One Year Old NEVER SLEPT in Crib and Now Is Deathly Afraid of It!

I agree with Maira's post completely.

I really sympathize with you. I'd have to say that I'm not in agreement with the crying it out philosophy. We had the same issues with our son. He never got used to the crib and would end up co-sleeping with us. We would put him in the crib asleep and when he woke up crying I would just bring him to our bed. That is...until his baby sister was born and then we had a bit of an issue. What ended up happening with us is that we put a mattress on the floor near our bed and would just put him to sleep there...If he woke up and felt anxious and wanted to come into bed, one of us would take him to his 'bed' and put him to sleep. Eventually, we moved the mattress to his room and did the same. He now (he's 3 1/2) sleeps on his own in his own bed in his room. We didn't have to go through the craziness of crying, screaming, anxiety...etc. I think that young children should want to be close to their mothers and fathers....it's not something we should 'train' them to 'get over'!!!
Just remember that they are this little only for a very short period of time and is it horrible that they want to be with their mom/dad for sleeping? When we were figuring it out with our son, I would just remind myself and my husband of that. It made it seem more humane to just do it as a slow process for us. You are doing NOTHING wrong!! What also helped me were Elizabeth Pantley's books. Wonderful ideas and really puts these 'issues' that we have such a hard time with in perspective and with a sense of humor. I hope that helps and remember to do what feels right to you...everyone will have their opinions on what's right and wrong. Good luck!

R.,
I am so sorry for all of this. I know it is hard. Been there myself.
I am offering my opinion b/c you asked. I think that going into his room every 5, 10, 15 minutes is torturing him. Try not going in at all. We had our 2nd son in our bed until 11 mos & had to let him cry it out. It is sooooo hard. He is only 13 mos, so I just did it. It only took a couple of days (literally) & now he is so easy to go to bed for naps & bedtime.
THe first night it took an hr & a half. Second night was 45 min. It got less & less each time. I think everytime you go in there, it gets him going again. So maybe try not going in at all.
I have a friend with 4 kids. When I was pg with my 1st, she said, the only piece of advice she would give me was to NOT rock or nurse him to sleep. To teach him to go to sleep on his own. She learned this the hard way b/c she rocked her oldest to sleep. She said that to this day, he is still her worst sleeper. He's 9 now. I took that advice & ran with it.
H.

ive never used a crib....strait from my bed to their own actual bed, maybe a mattress and set up that is low to the floor, and a perfectly babyproofed room, fit with good moniter is the answer. Id be scared to if i woke up with white bars surrounding me.

I wouldn't look at it like he's scared, he is not self regulating. He may need more sensory input to organize his brain and central nervous system. This in turn helps keep his system at an optimal level so he can regulate his emotions to the situation. Speak to an occupational therapist to find out a sensory diet for him. One good thing is to soak him in epsom salts when he takes his bath, lots of heavy pressure and jumping, crawling and rocking after his bath. One year olds will make things seem 100 times worse then they are becasue they can be very dramatic. I would not tease him by going in at intervals. Stay outside the closed door and tell him to lay down and go to sleep. He can hear your voice and knows you are there but not going to take him out. This has worked for many over the years. The problem should resolve in a couple days.

First of all you are not stupid you just being a good mom. Don't pick him up no matter how much he cries, unless of course something is wrong with him, kids are smarter than we think, what I did with my 11 months old when she did this was I would rubbed her back and would let her know that I was there but I wouldn't pick her up, I would try not to talked to her to much, it's not an easy thing to let your kid cry but you have to, eventually he is going to get tired and fall sleep, if you can't stand listining to him cry go outside for a little while where you can't hear him and feel free to scream jajajaja. It worked for me the first night is always the hardest but now I put her to bed and she acts like a little adult she grabs her pacifier and falls asleep, is a great thing. Good luck.....

N.

Congrats on getting into your own place!!!
Would you have a problem with co sleeping till he's ready to go into his own bed? Co sleeping is really great and can build up lots of security in a child. Why torture yourself and your child? Stick him in bed with you, snuggle up and get a good night's sleep!

Peace!

I have never been in this type of situation but a friend of mine had an issue with this. One way she helped her baby fall asleep in her crib was by bringing her to build a bear and customising a bear just for her. She seemed to calm down a bit when she got to sleep with her bear because it brought her comfort. She was scared because she wasnt used to sleeping alone and the bear brought her a bit of comfort that reminded her of mom. She also played lullaby music and made sure to remind her that 'mommy was right next door' in the next room. Good luck.

When we first had our baby we lived in an apartment that was roughly 620 sq feet. It was tiny, with only 1 bedroom. The crib was literally 2 steps away from our bed, and she hated it. On top of small living spaces, I traveled with her for the first 8 months of her life (due to an ill parent living 6 hours away). She never slept consistently in her crib. So while I never wanted to co-sleep, I ended up doing it. We tried the CIO, and other methods, and nothing worked. She would scream if we just picked her up and put her OVER the crib. I know it was pretty much my fault for having to take her with me, and she just got used to sleeping in a bed with me. I definately felt bad and guilty for letting it go on, but to me I had no choice. I figured after that long it was too late. So as soon as she started walking (she walked at 1) we got her, her very own bed and she loves it.
Don't feel bad, things happen. Focus on the good stuff, like now you have a place of your own! Your baby has his very own room, which is great for independance. Try a matress on the floor and see how he does, just make sure to baby proof his room, and try a baby gate at the door. Oh and I was also scared that because my baby slept next to me all the time that she would still want me to lay with her, it was never an issue with us. She goes to sleep, I close the door partially and she's out for atleast 9 hours by herself. Hope this helps! Good Luck.
BTW...your not stupid =)