Being a Stay at Home Mom Is Harder than I Thought...

Hang in there, you are not alone. It gets better. For some, it is easy to stay home and play all day. The way it works for me is to stay busy, make friends, attend playdates. Put her in a MDO program and get involved there with volunteering, which will lead to volunteering at her preschool, etc. When my little one started walking, it got a lot better and then just continued to get easier and easier. Hang in there! :)

Being a SAHM is tough, great but sometimes mind numbingly boring. I would have gone insane without my moms group. It helps to have other kids AND moms around. You need adult interaction and people who make you feel normal for feeling this way. Good luck.

Im not completely a stay at home mom I work 2 days a week but am home by 2. I feel the same way with my 7 month old.We play read dance jump,walk all kinds of things but other than me and he really isnt around people that much( of coarse other than the 2 mornings in day care.I do find he loves watching other kids.I guess though what else is there to do for the age I think it is plenty of stimulation.

Dear L.,
One of the most natural things about being a mom is worrying. It's completely normal, especially with a first baby, but there's no need to over-do it.
It sounds like you go and do quite a few things and that your baby is doing great. I think you should consider giving yourself permission to do some more grown-up things once in a while. You say you put her in childcare for "no more than an hour". Is she handling being in childcare just fine, but you're worried you have to rush through what you're doing? I did daycare and some little kids were with me either all day or all night while their parents worked. As long as she's safe and happy, being in childcare won't hurt her, in fact she may really enjoy interacting with other little kids.
As far as cooking, have a safe place for her to crawl around while you do it. If you have a pack-n-play, put her in it so she can be within eyesight. Give her a set of plastic measuring cups that are hooked together so she can rattle them, put them in her mouth, etc. I put my kids in their high chairs with a little something they could nibble on while I cooked. I talked to them, sang to them, danced around to be silly and make them giggle....turned some music and had some happy cooking time. I cooked dinner everyday. It just becomes something you do.
I think babies learn more from us just in the day-to-day stuff.
Babies don't come with instructions and what you might think of as monotonous and boring is new and exciting and adventurous to a baby.

You're doing a great job!
I hope you get some really good responses and I hope you cut yourself some slack.

Best wishes!

This is not unusual. I felt the same way. I had 3 kids in 3 years, so for me - my older kids pretty much played with each other. I now have a "surprise" 11 month old and she is home with me all day. I am bored, crazy busy and unproductive all at the same time! I do the exact same things every day - feeding, cleaning the highchair, sweeping/mopping the floor, washing dishes/bottles...then I start it all over again within a few hours. I can't fold clothes on the living room floor because "Hurricane Viv" destroys my piles. When I play with her, I usually roll a ball to her, let her crawl on me and "tackle" me - which she learned from her older siblings, or read her a book. It gets monotonous, but she seems to like it. With the weather getting better (here in Ohio, anyway) we go outside a lot. Parks, walks, zoo, etc. - all things that can change up your day a little.

The body "back" is a completely legit concern. Once she's weaned, yes, you'll have A body back. It may not be the one you remember, but it will be yours again. LOL!

You are doing good things with getting her out for playdates and visits with family/friends. Babies this young don't need much to stimulate them. They are happy to just explore a lot. Books are great, as I mentioned. You are doing wonderfully with her. It's normal to worry a lot. That will subside a little as she gets older and you see all the stuff kids bounce back from (or OFF of!! :) They are soooo resilient!

As your daughter gets older, you'll be able to do more with her. She will be able to entertain herself more, so that you can get more done or enjoy a cup of coffee as you read the paper or browse the Internet. The first year is tough. Just the transition from childless to a parent is much more than diapers and nursing/bottles. There's such a mental transition. Am I feeding her enough? Am I doing all I can to teach? To keep her safe? To keep her healthy? It can be overwhelming.

When I try to cook with a little one, I'll put her in the high chair for a snack before dinner. Sometimes I'll put "new" toys on the tray like soft spatulas or wooden spoons. I'll put a dab of hummus or ketchup on the tray and let her "fingerpaint". Meals are usually very simple - or I'll do some of the prep work while she naps, so that most of what I have left to do can be done in a shorter amount of time. But, for the most part, just keeping it simple is the easiest. Try supercook.com - it's a site where you put in the ingredients you ahve at home and it will spit out different recipes you can cook with what you have. It's a wonderful resource!

Being a SAHM is much harder than it seems. It's not for everyone. Even though you feel this way, it doesn't mean you're not good at it or that it's not for you. Quite the opposite. But, if you start feeling like the bad is completely outweighing the good, maybe look in to working part-time if you can, to see if that's the answer. I stayed at home with my older three and it felt crazy for me much of the time, but I felt it was what I wanted. Now, after having 7 years of freedom, I am now having a much harder time staying home. I am planning to work part- time, myself, to see if that will help my mental state a little. Just know you are not alone in your worries and doubts. Having a great support system is very important. Surround yourself with friends and family. Seek out other moms with kids the same age as your daughter. That definitely helped me get through when my older ones were little. Good luck to you!

Let go of the guilt for feeling this way. Being desperately in love does not equal being entertained; being with a baby all the time is boring. I remember feeling like I could not possibly sing one more song or my head would explode.

I have no doubt that your daughter is as happy as a clam. You're doing great by her.

I don't know if any other posters have said this, but is going to work a viable option for you, what with the cost of daycare? Even part time? I am a teacher, and a much better person and mother for it. My children have thrived in daycare, and we have a wonderful loving relationship. Not every woman loves being a stay at home mom, and I don't think that you should feel badly about that. There's a reason there is the feminist movement - women and mothers don't come in one size fits all.

Of course, if going back to work isn't really an option, do know that it will get better, especially as she gets older. I'm home with my two kids in the summer, and while sometimes they drive me bonkers, I would not describe it as boring : ) I don't know exactly when that switch happens, but I do find parenting much easier in the summer in general, when there is just more to do with little people (playgrounds, parks, beaches, etc).

These feelings should pass. And if they don't, please don't be ashamed to talk to a doctor or therapist about these feelings. It sounds like the "baby blues," but it's sometimes hard to tell the difference between that and postpartum depression. Good luck!

Take a deep breath. Worrying comes with the territory. Just do what feels right to you, there is no perfect way to raise children. If you want to wean then wean, breastfeeding should not be a sentence. I formula fed my kids and they were just fine. I hate that you are putting so much pressure on yourself. All your baby needs right now is your love, protection, and guidance. You do not have to entertain or play with her every minute. As a matter of fact her learning to amuse herself is a gift you can give to her. The weather is nice now so go for walks everyday, that will get you out and also help you to get your body back. One thing I do regret is never making mommy time. So if I could give you any advice do not loose yourself in it. If you want to join a gym and just tell hubby you need that hour a day for you. Take an hour a day for whatever you need, a bubble bath, just time to read a magazine, whatever you did before the baby. I tried to hard to be super mom and I think that was why sometimes I felt like you do right now. Looking back I do remember being stressed but I never allowed myself to just be me, that is my only regret. Being a stay at home mom can be lonely, and is also a huge sacrifice on our part. I did it for 15 years and although some days I was a cranky witch I would not have given up raising my kids for the world. My kids are now 25 and almost 21 and we are extremely close. After they were both in high school I went back to work. I opened my own business and am living the dream. Hang in there it's a huge sacrifice that will pay off in the long run. Make the time remember happy mommy, happy family.

I totally understand. I had a somewhat similar schedule for my son as an infant, and it does get boring and some days feel so long and it feels very empty some days and then your mind starts to wonder and worry.
I would also wonder, is my son being stimulated enough? I would do play time on the floor with him, and it was like...okay, shake this toy, shake that one, push the button for the music, read board book, shake another toy ...now what? The thing is, it IS stimulating for them, and having a routine and doing the same thing over and over for a while and then trying something new and doing that over and over, and so on, is how they learn and grow. It sounds like you're doing just fine. One thing you could do is get some new toys for her that are a little above her level to make sure she is continually challenged and has something new and exciting to try [I recommend having 4 boxes of 10-15 toys, and switch the boxes each week so that it's not always the same and it will help build her memory], you could also take her to a story time at a local library. Go to the store with her, take a bath together, go to the thrift store and spend no more than a dollar on one or two children's books [I would go at least a couple of times a week, just to get out of the house! and we have a great book collection because of it], Set her on the floor with some toys and do a workout or dance video in front of her. She will have fun watching. Basically I'm just saying it helps a lot to fill the day with activities where the focus is not just on her. She is so young, as she gets older it will get much easier because SHE will ask to do things. My son is now 27 months, and I let him lead the way most of the time. He asks to read, asks to play outside, asks to have his feet tickled, to take a bath, watch a movie, jump on his trampoline, go in the car, etc. Now I have to actually tell him "no" to some things because the day goes so fast now, we don't have time for all of it.
Also, it helps to be silly! Sometimes I will just start dancing with my son, sing a silly song, blow on his tummy unexpectedly, run from the living room to the kitchen to start a chase, etc. He loves those things, and we both end up laughing together and having fun. It took me a while to be comfortable doing that though- I mean, I was self-conscious at first, even with my own son! and its hard to act childish and silly...you kind of have to practice until you are good at it! But when you do those things and you both have fun, or spend time just going places and seeing new things... that is what fills those seemingly empty days up. And it will go by so fast after that, and you'll have tons of memories of fun days together
Anyway, you're doing fine, and when she is in daycare or school you will miss having her home and you'll be thankful that you had the time with her.

I usually try to read all responses but I don't have time this time for now, but I wanted to say it sounds like you are doing great by her! You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing as far as playing with her. Really, I'm sure her life is very wonderful to her.

Now on to you... I am an infant person, I just love them. But you are right. The day to day stuff of having an infant is not very fullfilling. I love being a sahm, love it absolutely. But most of my days are not fulfilling. They are kind of boring. But the most boring day goes right out of my head when my 2 yr old runs up and hugs me and says "I love you soooo much mama!" I miss the infant days, but when they are little older it is much easier to let them be by themselves, know if they are bored, know if they are happy. It is a trade off for temper tantrums and other fun 2 yr old stuff, but it is easy to know their needs are being met. I'm sorry to say, you will never be the person you were before. It is impossible to stop being a mommy. You have traded your carefree freedom for worrying and mothering. But it really is worth it. I honestly can't remember what I did with myself all the time before. If I don't have my son around here at the house, I am lost. I feel completely confused as to what I should be doing. Whether you choose to go back to work or not, you are still going to be a mom first from now on.

But I do enjoy my mommy's nights out! I have joined a MOMS group here in town. Google "hollywood fl moms groups". There are a few links there. No, your child doesn't really need to socialize with other kids yet. But you do! At this age it is a support system for you. It gets you out of the house. And it is a good idea for any stay at home baby to be around other kids from an early age. My son was very shy at first. But he loves to "go play with kids" now. I can't imagine not being a part of my group. And ours lets you be as involved or not involved as you want to be. Some moms only come to moms night out, some only go to playgroup once a month, and some do things every week. I really recommend that.

I would give it a little time before you decide whether to go back to work. And if you do decide, it isn't a final decision. You can always change your mind again. But you are just now getting into that age where you are getting bored because she isn't nearly as demanding as she used to be, but it will be a couple of months before you have more freedom. This was a tough age for me too. And winter is rough! I am not a big fan of being out in the heat, but I feel so blah in the winter staying at home. I feel like I am hibernating. That will be done soon (until next winter...) With summer comes so many more opportunities to get out of the house.

As for the cooking- you really should. She can be put nearby in an excersaucer while you cook. Or on a blanket in the kitchen with you and some toys. It will be good for her to not be held all the time. I had a clingy baby who never wanted to let me put him down. So I didn't. BIG mistake. It made it so much worse as far as feeling like nothing but a milk cow and play toy. I don't believe in cry it out for babies this young, but I can say now that I should have left him be more than I did. (But boy, that is so hard!) And you will need to get in the habit of cooking real food. I miss the days of purees and cheerios. Now I have to make real food for us and no more cereal for dinner if I am tired. That is my current worry/guilt. It is hard to cook with a baby. The other thing you can do is get a baby carrier that can go on your back and cook that way. That is what I had to do for quite a while.

My husband works out of town for weeks at a time. So I am truly alone with my son most days 24/7. I have family close that I see, and that helps. My mom babysits a few times a month so I can go out. But I don't ever have that end-of-the-day passoff to the hubby. I do all of it myself, all the time. It is exhausting. So I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes the walls seem like they are closing in on me. But it will get better. You really do sound like you are doing a great job. And if you decide to work you will still be doing a great job. Some people are better mothers if they have something in their lives besides their kids. My mom and sister are that way. There is nothing wrong with that. However you decide, I wish you the best!

You are doing a great job - but you also need some adult interaction time for you! See if you can find a playgroup in your area, through your pediatrician, library, or a website like meetup.com (that's how I found the one I belong to now, and it's great!) Start looking for other activities to do around you for both you and your daughter, and make sure you get out of the house every day. Being a SAHM is hard work, and being a mom is such a life adjustment.

I can completely empathize with how you are feeling. I have an almost 2yr old, and a 6month old. I nursed the 2yr old for 9mths (was ready for my body back) when surprise(!) got pregnant again, and now I'm nursing still. I'm ready to wean, but baby isn't there quite yet. I haven't had my body back for 3yrs. My reason for the tangent is - this is hard work, and without lots of support and interaction for others, it can get very monotonous and blah. You need to take care of you so that you can be a good mom for her. She'll learn alot from others, and will learn alot from how you interact with others.

Maybe you can make a playgroup with some folks from the baby class?

Last - if you decide to go back to work or put her in a mother's day out (my older son goes two mornings a week) = don't feel guilty!! A happy mom is a good mom, and you need to do what's best for you (which in turn ends up being what's best for her!) She'll love you no matter what, and the quality of your time with her will be most important.

Edited to say: she's also at an age where she can start to learn to play on her own for a while (obviously with you nearby). they can entertain themselves for short periods, and it's good for them! (So put her in the exersaucer, or something like that, in the kitchen while you are trying to cook, or read a book for yourself - out loud if that helps you feel less guilty....or whatnot.) She may start with 5minutes, and build up to 20min or so.

I also wanted to add - it's not just about getting the body back 'in shape' but it's about feeling like you own your own body for a while (cause she owns your thoughts - I remember realizing that I will never have a single day that I don't think about my boys)...you just want a piece that feels like you are you again, not just "Mom". You have many parts to your identity, and you need to reconnect with them. Okay, I'll be quiet now!

Take a deep breath - what you are doing is very hard work. Your life pre-baby was very different than your life now. I don't think your baby is bored, but I am sure you are! You are doing a wonderful job - sounds like a very stimulating and loving environment for your daughter. But it is not stimulating enough for you. I suggest you try and get some play groups going with other SAHMs - you can share the challenges and joys, vent, and have some grown-up interaction during the day. Can you exchange numbers with some of the mommies in your weekly baby class? Are there any other classes you can sign up for? Try and get out and talk with like minded SAHMs three times a week if not every day.

Hi L.
Can't write long, but just want to say you are not alone! Having kids is a blessing, but such a different change from the work/play schedule we had before kids, and having to give 110% all the time to someone else is not always easy. Sounds like you have a great schedule and are able to get some downtime at the gym, but maybe try and get involved in something else like a book club or mommy group? I doubt your daughter is bored, she'll just love spending time with you and learning from you. But I completely understand how you can get bored, with two little ones, I get bored lots and try coming up with new games for my sake rather than theirs :).

You sound like a great mom, just need some you time

Its such a life adjustment. Your doing all the right things it seems. You need a time out. Go out with the girls for some girl talk. What your feeling is so so normal. Once you wean her you will have your body and self back. As for cooking she does not have to be with you every second. Put her in the playpen in your site. She will be just fine. If you choose to go back to work that is great also. You sound a little depressed right now. Please talk to your husband or health care provider. I think what your feeling is normal with some new moms. Your PC maybe able to help you. I wish you luck!

L., from the minute you give birth to a child your life is not yours anymore. it is all about the baby. the feedings play time diapers,bathtimes,googaa times and so on. i don't know if you planned this baby, but its here now.this is a new life style for you, and i know it can be a little hard.i know, been there.you do ajust. your doing things right, don't rush things time will pass, and it does get easier. babies at this age do not know about boredom, or other silly things some of these mothers see. com'n there little brain is not even develope yet. they know when they are hungry,& wet. relax, consider her your little gal pal. as for you, your time will come to get back in shape. be patient

Welcome to the world of motherhood...where many times a day you will be second guessing yourself :) I still do it to this day and my eldest is 13 yo. You are still in a period of adjustment and learning. Some suggestions that I have are to pump and fill bottles for your partner/husband to feed her so you can have time to go out with friends or do things just for you. Don't worry about what you "should" do per the parenting books and such, just follow your heart with your daughter. As for what to do with her when you cook...put her in a highchair or pack in play or safe area and let her play....it will help her independence and learning. Don't worry about filling every second of every day and take time to just relax. As far as playing with her...do what you like, nothing has to be "formal" my girls did silly things, like pots/pans band or play with hats and "formal" things blocks or toys...just don't stress b/c she will fell it. Good Luck

It is hard. sounds like you are trying to keep a routine & have balance & I think that is great. as for cooking, well I did my prep work during nap time, then while cooking, i would let mine play with cups, pots & pans & wooden spoons. One thing I started working on is having mine play on their own without me to entertain so that they learned how to play alone. just a timer & have her play for 5 minutes on her own, if she gets fussy, talk to her, but try not to physically intervene....in a few days bump timer to 6 minutes etc... by 15 months, mine was playing on her own without contact from me for about 20 minutes. This is really a nice thing for her & you. You get to charge your batteries so then when you are interacting with her you aren't so bored or tired. try adding music to your cooking...something upbeat it helps to distract a little bit. best of luck & it does get easier in ways as they get older, but harder in others....each new stage brings a whole new can of worms to contend with and each has pros & cons. hope this helps & your not alone.

You are so lucky to have the chance to be around your baby all the time. What a blessing for both of you. But I think the two of you also need to be with other people at lot more. I've been reading a lot about how kids were raised among our ancestors. Moms were never alone (only in recent history). They always had help and fun with other family members or moms. Maybe you could set up a daily shared time with other moms near by, rotating where you meet. I am a researcher and the research is suggesting that having three adults around is ideal for raising a child. The child also benefits from being around and playing with children of other ages. So I'd think about building up a little community of parents and kids.

You're doing a FANTASTIC job...but not giving yourself much credit! It's a tough adjustment, and no one feels supremely happy all the time. What do you miss most? Could you incorporate it for an hour or two a week into your new mommy-life if your husband or a relative or neighbor could watch the baby? As far as the nursing goes, hang in there. She's probably started solid foods now, and her demand for nursing will decrease as her intake of "solids" increases. I thought my kids would never quit nursing, but at about 9 months they all (3 of them) cut way back. Once I was down to morning, naptime and bedtime nursing, I began to feel a little more ownership of my body coming back. The first two nursed for about a year; the third went 15 months. Other moms with babies are your new colleagues. Don't feel bad about hanging out with your friends (in between baby's naps) and letting her amuse herself on the floor with toys or explore independently (safely of course). Just talk to her, and amuse yourself. She'll think you're wonderful pretty much no matter what you do. Don't stress over trying to improve her IQ or school readiness now. Try to get outside, and maybe add a Vitamin D supplement to help improve your mood. Babies need attention and company, but they also need space to explore and develop their independence. Let her play with plastic dishes or wooden spoons on the floor while you cook. Take care of yourself. You are already taking great care of your baby.

Hang in there.
S.
SAHM of 3

Sounds like you are doing a great job! You also sound very normal. We are not used to just "being".

Your daughter at this point just needs her physical needs to be met. She needs some stimulation. Just being around you and hearing your voice in real situations is fine.

You are used to going and blowing at all times. You can either slow down and enjoy it.. Or you can take your daughter and be active with her in a sling or on your back in a carrier.. or do both. Do the things you enjoy just do it with your daughter. Like reading books? Read them aloud to her. Like to garden? Put her in her stroller or on a blanket and garden with her next to you. Like to run, get a jogging stroller and run with her. While cooking, put her in her stroller, her swing, playpen a table top seat if she can sit up on her own get a door way jumper and let her jump away. and cook away. Give a blow by blow about what you are doing.. Cutting the cucumbers, going to the fridge to find the cheese..

As soon as your child becomes mobile and her schedule changes you will have to be flexible about all of this nice quiet schedule.. Enjoy this easy time, because it does not stay this way for much longer.

It sounds like you need to do more adult activities and play less baby games. Find some other sahm mom's, pick up a hobby, chat, let your kids play while you cook, whatever. My friends keep me sane and give me an adult outlet. I rarely go to a park alone, we go together so that we can have someone to talk to while our kids play the same game for 150th time. :) Try to join a mommy group with people who parent similarly to you (I belong to an attachment parenting group) or search on Craigslist for other sahm mom's looking for friends. I've met several women on Craigslist who were lonely and just needed to get out.

Women are not designed to sit inside all day by themselves and play baby games. We're supposed to have other women to chat with while our children play near-by. It's mind-numbing to read the same book 250 times! Good luck!

I think all new mom's feel that way by month 8. Just hang in there. Find a playgroup to join, and soon you will be having so much fun together you will have forgotten that you actually thought you might want to go back to a paid job.

I really think it's the nature of the beast to be questioning things by month 8, but if you get out and start going things as she becomes more mobile, you will have forgotten all about it.

It sounds like you are doing great and everything you're feeling is normal. One of the things that made by SAHM experience even better was joining a mom's group. My son is 5 now and he has had many of the same friends since he was just a few months old. I have made some great friends through it as well. At your baby's age, we had a music and movement class once a week, and had several 'playdates' a week with our group. Having other mommies around is a blessing and you feel like an adult still-even if all you talk about is your babies! I also really needed to feel like I 'did' something everyday (left the house everyday)...somedays it would just be Publix and some days a park playdate, etc.

Also, I have to admit my husband did most of the cooking when our son was little, I was too scared too cook with him around in the litchen and that time of the day seemed to be his crankiest. We had a lot of pizza and easy heat up in the oven meals his first year!!!

Anything you do to play or interact with her is the right way to play with her, in my opinion.

If there's anyone you like a lot in your weekly baby class, try to make some plans to do something outside of the class...they may already be in a great mom's group or you may hit it off with a few other mommies and start your own.

Good luck to you, keep up the good work!

I felt very similar after I had my first son - after about 10 months. I was feeling very lonely, unsure, and depressed. It sounds like you are staying busy which is very important!! Surround yourself with other Moms at the same stage as you - most of us have gone through this at one time or another. It really helps to talk about what you are going through - you will learn that you are not the only one! Talk to your OB - you may need to start an antidepressant as I did. It really helped get me out of the slump and I slowly began to feel better.

As for cooking, find fast, easy, healthy recipies to make and place her in a high chair, stoller, or play pen with some toys in the kitchen with you so that she can see you. Sing to her or play music if she get's fussy. If she cries for a bit, it's o.k., she needs to learn that she's safe, even if you're not holding her all the time.

Also, you may want to reconsider the exclusive breastfeeding. Although it is best for your baby's health, you also have to do what is right for you!! If it's draining you or you are not enjoying the experience, consider combo feeding. Replace one feeding a day with a formula bottle, after a while replace two, and so on. I did this with my second son and it worked great! He still got the nutrition of my breast milk, but it took a lot of stress off of me. My body adjusted easily and we were able to combo feed for almost 6 months and he eventually weened himself off of me. It was such a great solution and easy transition.

Remember that transitioning to a SAHM is very difficult for our generation. Especially if you have been an independant woman for a long time. It took me almost 2 years before I felt "ok" with my decision and when I had my second son, it took another year to adjust to having two kids - hang in there!!

Jen

I have had a ton of people tell me that they could never be a SAHM. It's not that they or you don't love your children or aren't cut out for it. It's just that to find the thing that fufills you is different then it is for a person who can be a SAHM. I'm a SAHM, and sometimes i get so bored that i can't stand it. honestly, when your baby is that young what can you do with them that you aren't already doing? you don't have to spend every minute of the day stimulating her. let her get down and play on the floor with her toys by herself. this teaches her to self placate and how to use her imagination as she gets older. my son can play by himself for quite some time, but my daughter (who my husband always played with) HAS to have someone play with her, so all day long when she is home it's always "will you play with me?" which obviously isn't always convenient when there are other things to do. maybe you feel she is bored and empty because that is how you feel. it doesn't make you a bad mother because you feel this way. my SIL was home for a week and said that she didn't know how i did it to stay home. you could always get a part time job. get your interaction that you need from adults and get her interaction with others and children and then you still have time with her.

I think joining a mom's group of some sort would be helpful. It is boring to be by yourself with your child most of the day. If you join a playgroup and/or mom's club that meets every week, you can find other mom's that are home during the day and plan things to do with them. You'll make some new friends and have social activities during the day to look forward to each week.

You are doind a great job! Have you tried setting up some more play dates this will get some time for you will adults and give your baby more time to communicate and maybe even learn from other children. I found my playdate mommy online, her son is 6 days older than mine. We started at 6 months old and are still going stong at 21 months. My son helped him with talking and her son helped mine with being more mobile. Being able to have someone else around was great for me.
What you are feeling is normal. Have you concidered maybe a part time job at a day care, or even a night job for a couple hours. Just to get away. It's ok to want that too.
Either way you are doing everything you should. Hang in there.

So many responses right on the money...
I felt exactly the same way with our first child.

I was insanely bored. It made me a crabby person alot of times... I felt deprived of myself, and angry that I wasn't "totally fulfilled and happy" like so many women are or think they will be before doing this.

Aside from the wonderful advice given here, also remember that this is a short time in your baby's life. When they begin to be a little more independent, you also get a little more feedback from them and it becomes a lot less boring. There are still days.... lol. But I am STILL a SAHM after almost 12 years... and I wouldn't trade it for work, though sometimes a single day here or there might be refreshing, lol. Give your little one a chance to grow some more and she will be able to interact with you so much more, and you will feel more comfortable doing more things outside the home with her. These feelings you have will dissipate over time. And you will learn how to compensate and get the adult stimulation you need.

Hang in there. You are doing all the right things and PLENTY of baby stimulation. You aren't doing something wrong. Your feelings are completely normal and doing a fantastic job as a mommy! I always felt guilty for not reveling in every second of my infants' day.... and it was wrong to have felt guilty. It was boring to me. No the "new" things... the new skill they learned or whatever... but after the first few times.. .well.. geez,.. it isn't new anymore and it's back to boredom. It WILL pass though. And you are perfectly normal for feeling this way.

I'm guessing you are not a mom who uses constant baby-talk with your daughter. I wasn't either. And my kids talked early and clearly from a young age. You don't have to talk baby babble to them all the time... that, imho, contributed to feeling bored and useless all day. The less of it I used, the better I felt. (I don't really know why i threw that in there, but.. if it helps... :) )

Hi there! You've had so many responses and I don't have time to go through them. However, there is something I wish someone had told me before I had kids: You will not love every stage of your child's life equally. You will find some stages so much more fun and fulfilling than other stages. And only you will know which those are -- every Mom is different. Some love the infancy stage. Not me -- *yawn*. But then everything started to change (for me) when my first turned 10 months old -- and it has become more and more fun ever since! Ummm...except for a few touch-and-go months during the terrible twos.

If anyone had told me how difficult being a Mom was before I had children, I would have never believed them. However, your daughter is learning every moment of the day with you. In fact, studies show that children benefit from watching you clean and vacuum and just move around the house doing stuff. It's *much* more beneficial to them than any tv or video you can use. So even if it's not exciting, it is still a tremendous benefit to your daughter. If you want to cook, put her in the exersaucer facing you and cook. Give her a couple of items to play with while you cook. A wooden spoon and some measuring cups would be perfect.

Don't beat yourself up for your feelings -- it's natural to feel this way. You are doing an awesome job!

I breast fed my son for 5 months. I had a hard time keeping my milk supply up once I went back to work. I tried pumping. But 5 months was a pretty good run. I enjoyed it, but it made me feel very touched out. He did fine when he switched to formula. No one can answer what is right for you but you. I hated taking my son to daycare at first, but I think working and talking to adults everyday helped me be a better mother when I was home. He did great at day care (although at first he seemed to come down with every cold that came around for awhile). If you go back to work, it will be an adjustment and it'll be hard. You will find your way.

She's not bored, you are. Get a part time job, put her in daycare part time. She'll get stimulation from other children, and you'll get a break. You'll still have plenty of time to spend with her.

It sounds like you are doing everything right!! Don't be so hard on yourself! Being a stay at home mom is a hard, hard job! You are spending quality time with her and providing lots of interaction so she is getting stimulation.

One thing that helped me was to look for something for myself in addition to being SAHM. I found a home business that I could work on while babies are napping or down for night and it gave me some of my "sense of self" back, if that makes sense... Somewhere in the midst of worrying about all of motherly duties, I felt like I lost some part of me and therefore worried way too much about mothering because I had nothing else to distract me. So it may not be the answer for everyone, but it really helped me to balance things out and feel more confident about myself, thus more confident about my mothering. I hope that makes sense!

Hang in there! You are doing great!

You are not alone, I felt that way with my oldest. I never babysat or changed a diaper til i had my 1st baby. I had very litte friends ano family nearby. Try to get in a playgroup, it helps alot. Now i have a 4yr and a 7 months old and am happier. I have great friends get out and have a few mommies to get or give advice to. I found the group by looking on the internet. Try meetup.com, googling, ask.com, etc
As for cooking, its hard sometimes. I bring in the exersise saucer and talk to her or have her playing by herself in the livingroom since the kitchen looks right into it. She can still see me and vice versa plus i am only 5ft away.
Also, have someone over. Another mom and kid so they can help watch the baby and then treat her to dinner.
For the boredom, try changing things up a bit. Even a trip to walmart or pets store can ake a baby happy just to look at the fishs.

L.,

What a lucky little girl! The fact that you are concerned alone makes you a better parent than most. With that being said you need to step back and take a breath. In my opinion we have lost our sense of what it means to be a parent and in doing so we feel wrong doing what should come natural.

We fill our lives with endless tasks and even when we get around to completing them we still feel unaccomplished. She needs her physical needs met, along with her emotional needs, which sounds like you are fulfilling to the max. Although she can, and will, pick up on the fact that you are not finding peace.

It's so important that you see how fabulous a caregiver you are!!! Don't be afraid of a little down time. It may feel as though she is bored when she is playing without structure but think about it for a minute....she needs time for her imagination to develop as well. Filling our every moment with appointments, workouts, play dates, educational activities and constant noise bombardment can leave a person feeling exhausted and unfulfilled. Sometimes when we seek so hard to feel accomplished, yet we accomplish feeling empty and still searching.

One way to silence the ill feeling of not getting enough is to find the quiet. Go outside and just sit in the grass or walk along the beach with your baby (even if it's cold you don't need to swim). If you need, to find something part time that you enjoy like working in your favorite store(borders/ coffee shop), or finding a creative outlet for yourself. She can still benefit from you being with her most of the time. Don't deprive her from developing her sense of the world being wonderful with out artificial structure.....it has it's own natural way of bringing out the creativity in someone. In nature you can find peace and quiet the nagging voices in your head telling you your not doing enough.

I am sure others will agree you do a great job caring for her and the feeling of inadequacy comes from within you. It's natural to want your body back too, so do what you can for her and stop when you fell you need to (you don't need to loose yourself to do what's right by her). Don't be so hard on yourself...you are not being judged by anyone but you (sometimes we are our own worst enemy). If someone is judging you they have no right. Be confident you are fulfilling her basic needs and allowing YOURSELF and her time to grow.

Keep the thoughts in your head positive as much as you can (we can't always have positive thoughts, otherwise we wouldn't be human). Find some time to be silent and you will begin to feel more at peace and do your child the biggest favor possible (if you are at peace with yourself she will grow up with a great sense of being a happy soul).

Good Luck to you and your family!
A.
Leximarket.com

I did not read all of the responses, but it seems she may be fulfilled, but you are not (at this point). I recommend joining a playgroup & you will BOTH benefit from the socialization :) www.meetup.com has a bunch! Good luck :)

Have you thought about joining a local Moms' Group? It was a huge help when I had my first and continues to be a great support network for us.
Here are a couple of website,
www.momsclub.org
www.meetup.com

Everything you are doing with her is fine! If you are bored, find something else to do. You don't need to be scheduled to have a fulfilling day. Before I started homeschooling my oldest, we just did whatever came up that day. Some days it was reading and playing and cartoons, other days it was the playground and coloring on the sidewalk with chalk. Sometimes it was, and still is, me doing housework and they can help if they want to. Sometimes we would get in the car and go to Wal-mart or the mall just to window shop, or buy a pretzel and 99 cent toy. I never followed a routine. Other then, I do have meals and snacks at the same time every day, and bedtime is the same. When school is over, the kids do things on their own and I read or blog or whatever for a little while before I clean or do laundry. They can play on their own when it's me time. The computer is right beside the family room, so most of the time they are still in the room. When I am making dinner, they watch cartoons or a movie. One movie a day, or an hour of cartoons isn't going to fry the brain. I watched a lot more then that growing up and am fine. My kids just know the kitchen is off limits when I'm cooking. When mine were toddlers, I had to occasionally gate off the kitchen. As long as the rest of the house was safe for them to wander around in, and I peeked in on them, they were fine. When they were babies, I just put them on the floor with toys by the gate. Something else, as weird as it sounds, that helped me was to carry on normal conversations with my kids. I talked about whatever was on my mind. They didn't really care, but it was better then baby talk. And they are all very articulate speakers now. Also, when my husband gets home, I have me time where I am actually alone for an hour. This is a big help. I work out during that time, but you could do anything. One of my friends got a part time job so she could get away too. There's nothing wrong with that if that's what you need. And if you need to quit breastfeeding, then do it. She's old enough to get over it quickly if you just fill in with bottle feedings a little at time. (I breastfed all of mine to different ages) I think moms forget sometimes that EVERYTHING need not revolve around their children. Yes, they are the main part of our life. But if you don't take care of yourself too, you are going to resent them.

Not everyone is meant to be a stay at home mom but its a decision you have to make. I am and love it! My sister isn't and loves working! When she did stay home she was miserable and it showed on her girls. When she went back to work it was so much better for all of them!

It sounds like you are doing a great job! More than enough! But it also sounds like you need more adult interaction? What do you do when she is napping? Taketime for yourself. Not the housework.......maybe try to change up your routine. Instead of the park is there a zoo? or even walk around the mall. When I'm doing the same thing over and over that's when it gets to me.

I had a similar experience when I became a SAHM. You sound like you are doing great though! You've done a great job taking care of your baby girl, but I think you might also need to consider taking care of yourself. Find some things that you can do during the week for your own enjoyment or maybe a job you can do from home that will help you from being bored so you can enjoy your time with your daughter more. Your daughter needs to learn to be content some on her own. Taking some time out for yourself to do something will help you and your daughter. Being a mom is such a challenging job; it's easy to constantly feel like you are doing the wrong thing. But you are doing great - just take a deep breathe and find the things that both you and your daughter can enjoy!

1st of all babies do not get bored. They are soaking up their entire experience on this earth. The whole first year is about learning trust and developing motor skills. If you are so nervous and worried, you are unknowingly passing those imagined fears to her through your milk and emotions. Even if fear is imagined by the child there can be sensory issues later on. If you are interested, I give wonderful classes for moms and babies and you will learn so much about yourself and your baby!

Hi L.,
As many moms stated below, what you are feeling is sooo normal. I'll list a few of the national resources I found that have helped.

Parents as Teachers - http://www.parentsasteachers.org/site/pp.asp?c=ekIRLcMZJx... You can select the link "Select Program by State" to see the contact information to the programs available in your area. Some areas have funding to have a counselor come to your home once a month to see how your child is progressing developmentally. The counselor will work with you on activities you can do with your child to help his development. PAT will also have information to other county programs. You would be surprised at what's available in most county's in FL! Weekly developmental play groups and many differrent parenting classes. I met many of my 'mommy' friends thorugh these programs. They are a treasure.

Moms club - Wonderful group. If you do not see your area on the website. Send and email, with your zip code, to the HQ & they can give you the contact information to the mom's club group in your area. Not all are listed on the site, so don't worry if you don't see one.

MOPS - Mother's of Preshcoolers. the also have meetups for moms. http://www.parentsasteachers.org/site/pp.asp?c=ekIRLcMZJx...

Your local library - many county library systems have story time/songs for the babys/ toddlers once a week. It's fun and you are introducing your child to the library at an early age.

Good luck! Again, what you are feeling is normal. Best wishes.

ALL of your feelings are completely normal. There are "seasons" for everything in life, so just love on your daughter and enjoy the stage she's in. You are doing more good for her than you know; don't worry about her being bored. Keep up the good work!

Maybe you could put her in the Johnny-Jump-Up while you cook? Or if she crawls, let her explore? I put tupperware, rubber spatulas, etc. in a low kitchen drawer for my children to play with while I made meals.

When I cooked I always put my baby in the high chair in the kitchen with me and gave her some toys and a small snack. Just be sure to keep her far enough away from the stove so if something should splatter it won't hurt her. Also, I spent a lot of time going for walks, reading to them, sitting on the floor and playing. And I think it is perfectly normal for you to get bored. Only you yourself can answer the question, Am I a stay at home Mom or would I be happier working???? You are the only one that knows what is really in your heart. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are not a stay at home Mom and going back to work. But if you do make sure you have proper care for your daughter. I personally do not suggest day cares. I would find a private sitter that can devote her full attention to your daughter. If she has another child close to the same age or within a two years age difference that would be great. Good luck, follow your heart. If your heart is not in staying home then you will some day either hate your daughter for it or take it out on her at a later time. Just because you do not stay home with a child does not mean you don't love them.

This is the event that will change your life forever--having a child. You will never be the "old you" again. On the positive side, think of all of the amazing NEW YOUS that you will be. Life is an adventure and if we hold on to what we left behind the last corner, we will miss all the fun and exitement of the moment. In fact, it sounds like that is the only thing "missing" from what you are experiencing with your baby. She doesn't need everything to be perfect. All she needs is love, joy and peace--and you, just the way you are, even when you feel less than perfect. She is the one person who will be happy doing anything, even doing nothing with you. So ENJOY!!! God bless you both on your amazing journey.

Hey, first take a deep breath...I was an at home mom with triplets for a while with no family to help and had to go back to work! And the first thing you're doing right is admitting your faults and that is okay. This is very normal, but a wise woman told me once, "a balance is very important for everyone involved" and as long as the baby is loved, her needs are met and has a roof over her head, she'll be just fine." At least for the first year. So relax and don't try to do too much for her and nothing for you. I know it's easier said than done but Yes, Mommy has a life too. Everyday try to incorporate at least something for mom and every month increase that time. And maybe it's time for mom to go back to work, maybe even part-time. I cried at first, but then I actually like working and being with my kids. Mom is happier and so are the kids.

Good Luck,

Joining a mom's group was a lifesaver for my daughter and me. I am a baby person but then when I had my own, I had a hard time filling up the day. My daughter will be three soon and we have been in a mom's group for two years. I have made the most amazing friends and so has she. Check out meetup.com for a group around you. It may take a couple of groups for you to find the one that is right for you but keep looking. The third one was the charm for us. Good luck and know that you are not alone!!
N.

Everyone else has pretty much said it all. Alisha (below) put it very well. I will just add that I am a WAHM and I really missed working in the office, particularly when my son was your daughter's age. I had even considered going back to work in the office. It was quite an adjustment and it surprised me because I'm not a social butterfly to begin with. My son is one now and I will say that I am much more appreciative of my situation and would not trade it for anything.
I was prepared for the work that went into raising a child but I didn't expect to worry about every little thing. I could give my friend's advice about their babies and be right on point but questioned every little thing I was doing for mine.
Bottom line is you're feeling normal. This may pass and if it doesn't, consider a part-time daycare/mommy's day out. It will not make you a bad mother. As someone else put it, a good mom is a happy mom. We all need time for ourselves and that's true for any type of relationship.
Break up your routine a little bit too. That might help.
Good luck!!

I didn't read the answers below, so I'm not sure if someone already recommended this or not, but I highly recommend Dr. L.'s book, "In Praise of Stay At Home Moms." It is a wonderful read and will help you tap into the importance and sacredness of your role as a mother. I struggle with being home too (I think we all do!), and that book has helped me see it in a different and better light.

Good luck, things will get easier as she grows up. I think the 'baby phase' is really tough. Thank you for staying home with her....she needs and deserves her mother, and although it's hard to see it now, she will benefit from this for the rest of her life.

Oh my dear, it sounds like you are an amazing mom! Seriously! You seem to have a great routine down. Just remember that they are growing mentally and physically, they will let you know if they need more attention. You are putting way too much pressure on yourself. Just because this is your new job (sahm) doesnt' mean you have to drive yourself crazy alway measuring yourself to someone or something else. Kuddos on the nursing, some moms don't even realize how important it is and just ff from day one:( I would be proud of you if you were my sister or friend... I would tell everone how great of a mom you are. Your body will start coming back around a yr, I promise, my daughter is 14 mos and things are finally starting to get easier for us. Hang in there the 1st yr is the hardest, you are a strong woman, see if there are any mom's groups in your area. I recently joined something called strollerfit, I loved it and so did my daughter. Good luck!

Check out www.amandasplacedania.com New classes starting THIS week! The 8 month old class meets on Tuesdays from 9-10:30. No obligation to try it this week! Very close to you in Dania. Meet other moms, share your feelings, make friends....... :)

It gets better when your child can walk! Consider library/bookstore story hours. These were things I did with my son at that age. It gives you a chance to get out. Soon, she will be able to run around at the park or at a playplace like Gymboree. It sounds like you are doing a lot with her. I agree that playing with a baby this age is a little awkward. It's not like they can really interact with you. Do you have a baby gym? We had one that was an inflatable tube covered with fabric and little toys.

Hi L.,
Let me start by saying that anyone who says being a SAHM is easy is CRAZY!! Being a mom is hard work and at times boring and at times frustrating and at times AWESOME!

I was a successful business person before I had kids. I loved being in charge at the office and multitasking and it took some time for me to adjust to having my #1 priority be being a mom. For me there was a time when my husband stayed home with the kids (only a few months) and I worked- eventually my heart ached to think oh him getting to snuggle with them and play with them and teach them.

You have the greatest responsibility in the world- to mold another life and teach your child to be loving and joyful and fulfilled. You are blessed to have the ability to stay home with your kids.

With all that said, know that you are doing everything right (and then some) and that all your child really needs is love, time, and physical affection. You may also try and get involved in some clubs or businesses that allow you to contribute intellectually (you may even make some money) but don't require you to be away from your daughter too much.

It will become more fun as she gets older, but it will also be that much more important that you're home with her as she gets older.

Good luck and God Bless.

I can absolutlely relate. What saved me was doing something exclusively for myself. In my case composing music and having a day off once a week helped a lot. You are exhausted - chronic exhaustion. I know, an hour free is just not enough. I needed a week off, but that is impossible at this age. Maybe an entire day to yourself might recharge your batteries. Also, you don't need to stimulate your baby all the time. Space out time is importatnt. Check out what the Waldorf school system says about overstimulating your kids. It helped relieve a lot for me. Now I just do my things and include my 3 year old daughter in my chores. She loves it. Even with a baby you can do that. The bottom line, put more attention on you, less on her - it will be better for her in the long run - and for you. You must fill up your love and energy tank in order to have something to give. Good luck.

I know it is very easy to overthink things when you first become a mom. First, don't worry, you are doing a lot with your daughter. But you are allowed as a mom to have fun, you just adjust to include your daughter. I love being outside, so I put her in a front pack when she was younger and then a back pack when she got older and then we just went hiking or shopping or what ever I wanted to do. I learned to breast feed with a blanket over me anywhere I went like in my car or a bathroom. Use breastfeeding as an advantage to go where ever and not worry about bottles. If you like to be out and about, I bet your daughter would enjoy it as well. She is your daughter :) Anyway, you obviously enjoy her, just teach her to go with you where you go and enjoy these things together. I hope this helps. Good Luck.

I just wanted to tell you that your feelings are so very normal. I have 2 childrenmy first at 17, my second at 19. My husband and I got married in between the birth of the girls. With my first child I wanted to stay home so badly. However my husband said if I did not go back and finish high school I would always regret it. I pushed myself to go to school every day and finish with honors. I graduated in June and we got married in July. My the time our daughter was 1 we were talking about having another one, we moved into a larger house from a tiny appartment, and began preparing for a second child. By the time our second child was born there was no school, no house hunting, no packing, no unpacking, no painting, just being a mom of 2 beautiful girls. I really felt bored.

Well now they are 12 and 14. I do not cook dinner often because I am busy dragging one to cheer practice or the other to a softball game, or both to a fundraiser at church, or a birthday party. You name it I am the Taxi service.
I now work full time, from home mostly, only go into the office once or twice a week. My laptop is my BFF. I miss those days when they were little and we watched movies and played in the sandbox and went to story time at the library.

I say all this to say being a SAHM is the best bordem you will ever have. Do not be affraid to put her on the floor with a pile of toys and cook dinner. Try taking up a new hobby, scrap book her pictures. Find something to do for you while she is napping. Enjoy this time you have because I can promise you one thing..... I thank God every day that I have a husband who has always worked hard so that I can be with my kids when I want to.

You are doing wonderful. Your feelings will come and go, so just hang in there. Being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world, that's why I went back to work. You should feel proud of yourself because it sounds like you are doing everything a good mommy should do.

Well, you are bored because (and this won't be popular) babies ARE boring! Especially your first one. I know that I felt so inadequate and torn when I had my first child. I felt guilty for having him in daycare pt, I felt like I didn't spend enough time with him. But then I would feel sad because spending time with him just involved me being stressed out about whether or not I was playing with him "right". When he was 18 mo. old I had another baby. This is about when I realized that it's ok to just leave him on the floor looking at the ceiling. As long as I am meeting his needs and loving him (and his brother) it's OK.
Anyway- You will feel better with a hobby. Something you can do alone and enjoy independent from your family. Don't be so hard on yourself. I know very few women who feel truly fulfilled (whatever that means) by being at home with the kids.