Phrasing the Card for Pregnant Gal Who's Putting Child up for Adoption

Honestly? They don't make a Hallmark card for that, you know? Unless I were very close to her I wouldn't give her a card. What I WOULD do is make her a care package to pamper herself. She's probably going to need it more than most.

When/if you visit with her tell her how much you admire her. I'd keep it simple unless she feels like talking about it. But suppose she does change her mind? She'll still deserve to be pampered and you'll have the nice little care package.

I didn't see your previous post, but as a close relative of someone who gave 2 children up for adoption I implore you to please NOT give a card.

Regardless of how she is acting on the outside, she is very fragile and vulnerable on the inside and you do not want to tip the scale ~ remember, until the adoption is finalized she can take the child back. Honestly, this isn't a Hallmark moment, she is giving birth AND giving her child away, both life-altering events, and she will think about this child forever. As pleased as she is with the couple she has chosen, even if it is an open adoption, she will have doubts about her decision and grieve for the loss of this child, possibly the rest of her life. As you said, it was a hard decision for her to make, and she may require counseling to deal with it. You truly cannot know the emotions she is feeling. Any reference to what she did, regardless of how you praise her for her decision, or how good she is feeling about it, may feel like a knife going through her heart. And the fact that she is bi-polar can only intensify those feelings.

If you are a good friend of hers wait until she herself brings the subject up, at which time you can then relay your admiration and respect for her. If you are not a good friend I wouldn't say anything directly to her, but instead tell your BFF and she, if the right moment presents itself, can tell her then.

I have the utmost respect for women who think of their child first and place them for adoption, but having seen the turmoil they can go through for many years afterwards, I will not do anything but be a shoulder to lean on while they cry or an ear to listen. Placing a child for adoption is something that can traumatize a person in ways you've never thought of, please be considerate and respectful of her (I know you are.)

God bless her and women like her❤

I so agree with GrammaRocks....my daughter placed her baby for adoption 11 years ago when she was 16. The only people who came to visit us (other than the adoptive parents who were there with us the entire time) were our pastor and his wife. This was not a social time...this was a gut wrenching, heart breaking time for both of us...we knew that she was making the "right" decision...and I have told her many many times since then, how proud I am of her for having put the best interest of her little girl ahead of her own feelings.
I think you can be kindest by keeping your distance right now...later, when she is home and adjusting...take a meal in or offer to take her son out to play at the playground.

So tell her that you think she is an amazing woman for handling such a tough situation with grace. Praise and support her without mentioning her decision to give the child up.

If she is able to give the child up then you are showing your support for her decision and if she changes her mind, then you are supporting her as a person.

Here is what strikes me from your post....

"When your sister told me about your pregnancy and what you planned to do"

I think that since you are not close enough with this woman that you've had first-hand conversations on the subject, I would keep a card vaguely supportive but not go too deep into the details. Hallmark does make generally supportive, you're a great person kinds of cards. You may want to include a singular line about "Your generosity of spirit and strength are inspirational." But please keep it short and simple.

Honestly-I really do not think this is a gift OR card giving occasion. I would not send anything. You really don't know where her mind is on this-your thoughtful card could have the potential to do more harm than good. I would try to see or call her at some point after the baby is born just to see how she is. At that time you can express the sentiments you would have sent her in a card.

I responded to your previous question and totally have strong opinions on this as an adoptive mother. I would include that you admire "looking out for the child's best interest", "putting the child's needs first" and somehow (not sure how) explain that the child will appreciate the brave decision she made (not just the other family). **Fingers crossed** she doesn't change her mind.

I don't think a visit to the hospital is a great idea, especially if you are not super close. Something about hanging around a mom that is placing her child up for adoption doesn't seem right...Is she going to do it??? My sister didn't want people glorifying the birth, she didn't want it in the first place.

I would just say something like "I'm thinking of you during this time. Best wishes to you" and leave at that.

how about just "thinking of you at this time". you don't know her, or her mental state, so that might be safest...

Just let her know that it's a beautiful thing that, being adopted herself, she is sharing the gift of adoption with another family and with her newborn child. Let her know you're proud of her and you'll be there for her to help her stay strong if she needs it, and you'll help out with her 2 year old while she's recovering if she needs it, or you'll bring her REAL food while she's recovering in the hospital ;)

I like what you wrote... Make her feel strong about her decision to give this child a better life... that is what a mother does, gives the best to her child!!!

Why do you have to get her a card right away? If she's not even in her "right" mind right now, then you can't predict her response to ANYTHING that you say. Even after, she might have hormonal issues. Just be there and let her see you there. Once she gets back on her meds and things calm down, then you can say the words that you admire her courage or appreciate her bravery. Since you don't know her well, it might be a good idea to just wait for her or somebody else to bring it up. I would be offended if someone not close to me decided on her own to discuss with me my intimate business. I have found that when I don't know what to say in certain cases, it's okay to just shut up. Eye contact and a hand squeeze or a hug do perfectly. Maybe you can get a blank card and write "Here's a great big hug."

(Just read other posts--DO NOT GO TO THE HOSPITAL.)

What about something like.....
"What a blessing it will be for the new parents to have such a precious gift of life given to them. That blessing came from you, because of your selfless act of offering this child to them."