15 Month Old Throwing Tantrums and Banging Head on Floor.... Help!

Hi K., I am sort of giggling over here... not because i'm laughing at your plight, but because my son... oh my stubborn little boy! - does this ALL THE TIME. If i tell him no, or he dislikes something, he will throw himself down (not too dramatically anymore) and bang his head on the floor. he will also run toward any wall, door, chair and bang his head on that. he has had a few bruises on his head, and one time even gave himself a pretty good knot that took a few hours to go down since he chose the wrought iron leg of my coffee table to bang his head on.

I was worried at first, because my two older girls did not do this... I asked my ped. and she kind of giggled and said 'let it pass, and dont make too much fuss over him when he's doing it, because it's just getting him attention - if he doesn't get a reaction, he'll find that it hurts a bit and eventually stop', also it's a form of communication since she can't talk yet - she doesn't know how to express 'hey! that's mine! I want that!.

so now when my son does this, i say 'its ok to be mad, but it doesn't mean you get what you want' and i walk away. i can't say this is getting rid of them all together (just yet) but he doesn't have bruises anymore because he's learning to be a bit more gentle on himself. he would lay there and scream - i mean SCREAM. After about 30 minutes i would say, ok, if want to cry, you can do it in your room.

If she does hurt herself, (like my son, who also busted his lip open once throwing his face into the wood floor) comfort her - I sit a few feet and say 'awww, come to mommy, i help you feel better' with my arms open... then i'm not rushing to him, and it's sending the message that things are going to be on my terms, but i'll always be here for him. i always follow up with 'you have to be careful or you will hurt yourself... be gentle, mommy loves you'

Good luck...

Hi, K.. I'm going through the same thing myself, and my daughter is now almost 2. I think she started the tantrums around 16 months. I second the advice from others here about doing what you can to keep her safe but in general just ignoring it and letting her vent. I think some children are just more passionate in general, and when they get frustrated or angry about something, they don't have the maturity to know what to do with those feelings and so they lash out with a tantrum.

In addition to throwing herself on the floor, my daughter will also bite things, usually just objects like a toy or the sofa but if her brother gets in the way, she's also bitten him a few times - THAT I will definitely intervene and punish her for. She definitely has a few bruises on a regular basis, but I've noticed that over time she's gotten less physically violent and just louder on the screeching.

I didn't experience this at all with my son (who's almost 4) so I was just as disturbed as you are when it started, but I think the actions you are taking to deal with it sound exactly right. I always jokingly remind myself that I should "celebrate her spiritedness", but I know it's hard to do in the moment.

Good luck and hang in there!

Thank goodness I have not personally had to go through this with my children, but my sister did. I was actually to the point where I was petrified of watching her daughter! I was afraid she would knock herself unconscious or end up with some major brain trauma. She would get mad and do the same thing but not only on the floors... she would run head first into the walls and keep banging her head on them. She finally called her ped and they told her that a child will not do it severely enough to hurt themselves. She had the bruises too so I consider that hurt, but her Dr was not concerned. It eventually stopped, thank God!

I agree 100% with you on the putting a child in the crib as time out, although I have done it a few times when I am so stressed I feel it is the best for both of us. I am afraid she will associate it also with being a punishment and then I will pay later at bedtime so I have only done this when I need a time out as well- when she tries my patience to no end :) And the few times I have done it I put the music on softly in her room and give her 1 toy to play with in there- helps ease my guilt!

Definately keep working with her like you are. I think that is wonderful! Take the toy away for longer periods of time and do not give it back until you are done playing with it even if she does have a "tantrum" or she will think that this is a normal response to her doing it! Maybe show her how you can both play with it together?!?!?

I wish you plenty of luck so you dont end up banging your head against the floor in frustration too! Many blessings!

Hi K.,

We have gone through this with my daughter, she is just now finally start to come out of this phase. It started around 15 months or so also. My advice would be to ignore the behavior as much as possible. My daughter would bang her head on the floor, wall, anything when she did not get her way. Sharing toys was a trigger, as was me just telling her "no cookies". It was her way to get out agression. I was also really concerned about her injuring herself (she would have bruises on her forehead)but the docs and family kept telling me she wouldn't severely injure herself. So anyway, I at first just completely ignore it. Sometimes I will say to her in calm but firm tone, "No hit your head" and move her away from the wall, floor, etc... Also, at this point you can start timeouts. Use a chair or a rug (not the crib as you don't want sleep to be a punishment)and sit her in it facing away from you. Tell her timeout and then ignore her for a minute. If she gets out, put her back until she stays for the minute. She may cry, kick, or scream, but ignore it. It takes a little while, but she will get used to the timeout. Then when she does, if your notice the headbanging, warn her she will get a timeout if she does not stop. The timeouts have worked to get my daghter to stop headbanging. I run a small daycare and we use time out for hitting, pushing, and general meaness (after many warnings. The kids have responded well. Around 15-18 months is an appropriate time to start. Your daughter does understand "no". Also, I wouldn't really expect to much actual sharing of her at this point, kids don't usually grasp that til closer to three. I just don't allow the kids to walk up and steal toys from others. Side by side play is more common at this age. I would start the discipline routine with timeouts at this point, and don't worry she will stop the head-banging behavior. Good Luck.