Parenting Time

One problem with giving him every weekend, though, is that most get-togethers or parties are on the weekends, which means you won't be able to take her with you. Anytime you have weekend plans, there will be issues about him having to give up his time if you want to take her with you. Most non-custodial parents get every-other weekend. But if you want her to have more time with him, can he spend a few hours with her in the evenings during the week?
My husband and I both had visitation issues to deal with. I never had any court-ordered visitation for my son - he went to his dad's every-other weekend, and if his dad wanted and evening during the week, that was fine. He also took him on vacation with him a couple times, and if either of us had a family get-together on the other's weekend, we worked it out.
My husband had to get a court-order for his visitation, including getting the kids for our wedding. His ex had a tendency to change her mind when he'd go over to pick them up.
Most holidays we worked out - mother's day with mom, father's day with dad, Christmas eve with us (for all of them) and Christmas day with their other parent.
good luck

I'm not sure why the courts didn't figure this out however visitation is every other weekend at the non custodial parents house for weekends. I haven't heard of one parent getting all the weekends. With my oldest he does every other weekend and one overnight per week on preset days. Routine is everything with kids. I find that it is a lot easier if the visitation is the same week to week and the child knows it's coming. My suggestion would be to have the court figure out a visitation schedule and have it put into a court order. The court will determine what is in the best interest of the child. In all my experiance with this(and I've been going through this for 9 years now) trying to be nice and fair with an ex over visitation doesn't usually work and someone will get taken advantage of. Also is she home schooled? I only ask because it seems as though if she went to regular school she'd have to go to two different schools if dad lives far away. If she isn't home schooled than I would suggest every other weekend so her schooling doesn't suffer.

L.-

I come from a divorced family. My parents divorced when I was 13. I am now 34. When I was growing up I would go visit my father every other weekend. If I had a special event with my friends the weekend I was suppose to go see him, I would call and ask to come another weekend and normally there was no problems. Going during the week, who watchs her while her Dad is working? I would suggest moving it to the weekends and making it every other weekend. Suggestions for your daughter to try and make friends where her Dad lives so that she has somoene to play with there as well. Best of Luck to you and the family.

I think every other weekend and maybe an evening or two on the odd weeks.
The more flexible you are with the kids the more willing they will be during this process. I have 4 step children that we did visitation with for 16 years. If they wanted to come 2 weekends in a row, we were good with it. If they only could find it in there schedule to come once a month, we were good with it. We never complained and the kids are better for it. The older they get, the more flexible the schedule. When they become teens then the once a month kicks in. They become social butterflies. :)
Good Luck!
C.

Sorry, I really do not have any experience with this, but I thought the courts figured this out?

Anyway--personally I would not be without my kids every week-end. Week-ends are the time for family bonding and togetherness which the week days are much too busy if kids go to school and parents work.

Is he not okay with every other week-end? If he is not okay with the agreement, I'd say you both need to work something out where you live closer to eachother making it eaisier on everyone and the kids get more time with both of you:)

Hello Lisa, It sounds like Dad is realizing how hard a split can be on a 6yr old. That is good. He is allowing your daughter(not you) to change the sceduale, to make her life easier. What he doesn't seem to understand is that you are taking on more resposability by agreeing. So why does he think that the "fun" time should not be split between the homes for her happiness as well. This little girl is being used to get back at you on this one. I'd go 50/50 on the weekends. Maybe Dad can come and take her to dinner or some other activities on week nights. That way he is getting more time with her, without taking the consistancy out of her sceduale. If the distance is a problem maybe she can talk to him on the computor with a web cam. They can even play games, work on home work etc this way. If he doesn't like seeing his children so little, then maybe that is a good reason for him to what to work on the marriage(even if you don't end up getting back together, it will benifit the children). If he truly wants to invest in his daughters well being then let him know that marriage counceling is the best way for him to do that. It's better than her having to go to the school counceler because she feels she is being used as a pawn. Good luck. This is a hard time for the entire family. And if this goes to the courts for an answer, make sure you get the school counceler involved, so that your daughters needs are addressed with the judge. (Feel free to e-mail me at ____@____.com)

What about having your daughter go to Dad's house 2 out of 3 weekends? My step-kids live 100 miles away, so we don't get to see them at all during the week, but we get them every other weekend and a third weekend a month as long as we give their mother 7 days notice. Since he is used to having her partly during the week, it is going to be hard on him and her to give up seeing each other M-F, but you shouldn't have to give up all of your weekends, nor should she have to give up all of her friend time. Personally, if you can keep things amicable, it is better to make these decisions yourself rather than resort to the courts... they are so unpersonal, plus you guys can then change things as your daughter's life and necessities change. Just remember to keep your daughter's best interests at heart and remember that she has a right to being with both parents.

I would try every weekend at dads and see how it goes. She can still have friends over at your house on the weekdays, so she'll get to see them. If there is a special occassion, like her birthday or a friends birthday, the you can work out with dad an exception to the situation and allow her to stay with you that weekend (or depending on how far he is, part of the weekend with you and the rest with him). My own parents didn't divorce until I was in my 20's, but my dad was married before my mom, and my half brother came every other weekend, and that seemed to work out well to. We lived about 45 minutes North of my brother, so weekdays weren't an option - but I have seen that done as well.

What she feels is best for her, and what is really best for her may be two different things. She wants to see her friends, except that they may not be there in 2 or 3 years - Dad is always there, and should be more of a priority in her life than her friends. Sounds mean I know, but that was something I learned much later in life, when the two friends I chose to stand up for me at my wedding, over family, became friends from the past!

Lisa- I know it's too hard on her, is she in 1st grade? When my son was in school full time I simply talked with my X, very civilized, and we agreed it was too hard on our son. Problem I have in sharing with you is he wasn't greedy about his parenting time & agreed to every other weekend. Maybe try adding a holiday? Or on his weekend he could pick her up right after school? Just some suggestions. I don't know what your beliefs are but I also did a lot of praying.
Good luck & God bless you

No, you should not agree to every weekend. There are many things that occur on weekends and in reality that is the only quality time you have with your daughter. Was the original schedule worked out by the courts or was it something that you agreed to on your own?

I would try to find out why your daughter doesn't want to go to her dad's. Counselor would be helpful.

Hello Lisa i would tell dad he can have saturday and sunday nite and they come home monday morning that way she still get one nite that she can stay at friends or friends can stay with her if he dose not so for that i would take it to the judge well hope i was of some help A.

Talk to him about what she wants. If he's willing to do sleepovers at his house, where she is becomes immaterial.

I would hope that this little girl has two houses full of people who love her. Where she spends her time would be a great deal less important to everyone, if that were the case. Otherwise, read The Judas Goat, by Robert Parker for a vision of just how far this can go in the future.

Hello, I have a blended family, I have 3 my husband has 3 and we have 1 together. We have had many issues with parenting time and tried many things. If your ex is willing to take her to school, we have done the every other week schedule. The kids come home on monday and leave on monday. This has worked well. We have a few who do not like to switch but once they get to the other house adjust well. The key is consistancy. It is also important for her to persue her friends. It is a difficult time for the kids. They will understand this is the way it has to be even though she does not like it. Any schedule may take a while for the children to adjust. Hang in there. You will get through it and so will they.

I dont think you should ever emphasize that spending time with her friends is ever more important than spending time with dad. What she should be looking forward to is the weekend so that she can see dad. Maybe you and dad can both work on that. My kids a wee bit younger but I am confident they would choose us over friends everytime. If she is with you all week then by all means she should be with her dad every weekend. He I am sure misses her just as much as you do.