Ok I Would like Some Advice on My Situation

Updated on January 30, 2007
A.S. asks from Absecon, NJ
5 answers

ok as of know i am married my husband was deployed and i decided to leave him. he has always been abusive with me and pretty ruff with the kids. i was going through hard times and he took advantage of that and took me to his doctor had him put me on meds and shortly after had me signing my rights over for the kids till i got back on my feet. at the time i had no where to stay so i made a stupid mistake. my husband has never lifted a finger to care for these kids. never change a diaper in the six years we had kids together. as of now they are in kentucky coming back to jersey in 2wks. i havent seen my kids that much in the past 9 months. i've been going by his rules and condictions. i believe the kids should be with me and not him he doesnt even love them. i am scared everyday and night if they are safe or not.

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So What Happened?

ok i am asking for advice not ignorant remarks. yes i signed my kids over in an agreement its not a court order and the agreement only lasts for so long. i was under many drugs because i trusted my husbband. i know what i have done is wrong and if i was in my right mind i would of never siigned any paper. not only do i know that he knows that as well. and thats why he went through all this trouble to puut me on drugs. when i thought i was on a antidpressant i wasnt i was on something far from that. somethingg that would make me not myself and thats what he wanted. yes i know i am wrong for trusting him, for signing that paper,for everything i did in the past bbut am i wrong for asking for addvice do you not think i know this is the worst thing i could have done and i live with it eeveryday. but i refuse to sit here and beat myself up about it i'd rather do something about it .
thank you everyone else for the advice.

sincerely,
A.

More Answers

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D.A.

answers from Washington DC on

You need to tell the court your fears and do everything you can to get them. I don't know being the mother and him the father if you could get a restraining order on him when he bring's the kids. Get a lawyer and def. fight to the end cause he should not be with them just remember that you will need tons of proof. Try to get him to stay even two days and play silly. Get a notebook and keep every bad thing he says or does written in that notebook so that way when you fight for the kids you have that book and they can give him a lie detector test and he is busted and you have the kids. You could also try to get him to say he doesn't love the kids and get it on a recorder. Some states allow it I don't remember if Jersey does or not in court. Good luck with everything! Hide the notebook under the mattresses...

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.S.

answers from Washington DC on

What's your question?

You signed away your kids why?

And, now that you signed your kids away, you haven't seen them that much in 9 months why?

First you need counseling. Maybe not with his doctor, but anyone who would sign away their maternal rights (no, you can't sign them over to him -- they're not a check you can endorse or the title to a car, they're kids) to an abusive person, sorry, needs her head examined.

I'd tell you to get a lawyer but it sounds like you need to get your head straight before you get the kids. Remember, those kids watched you get abused, watched you let their dad treat them, as you say, "rough," and know you signed them away to show how abusive your husband is. You need to learn how to show some strength before you try to get them back.

If you don't feel they're safe with him, that's a separate issue of whether they're safe with you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.B.

answers from Dover on

Since your husband is military, is he active duty? If he's active, you can speak to his first sergeant. Share your concerns with him/her. Let him know of the history between you and your husband. The 1st Sgt may already have been notified of misbehavior on the father's part in regards to the kids. Also, speak to the children's caregiver. They may have concerns about the father, as well, and may be willing to help you. Keep in mind, though, that both of these people may take his side initially, since he's probably told them what a bad mother you are, that you left the kids, etc. If they don't already know you, they may not have a reason to qustion him. But if they'll help you, this would help you in court. Good luck!

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N.R.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I am sorry to hear how you have been abused. I was with a man in the marines who did that to me. I left before we got married. I would get a lawyer ASAP. You need to know your rights. It will be ugly but be ready for it. Besides, if he is deployed, who has custody of the kids? If he dies, is there a will? All that needs to be taken care of. Power of attorney if you two are leagally seperated.
Good luck.

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L.O.

answers from Reading on

what is your question?

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