Normal Toddler Behavior or Cause for Concern?

Updated on December 02, 2009
A.E. asks from Saint Paul, MN
5 answers

Hello, fellow mamas!

I just sent a note to our local Birth-to-Three rep about this, but wanted to ask a pool of experienced moms too. Our boy turned two in August and has recently started exhibiting what I *think* might be typical two-year-old behavior. But I'm not sure! Lately he's been a bit of a Jeckyll and Hyde with his temperament. For the most part, he’s a very happy and playful kid, but several moments a day he will turn on a dime. It never lasts very long, but the littlest thing will set him off into a mini-tailspin. He’ll throw whatever toy he’s holding, flail to the ground, and start banging his head on the floor. At first I thought this was typical tantrum behavior (and we have no problem walking away from that), but my concern is with the head-banging. Even if we sit him up in a chair for “time-out,” he’ll throw his head backwards against the chair. We obviously don’t want him to hurt himself, but we also don’t want to acknowledge the behavior if it’s just a standard toddler tantrum. Is this normal behavior? Anyone have any suggestions for how we can best handle it?

In addition to these little outbursts throughout the day, J has been VERY resistant to his morning routine. He thrashes and screams throughout the first diaper change of the day, and some days (like today) even hates getting dressed! We’re in the very early stages of potty training right now, so I’m sure it will help to be done with the diapers. But what can we do in the meantime? Could he be having some sensory issues? We feed him a relatively low-sugar, balanced diet, steering clear of red food dye and caffeine.

Again, the majority of the time J seems very cheerful and content. He looks at us, gives us hugs, and has even developed “relationships” with a few of his stuffed animals (Sea Turtle and Mama Piggy are his best friends :)), so I’ve never really been too concerned with the possibility of ASD… But the head-banging bothers me. I don’t know what it means and I don’t know how to fix it. If anyone has any insight or suggestions, I’m all ears!

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C.O.

answers from Minneapolis on

It sounds normal to me, too.
Our 2-year-old is almost 3 and he can be the sweetest, happiest little thing. Then, something can set him off and he'll turn into a little terror. He can also go from screaming and crying to smiling in about half a second.
At that age, they're learning to be independent and how to push limits. They know they're big enough to do a lot of what they want, but don't realize they're not big enough to do everything. And then there's someone who's always making the decisions for them and telling them "no". That has to be frustrating!
As for the head-banging, my sister did that a LOT and she is now a healthy, happy, married mom to a cute little boy. =)

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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

My 19 month old son (preemie) bangs his head when he is upset. Our developmental ped. says it for attention and he can't hurt himself. His suggestion was to take him to his crib for quiet time every time he does it. Soon he will associate head banging for crib time and won't like the results and stop. It seems to be working (got the suggestion 2 weeks ago). Also, ignore the head banging immediate attention/reaction is what your son is looking for.

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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

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L.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

Sounds just like my 17 month old son...except he wound up hitting his head a little too hard on the floor a few times...now he throws himself down on the floor and sloooowly lowers his head down onto the floor. Then he either continues with his tantrum, or he's forgotten what he's mad about and just looks up the ceiling like he is thinking 'what just happened?'.

I think a lot of us 'older' first time Mommies expect our little toddlers to act like civilized grown ups (myself included). But they are so far from that, and we need to remember that. And when they 'misbehave' there has to be a 'reason' - sugar, caffeine, sensory issues, etc. Why? They have no idea how to express their anger and needs in an effective way. How would you react if nobody could understand what you wanted?

Good luck!

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C.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

It sounds like fairly typical toddler behavior to me (maybe a little on the "spirited" side), but head banging can be a symptom of sensory issues if you want to look more into that. There are books available including "Raising a Sensory Smart Child," or you could ask your pediatrician if he/she thinks an OT evaluation is warranted. My brother was a head banger as a child, but he did it to calm himself down for nap or bedtime.

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