Older Mothers Vs. Younger Mothers..

Updated on August 04, 2011
L.O. asks from Sterling Heights, MI
60 answers

I have two kids.. 18 months apart. I was 39 and 41 when they were born. I would tell anyone that having 2 kids that close together is very hard.. A famly member was telling me that it was hard for me because I was older.. that if I was younger it would have been easier.. I disagreed strongly.. It wasnt taht I was tired cause I was old.. it was that I really needed more hands to do more things.. as I had 2 kids that were so young and helpless.

So what do you mommas think.. would you have been a better mom if you were older or younger.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.C.

answers from Tampa on

Clearly I would have been a DIFFERENT mother had I been older or younger than I was when I had my son, but I don't know about better. And at 29 just thinking about having kids 18 months apart makes me need to take a nap.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Portland on

I'm an older mother who started being a mother with a 7yo. An older grandmother to 2 babies 2 1/2 years a part. I say that being younger or older has both positive and negative results. Being younger or older is neither better or worse. It is just different.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.R.

answers from Seattle on

I disagree completely! I"m 28 and have only one toddler. I think THAT'S hard!!! I frequently watch a friend's baby and, by the end of the day, I'm totally beat. When I have her several days in a row, I'm completely stressed, too. And since when is 40 old anyway? Ridiculous...

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.F.

answers from Kansas City on

I was a Mom the day before my 19th birthday...and I'm 35 w/ a 2y/o. They are both hard....for different reasons. The thing that is important is that you love your children unconditionally, right? Direction, guidance, selflessness...and the ability to let stupid comments roll off your back...and that only comes with age and maturity. :)

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.P.

answers from Chicago on

I agree...I am an older mom, I have four kids, ages 15,11,9, & 3 and I will be 51 this June. I get tired because there is just so much to do and keep track of. Yeah, perhaps I had a little bit more energy when I was younger, but I remember being tired too (taught pre-school back then). I do say that I am more settled and secure with myself now than I was in my 20's and early 30's and there was alot I was really interested to do and try. I am glad I waited, but the only regret in not starting a family a little younger is that I would of liked to have had one more baby.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.S.

answers from Chicago on

To answer your question, no, I don't think I would have been a better mom if I had my baby at a younger age. I wasn' ready on so many levels. I think I would have done okay, but not as good as I am doing now...and there are many reasons why that is. My grandmother, mother and sister all began having children at the age of 23...guess I broke the mold since I had my first at 35. :) I know it's hard to have babies close in age (ours is almost 8 months now), but I would actually like to start trying for a second one soon, because I'd like 3, and I'd like to be done by 40.

Either way, I think mothers are unfairly judged in our society...and so rarely get the recognition they deserve----the last thing we need is to be judging ourselves, wondering (or having others wonder) if we would have been better moms at another age. Giving our children unconditional love and responding to their needs in appropriate ways---whether we're 16 or 45, is what's important. :)

I've got several friends with children between 16 and 21 months apart...some are in their early 20's, others in their 30's, and late 30's and each of them are completely exhausted! I also know women in their 30's who are in far better physical (and emotional) shape than women in their 20's. It's really all relative, and I don't think it was appropriate for your family member to make that comment, no matter how well-intentioned.

You're doing great!

2 moms found this helpful

N.G.

answers from Dallas on

I'm 27, and have two kids, 6 and 3. It's hard for me too. In my opinion, having kids these days is harder than it used to be, because we have so much more to worry about. Lots of moms are working as well as taking care of their children, it's more expensive to live, and babies just need so much more now than they did generations ago (car seats, safety products, etc.)

Most of the older women who tell me that they could never handle kids "at their age" are 45 or older, and have already raised their kids, and I think that they are seeing all that mothers nowadays have to go through.

I don't think your age makes it more difficult at all. Even when I was 20 I had times I wanted to pull my hair out !!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I had twins when I had just turned 44. I was exhausted for the first three years of their lives. I am sure I would have felt exhausted if I had them in my 20's. It is hard to know whether I am more tired because I am in my 40's.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.F.

answers from Chicago on

LOL! I was 33 when I had my daughter and 36 when I had my son, so I consider myself to be a slightly older mom -- especially out here in the Midwest. If I were still living in DC, I would be considered a young mom :-)

I had more energy with my second pregnancy than I did with my first. I found it easier to go from one child to two children than to go from no children to one child. I think that with age comes wisdom and patience. I am a much better parent now than I would have been if I had been in my 20's. I had two wonderful careers and many life experiences under my belt by the time I got married and had kids. I think that makes me a more secure wife and mother. I am less high strung now than I was in my 20's and I am more able to take things as they come.

I think that biologically, it is easier to go through pregancies when you are younger. But as far as being tired from running after two kids so close in age, I don't think age makes any difference. I have just as much energy now than I did in my 20's. Granted, my metabolism isn't what it used to be and I'm not as spry as I was in my younger days. But I'm still fit and healthy. And I still get exhausted chasing after two kids. But so do my younger mommy friends!

I think that family member who told you that you would have had an easier time if you had become a mom sooner was biased -- just like I am. I think having two kids 18 months apart is difficult for any woman at any age -- especially if either of your children are very spirited. I'm sure you wouldn't have wanted it any other way, right?

1 mom found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

There is no right or wrong answer, because it totally depends on the woman.
No use arguing, everybody will have a different answer.. Some oms at the age of 40 are in way better emotional physical shape than some of the women I know in their 20's.. And yet, I know some women that at the age of 40 are just a big 'ol mess. I wouldn't allow them to raise cockroaches..

I always soy do your best so you will not have any regrets.. And stay away from that family member, they sound like they would get on my last nerve.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

I think it's all so individual. I know many "older" moms who have so much more energy than some younger ones I know.. then again, there are younger moms out there who also have alot of energy. There are so many things to consider than someone's age...
Sounds like the person who was suggesting that it's because your age that you are tired doesn't really know what they are talking about. Apart from that , try and DO take care of yourself when you can, get some added rest when you can, drink lots of water (dehydration is so underated in terms of causing fatigue) and keep up the good fight. it does get easier when the child gets a bit older.. well some things do :) best of luck

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.A.

answers from San Francisco on

I think an older Mother (35+) can make a great mother because she brings a maturity to the table that is very beneficial to the child(ren). Parenting is difficult and that is true regardless of a womans age. An older woman starting her family has had more time to grow up and know that her new life as a mom is no longer her own. She might find it easier to dedicate her time and efforts, knowledge and understanding, empathy and compassion to that parent/child relationship. She may have learned to better know her own limits, and assert her needs for downtime in order to replenish herself. As we age, we grow into ourselves and become more of who we really are. Being a great parent starts with being your best self.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.S.

answers from Victoria on

My two are 15 months apart and I was 33 with my first. Lets just face the facts that having them close in age just posed certain problems that others don't neccessarily face and you really had to be creative to get through those first two years. Just brought newborn home & 15 mth daughter climbed out of crib. Both my kids were walking at 8-9 months so I had to be really creative with little ones so mobile. There is just not enough hands to hold infant, purse, diaper bag, and toddlers hand all the time and shop or carry package into post office to mail? I'm sorry, but strollers suck and I hated to use one and if you do, then how do you push a cart too? yes, challenging! I don't think I could have been as selfless in my twenties. Try going to the bathroom in public with a 3 month old & an 18 mth old toddler & keep them both from getting ick. try changing both in a public bathroom that does not have a changing station! Yes, I plan on writing a book on ways to get through it all............. Oh & if you want the answers to the above.... here it is, infant in carrier on your chest, playing pat a cake with toddler till done then have toddler hold keys while you finish quickly & zip. Changing: keys for toddler while you change infant & get toddler to help hand you supplies. Change infant on your lap. put baby back in carrier then change toddler diaper like you would a pull up for toddlers. Just do it standing up. Cussing place in head whole time for being too cheap to install a changing station. :D Anyway, I really don't think your age hinder you. I have a friend of mine who had her last at age 42 and she has four boys. Ages 8, 6, 5, 4.... now that is just nuts! LOL.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.A.

answers from Dallas on

I am in the same boat!! I was 39 and 41 too and my kids are 1 year apart. I am so tired. I think for me it is partly the age thing but mostly a time thing. There is little time in my day that I have to myself without one of the babies pulling on me so it is non-stop. I am sure you know the feeling. But older was def the right way for me. When I was younger I was way to selfish to be able to give what it takes everyday to raise these babies right. I give 100 % even when I do not have it to give. That my friend is what makes me tired not my age.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.W.

answers from Boston on

I was ridiculously young when I had my children. My son was born when I was almost 18 and my daughter was born 22 months later. At that age, I was NEVER tired and I thought it was a lot of fun taking care of my kids. I never remember feeling frazzled or feeling like I needed help. We went for walks, played endless games and I just remember always looking forward to whatever their next stage in life coming up was.

So I would agree with your family member in that it definitely was easier for me because I was so young myself. If I had kids later in life like you did, I'd be exhausted too. I've always thought back and was glad I had them when I did, never regretted it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Detroit on

I have six kids. I had my first child at 16 and my last at 31. I think the only difference is I have more patience then I did when I was younger. I am not more tired then I was then at all. I feel the same as I did then.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.D.

answers from Philadelphia on

i was 26 and 27 when i had my daughters, and I think that was a great age for me! I have enough energy to keep up with my girls, but I was also in a good spot personally. I feel like if i had been any younger, I may not have been ready to give up all the partying... but been there, done that, i have no interest in that anymore, and don't feel like I missed anything.
I knew it would be tough to have them as close as I did, but that's what i wanted... I also think my perspective on things makes it easier, not so much my age.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.B.

answers from Detroit on

Both have their benefits and negatives...

Many moms I know that have had kids when they were in their 20's and also in their 40's say so also... My mom (who had her oldest child when 20 and her last of the 5 when she was 37) says:

As a young mom you have more of the enthusiasm, youthful energy, your body heals quicker, your more prone to adapt in different situations, you learn WITH your child...

As an older mom your more mature, have more life experience, usually more financially stable so you can spend more TIME with the kids, typically more EMOTIONALLY stable...

Its really 6 of 1 and 1/2 a dozen of another...

I enjoy surrounding myself and my kids with women that are older moms and women that are younger moms too! It does take a community effort to raise a balanced child... And really, even though I am 30 and almost ready to deliver MY 4th child I still look to MY mom AND grandma's for wisdom and training...

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.W.

answers from Cleveland on

I have been a teenage mother, and now I am a mother at 40 years old. My oldest is 22 and my newest is only 6 months. I have to say I am a better mother at 40. I had a child at 17 1/2, at 21, at 25, at 32 and now 40. I have had them at all ages, so I know about all of it. You are tired because you have two babies close in age. It is NOT your age by any means momma!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.S.

answers from Johnson City on

I think its is equally as hard or easy. I was a mother at 21 and a mother again at 30. When I was younger I had a lot more energy and seemed like a lot more time for myself. I had my second child at 30. I am so much more patient and take the time to slow down and enjoy being a mother. I realize now how fast they grow up and I need to slow down and enjoy it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

Y.M.

answers from Sarasota on

it is so unfair that you were judged as a mom because of your age!!! Having 2 kids so close in age, regardless og the mother's age is HARD. I had my first at 26, second at 32 and that has been very manageable because my oldest is so independant. All of my friends that have children as close together as yours are , always seem tired ,feel frustrated about there not being enough hours in the day etc...
Don't pay attention to that family member of yours!! Good Luck! Best regards,
palmetto mom

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.S.

answers from Houston on

I had one young and one old and it was easier at a younger age alot easier. My back can't handle carrying my youngest but he is a lot bigger than his brother was at that age. but in other ways its easier being older I'm alot wiser and not as overbearing. More relaxed but this may be experience too. Other than the lifting and carrying its about the same. But my youngest is so hard on my back.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.T.

answers from Nashville on

I am an older M. too with 2 young children 3yrs apart- and I must agree it is hard trying to raise smaller kids. I think it's a mixture of both. As I near 40, I have little patience or tolerance for small things but at the same time I am more lenient and understanding of them in certain things (if that makes sense). I work so it get stressful for me as well. I think if I stayed home and just focused on them, it would make it easier on my mind and body. I think close to 40 is such a defining age outside of kids that having kids also make you wish you had more time on your hands like you said to do stuff. I still have energy and vitality outside of work when I spend time with my kids, so I don't see any difference there compared with a younger M.. PS. I get the same comments all the time about if I had them younger, this and that ...but my response is "I value them more now that I had them late"

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

...

answers from Phoenix on

I had two kids 19 months apart when I was in my early 20's. I'm 39 now and getting ready to have my 5th child and it has gotten easier for me over the years because I spaced my others apart. It's the fact that you had two together, not your age... =) I keep telling everyone that I have it made because when baby is born my kids will be 16, 15, 9, 7... that makes such a big difference!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

I can speak from both sides. I was 16 and 19 when I had my first 2 and 37 when I had my third. Sure, I was in better shape back then and had more energy, but I was also more focused on schooling and getting my career going, so I didn't get to enjoy my kids as much. I find that I have way more patience with my third and less stressed to be able to take care of her. If I could do it all over, I would have waited until I turned 30 to have kids.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.K.

answers from Los Angeles on

This is a very good question because I am in the same boat. I have 2 kids now after trying so hard and for so long and with 4 miscarriages. My boys are16 months apart and I am feeling it. I don't think because of age just not having enough hands and help. The good thing I can say about being older is my husband is established in his job so we can afford to pay for a little help. But chasing after an active toddler is more tiring now then I believe it would have been in my 20's. My husband just turned 45 and I am 36 and we want to have a third (hopefully a girl) but the age is now a factor. I love both my kids but there are definite pros and cons to both. I think the question is how many children, how far apart, and how much help do you have. I have a couple friends that are over 40 with under 2 year olds and you definitly have more patience I just feel mine goes away with my second child.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.A.

answers from Chicago on

I had my first at 34, and twins at 38. I waited because I was finishing my Bachelors degree. Then I had some problems getting pregnant. So I can say that yes it was better having them later.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.T.

answers from Dallas on

No. I was 29 when my first was born. My second will be born in May (I will be 33.) If I would have had them closer together, I would have been exhausted. I don't care how old you are. It is tough to have them close.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.F.

answers from Austin on

Oh please -- two young kids is not easy, period. You said it all -- you need more hands. That would have been true at any point. And it all comes down to specifics -- how much energy, patience, etc do YOU have at your age.... I bet some things would have been easier it you'd had them younger, and some would have been harder. But the path you took was the best one -- because it led to the kids you have now! Just take one look at them and you will know that you've done everything right. Bless you.

A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I think that this is too devisive of a subject. We are all the best moms we can be at whatever age we are blessed with children. We should not compare our quality of a mother against anyone else - even if that someone else is a younger or older version of ourselves. There are obvious pros and cons to both age groups.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.T.

answers from Florence on

Well lets see, I was 17 when I had my first child and yes it was hard because I did not know all the ropes to taking care of a child. Then I had my second child when I was 22, and I was better prepared for her. I have two wonderful girls that I love dearly. My first child was not as bad as my second one, she did not get into anything or never had to have her hand spanked. However, my youngest is my devil child, and I can not have a minutes worth of peice with her. In light of your question, I believe it is hard being a parent whether you are young or at an older age.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.T.

answers from Denver on

I think I am a way better mom than I would have been in my 20s. I have better perspective and a lot more maturity and patience. I feel about as healthy as I did in my 20's and 30s - it's not like we're ancient. My husband is definitely a better dad now than he would have been too. He's like a good wine in that way : )

The only thing I envy about young moms is that they are still in 30s/40s when their kids are teenagers.

If that's the worst of it, I'm doing pretty good.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.H.

answers from Atlanta on

Hi Lisa,

The only issue I had being an older mom was the fact that my parents were older and couldn't help me as much. Anytime you have two kids close together you will have struggles, but we do it because that's what mom's do. There is something to say about being a mature mom. I think my girls appreciate that.

Your family will always have opinions. The key is to graciously say thank you and just keep doing it the way you think is best!

M.

M.P.

answers from Lakeland on

Well I suppose that there are pros and cons to both. I am however a "older mom" I am 34 and have a one year old and my husband is 44. He has three other children 22, 18, and 12 years old. The 22 year old has two boys that are 2 years apart and she and her husband struggle because they are young and have a growing family. She does get over whelmed having to small children and with the added stress of starting out in life without being established in a career money is tight. On the other hand I am 34, I am established in the workforce and do not have the added worries of finances as someone young, however I still get over whelmed having a small child, trying to juggle work and lets face it up until now, I didn't have to look after anyone and it does make me tired. But I am glad that I had my daughter later in life because I am able to do the "little extras," I am not focused on building a career and generally I am mature enough to find joy and contentment in the little things she does each and everyday. The family member who said this is silly. I have been told the same thing but they don't have a clue. Enjoy being a Mom!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.R.

answers from San Francisco on

There are pros and cons to both sides. I am 37 and have a 3 1/2 year old and 18 mo old.

Having kids young, you get to enjoy them longer because you are still young when they are grown. My sister and parents did this. My parents are 59 and 60. The younger you are typically the less stable you are financially. Your career might not be established yet and you might not have accomplished some things you wanted to do before settling down. I remember camping all the time when we were little, I enjoyed my childhood. My husband and I love camping and still camp now.

Having kids older is great too, you can give them more, although all they really need is love and attention. As long as you are healthy you will be able to run and play with them too. My husbands parents waited until they were about our age 35 and 40 to have my husband. Unfortunately they have both passed on when they were 70. Having kids when you are older is great, but we are trying to be as healthy as we can so our kids don't loose us at an early age. We want to grow old with them and see our grandkids.

We choose to wait so we could be further along in our careers and have a home but I think having them young is good too, you get more time with them. We just weren't ready at that young age. We had a lot of things we wanted to do. No matter how much or how little money you have, it can't replace love. As long as you love and play with your kids, it's better than anything out there.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.J.

answers from Seattle on

Hi - I was 30 and 31 when my 2 were born. Bottom line... it's hard no matter what age you are when you have 2 so close together. Sure there is a certain "energy" that you need to keep up with a baby and a toddler but being young has nothing to do with energy! There are so many positives that come with age... including confidence, knowing yourself, and what is really important in life.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.E.

answers from Boston on

I am 46. My daughter is 13 months. I am delighted that I am a mom. She is a gift from God. I am tired, but I'd be tired doing anything that I enjoy this much.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I am had my oldest at 17 and youngest at 18! I am now currently 18 my youngest is 5 months. I am not exausted and I do all the work bc daddy works all day and needs sleep at night. I cook clean and take care of my kids and I am never out of breath. I take them to the park and shop with them. I feel amazing. I am wise for my age concidering I helped raise my 3 nephews. I would never change it for anything. I will say having close is hard, but thats any age. It would be easier if you were younger bc you would have more energy (not saying you are old bc you are not even close)
I love my girls and I am glad they showed up when they did. I want to have all my kids young so when they are out in college I will have money saved to do what I want (I stash money for me all the time) I say yes it is probably a little harder for you bc you are not as young as I. However I feel age is just a number and you should be happy to have a child when ever you are blessed with one. You might not have as much energy, but that in no way makes you any diffrent then me. You love your kids and that is all that matters! --------------- =D Ash

J.W.

answers from Seattle on

I was married and had my first child at 17, then my second 21 months later, I was 19... It was still hard. It wasn't AS hard as I thought it would be, but it is hard... Kids wear you out especially when you have 1 that wants to always play with you and is getting into everything and then you have a newborn that wants to eat every couple hours. And the constant diapers... Thats fun! With our third child we planned a little better, there is 3.5 years between our middle and our youngest, it makes it alot easier, but it still get stressful and hard sometimes... Age does NOT matter... Kids are alot of work! 1 great thing about waiting to have kids too, is that you are more settled in life and have a life built already for your child. Where as with my husband and I we are just now looking into buying a home and our oldest is 5!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.W.

answers from Provo on

I think you learn patience from being a mom! I had my first when I was 22, and my second when I was 24. Both try my patience regularly, but I have come a long way from where my patience level was to begin with. I wonder sometimes, had I been older if I would have been more set in my ways, and therefore less patient, or if life would have already taught me more patience than I had? I guess I have no way of knowing. I do feel like babies aren't just left to chance, and that they come into your life when it is right!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.F.

answers from Toledo on

Well obviously whomever made this statement is just ignorant when it comes to what all goes into "dealing" with a toddler and an infant separately...and therefore can not fathom doing so simultaneously. I have a 9 y/o, 6 y/o, 21 month old, and 3 month old (4 was born 1 week before 3 turned 18 months!) and I turned 29 eighteen days after 4 was born. Not only has having the 2 so close in age brought on a set of challenges all its own, but throw in there the fact that 1, 2 and 3 are girls and 4 is a boy and...well, need I say more?!?! Believe me, IT IS NOT any easier being "younger" in this situation. Life is life, and babies are babies, no matter how old you are. Also, some may think that having the "older" 2 is helpful...but usually, its not, lol. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I think "thank goodness they were here to help out with that..." but usually they just add to the stress with the arguing and fighting that comes naturally with both siblings and these particular ages. Do I think I would have been a better mother had I been older? No. I think as I have gotten older and more experienced as a mother, I have acquired a better appreciation for the "job" but have never felt inadequate as a mother. So my thought...tell said family member to STFU! LOL.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi, Lisa,

I can speak for only myself. Here's my experience: I have two kids, now 3 1/2 and 2 1/2. They were born 14 months apart, when I was 40 1/2 and nearly 42! I think that I would have had an easier time raising them if I had started when I was 20! I'm in graduate school, don't have a house, haven't been married very long, and am married to a man who is in a volatile career field. Sometimes, I feel as though financially my husband and I are in our early twenties but physically in our late forties (at least I do)! I wish that I felt as though I were more emotionally or financially stable than I was twenty years ago, but I don't think that's not true in my case. Also, although we try to take care of ourselves, we probably won't be able to share as much of life with our kids and grandkids than people who bore kids in their twenties. (Yes, I know that people can die at any age, but on average, the older one is the greater one's chance of dying.) However, since my choices were have kids late in life or not in all, I chose having kids late. If my choices had been have kids late in life or have kids early, I would have chosen having kids early.

Lynne

T.M.

answers from Reading on

I had 3 kids in 3 years and suffered with MS during all of it. I was very tired, but never felt that it was very hard. I enjoyed every moment of them being little and I think that I was so tired due to the lack of sleep and the MS fatigue on top of it, otherwise I think it would have been a breeze! I was blessed to have all 3 of my kids before I was 30!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

I think it all depends on the person, the kids, and the support network (regardless of age).

I was 30 (well, it was the day before my 31st bday) with my first, 32 with my second and still wanting #3.......not sure I would have had the maturity I needed if we'd had kids 5 or 10 years earlier.....certainly not the financial breathing room.

Age is very relative - some people are just more naturally instinctive with parenting.......and yes.....we have kids who are 21 months apart. It is tough no matter what your age because their needs are so great all at once.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.H.

answers from Chicago on

I had my first two at 31 and 34, then the "caboose" at 41. I am a lot less stressed with the little guy (or could that be just exhausted), but it's definitely physically harder than when I was in my thirties.
It's not that either age was "better", just different. And if you have your first child around 40, you can't possibly know how much more or less tired you are than if you'd been 30. Silly thing to say to a mother really! Next time just smile knowingly!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I will say that my husband finds it harder with our daughter in some ways because he's older and finds it harder to bounce back from a bad night's sleep than if he were 20. My aunt had her first two kids a year apart and said it was very hard, and she and my uncle were in their early 20s. I think that it depends on the person and the situation.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.F.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi Lisa,

I didn't read all the responses. I just turned 36 and am due with baby #2 next month. I have a 2.5 year old. I strongly feel that I am a BETTER mom now than I would have been 10 + years ago. I have so many more life experiences and maturity than I would have, as well as a more secure financial situation and marriage.

We have normal daily stress but nothing like I think we would have if we were much younger....making child rearing much harder. We also struggled with infertility for 6 years and look at our children as miracles. We must tell our daughter that we love her at least 20 times a day. We never take a minute with her (and soon to be sibling) for granted.

However, I do know that being pregnant when I am older is much harder than if I was 40 pounds lighter and a spring chicken. :)

And regardless if you are a super hero, 18 months (+/- 6 months) difference in age is always going to be hard!!! ;)

And BTW, just because this family member may have done it and thought it was a breeze doesn't mean that he/she parented the same way you do. I have a SIL with 5 kids (twins that are now 6 weeks old) that barely tends to their needs. According to her, it's easy! She also went back to work the first second she could and shipped the three youngest off to a terrible babysitter.

Great question....but don't let this person get to you. You know what type of mom you are and I can tell you are very serious about being a great mom!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.M.

answers from New York on

Personally I beleive that it is harder for older moms, it has nothing to do with being tired.

I wouldn't have been a good mom at age 21-25. I wasn't mature enough, nor did I have enough knowledge.

In most cases, older moms have a better sense of what what children need, are willing to make more sacrifices for their children, and want to spend more time with their kids. I've also noticed that younger moms tend to leave their kids with teen babysitters or their parents frequently. Older moms tend to leave their kids with trusted family members or close friends, limiting their "free" time.

Regardless of what age you are, we all "can use more hands".

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.H.

answers from Hartford on

wow, that was kinda rude of her! sorry. (my MIL said something like this about me too) well I am 30 with my first, now 15 mo. some would think that is a bit old for a first (MIL included) and I am SO TIRED at times. all my friends, who for some reason are about five years younger than me (maybe bc I am a bit old for a first like I said) are on their second (their first being around my daughters age) and they are now SO TIRED and saying how hard it is to have two that young. I think it would be hard for any age parent. I used to nanny when I was way younger and even though it was only 40 or so hours a week when I had the two kids I thought it was hard for the same reason you said: you have so much to do for them. I have also done my research reading studies about the spacing of children while I studied education in college and have decided to have my second when my first is much older. I wont get into all the reasons but my main is bc I want to fully enjoy each of my children while they are younger I dont want to be too busy and too divided. I am sure you are doing a great job and would be tired at any age when they are that close and dependent on us.

M.H.

answers from Raleigh on

I am in my 20s and think it's going to be hard no matter what age you have kids! There are pros and cons to having them young and old. I say, whatever works best for you and your family is what you should do. I cannot imagine being 39 and having my first, but that's because I didn't do it that way, just like I'm sure you cannot imagine having children in your early 20s because you decided to wait. I say that you just need to enjoy and appreciate what you have when you have it! (Although now that I am a young mom, I want to be done while I'm young...no reason to draw this baby thing out for 10-15 more years!)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.A.

answers from Chicago on

18 months apart is tough-no matter the age of the mom =) That being said I think there are pros and cons to both scenarios, it really depends more on the individual and when they are ready to be a mother. Some girls mature early and are ready to settle down and do the family thing in their early 20's. They may have more energy or be able to relate well to their kids because they haven't had so much time since they were in those shoes themselves. But they can also be not as financially or emotionally stable as an older mom. They may be more immature and selfish at this age. An older mom usually has the benefit of having gotten all that young nonsense out of their system and is ready for the family phase of life. They may also have had time to establish careers and homelife, which is a big help when you have kids! I think the biggest downfall some women have when they have children later in life is that it takes them longer to adapt at the role of motherhood in some cases. I have nannied for many women that had their first child in the early forties....until that point they had no real experience raising kids and tended to be more set in their ways. To go from being responsible just for yourself to having a child after 40 years is an adjustment. They seemed to have a tougher time transitioning from single/married career gal to mommy. But this was just an adjustment, once made they were great mothers and had just as much energy as the young ones. I always wanted to wait until my midthirties to have children, but my little surprise came along at 25 =) Now I wouldn't have had it any other way! Sounds like you are a great mom and don't doubt yourself. I'm sure your friend didn't mean anything by her comment and it just came out sort of rude sounding, so don't take it to heart. You've got plenty of energy left to give =)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.C.

answers from Orlando on

I had my first 2 close in age (16 months apart) in my very late twenties.... The first year was rough but then it got better and I was glad to have them so close in age (still glad I did it that way).... Now I am 40 and I have a 3.5 year old. I don't have the patience and enrgy I had the first time around, that's for sure. I do have wisdom and life experiences, though...so it's hard to say which is better overall

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.Y.

answers from Portland on

I had kids when I was younger/ was I thot a lil naieve and thot I knew everything, yes and had ALOT OF ENERGY(-= Then I started over because I remarried when I was 35, so I had a daughter at 37 and then 17 mnths later had my son.....really close together and I was approaching 40 fast!!(-= I say that being older I'm a lil wiser, but as far as energy goes I have to really work hard to keep up with my kids now!! (-= So I would say, I wouldn't suggest waiting until yur almost 40 to have kids, but then I wouldn't suggest having them at 20 either(-=

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.J.

answers from Spokane on

Pros: Older moms generally are more often financially secure and therefore can afford better quality daycare and probably have a nicer home so kids may actually have a backyard to play in. Cons: You just do not bounce back from lack of sleep in your 40's nearly as well as compared to a 20ish year old women. Later, when you reach the right age to think about retiring from your job, then your kids reach the age to enter university.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.S.

answers from Burlington on

I had my first when I was 23, my second at 35. Pros and cons for each. I had more energy for the first, but I have more patience for the second. I really think I appreciate all the small things the second time around. You are absolutely right, it is not your age, anyone with two small children has their hands full.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.M.

answers from Detroit on

I have two kids two years apart. I am 22 and I get EXHAUSTED!!! Trust me it's not your age :).

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.K.

answers from Chicago on

For me, YES I think it would have been *much* easier if I had been in my 20's. My kids are just under 15 months apart (had them when I was 36 and 37) and I don't recommend it to anyone.

But just because I think it would have been easier if I had been younger, doesn't mean I would have been a better Mom. I don't think it's one or the other.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I was 39 when I had my only. I feel that I have enough energy. Lots of times I think younger moms take things too lightly b/c they haven't had the life experiences that more mature moms have had. I also feel that as an older mom, I enjoy my child more than a lot of younger moms who are still on that hamster wheel of establish a career/save money/yadda yadda....

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.M.

answers from Jacksonville on

I had my first at 23 and my 4th at 36. If anything I think it is easier for me now, I am 44, because I have more experience. I also dont' freak out like I used to with number one.
I do not think having 2,3,or 4 babies really close together is "easy" for anyone though.

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

It's probably different for everyone. Some mothers might be more energetic when they are on the younger side and other mothers might have more patience when they are on the older side. I think the key to being a good mother at any age is how much would you rather be doing anything else. If you are young and feel tied down with kids and would rather be out partying with friends or working on degrees or a career or if you are older and feel this should be behind you by now and you want to be traveling and going on cruises, then being a mother is something you might resent no matter your age.
As for me, I wasn't ready to be a mother in my 20's. It took us a lot of trying to have our son, but I was ready when he came along when I was 36.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions