We are a military family. Not all spouses have to put in long hours. But mine does. I honestly don't know if he just doesn't know when to stop working... or if he is really THAT busy!! I get so frustrated sometimes. He goes in for PT early early, before I rise and shine. Then comes home sometimes after supper is even made and eaten. He works in the front office at work... I call him the Secretary... haha... knowing he has more duties than just sitting at his desk all day. He gets to work with both men and women in his office. And sometimes I feel rather jealous of both genders!!! They get more time with my man than I get to spend with him awake!
I try my best to hold my tongue day in and day out. I do ask him sometimes why the long hours and we need him at home. He is just so dang busy.
Anyway, that is my rant and rave. I am making our supper minus my husband once again.
Thank you all for your responses.
I guess in a way I feel sad as well that he is leaving for yet another 12 month deployment early next year. He just got back in December 2010 from a year long deployment. I just feel instead of making them work so much they should give them more time with their family.. This will be our 5th deployment in our almost 14 years of marriage.
It's rough. We have three kids... two tweens and one preschooler. And I am 15 hours from both our families.
But with trials you get stronger. Not only has our marriage proved to be strong, I have proven to be a strong provider for our family while he is away.
Thanks again for all the comments!
That sucks, Stephanie, but it sounds like normal military life. DH and I have 10 years in and it was like that the entire time. No more for us. Good luck, it's not his fault.
hi. I'm a Navy wife, Army daughter, and Air Force granddaughter. Was in ROTC in college until I decided I wasn't ready for a commitment. There are many benefits to the military life, but there are also many drawbacks. One downside is the hours. When you sign on the dotted line, Uncle Sam owns you 24/7. (That's why they don't get "overtime" for deployments.) My husband often says, "If it didn't come in your sea bag, the command doesn't care if you have it." Sometimes it's different, but rarely.
I could regale you with tales of family crises and the military member getting called to work. What they've got going on is *always* more important than the needs of your family (according to the command.) "Mission first" is ingrained in the training. Unfortunately, there is no training for spouses. the best thing any milspouse can do is not try to make their active duty spouse feel like they are betraying their family by serving their country. It is a hard life and oh, so easy to get frustrated and bitter.... but I am so proud of my family members who have served.
If you wish to PM me to vent more specifically, feel free. I could share some stories that would set your hair on fire. :-)
I totally can relate. My husband is a chef and works 9am till 10pm 5-6 days a week. He is rarely home for dinner, leaving me to cook, clean and bathe or sweet little girls. It gets old. I call work the 1st wife, and myself the other woman! I finally just had to accept it and I do feel better, but some days, I just feel like I can not handle it alone!! Good luck, hope you get some quality time with your spouse soon!!!
My husband is retired after spending 30 years in the Army...and I can tell you that long hours and long stretches of time with him not at home are simply part of the package. That is why the military wives organizations and family support organizations are so important...we spouses need a form of support outside of our military member because they simply aren't able to be there for us all of the time.
PT is something that is SO important...think about what a danger he would be to the others around him, and to himself, when he is deployed into a war zone, if he were unable to do the things that are required of him. Shoot...just walking around all day long with those heavy packs and weapons would be more than I could handle!!!
I know it is hard....I remember it vividly...but please...for his sake...be as supportive as you can be...try not to complain...there is nothing he can do about the demands on his time. I have seen many a young mans' careers destroyed by a wife who is complaining and making it difficult for him to do the job that is required of him. Be proud of the job your husband has chosen to do...he is working to make our country strong and safe again...God bless him!!!
And God bless you....Stephanie I KNOW it is hard being a military wife...but try to be as supportive and helpful as you can be....he needs it and he deserves it.
God bless you and all of our military families!
You all sacrifice A LOT too!
What would we do without our military AND their families who give them love and moral support?
THANK YOU!!! :)
I can't speak for the military but I've had this complaint about my husband for years. I work full-time as successfully as him and never have put in the hours he does and I do wonder if he brings it on himself. I have a friend like that too. No matter what job she's in, she is incredibly busy and stressed and working crazy hours. After 20 years of this, I wonder too if she brings it on herself. I don't have any answers - it's bad luck, they bring it on themselves, or it's necessary etc. I don't know... But I sympathize. I consider them workaholics.
I understand! My hubby is also military and works 95 hours a week! the kids only see him 1 day a week sometimes 2 if one of them gets up in the middle of the night. The part that really sucks is that we live in Hawaii and it looks lovely but I can't handle taking 3 children anywhere all by myself so we get to go nowhere.
whatever you do....keep the rant here....don't let him feel it!
Please know that I am thankful for men like your husband. He has chosen a career which provides for his country. That sacrifice takes him away from the family he loves....please know that & support him!
My mum absolutely hated 'shore duty' (Navy) more than any other job my dad had. He'd leave at 4am and get home at 8pm. Myself... I loved being in the field (USMC) but loathed being on base. Same as your husband... my MOS meant that when I was on base I was up at oh-dark-thirty, and didn't get off work until HOURS after my friends were off work. And there's nothing you can do about it. Because your CO sets your hours. Thwibbt. The base would half empty at 5pm... and there we were... often there until 10pm. Of course, I'd occasionally get a CO who had us off work at 4 every single day (omg... what do I do with myself???) unless it was crunch time... but mostly... I didn't get off work until late, late, late... and then it was PT in the morning.
One of the most fun aspects of the military, as well, is the whole "show up late/ leave early" thing that civilians can do = a trip to the brig if you do it in service. ANY time not on duty is "extra" (24/7 job) as some of my more ego centric (and usually divorced) CO's would spout when people wanted time off to see their kid's school plays and we were doing work that could EASILY be done the next day.
Oh, Stephanie. I am so sorry. I know how hard this is. Is there any way you two could get away for a weekend?
I just want to say I am so thankful for you and what you put up with, and for everyone in the military.
I think you are normal, being a little jealous of the time others spend with your husband. My significant other owns his own business and works about 70 hours a week -- 7 days a week. I never get to see him really unless I go there. We don't share a home. It can be lonely! I get how you feel. I just pour myself into my kid duties and find happiness in that. I know I can't change the situation and we both wish it wasn't this way. But it is.
Let him know you miss him. And when he is home try to make the best of that time. And then when you're lonely or angry, vent to us! This job of his can't last forever right?
Yep, me too. My husband works nights at his own business. He leaves the house as I get home in the afternoon after my work. Then he does 12 hours at work, comes home and sleeps. I don't see him except for the weekends. At all other occasions it is like I am a single mom. I get our three little boys up and do their morning, do the school, preschool drop-off before going to work, pick them up after work, do their dinner and bedtime etc all by myself. Unfortunately, we don't seem to have a way around this at the moment. We battle on, but it would be nice to have him with us more.
Im sorry u feel that way. I don't have a military husband but my husband was a otr truck driver and we got to see him every two weeks or so. I was the taxi, the doc, the chef all of it. It was such a sad time for me. He is home with us now but I look back and its depressing. I don't really have a solution but just help and encourage you to keep up the good work and take every minute u get with him and cherish it!
