My husband and i are divorcing and he has moved into an apartment with only one bedroom our daughter is 2 yrs old and he wants over night but plans on having her sleep in bed with him. I want to know will the courts give over nights when he doesn't have a room for her or does that matter?
I don't think it is an issue at all.
You should be thrilled that he plans to take an active role in his daughter's life. So many these days seem to just walk away.
A.,
Not having her own room is not likely going to keep the court from giving him access and overnights, especially if he has been an involved father thus far.
I sympathize with you because my daughter will be born in October and her father lives in a one bedroom and already has a six-year-old son with his ex that he has shared custody of. I am not happy about the arrangement, but in my personal and professional experience (I am an attorney), the court will not even look at this as a factor in keeping him from having overnight visitation.
Now, one thing I would be concerned about (if this is an issue for you) is him having overnight "guests." If he's planning on having women over, you can certainly put a clause in your divorce decree which prohibits him from having overnight guests of the opposite sex while he his daughter is there. I know that this is the thing that upsets me the most--imagining him having my daughter in the bed when he has another woman over!
I hope this helps. I am truly sorry for what you are going through, it is not an easy road. Remember to always keep your daughter out of the middle and do what you know in your heart is best for her :)
M.
I'm a child of divorce, though my parents split when I was 10 and my younger sis was 8. We slept in the same bed with dad (I believe it was king size) when he first got his apartment, but then he got a pull out couch for the living room and we slept there. It worked fine - it was only on weekends, so wasn't a big deal.
He NEVER had overnight "guests", so that was never a problem. Mom was the one who did the shack-up thing, and she had primary custody - go figure.
One thing to be aware of is how dad copes with the stress of divorce. Alcahol was a minor issue for a while with dad, and I think with mom, though I found out about this later. If there's any way for you all to have family counseling of some sort - not necessarily to get back together as it sounds like things are final, but to be good co-parents and keep the lines of communication open for all of you, I'd do that. Do it for your daughter - she will be greatful forever if you can be civil.
I am with TJ - if you weren't divorcing him this probably wouldn't be a concern, would it? Why is that different now? I think it should go without saying that he cannot have any overnight guests when he shares the room with his daughter but having a father and daughter share a bed seems like a very normal thing to me. Unless you have a reason to doubt his behavior from past experience I would not worry about it.
All the best!
I don't see what the problem would be. When my parents divorced, I was 7 and my sister was 3. When we went to see my dad, he had the 1 bedroom apt. I think we all slept in the same bed till my dad got a air mattress because we moved around to much and he wasn't getting any sleep. I don't see why it would be creepy sleeping with your dad, it's your dad, he's there to protect to.
If you weren't divorcing then it wouldn't be a big deal for your daughter to sleep in the same bed with dad.
Courts in Texas are very pro family & most judges want joint custody situations. It is in everyone's best interest to work out what is best for the child and focus on that rather than the differences between each other. If the court feels you are trying to stall or cause undo delays over issues that aren't real they can and do end up giving more time or consideration to the more cooperative parent.
I was going to say what Melissa said... The courts aren't going to care if the kiddos don't have their own room, assuming the dad is involved. I have a male friend who has 2 daughters and has 50/50 custody with no separate room for the girls. He just recently got a 2bedrm apt and the girls go to sleep in their own bed and then move to his in the middle of the night. :)
If you don't have any concerns, while she is little it's probably okay but if you really don't like it, if he can't afford it, purchase a small twin size airbag with sheets and blankets that she can use while there. I would recommend asking him nicely to shower alone (no matter how innocent) and keeping a respect her her femininity.
Sorry to hear about the divorce. Please remember the trouble is harder for her than the two of you and the more peaceful you can be, the happier kid she'll be.
God bless, C.
A.,
No way!! Your ex sharing a bed with your 2 year old daughter is creepy and disgusting! I can't imagine any court allowing him to do this! She needs to sleep in her own bed in her own room! If your ex cannot provide this for her, then she will always be staying with you!
Does she currently co-sleep? If so, then that would be the reason he's suggesting co-sleeping with her even as a single dad. Maybe he feels she will feel safer being with him in the bed vs. in a separate room. IF she currently sleeps alone, in her own room, then he needs to keep up that routine and buy her a crib or toddler bed until he can afford a 2 bedroom and give her her own room. I see no problem with a single parent sharing a one bedroom with their child. I know many single mothers who have to, why not a dad? However, the sinlge moms I know do have a crib and or toddler bed in the room but most of the time the child ends up in the bed with mom. Unless you have some reason to not trust your husband sharing a bed with her then there is NO reason to be worried about a little girl sharing a bed with daddy at her age....and with not having any siblings yet, she probably will enjoy getting to share a bed with dad (especially if she already co-sleeps it will come very natural to her), I know all of my kids LOVE when we let them sleep in our bed, especially my daughter who is daddys little girl. : )
Good luck to you and take care!
Don't really know what the courts have to say about that, but all I know is that when my parents got divorced, the 3 of us slept in the living room of my dads 1 bedroom apartment.
He can always get a little toddler bed and divide the living area to give her a little 'room'. It's not necessarily creepy that she sleep with him, especially if you two shared your bed with her before. I think it's better 'socialy' speaking that he gives her a little space of her own that she can go to when she visits her dad.
It doesn't matter at all. Be thankful he wants to see her- she will chose a better partner as a woman if she has a good relationship with her daddy as a girl. These early years are critical. My brother is divorced & his daughter slept in his bed until she was 3 or 4, then he started sleeping on the couch when she got a little older. She now has her own room at his house. My point is that it did not damage her in any way, and she has a wonderful relationship with both her parents. I also must commend my brother & his ex-wife for their behavior around her. They NEVER argue or act hostile in front of their child. They both attend special occasions for her- birthdays,recitals, etc. It is a very hard thing to do when you have differences with someone, but they work very hard at making their "broken" home very stable & loving for their daughter. All she knows is that she has 2 great parents who love her. It's really amazing!
Good luck to you and God bless you!
Hi, A.,
I work with 2-3 yr olds at a daycare, and I do not think that it would be a good idea for your daughter to sleep over in dad's bed for several reasons: It will make her 'regular' bed less attractive when she is with you, which will very likely cause some big nighttime conflicts when she is expected to sleep in her own bed. She will already be confused by the absence of her father, if they have been close up to now, and getting adjusted to sleep-overs will be its own challenge for a 2 yr old girl. It would be better if he at the least made a nice cushy pallet for her on the floor (of his room) that would be "her" bed when she came over. Something like the sleep mats that our children use at the daycare, with a couple of special blankets, would be very cozy, but it would help her to cont. sleeping independently. If bed wetting is ever a problem, this would keep his mattress clean!
Good luck,
C.
Be thankful that he wants to spend time with her... who cares if she has to sleep in the bed with him. ATLEAST HE WANTS TO SEE HER!
Why would you want to keep her from her father over something so trivial?
If it really bothers you that much that they share a bed.. then suggest that he gets one of those toddler fold out couch/beds.
i'd insist on a toddler bed at the least. odds are she has her own bed/room at your place, so why not atleast a bed at his place? if he can't afford it, then i'd make him sleep on the couch, letting her have the bed.
In my situation, our daughter was 8 when we divorced. She slept w/ him and I did have a problem w/ that. So, I did petition our TX court and they gave him a time frame to get her a bed and they ordered him not to have "girlfriends" sleep over when she was there. Of course he was ticked off, but girls needs their own space. Whether or not you think he'll do anything inappropiate w/ her, the courts see things like this everyday. They do take it very seriously.
Good luck!
