Opinionated

Hmm, well being opinionated is not a bad thing.

However being, NICE is a pretty good thing, too.

Nobody likes a pompous Know-It-All, but everyone respects and appreciates a warm person willing to share their knowledge.

:)

Opinionated & informed are 2 totally different things. Having a debate takes a good bit of patience. If you're not going to shut up long enough for the other party to share their side of the story, think it over & form a rebuttal, you're not only wasting everyone's time, you're also kind of a jerk.

I'm always up for a good debate, I get that from my dad. With that being said, speaking with him animatedly with flailing arms would not only mean I was doomed to lose, it would also mean that I would lose valuable respect. I knew I was grown the first time I decisively won a discussion with him. Know how I did it? I was informed on the issue at hand & he was merely opinionanted.

Just so you know, if you're going to include multiple p.s.(s), it ought to be p.p.s.
P.s. stands for post-script, so p.s.s. and so on (like you've typed) doesn't really make any sense.

I think the key is in your statement: " I will admit that sometimes I ignore what the other camp has to say because I know that they just don't know what they are talking about."

Nothing wrong with being opinionated if you are respectful, but arguing your point while refusing to listen to the other side is not being opinionated, it's being stubborn and overbearing. At that point you're not having a discussion, or even an argument, you are just lecturing people and no one likes that. You can listen to others respectfully and still stand firm in your beliefs. I think the negative connotation of 'opinionated' comes out when it is not done respectfully.

There is nothing wrong with being opinionated. It helps when you can back it up with FACTS.

It helps if you show the other person respect. If you can't do that - then there's no use in listening to your opinion. It becomes you shoving your thoughts and opinions down others throats.

Arguing is NOT debating. Arguing is just someone getting loud and rambunctious to proselytize their opinion.

If you are only reading material that support your beliefs - you are not making informed decisions. You are making BIASED decisions. HUGE difference. Goes back to listening and fact gathering...from BOTH or ALL sides...not just the "side" that supports your beliefs...

Well, there's opinionated and then there is being a pompous know-it-all.

In my opinion, debate and arguing are two different things.
Do you want to communicate with people or do you want to give them the floor for a few minutes and then take your turn to point out why everything they just said is wrong?

We can get into trouble if we think that we are right because we are "informed" and someone else isn't. Even if they are "informed", if their information isn't the same as ours, then their information is wrong.
I have opinions.
Everyone has opinions.
Sometimes we learn more from others' opinions by listening than by gearing ourselves up to give all the reasons we agree or disagree.

I, personally, wouldn't be happy around someone who felt that everything I said needed to be argued or debated.
Especially if they are arguing or debating because they feel they are of superior intelligence or are more highly informed than I am.
Come to think of it, that's part of what led to my divorce.

Anyway, everyone has opinions. Sometimes it's okay to just let people have their opinions without making a big stink about it.

Forced opinions are a different matter.

In my opinion.

"Question: why is someone opinionated if they are making informed decisions and staying true to their informed beliefs?"
Since I don't have as much college education as you, I looked up the word for you: Merriam Webster defines opinionated as an adjective--
1. given to or marked by the forceful expression of strongly held opinions <those talk shows want opinionated pundits, not cautious, diffident debaters>
2. sticking to an opinion, purpose, or course of action in spite of reason, arguments, or persuasion <an opinionated professor who often clashes with students who dare to disagree with him>

From your own words, I would say that you sound pretty opinionated. I was on my high school's debate team and we were pretty good---went to state. But debating and arguing loudly and "animated" are not the same thing, I will say that. You don't see politicians or winning debaters flailing their arms around with raised voices.
The phrase you used that really turned me off was "sometimes I ignore what the other camp has to say because I know that they just don't know what they are talking about". That sounds quite arrogant, to tell the truth. As a philosophy "expert" I would expect you to understand that there are different truths for different people and situations, or different SIDES to the same truth. That whole paradigm thing, where the SAME picture can be both an old peasant woman or a lovely young lady with the pearls--I'm sure you've come across that and a dozen other illustrations in your studies--People see things by where they are coming from. So to show RESPECT to someone as a fellow human being, you can listen and attempt to see where they are coming from and why they feel the way they do. But this may not be fun for you, because you may have to occasionally concede that what they're saying is right, or at least right for their situation. An "opinionated" person would not want to know why someone feels the way they feel, they would only be interested in what they themselves are thinking, feeling, and experiencing.
Cheryl O makes a favorite point of mine: what exactly is the reading material you're reading? If it's a dozen books on one method, and none of the other stuff, you are educating yourself on ONE method, and ending up biased. I remember visiting my husband's apartment one day before we were actually dating, and I have a habit of always looking at peoples' bookshelves. He had a book by Rush Limbaugh titled "The Way I See It". I was pretty surprised that he'd have that and was like "What?" and he said "Check the next book". Right next to it was another book titled "Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot". He read both books and had them side by side. I had to laugh. It was one of the cues that let me know I'd like to date this guy (and ended up marrying him). We LOVE to discuss and explore, a little debate. When our son asks us a child-sized philosophical question at the dinner table we DO NOT lead with what we believe, but rather "Well, what do you think about that?" and ask a little more questions. We discuss it with him, find out where he's at because we care about him as a person and want to know him. THEN we share what we think and why. We have certain beliefs and ways of seeing the world that are very important to us, and we do teach our children what we think is right, even sacred. We give guidance, we instruct, but we also listen to see where they're coming from.
Jeremy grew up in a home where everyone was free to think or say whatever they wanted, as long as they backed it up with real, reasoned arguments instead of just parroting what someone else said. I grew up in a home that was the exact opposite, and greatly value the fact that we can allow our children to think for themselves, and not only allow it but teach them to do so.

Apparently 'opinionated' and 'open-minded' are two entirely different things, then?

Glad you feel qualified to determine your intellectual equals. And I'm sure there's a LOT of people, places, things and experiences passing you right by. Usually that's what happens when you think you've got everything "figured out"!

I have to say that it does sound like you're not just informed but really think you're always right. Think about it this way - topics that are subject to debate are subject for a reason. There's usually some evidence on both sides. I'm sure no one's debating things like "that table is made of wood" with you. Child rearing is an area that I think is very grey. What works for one child may not work for another etc no matter how many books say method #1 is the best. There will be books saying method #2 is the best that are well researched as well. So I'd be careful if I were you. I'm not sure that being a know it all in any topic is what a teacher is supposed to be... That sounds pretty arrogant. And ignoring what the other camp has to say? You really don't think that that is offputting? They likey have SOMETHING to back up their opinion. I think this site has helped me be much more open minded and that's a good thing. Like you, I have a lot of education, a masters degree etc but I certainly don't think that makes me an expert in anything. It's one thing to stay true to your beliefs but remember that they are just that - beliefs. I agree debating can be fun sometimes. But make sure you're being respectful both on the outside and on the inside. ie: dont just pay lip service to respecting someone else's view.

Just because you feel you are making informed decisions does not mean someone else who thinks differently isn't making informed decisions as well. I think some of what you are talking about is the "know-it-all" attitude. Just because you have graduate level educattion doesn't mean you have all the answers. It seems to me, that if someone doesn't agree with you, you are going to lecture them until they do. Big turnoff for lots of people.

In adidtion, you said that you only do this sort of thing with people that you think are your intellectual equals. Wow! There is a difference between opinionated and arrogant.

I doubt that your friend's husband was calling you opinionated because you are "making informed decisions and staying true to your beliefs."

My guess is he was calling you opinionated because you are. There's a big difference between staying true to your beliefs and trying to get others to agree with you (or, "win" a debate - debating being the word you chose to use...there's always a winner and a loser in a debate, same with arguing).

I used to get this type of comment all the time - in fact, in high school, a friend had a shirt made for me for my birthday "I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right."

I always felt about my opinions and "debates" the exact way you describe. However, when I realized how it was making me appear, I decided I didn't want to have that image - it wasn't beneficial to me or my causes.

Sometimes, even friends who enjoy a good debate just don't have the energy. And, in reality, your friend's husband is not really your friend - he's just along for the ride. It gets tiring being around someone who makes a debate about everything, or most things (which I guarantee is how people feel, even if you think you keep quiet on a lot of things).

Your friend may be "like you" around you and around others because she chooses NOT to be that way around her husband.

And, to answer another question - You asked why you can't be animated and passionate around friends. I'm not sure why you think you can't just because your friend's husband called you opinionated. If you're comfortable with how you interact with others, then why should one person's comment make you think you can no longer be yourself around friends?

And... just to be a "know it all," I believe P.S. stands for postscript, which would mean that additional notes would be P.P.S. and P.P.P.S, etc.

First and foremost, when he says you're opinionated, and you admit you are, then what's the problem? Say "Thank you!" Part of being intelligent and informed is also understanding that the end decision on things won't be the same. And sometimes, college educated people are the BIGGEST dummies, because they take what they took in their own specialized choice of classes, and presume it is more than anyone else knows, even if they did not study opposing views to it. This is ESPECIALLY true in philosophy and psychology based things which are largely opinions seeking facts (and there are lots of facts) that can be disputed in a classroom at a different school (with a whole different set of facts), or out on the playing field of life (with different facts still). Don't get me wrong, it's all fascinating and creates great minds, but most really smart people realize they can never know everything, and the biggest geniuses are often humble and always open to learning.

People are informed in opposite styles of discipline, because they have decided what their expectations for behavior are, and have chosen the various researched means to get there based on their own life study and experience. The spectrum is huge on what people "feel" is appropriate for kids. As long as you know what your choice is, and it's results, history, etc, you can't expect other people to want the same for their families if your end result is not what they want. For instance, I'm not going to convert to a child led psychology based style, even having read it's research, when I know kids raised that way act in a manner I can't handle in my OPINION (which is a perfectly acceptable way to some very educated parents). Likewise, their parent isn't going to feel OK with my style, regardless of my researched facts, if it's too tough in their OPINION. But both parents are completely right about their facts.

Homeschooling, same thing. Homeschooling would NOT be the right choice for everyone. I currently homeschool, but it is easy to see why it is an alarming concept to many, and I agree, it has HUGE potential pitfalls I hope to avoid. Why? Because I'm researched, I know how much material should be learned in early grades, to fit my OPINION of a full education, and I can provide it along with social exposure, I researched it and found it out factually. I researched my local school curriculum and knew for a fact the material that satisfied my OPINION of how much should be learned in kindergarten wouldn't be covered there (at ALL), and what they would cover, my daughter already knows. That was a researched fact for my particular school, but not all schools. I know many adults successfully homeschooled in my family who have avoided the pitfalls and flourished intellectually and socially. BUT, there are many benefits to structured school I AM missing, and that's a fact, I know it. School is one of the single most valuable things in a culture, and not to be poo poo'ed. You can't have EVERYTHING in life (like an awesome school depending on your location), but you can make your best informed decision for your own OPINION. I'm also open to future regular school if we move to a better district. I understand why educated, researched, informed people would rather send their children to school. They're not wrong.

Politics, same thing. You can know all about it, but if your goals are different than someone else's, you'll pick different parties. You can have a masters degree in it, and then your OPINION will pick the party that aligns with your OPINIONS such as: Should the rich pay more taxes, or should the poor pay more taxes?: OPINION. So being opinionated is great, as long as you know it's OPINIONated. Yes, it's fact based, but there are facts for every camp's choices.

Not everyone likes to debate. Some people love it. If your friend's husband's comment was meant as negative, you could be cautious that you don't come off as a know it all, feeling you're right and everyone is wrong and you're the only one who has done research. If that's not the case, and you are gracious, and do end things on a respectful, "Hey, I see you know your facts too" note, then don't sweat his OPINION :)

Because you're opinionated, I hope you can appreciate my own opinionated response and not be offended by it. The fact is that many of the greatest debaters and negotiators win with the fewest words. This is something that, I'm guessing from the length of your post, you have not yet mastered. Often the more you say, the more you actually help fuel the other side - it's giving credit to the fact that they must have valid arguments if you feel the need to be so defensive.

In the future, if you'd rather be viewed as informed and confident rather than as argumentative, pushy, and opinionated, then learn to let it go. Simply say "I've done the research and this is what works best for us." Because if you say something - anything - beyond that, then you ARE being pushy, and you're trying to push your own research and experience on someone else. Research and experience which, by the way, only pertains to your particular situation.

There is a difference between being highly educated and well informed, and being a show off. People get easily put off by know it alls, and most people, even your "intellectual equals," will quickly tire of arguing with someone who is so well informed as you must be.
As far as ignoring the other camp when you know they have no idea what they're talking about, they are probably saying the same thing about you.

A person is opinionated if they hold ANY belief, informed or otherwise, and go to the effort to express it to other people. I'm going to split a hair or three, here, however; Opinionated v Intractable. Opinionated v Judgmental. Opinionated v Proselytizing. 4 very different things, but they often get lumped together under one roof.

So, too, perspective plays a part. Is a person tenacious or bullheaded? Self contained or socially awkward? Poised or aloof?

Typically if one likes another person, the positive descriptor gets used, however if one is at odds with another person (or their view point) the negative gets used, no?

To jump onto a tangent... (just 'cause)

One of the many reasons I DO homeschool, is that my son is special needs. I promise... just as parents of toddlers are looking for developmental things, so too, do parents of older kids (really, I promise, our brains don't fall out when they turn age 5). And just like a parent of a toddler... one takes one's child in for evaluation, therapy, etc., as needed. I don't need to wait 3mo or 6mo for a parent teacher conference (or a note home) explaining "x" problem or concern. I'm living with said problem or concern.

That particular argument of "Something will get missed" always makes me smile a little.

Hi, there,
Just as an FYI, your intellectual arguments will lose some of their strength if you're not careful about your grammar and punctuation. I concur with the person who corrected you on the multiple us of p.s. P. S. stands for post script, from the Latin, meaning "after writing". In addition, it's stand for it is. Its, without an apostrophe, is the possessive (as in your sentence "its history is one of control, not help"). I guess that I'm opinionated about apostrophes!!

Opinionated is great! Of course there is a time and place but expressing your views is not wrong as long as you are not trying to stifle the others persons point of view in the process.

Oh my goodness...you sound like 2 of my daughters!! lol My oldest daughter is a lawyer, my youngest is a college professor...and they can twist me into a pretzel with their words, their knowledge and their wit!!! Sometimes they unintentionally ( at least I hope it is unintentional!!) hurt my feelings and I can come away from conversations with them feeling a little on the dull and stupid side!!!
There is a difference ( I think) between being opinionated and being BLUNT to the level of not being aware that you might be stepping on someone elses' toes, or hurting their feelings.
My oldest daughter is homeschooling her children...and is doing an EXCELLENT job of it...and has my full support and encouragement on that front. There are people who raise the same sort of questions that it sounds like your friend is raising...and it is certainly possible to react to these questions in several different ways. I would hope that you would choose to answer in a positive, non-defensive way that might possibly open up a really interesting dialogue about home schooling vs. public schooling and let both of you go away feeling good about yourselves and having gained a bit of knowledge about the other persons point of view.
You don't have to approach each conversation with a defensive, "my way or the highway" attitude...why not just have an honest exchange of ideas and beliefs and remain kind and friendly in the process??
For instance....I am a born again Christian...raised in the Southern Baptist Church and very active in my church...one of my dear friends adult daughters has gone from being active in our church and a wonderful spokesman for Christ...to being a VERY vocal athiest. I have chosen to be non-judgmental and non-confrontational with her...and love her....we don't discuss religion...because we aren't going to agree...but we are still friends and I love her.

I personally like people with opinions. They are more interesting than the alternative, and debate can be fun. But the label "opinionated" IMO, is usually given to people who don't listen to other opinions, or don't appear to.

So, maybe you can ask someone who knows you well why you come off as "opinionated?" Maybe you don't appear to listen as much as you think you do.

Obviously, like all of us moms, you have a right to weigh all evidence and come to a conclusion, as you have done with your choice of schooling for your daughter. Other than possibly improving your listening skills, I think you should keep being opinionated. Anyone who knows about Foucault probably knows a lot. And I don't agree with your and Foucault's ideas about school, but it would be a fun debate.

i think that the "opinionated" part could come into it when you feel the need to justify your own side rather than just saying, for example, "we are doing what we feel is right, after all our research. everyone is entitled to their own opinion." perhaps she feels that you are trying to "educate" or "correct" her. which, if you listen to someone else's side, then always feel the need to counter with your own opinion, might lead to the "opinionated" title. especially as you admit yourself, that you tend to ignore others' opinions if you feel they don't know what they're talking about? if she (or whoever) already knows your opinion...is there really a need to go into it? sometimes it's okay to just nod and smile :) of course you're intelligent and you're doing what you feel is right. just keep in mind...so is she :)

Hi J.-

Somehow a phrase that I like comes to mind...

"Once I thought I was wrong...
But I was mistaken.."

Not sure why...

Best Luck!
michele/cat

People that have spent a lot of years reading, researching, writing reports, and taking tests, often are unable to recognize that there's more than one way to gain an education. Some people read and listen to others spout off about things they've also read about. Some people get out there and learn by the school of hard knocks and trial and error.

Since my daughters are all in college, I get to see up close and personal how gullable kids can often be. Occasionally, they adopt a stance that they have learned from a clearly unbiased teacher or textbook. It's not often the right stance that works when put into day to day practice.

We all argue from our own standpoint. But it gets a little tiring talking with someone that only has other peoples evidence and experience to draw from. Sometimes, all we can do is shake our heads and think, I'll remind you of this when you get a little experience under your belt.

In my experience most people find it rude to have their ideas challenged in a social setting.

I like to debate too, but I don't do it unless I sense there is true interest in hearing other points of view.

Regarding homeschooling (we do it too), I find that most people bring up points from their own perspective - i.e., they express what would worry them if they were to homeschool their own kids. So I just say "that hasn't been a problem for us, and here's why . . . " (provided it's true of course). And I will take ideas to heart too. Most parents worry about their educational choices for their children, no matter what the choices are.

I think it's fine to be animated and passionate, so long as you can live with the fact that it will turn off some people (not everyone).

Being opinionated is good if people is respectful and actually well informed, but it is annoying when people is rude and arrogant. I have met people very intelligent and smart (2 different things) well opinionated, but arrogant, and I have met others the same, but very kind and respectful.....what a difference!!!
Argumentative people is annoying since most of the time do not listen, they like listening to themselves...sometimes is important to listen others.....everyone has something interesting to say or teach even the person who appears to know nothing.....
*****Home schooling....I home school..don't worry is your decision and you know your reasons for home schooling, you owe no explanation to anybody, none******

I have a friend that sounds like you. I love her spunk! She cracks me up. I would tease her about being opinionated, sort of like your friend did. But, I love it about her, and she is a dear, loyal, wonderful friend. I would be missing out on something great if I didn't have her friendship.

About the homeschooling thing, your friend is wrong. As the mother, you are way more in tune to your child's shortcomings than any stranger would be. She is just regurgitating the philosophy she has been taught, as wrong as it is. I wonder how so many children in the public school sector don't have it all together, figured out, fixed by the time they have graduated! Seriously. If her premise had any truth to it, these things would be non-existent, or at least uncommon. Truth is, people graduate without being able to read, without any comprehension of what they do read, without any working knowledge of history, without critical thinking skills, etc. Not all people, of course, but many have some of these issues. What I find intriguing is that people feel that it is any of their business to ask questions like this, yet would feel that it was wrong for the questions to be asked in reverse. So many excuses as to why the public schools are doing the best they can given all their limitations (money-and look at how much money they get per student compared to what homeschoolers spend!, staffing, policies, etc.). Yet, there is no slack or concessions given for homeschoolers. The expectation is perfection. Odd.

Hey J.. There are all kinds of degrees of opinions - those with no opinions of their own all the way to people who never listen to anyone else's opinion. Neither end of the spectrum is optimal for having friend's respect.

It's great that you have people in your life that like you being true to your beliefs. It's also nice if you understand that not everyone has to care for your opinions and might not want to hear them (smiles!)

In the case of the woman who is worried about your daughter, and she IS worried, she is trying to talk to you about it without getting in an argument with you. You may have a professional degree in philosophy etc, but you don't have a degree in children's special needs. You can decide that you don't want to quantify your child's issues, and you can decide that you don't believe in help like sensory integration disorder and OT help, as you have mentioned before, but the thing about this J., is that it is your daughter who pays the price for your disbelief, not you. Your friend is trying to reach you in her way, less direct than your way.

I know I haven't answered all your question here, but this is specifically what I'm thinking about.

Dawn

This is just my observation but you tend to get the opinionated wrap because you research your opinions. People get used to saying this is pink because they read somewhere that is pink. You on the other hand realize it is a shade of red because you did a mess of research. So when you say I think it is red, you can back it up with reasons. Therefore you are opinionated.

I have never taken it as an insult. :)

Okay maybe should have read the edits. :(

Part of the issue may be you are intimidating to others because of your intelligence. That said, I think you should realize sometimes that it's just better to let it go if someone disagrees with your opinion. Even if you are right!
One of my best friends and I have very different opinions about certain topics. Some may be factual based others can be left to interpretation or just opinion. Those topics we have decided to not discuss with each other anymore, because we (well she lol) usually ends up mad.
Variety is the spice of life right? If we all thought the same way, life would be a little boring don't you think? It's okay to opinionated, as long as you don't shove it down people's throats.

It's because they aren't going the "mainstream" route. They think outside the box. There is nothing wrong with that, but not everyone understands. For instance, my hubby is very extreme right wing politically opinionated to the point where he really ticks people off once he starts talking. He's super knowledgeable on certain issues and sees those issues in black and white only, no shades of gray. Me, on the other hand, I'm a moderate. I can understand both sides of an issue. For me, it simply goes back to my life experiences as to where I stand on certain things. There are pros and cons to every position. If you are comfortable in your beliefs, then stick to your guns and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You will not please everyone, so please yourself and try to be tolerant of other people's views.

You sound a lot like my husband. I, of course, love him and don't mind his opinionated views. In fact, I enjoy it most of the time. However, some people do mind and don't appreciate his ability to go overboard in his attempts to prove his point. He often times doesn't "read" others and won't notice they are done with the conversation so he'll continue trying to prove his point. When the other person he's talking to is family or a close friend, they will be polite and not walk away from the conversation like a stranger would. This leaves the other person almost trapped until my husband feels he's proven himself. Because of this, we have actually come up with "look" I give him so he knows he's going overboard and the other person is done with the topic of conversation. Maybe you tend to do the same thing so you're having fun with the conversation but the other person just wants it to end. What's the saying "beating a dead horse?" If you've made your point, you don't need to continue on and on about it. Either the other person gets it in the first few minutes or they won't and you're basically left talking to hear yourself talk. Or, like Jasmine S said, you're excessive arguing makes the other person think they have a valid point.