Not Enjoying My 3Yo

if he's not in a preschool or regular playdate or mygym find one and join!! that'll help...also does he still nap?? If noy start up again...even if it's only downtime in his room for 45 minutes...it's just as good...he can look at books or play a leapster...listen to a soft cd...whatever, but you both need the break...3 and 4 are tough...they're too big to be little and too little to be big...chores help too..have him sort socks, put his clothes away, make his bed, clear/set the table...all my kids do this...they love to help when they're young and it's great for their self esteem! It won't be done the way you would do it...but don't fix it, just praise the effort and show them how..it'll come with time...and besides the less you do the more time you have to play with them!

Hi M.,
You've got good advice below :o) I'm just here to tell you that you're not alone. My son just turned 3 and he's not eligable for preschool until Sept. 2009 because he has a January birthday (past the cut off). I'm due in May with our second child and lately everything I do makes my son whine and cry. This is all new as he's never done this before, but it's definitely the age! I taught preschool for 4 years (had a class of 10 three year olds by myself) and I also taught 4th grade for 7 years. So different when they're your own and with them all the time isn't it? :o) Definitely do NOT give in to the crying. I know it's hard. But I say "I can't understand you when you do that. I don't know what you want. When you're ready to talk to me like a big boy and use your words, let me know." Most times, he'll take a minute to collect himself and can then ask for what he wants. Chin up, this too will pass, and you're not alone :o)

Hi M., Your frustration is understanding. I happen to think 3 is a tougher age than the terrible two's. They are no longer babies yet they don't have the ability and maybe verbal skills to express themselves. With that said, I do believe that an intelligent 3 year old knows how to manipulate. They manipulate the ones they feel the safest with. Also with a 16 month old in the picture your son sounds like he is demanding attention with minor things as a way to draw attention to himself. Lastly, one other possiblity is that he may be bored and ready to learn more things, challenges he wants to share with you.

I would not suggest you give up that time to yourself. It is so important. Maybe just allocating some time to him alone with more challenging activities will help. Children never really stop the manipulation routine but as he grows, you will be able to reason with him more and show him that he will not receive recognition or special privledges for disproportionate behavior.

Hold on tight! It sounds like your 3 year old is going to be a wonderful but challenging little fellow!

H.

Is he in preschool yet?? It's time for preschool!

He's being completely developmentally appropriate, but that doesn't mean it's fun for you. You're a former teacher (me too!), so you know what a pain in the butt kids can be. :) The most wonderful 12 year old will roll her eyes at you, the sweetest 6 year old boy will drive you crazy bouncing off the walls, and the loveliest 3 year old on earth will do everything in his power to exert his independence and show you he's his own person!

Not fun, but it's gotta happen. Preschool is the perfect place for a 3 year old to learn about his abilities. It meshes so well with what you're doing for him at home.

Stay strong and patient (easy for me to say, right?), and try to remind yourself that this just means he's smart and on track. Even though it's sooo annoying! When you need a 5 minute break, take one. And when he's being disrespectful and/or whiny, give him a "break" in his room!

Good luck, hon!

Dear M.,

His behavior is normal for his age it is how you handle it that matters. When he cries do not give him what he wants, just tell him when he stops crying and uses his big boy voice you will listen. If something is working for a child it will become a learned behavior if he sees that when he cries he gets what he wants he will continue. It could also be he is bored, being home with mommy is a wonderful thing but he may be ready to do some part-time preschool. Three is the perfect age to start and it will give both of you a break. He will have so many new things to share with you and you intern will get some alone time with the baby. I am sure your son loves the baby but he could also be looking for attention as well. I was a stay at home mom and although I have no regrets I know how long those days can be. I would try to look into a half day part time program for your son and see how that works. Good luck!!

Oh the fickleness of a 3 year old. My oldest 2 went through it and I am embarking on another round of it with my soon to be 3 year old. It is frustrating, annoying, and totally typical.

Have no fear. As he learns to cope with things and communicate better with your guidance it will stop. He is learning to be an independent human being and this is vital to his success as one so hang in there.

At this age typical children (those without developmental delays) understand a lot. So ask him his opinion or his preference on some things that really don't matter that much to you such as where on the plate to put the ketchup, or which jammies to wear. Give him some control.

Good luck.

A.

They are all on an emotional roller coaster at ages 2 and 3 and we're just along for the ride. Around here it's grandkids and if I cut the bread into triangles instead of squares I could be in some serious trouble. Here's my suggestion: Get him involved in the decissions.

At lunch ask him to pick out his cup and plate and put them on the table. If you can give a choice of 2 things for lunch. Lay out 2 outfits and ask which one he'd like to wear in the morning. Ask which shoe he's going to put on first. At bedtime which book do you want to read and do you want the covers put on up to your chin or up to your armpits.

By giving him some wiggle room you are letting him have some control and setting up good communication with him. 3 yr olds are great helpers and they love to hear that they've made an excellent decission or done a great job.

Another trick I use to do with my 3rd daughter who was the worst whiner in the world is to pretend I was having trouble understanding what she was saying when she whined and cried. When she knew I wanted to help but just couldn't understand through all the tears and whining she spoke better and we discussed what she wanted.

Just hang in there because pretty soon this phase will be over ..... and he'll start doing something equally annoying.

I feel your pain, Honey. It's something he's going thru - he'll come out of it - you just have to be patient and wait it out. Sometimes I feel they just dont' know how to communicate or tell you they are upset so they cry or throw a tantrum over seemingly nothing. Do you have time that just the two of you play or go somwhere without the 16month old? Maybe he needs a little extra one on one time with mommy? I know I have to do this with my 7 yr old!