I have a 2 year old boy, and we don't do a ton of activities... I am concerned about him getting enough social time and the ramifications of not having him socialized enough at this point AND also that he hasn't had enough stimulation for brain development.
He has 2 friends, and one we play with every couple of weeks (it used to be every week in the summer, but it's been less nowt hat it's cold). We got to the zoo sometimes, and we went to the park all the time in the summer, but not now that it is cold. He stays with both grandparents overnight regularly and they do fun things with him. He sees his cousin (who is 6) every other month or so, and just adores her, they play together and he loves to hug her and follows her around.
I am just concerned that he isn't getting enough stimulation on a regular basis, and as dramatic as it sounds that I am ruining him....
My husband and I are in the midst of opening a new business which has consumed us a great deal for the last year, and we will be open in April and hopefully things will settle down then and we can have a more regular schedule and incorporate more fun things to do.
I play with our son all the time, he knows he is loved. And he is affectionate, and gives us hugs and kisses.
But he still gets frustrated really easily and puts up quite a fuss when he doesn't get his way.
The fact is that I am just exhausted from the mental stress of it all right now, and the guilt doesn't help.
He is very happy in general, and has a great sense of humor... it's just that pit in my stomach that I am messing him up by not providing a more stimulating environment and more friends to play with so that he learns to develop friendships.
It's just that huge Mommy guilt that I am so doing something wrong with him.
Any thoughts or advice is greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
You should join a playgroup...there are tons out there...go to meetup.com and google playgroups/moms groups
Please don't worry. You are doing fine with him. I think people over book their children. When he starts preschool he will learn socialization.
This is a great misconception of out time! Especially for stay at home mums. You child does not have to have activities or plans every day. Right now all your child needs is you and you husband. It sounds like you are doing a great job getting him play dates and he is meeting a variety of people.
Want to hear a shocker, I have four children ages 1 to 8 and not one of them is involved in any extra activities. I haven't signed any of them up for gym classes, sports etc. It would take too much time away from our family and its the most important thing.
Some families are killing themselves with so many stimulating activities for their children. They never eat dinner together, which has been proven to reduce delinquency. Their children end up seeking out a lifestyle that only benefits themselves because all their life they have been doing things that were stimulating and enjoyable to themselves. This has been discovered through studies that we have a generation of very confident, able young people and young adults but they are terribly miserable because they don't know how to nurture others without having themselves be the motivation. (Some have labeled it the generation me). they don;t know how to sacrifice and love whole and sincerely without personal gain.
My guess is you are giving your son a lot more than you realize. As for the tantrums, hes two he is seeing if this will work to give him what he wants. If his request is unreasonable, then just go to a different room of the house or start playing a game by yourself that would get his attention yet distract him and get him out of his mood.
RELAX. It sounds like you're doing fine. When your son turns 3, he'll be old enough for preschool, which will give him all the socializing he needs. Starts looking for preschools now, the good ones usually fill up fast. Good luck with the new business (my husband and I are both self employed, 2 different businesses) - it should be very rewarding and offer you wonderful flexibility as a family. Enjoy!
I work with a Mom's Morning Out program at St David's Church on McMurray Rd in Peters. We have mostly 2 year olds. We are open 9-12 M/W/F and are $5/hr for the 1st child. Boys especially need this type of play and interaction and they have so much fun. You'll be surprised how much better you will both feel.
Hi M.,
Your little boy sounds like he has a full life. He is only 2, and he doesn't need 6 to 8 friends, and a whirlwind of activities. He needs to be loved, to have people in his life whose eyes light up when he walks into the room. He needs someone who will respond to him with wonder and joy as he begins to discover his world, and to share his accomplishments. He needs firm boundaries, and he needs the flexibility to push against them from time to time as he matures.
The fact that you are unsure about the environment you are provding tells me you care very much about your son. And that's what's most important. He also needs happy, and fulfilled parents who will be examples to him as he grows, and ears to bounce things off, parents who listen and challenge him so he can learn to make wise decisions and eventually lead a happy and fulfilled life himself.
Right now, he's only 2. His whole world is wrapped up in a handful of people -- the ones he lives with, Grandmas and Grandpas and he enjoys having one or two friends. That is normal for age 2. If you want to replace the outings to the zoo, a good wintertime activity is going to the Y and taking Mom and Tot swim classes together.
But try not to stress over what you aren't doing so you can thoroughly enjoy what you ARE doing. He is a happy child with a great sense of humor. Obviously you are doing something RIGHT. :-) the biggest problem with having only one child is that we have too much time on our hands, so we have the luxory of worrying and feeling guilty over stuff like this. If you had 5 kids, making demands, needing to be driven here and there, and interrupting everything you did, you would be writing a very different letter, and finding friends, etc., would be the last thing on your mind. You'd be busy protecting the little guy from well meaning siblings. If you were in your early 20's with your first child, you would still be involved more in your own social life, and would simply take your son almost everywhere you went. But you are a wiser, more reflective mom simply because you are 39. That's okay. Your son will have your undivided attention, and he has parents who can provide more security to him because they have already lead successful lives. He also has parents who find life at this age to be less about them and what they want, and more about being the kind of parents he needs. You feel guilty because you want to be giving him your best. Keep the latter, and give up the guilt. It sounds to me as if he lives in an environment in which he can thrive and grow. But having a guilt ridden Mom will inhibit the beauty of that environment. (If you want to know more about children, read something that discusses Erikson's life stages. He mostly did childhood, and others have added to his work with adults. )
Most of all, reach for friendships and fulfillment yourself, make a success of your family business, and LOVE your son. Experience life through his eyes, enjoy the wonder and the beauty of it, and treasure those moments of discovery and joy. They make life worth living !
Barb
Hi M.,
I would say to just relax a little. I remember feeling the same way when my son was about 2. Let go of the guilt. There's no reason to feel that way. But there's so much hype out there on tv, magazines, etc about play dates, activities, classes, etc. I was also about your age when my son was 2. (I had him at 39.) I think more mature moms tend to over-think everything. I know I certainly do! But as long as you are spending time with your son, doing some fun stuff, trips etc he'll be just fine. When I was a kid, we were all home with our moms, grandparents etc. til Kindergarten and we turned out fine. I mean, seriously, did YOU ever have a planned "play date" at age 2??!!
He's fine, you're fine and he will BE fine. As far as the frustration--that's just part of being 2! Good luck and enjoy your little guy--it goes SO fast! God bless.
Hi M.....STOP!! You are guilting yourself for NO REASON!! If your son is happy & healthy your doing fine. Kids don't need playstations, continous outings, tons of friends or an over abudance of toys. Keeping things simple and meaningful, giving of your time, having good family relations, a couple of great friends and your love is enough (along with three good meals a day!). Putting up a fuss when he doesn't get his way is NORMAL 2yr old stuff. That would be why so many people call it the "terriable twos" or the "terriable threes" (it's all about when the temper tantrums start!)
Life happens. You and your hubby are making a life for yourselves and your son. It sounds like he has a great life and you should quit beating yourself silly over "what if's" all your doing is wasting your time, efforts and energy!! No child can have it all, all the time. No parent is perfact, we are human and to be human is to make mistakes. Be honest and loving, do your best, let common sense be your guide and worry when you need to...don't borrow trouble or listen to the latest "fads" in pop physcology. (sorry about the spelling). Enjoy your toddler now...they are little for such a short time! Treasure the joy he finds in playing with an empty box, a teddy bear, and listening to Green eggs and Ham. All too soon he will be borrowing the car keys and calling girls and will have no time for those quiet nights with Mom and Dad. Best wishes.
He sounds fine, your child doesn't live in a bubble. I think people put to much emplhasis on socialazation.
It is hard with the little ones. when they are two it is hard because they want to be entertained all the time. If you can put him in day care a few days a week so you and your husband can get some things done with the new business. it may be good for him to be around other little kids a few days a week. he is going to be mad and have a tempure tamtrum when he does not get his own way becuase he is two years old. worrying is part of being a mother/parent. if you did not worry then there would be something wrong. everything will be fine.
Hi M.,
Your son's main social development at this point is going to come from you and his daddy. That is the way it's supposed to be. Children don't really need to be "socialized" as such. They are naturally drawn to other children and it is a gradual process of learning how to interact with others. It sounds as though you are providing him with enough opportunities to play with other children. It is not something that needs to be done on a daily or even weekly basis. Again, you are his main social "ingredient". He will watch how you and his daddy interact with each other and how you interact with him and others. You also mentioned that he stays overnight with grandparents. That is also a relationship-building event for him. Basically what socializing consists of is building healthy relationships and learning the give and take of interacting with others. It sounds as though he's doing great.
As for providing him with enough stimulation: You play with him, talk with him, point out interesting things in his environment. Children at this age are stimulated simply by BEING. There is so much in the world to look at and learn about! What might seem mundane to us is a treasure to them. They actually need very little stimulation from us. They can even become over-stimulated by us and either get frustrated and overwhelmed, or they can become accustomed to needing that. Children need to learn that the world doesn't have to be constantly "fun" to be interesting or even exciting. I'm not saying don't do fun, educational, and stimulating things with him. I'm just saying they don't need that all the time. It seems as though you're doing great with this also.
Okay, now for the only things I see that might be problems. You are feeling guilty and you are worrying. It is so natural and common for a mother to feel guilty that she is somehow messing up her child in some form or the other. But that doesn't make it healthy. It isn't healthy for you or for him. Same goes for worrying. (And believe me, I know all about worrying!!! I think I should be a professional worrier...LOL) Now, please don't let this be another thing to worry about or feel guilty about! Just try to let yourself relax a little.
Just remember that no parent is perfect. You obviously love your son and he knows it. You said you play with him and that he knows he's loved and that he is affectionate. That's wonderful!
Many blessings,
K.
www.joyfulconnections.net
I would look into a school option. I am only talking a few hours a week, but the difference will be dramatic. My first child went from a shy, bright child to an amazingly over confident child. The second child is now in an amazing program. She will be 3 in March. She shakes hands when she is introduced to strangers. She speaks in full sentences and she can count in three languages to 20. It would take a bit of stress off of you and give your child a whole new world. Be very carful, however, daycare and school are much different types of programs. Look for a school that includes younger grades.
Good luck.
You sound like a very conscientious momma and are not ruining your son! But you DO have a lot on your plate, and all mamas worry, so I'd think about making a tweak...
If it is at all in the budget, can you look into putting him into a daycare/ mother's morning out one or two days a week? My son's daycare is about $35/day (he goes 2 days a week) and a church near us had a MMO program for $15 for 3 hours a day. That would buy you a little time, and get him some socialization.
Not to late to change things if that is how you feel!i think it is normal this time of year! Maybe next yr try pre-school..try to find a play group where you can have a few mins with other adults..or try to swap and have another child and swap with them!!we are to hard on ourselves..
It sounds like your own stress is causing over concern for your son. It sounds like he's happy and doing well. But if you'd like to have him interact more with other children, how about finding some local play groups? Or taking him to the mall play area to hang out with other children, and some malls have play groups of their own. Maybe find a daycare center that could take him one day a week so he could play with other children. Check out your local MOPS group and other mom groups that have play dates and such.
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat
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Its natural to worry as a mom. If you are looking for more opportunities for socialization I would suggest the Moms Club. They have a website where you can find your local group. They have activities scheduled every week, along with playgroups. Since you are very busy with your work, this would be something that you can work into your schedule ahead of time. An activities calendar is sent out in advance for the entire month so you can plan ahead of time which activity works for you.
Good luck with your son and your new business venture.
My daughter is also 2. We moved out here to PA from Texas when she was just 8 months old.
We have no family here and, as a result, she doesn't get too much socialization.
I was concerned last year, as it seems you are now. It is beautiful that you worry.
But, if your baby boy is developing normally (as your pediatrician will indicate), then you have nothing to worry about.
I'd rather my daughter feel secure in knowing I love her, than have 20 friends.
Keep your chin up. By the time you let go of this worry, there will be another one waiting right around the corner! Just the nature of being a Mom, I think. :)
Hugs.
Hi M.,
Here are two web sites. You can be a judge for yourself.
[pdf]From emotion resonance to empathic understanding: A social developmental neuroscience account
http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/bonding/scienc....
Hope this helps. Good luck. D.
It sounds like you are doing a lot of wonderful things with and for your little guy. Great job and please don't beat yourself up.
If you'd like to get involved with a local group where you can bounce ideas off other Moms and meet children your son's same age, maybe you could look into your local chapter of MOMS Club International or MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers).
Best wishes.
