my almost 3 year old daughter is such a happy girl during the day, but often has miserable nights and mornings. we've had long periods of her sleeping through the night just fine, but if she's not feeling well or sometimes for no apparent reason she will wake up crying and miserable. tonight i've already been in her room 4 times and it is only just midnight. first she was complaining about mosquito bites which i attended to, then she wanted water, then back rubs, etc.... also, she used to wake in the morning happy, now when she wakes up she immediately starts crying and screaming for us. it does not seem like she's having night terrors or nightmares.
it just seems so strange that she's so happy and well adjusted during the day (and barely mentioning the mosquito bites) but so miserable at night. She generally takes a 1 1/2 to 3 hour nap during the day with no issues, and most nights gets around 10 hours of sleep except for the times she wakes up a lot. i know many may suggest co-sleeping, and we have at times when she is sick, but for our family it is better to have her in her own room.
Thank you all for your responses! I plan to pick up a night light and the book "baby whisperer for toddlers" ASAP. We will continue to always go to her and soothe her when she needs us, and only plan to co-sleep when she is sick and needing extra comforting. Our night time routine is already solid with bed, bath, books and backrubs. She falls asleep with no problem, it's just the night waking that concerns us.
Thank you all again!
One thing that comes to mind is whether there is something in her room that frightens her. Does she have a night light?
The other is allergies or sinus. Is she more congested at night? Night air alone can cause this or even something in the room that she is allergic too. if she is congested in the morning then that could make her wake up cranky. If you suspect this then clear her room of possible causes, and sniff around for any musty smell.
My daughter went through a bit of this but I went nuts trying to nip it in the bud because I hate dragging my bum out of bed in the middle of the night. I think she was just feeling alone and scared. She would negotiate her butt off to try and stay up later or sleep in another room.
What solved our problem were night time watch faries that would watch over her while she slept. We got her a tinkerbell glow light that stays in bed with her. A stuffed bear that lights up with you push his paw, sometimes she requests him in bed but most of the time he sits on a shelf in her room where she can see him from her bed. She has a turtle that lies in the middle of the floor of her room and projects stars up on the ceiling and she has her own little flashlight with an easy push on push off button on the bottom.
The turtle is her absolute favorite. She calls him Turnle. He's the Cloud Twilight Sea Turtle on Amazon.com. Here's a tiny link to it.
The reason that she may be more tolerant of the mosquito bites during the day is that she's busy enough to not notice them but at night the itching wakes her up. Does she seem to be more stuffed up or her eyes red and/or with more "sleep" matter in them than usual in the morning. She may be allergic to something in her room. She may also have just a bit more difficulty breathing while lying down. It's also warmer now during the day. Is her room stuffy and perhaps holding the heat in from the day time?
My daughter needed a small fan blowing on her when she was in her bed all year round. She still uses a fan some of the time. She said the air helps her to breathe better and the noise soothes her. Her son is helped to get to sleep sometimes with a fan blowing on him. I have a fan next to my bed and he will sometimes turn it on for himself. He just turned 7.
When we wake up alot we don't get good sleep. You really don't know how much actual healing sleep that she gets. Perhaps you could try cutting back on the length of her naps. Some kids don't need naps by the time they are 3.
For the water, I suggest giving her a sippy cup to take to bed with her. She may not be drinking enough water in the daytime because she's busy playing. Because the temperature is warmer she may need more water and hasn't made the adjustment to drinking enough in the day time yet.
She may be going thru a phase of feeling insecure at night. Even as an adult I often do not want to sleep at night and prefer going to bed late so that I'm sleeping more in the daytime. I'm not suggesting that you keep her up later. lol But perhaps she needs some extra comforting right now. Asking for back rubs gave me this idea. Perhaps you could give her some extra time at bedtime. What is your routine? Do you spend at least 20-30 minutes with her before you turn out the light?
And would it be possible for you to wake her up with an affectionate good morning? perhaps a hug? Have you tried just holding her and rocking her when she first wakes up? It sounds like she may be feeling insecure.
Have you asked her why she's having trouble sleeping and waking up screaming? At 3 she may be able to tell you when you ask a direct question. If not you could try telling her a story about another little girl who has the same difficulty that she's having and ask her how she thinks this other little girl feels and what she would suggest that the mother do for this other little girl.
Does she have a night light? This might help. I really like the suggestion of a glow light or a toy that lights up when you squeeze some part of it. My daughter came to me as a foster child. She's been living at Waverly, a group home for children where it would be difficult to get someone's attention at night. Someone had given her a toy that looked like it may have been called a glow worm. When you squeezed it's tummy it lit up. She took that to bed with her for several weeks. Then she graduated to a stuffed clown that I had put in her Easter basket. She still has that bunny sitting on her bed. Having something cozy to hold often helps little children and big feel more secure.
I'm with you. I definitely do not like getting woke up in the middle of the night and especially numerous times. And if co-sleeping doesn't work for you something else will. I could not co-sleep with my daughter when she was a foster child. It's against the rules. Sometimes I cheated and it did work. When she slept in my bed she slept thru the night and so did I.
I would suggest that when she needs comfort you don't "give her" anything other than mommy comfort..or daddy comfort. If she has a favorite stuffed animal maybe you can start a little ritual where you and her talk to the stuffed animal in the morning about what's bothering her. She is probably just getting attention ..really..it works at night..why not mornings too? Kids that don't go to sleep right away get bored and pick at themselves, want water, another story...etc. Give her one drink (if potty training..try to wean that habit to one before a story and then no more..and potty after the story). Some of it might be that she can't articulate that she needs to go potty if she is potty training and it might wake her up and since she's frustrated and tired it turns into a fight instead of just going potty. You do have to teach her the right "words to use"..which might be helpful with the stuffed animal conversation in the morning. Talk about the day..what to do first..and smooth into why she might be crying..it might be she just wakes up and doesn't really know or remember where you are. (Kids are kind of weird that way..they get new information and old information kind of gets forgotten for a bit). During the day do a tour of the house together at some point and talk about where everyone sleeps. Talk about how daddy sleeps on this side of the bed, mommy sleeps on this side of the bed..just like teddy sleeps on this side of your bed and you sleep on that side..etc. Another possibility is that when she wakes up her eyes and mouth are dry..So greeet her with a cup of water, or orange juice. or whatever in the morning.
Let her tell you if she can..but help her find the right words..or have her show you.
I would cut down on her nap to no more then an hour a day. That is a very long nap for a three year old child. If it is taking her that long to settle in then she isn't sleepy enough when she is being put to bed. Try cutting the nap, or just making her have a rest period on the couch with a pillow and a movie. That's what I did with my children and it always worked for me. Once they started transitioning from their nap I called it a rest time. It gave them a quiet time and me a break as well. Good luck!!
Mom,
I would definitely not try the co-sleeping thing, it will create problems in the future when you try to stop it and allows no privacy for you and your husband. Your little girl has taken a big step already in sleeping in her own room, Ii would not mess it up. Have you talked to her about what is bothering her at night? Also is TV off and for a least an hr before bedtime, TV can overstimulate little brains and cause them problems falling asleep? I would also try to linit her napping to no more than 2 hrs. Is your little girl on a set routine for bedtime, if not start one asap and stick to it. At night get her ready for bed by giving her a nice bath, pic a favorite stuffed animal or soft little blanket that makes her feel secure and read a few books to her right before bedtime to that it is a plesant time for her. I would set her bedtime no later than 8pm nightly and stick to it too. Young children especially thrive on routine and it provides a sense of security for them. You may even want to go out to one of the large chain stores like Walmart or Target and get her a special night time toy to sleep with, I have seen some cute Fisher Price and Play school toys that are soft and cuddly and desgined to be used at night. Some even have a built in night ligt or glow feature. My daughter went through this at a similar age and it is tough to see her got thru this and for you too but it will pass. You are a good Mom to be concerned about this. Good Luck
She could be afraid of the silence and or the dark. Have you tried various night lights, light up toys, stuffed animals that purr or some other lovies? I would almost suggest letting her have a tv in her room with a continuous loop vcr running a favorite movie. But that's a bad habit to get started. What about a radio on low or cd player playing some children's music? She's simply not comfortable. What about her bed? So many beds for children have HORRIBLE mattresses. Maybe she doesn't like her blankets? She might like something softer like fleece sheets or maybe silky sheets? She could even have acid reflux and not know it or know how to express it.
I recommend a great read, "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers" by Tracy Hogg. Also, you mentioned your daughter is three. Cognitively, she is going through seperation anxiety. Soothing her when needed during the night is absolutely the way to go, especially if she is sick. I strongly do not recommend co-sleeping at her age. As tired as you are, she will grow out of this phase in her emotional development & onto the independent stage of four which is so fun & exciting, I promise! Positive reassurance is key. Also, don't turn any of the lights on in her nursery, unless of course she is sick or it is an emergent cry (you are her mommy, you can read her cries). I agree with Diane about her daytime naps. She should be down to one, no longer than two hours. Hope this helps.
My daughter did the same thing. We are finally over it after she turned about 4 1/2. My partner and I disagreed on what was causing it. She thought it was that DD was napping in the afternoons and didnt need it anymore. I really think it was just developmental. At this age, they tend to become more independent but get scared and lonely at night time. My daughter would often wake up and we just needed to go in and retuck her in and give her a kiss. A little reassurance that we were still there and that we would respond to her was what I thought she needed and I continued to do it for about a year. It meant a lot of sleepless nights but it is over. My daughter is also not themost confident or independent child so I think that this played a part in it.
Good luck and hang in there.
it seems obvious to me that if she is miserable in her own room, that it can't be "better for your family" for her to be in her own room, since she is a very important part of your family. and yes i do strongly suggest cosleeping. or lying with her in her bed. or at least allowing her to come into your bed when she wakes up. it would make perfect sense that she is happy during the day because she isn't being left alone and abandoned in the dark during the day. she may need extra reassurance for a while and then will probably return to sleeping through the night.
