Not Sure What to Do - Magnolia,MS

Your husband's recent behavior could be due to the fact that you're living with his parents. Men get a sense of pride from their work and their accomplishments, he may be feeling a little insecure because he's living with his parents and he doesn't want you to think he's a failure. My sister and her husband lived with his parents for awhile, and she noticed he acted differently. He would pretty much do whatever he wanted and ignore my sister sometimes. He acted like he did when he lived at home when he was single and had no cares. I think its a mental thing, living in his parents house reminds him of having no responsibilities, intimacy or PDA under his parents roof (we were always taught that was wrong) may be awkward for him. You also mentioned you were pregnant, (congratulations!) Do you remember your husband being distant or weird towards you during your first pregnancy? Thats another mental thing, my husband was not very affectionate when I was pregnant. As for the computer games, you really should try to get him away from that. Otherwise he will become obssessed with them, if he's not already. Playing games occasionally or just for a little while is ok, but not constantly and for long periods of time. He should be spending his time at home with his family and offering to help his parents with anything. Pour your heart out to him, let him know that you feel ignored and you need him to be there for you, especially since you'll be having another baby soon. Ask him if he feels insecure about living with his parents and assure him that its ok and you don't think any less of him. Remind him that he's a lucky guy, he has a loving wife and child, another one on the way, parents who love him, he's got it pretty good! Try as hard as you can to be positive and be there for him too, you might start to see some changes in him. Also I highly suggest you and he get a babysitter and spend some time alone. Go out to dinner and a movie or just take a walk together, it will give you a chance to talk. Above all, ask God to help you and your husband, marriage really does take three to work! I hope this helps you!
R. V

When my husband and I first got married, we lived with my parents for the first two years of our marriage plus I was pregnant with my daughter and all three of us shared a room when she was born. My situation was similar, I stayed home while I was pregnant and when I had her. I never did realize though the huge amount of pressure he must of been under at the time. I think maybe he felt like he was failing us because we lived with my parents, like maybe everyone thought he was inadequate or something in providing for the family which wasnt true. It was a stressful time for both of us. When we got our first house, things were better. This June we will be married for 10 years, and we are expecting our third child. I think marriage has to be worked at, and nobody is perfect, we all have a bad attitude sometimes, but when you love someone you see them through tough times too.

Dear R.,
I have been married for 22 years and I can tell you that what your husband is doing could be the result of not having privacy (living with his parents) and he is not telling you because he probably feels it is his fault since he is the provider. Talk to him, try not to fight and do not raise your voice. Try to go out as a family at least one day a week to the park with your child, to the lake etc. I know you are pregnant and you probably can go out for a short walk in the evening when he is back from work. Walk with him and make him feel loved and that you need him. He probably will open up to you and tell you all his worries. This time in your life you need his emotional support and I believe he is in need of your emotional support also, the fact that a second baby is coming could be his worry. I would suggest that you pray before you approach the subject so that the Lord can guide you and give you the right words.
Take care and I wish you the best and that your situation improves.
God bless you,
Carmen R.

I agree with the other two ladies. My hubby loves me but isn't super affectionate around other people. It's probably strange to him, or may even feel disrespectful, to display affection in front of his parents. Having sex only once a week is not bad, sweetie. Wait until you have that 2nd child and it spreads out even farther. As you get older, you'll realize that a man doesn't have to have sex with you to love you. It took me a long time to realize that and I am a lot less stressed when we're not able to "express our love." There are some jobs you can get while pregnant. I didn't work when I was pregnant for my first child but I started selling Avon. I didn't make BIG money but made around $100 per month. It made me and my hubby feel like I was at least trying to help him out. They also have Pampered Chef, Southern Living, Mary Kay, etc. I hope this helps and good luck to you.

We all have rough spots in our marriages. Have you talked with DH about how you feel? I don't know your approach to the conversations, or what exactly is being discussed. I find if you let him know you understand how he may be feeling and then express your own feelings of neglect it tends to keep the conversation from becoming a huge argument. Maybe it is your situation that has him being so distant. If you still love him then it is worth working out the problem.
He should be allowed to have his "game time"...Its probably his way of unwinding. Just as you should be allowed to have your private time to unwind.
What you should do is....Follow your Heart. Listen to what it is telling you. We all can advice you all we want, but it is you who will know what to do and how to do it. GL! Let us know how it works out.

R.,
I can honestly say I have been there. We have lived with both my husband's parents and my mother. When we lived with my mom I was pregnant with our 2nd child and we had a 2 year old. I completely agree that your husband is most likely stressed out about money. And men have a voice in their heads telling them that the way to "be a man" is to provide for their wife and children. Since you're living with his parents, his voice is probably calling him a loser. Not saying he has the right to talk to you that way, but his frustrations are coming out as anger. I recommend trying to find a job at home (I work at home doing medical coding but I would suggest you look at medical transcription, NTI in Springdale has a transcription program). Or maybe your in-laws would be willing to watch your child 4 hours a day for you to get a part-time job? My sister-in-law was living with her parents and she was this close to a divorce. They ended up applying for low-income housing and moving out of her parents house saved their marriage. And I agree with the poster who said you guys need to have couple time to reconnect to each other.

If you're living with his parents, I assume it's because money is tight. He may be depressed because of financial worries, especially with a little one and another on the way - children are expensive and you only have one source of income. The computer games are likely an escape. Depression can affect his sex drive as well as his mood and temperament. Tell (don't ask) him to see a doctor.
Look for work you could do from home. If you can bring in some income without having to spend it on sitters, you'll be able to get out of his parents' house that much faster.
Rude and moody is one thing, but if rude becomes violent, leave. Don't accept apologies and promises that it won't happen again. Andif the rudeness doesn't stop, you might be better off leaving anyway - you have a toddler watching you. You don't want her growing up thinking that this is the way men are supposed to treat her. And you don't want your son to grow up to treat his wife that way.
If you ever decided to leave, you would not lose your kids simply because you have no job. You would very likely need to get a job to make ends meet, but he would also be required to help support them financially. If he doesn't abide by the support decree established in the divorce proceedings, you notify the court and they garnish it from his wages.

My husband done me the same exact thing. Wanna know what I did? I left! He cant prove you unfit! Just because you dont have a job doesnt mean that you are a bad mom. The judge will laugh at him and make his butt pay you child support....also, you can get spousal support until your youngest child is 5 years old! This is a fact, I work for a family law attorney here in Baton Rouge and its the law. When I left my husband, a month later I found out I was pregnant. He tried denying it but when he had to face paying for a DNA test and it still proving it was his baby, he decided to face the concenquences and pay up! Dont ever let a man make you feel like you need them. You dont! No matter what! All you need is support from friends and family and you can make it a very long way! GOod luck... ever need someone to talk to, look me up!

I agree with the other ladies. For a man it is a mental thing he has to feel like he is providing for his family and being that ya'll are living in his parents home he probally feels like a failure. Don't give up on him yet. Try your best to work it out and try to talk to him without being on the defensive just explain how you are feeling. Make sure he knows how much you love him and that you are their for him. Get a babysitter and try spending time alone with just you and him.

Maybe try to work from home if possible to save a little extra money so that you can get back on your own.

hope this helps.

C.
beathomenow.com
(This is the website for the at home bus i have.)

I agree with the other response. My husband and I have had to live with his parents and it was a total mind game with him. The fact that you guys are having to live with his parents is probably driving him nuts...there's no privacy, one sided points of view from his parents (which he's probably hearing all the time when you're not around), the list could go on. You need to remind your husband that you can't exactly get a job being pregnant...I know that's discrimination but it's the facts...remind him that you have a job, it's taking care of him and your children and you might not earn a paycheck, but it's just as important as his job. It sounds like in all honesty he's itching to get out of his parents house and he's thinking, "If she gets a job we can get out of here faster." That was the situation with us anyhow. It'll be ok hun, this is just a bump in the road and you guys will get through it.

First of all, if you leave him, you will NOT lose the kids. There are laws that protect the mother's rights concerning things like this. Second, if your husband is going to be just like my ex-boyfriend, then it is better that you leave him. It is better to be single than to be with someone who doesn't appreciate you. Unfortunatly, these are decisions I cannot make for you but if your not happy, then leave, but contact a lawyer first. If you have family in the state, go to them if you can. If not, go out and find a job. If your husband doesn't like it, well, thats too bad. The decisions you will have to make in the near future are going to be difficult but know that countless women before you have done them, I did and you can too. Good luck.