My daughter has never been a good sleeper. She will be 4 in March, so I know she is in the thick of a major developmental leap. For the past month, I'd say, she has been waking me about 4-5 nights a week. I need to get her to stop doing this. This is the third time in less than 2 weeks that I got up at 3:30 because I just couldn't stay in bed any longer. I keep getting sick, and I am exhausted and grumpy already.
This morning she woke me to tell me her leg itched and that she was too hot. I keep telling her she can't wake me for such things, but she is doing it anyway. I've explained that she needs to start taking care of things herself in the middle of the night, and if she wakes, she needs to just grab her stuffed friend and roll back over. What else can I do?
HELP.
I co-slept with my daughter. She needed the closeness and I enjoyed it to. We both slept great. They do grow out of this need, but the age varies by child.
My daughter turned 4 in Nov and has never once slept through. She starts in her bed and then co-sleeps with us for the rest of the night, which does seem to help with us getting sleep.
I would not expect a 4 yr old to be able to meet their own needs. Waking up in the dark is scary, and that is why you are there- to comfort her. The "itchy, hot" complaints are just an excuse to be reassured that all is well and you are there. Sleep deprivation is part of parenting.
My older daughter didn't sleep through until she was 7, and still sometimes wakes me in the night at 11. I haven't slept through the night since before I was pregnant with her- 12 years now, because of the spacing of my kids. One day I will though! I average 4 hours/night and before having kids "needed" 10. Would I like more? Yes. Not gonna happen though.
I have a 3 1/2 yr old and I just take care of him at night realizing that he is still very young and needs Mom or Dad at night sometimes. He sleeps through the night about 80-90% of the time, but goes through a week or so occasionally when he wakes at night and comes to our room. Contrary to popular belief, about 1/3 of all preschoolers still don't sleep through the night every night (Elizabeth Pantley's The No Cry Sleep Solution). You can try the really great suggestions listed from others, but in the end you may have to just be patient and loving while you wait for this stage to pass.
Toddlers and preschoolers have sleep issues too and it can be such an exhausting time getting them to sleep and to stay asleep. It must be preparing us for many sleepless nights when they are teenagers. Nurse Midwife Mom of 3
Kids, get night mares too. It wakes them too.
And the thing is, kids do not know how to "problem solve" unless they are taught. Practice with the child and role-play.
So, if she is hot. What can she do? Ask her. She can take off her blankets for example. Teach her how to problem-solve and that she CAN.
Per her age. That you don't expect her to be perfect... but that she try her best.
BUT if she needs you, she can come and get you.
Kids no matter what age, wake for whatever reason.
I have a 5 and 9 year old. They sleep well but sometimes wake and come get me. Fine.
I know if they are having an age change tweak or if they are ill or if they have a nightmare. I teach them how to gauge themselves too.
They have a flashlight in bed with them.
But in the end, I do teach them that they CAN come and get me (or my Husband) if they wake at night for a reason.
That alone, that the child knows you are there for them, sometimes just keeps them more settled. Because they don't have to 'worry' if they can come get you or not.
A 4 year old child, is NOT self-reliant. Nor developmentally or emotionally or cognitively. Yet.
This is really tough. When my 4 yo did the same thing, we used pennies as motivation. She got three on her nightstand each night. When she called us in, she paid us a penny (unless she was sick, which never happened). In the morning, she put the remaining pennies in her piggy bank. It allowed us to be loving and responsible while reducing the behavior. It worked so well that we don't even have to do the pennies any more (9 months later). She would even remind us to take the pennies because 4 yo are such rule-lovers :). Good luck!
I wish I had some advice, because I totally feel your pain! Our oldest, now almost 5, went through this phase too, and it drove us NUTS. I read parenting websites, books, expert advice, and tried everything I found to get her to stop waking us up, but nothing worked.
She was waking one or both of us several times a week, sometimes two or more times a night, for silly things like "what if my walls fell down?" or "my arm itches" or "the cat won't move over." I wish I'd read about that penny trick -- that's one thing we didn't try!
Some experts recommended not talking or engaging her, but if we did that, she'd get upset and then start yelling and screaming, waking her little sister and the other parent, so that was no good. Taking away privileges, like favorite stuffed animals, didn't stop the behavior. Giving her extra one on one attention during the day or evening didn't seem to help. Letting her stay up all day (no nap) didn't make her sleep through the night any better. The only thing that did, was her getting a bit older. Knock on wood, but I think she's done with that phase, thank goodness.
Good luck, and I hope your daughter gets through this phase soon! I know how hard it can be.
It sounds like she doesn't really NEED anything when she wakes up. For that reason, I like the suggestion below of there being some type of repercussion & reward system in place.
She won't stop, because there is no consequence for waking mommy, needlessly, multiple times a night. Until there are rules & follow through in place, she will keep on doing it.
We left 3 glow sticks/cheap toy on the table at bedtime, if you stay in your room you get them all.
Each time you leave your room at night you loose one.
If she is scared/crying I give a pass.
I gave her her own bottle of lotion for itchy legs.
I never announce at night you just lost a toy, I wait till morning & then say, Well did you say in your room, ok too bad you'll get another chance tonight.
Just keep repeating ok, you'll get another chance tonight.
Stay calm & be nice, it's hard when you are tired!
This went on for some time, but at 4 1/2 we are done & once she got better we did the glow sticks less and less, she still asks for them sometime in the morning but that is ok with me.
Does she sleep in her own room? I'm assuming she does. If that's the case, can you tell her that to go back to bed as "mommy needs to sleep". Maybe tell her if you don't sleep, then you won't be a very happy mommy when it is time to get up. Sometimes, with my child, I just let him climb into bed with me and go back to sleep. This way, I can go back to sleep also.
The other part, which may not be the best advice, but maybe just ignoring her "cries" about her itches or other nonsense. She'll eventually get the hint that she needs to go back to sleep because mommy's in a deep sleep. A behavior happens on a constant basis when we, as parents, continue to respond to it. So, try not responding to it.....
Get a baby monitor or an intercom and listen to what she is complaining about. Tell her that you will know what she says, but you will only come in if its worth it. If she is complaining about itching, you don't go. If she gets hurt, you do. She needs to learn to self soothe to sleep and the cry it out method might be the best way. Sorry. (I haven't been through this, but my little one tries every now and then, so we listen to see what she is crying about before we go in. If she just doesn't want to go to sleep, thats differnt than being upset or needing me.) I am only guessing at what might work. I wish you luck!!
