capable of taking any green lights you give. Going forward, if you don't want attention from him, don't be friendly. Let his flirting roll off your back with no warmth from you at all, or just don't talk to him. My guess is if your husband talked this way to other women, you'd be SUPER PO'ed and you would not appreciate the women flirting back or joking in any way. That's why having it happen yourself gave you that feeling of alarm thinking of your husband doing it. If you don't mind him flirting, that's another story. Some people flirt and don't mind spouses flirting.
My hubby does NOT get flirty with any other women except for me. I think if you come from a marriage where you both do it, its ok to a certain point--but crossing the line, comes quick and could turn into something unwanted/uncomfortable. So, in our marriage, we don't do it.
As for the older guy, he most likely is harmless, but I would watch what you say to him--say only what you would say in the presence of YOUR husband. Then, you won't cross the line and if he does, you can set him back right away. GL
M
My husband better not get flirty with another woman. He only gets to flirt with me.
L.
My husband and I both flirt with others -- there's nothing in it though. There is a big difference between firting for fun and flirting to catch. The thing that makes it okay is that we completely trust each other and are completely open and honest with each other. We also make sure that everyone knows that this is just for fun. There's no harm to it as long as no one, including the one being flirted with, is getting hurt or mislead in any way. I have close male friends, he has close female friends... they're friends. That's all.
So, yes, I think that flirting is perfectly fine, given that everyone knows what's going on and no one has unrealistic expectations and no one is being made uncomfortable. If, on the other hand, his flirtation is making you uncomfortable, you need to have a discussion with him about it and clear the air. I wouldn't get mad or anything -- just say to him that he's been getting a bit flirtatious lately, and it's making you uncomfortable, so please stop. If, OTOH, you're only worried about it making your husband uncomfortable, talk to your husband -- saying something like "so-and-so has been trying to flirt with me lately -- I think it's just the way he is, but does it make you uncomfortable?" if you think that would go over well.
Neither me nor my husband joke like this with people with the opposite sex. We are very friendly and funny people and love to joke around, especially with our couples friends, but we maintain our opposite sex relationships more like professional ones just to avoid any inkling of flirtation.
My former employer was like this, he would even come up and rub on our shoulders and such. In front of his own wife... you could tell she was p'od. I was starting to get tired of it, so one time as he started massaging my shoulders, I jokingly said, "Bob, we are both married! You shouldn't be so touchy!" He was more careful after that.
No.....being friendly and nice is one thing.......flirting with another man or woman is asking for TROUBLE. As for the older man you speak of....next time he says or does anything that you feel is inappropriate, very nicely set him straight. "I really value your friendship, but when you say/do this or that, it makes be feel uncomfortable".
Next, let your husband know how you feel about him speaking to another woman in an inappropirate manner.
Blessings......
My husband doesn't. But me on the other hand... I do. I have worked in the bar/ restaurant scene for MANY years. People I don't know... nope. But some of the regulars that come in, yes I do. My husband knows I do. It doesn't bother him at all. We have talked about it. He has said that he actually finds it cute ( silly man lol)
While talking with him, we know where that "line" is. I would never cross it, verbally ( going into detail on something, not innocent flirting) or physically!!! For myself.. the line is different for different people. But I have never crossed a line that I couldn't look my husband in the eye or that I think he would disapprove of.
I don't think my hubby does atleast not in my presence.
If it was with an elderly person I don't think it would bother me but with a younger attractive female it probably would.
If you feel like the elderly man is checking you out then he probably is and I would just put my guard on.
We just don't think like men so we do have to be careful when they do that.
But, guess it is your call does it make you feel uncomftorable and if so maybe let him somehow know.
Also, would it bother your husband and if so then it's probably not a good thing.
That is just how I would look at it.
Verbal flirting is harmless.
Everyone flirts occassionally. I think its human nature. It might be a subtle flirt that is so natural the person doesn;t realize they're doing it, or something more obvious and funny. I think for some to say they NEVER do is unrealistic. If someone can claim their guys never held open the door for a girl extra far away that was pretty or that they've let a girl get in front of them in line b/c they were enamoured then I'd be amazed. Although I think the level of flirtation should be ok with both partners.
I like flirting innocently.
