Neighborhood Kid Boundaries?

I think she is looking for some female companionship since she lives with her Grandfather. But, you can certainly be friendly to her and still set boundaries. Just decide what you're comfortable with and tell her she's not allowed past the kitchen, or in the house or whatever.

Put a little chain lock on the door when you're in and he's out (assuming you can still keep an eye on him).

It's TOTALLY okay to say

"Whoops! Don't go farther than the kitchen, honey!!"

"I have to get to work now, go on outside and play"

"Sweetheart, you're welcome over here as long as I'm right here and not working... sometimes I'll have to be somewhere else in the house, and sometimes I'll be doing dangerous stuff in the kitchen... so just make SURE you ask, and I'm here darlin! :)"

"Outcha go, sweetie... see you next time!" high-five

"Hey, Sweetheart, now's not a good time to visit. You need to go play with the other kids."

"I'm glad you came to visit, but we need to visit in the kitchen."

I would also make sure you say thanks to Grandpa for his eagle eye. Some goodies or a casserole might be in order.

S.

.

I would just kindly remind her that she needs to stay outside so her granddad knows where she is.

Sounds very nice actually. Now, the cat is probably the big attraction, and if it's an inside-by-preference cat then she has no choice but to come in to play with it. You are doing her a favor by telling her very clearly when she is welcome and when she is not. First, think about how you want it, and then just tell her. Kids like to know what the rules are, for everything, from how you want to address her to whether she can use the toilet at your place or not. I would also ask for Gramp's phone number so you can call him to collect her if need be.

In am rather careful to tell children (at least the onese straggling around my neighborhood) I can not have them in my house unless their parents are over. It doesn't sound likely, but you never know when kids or grownups will start making up stories about molestation or other things. I'd rather that not be a danger. It's one thing if I've agreed to babysit, etc. but with people I don't know, I don't take any chances. By putting it that way, it lets the kids know they are not offensive to me, but I protect myself too.

You just nicely say that she is not to come in the house... nor roam around.
Then, if something happens to her while in your home or an accident... who will be responsible? What a messy liability...
The way some people are nowadays... it can be a real issue.

You just tell her she cannot come into your house or certain rooms. When I have playdates, that is what I tell the kids AND their parents.
They understand.
I simply say certain rooms are "PRIVATE." My kids know too, which rooms their friends cannot enter. And even my kids will tell the other kids, or they tell me.

All the best,
Susan

I understand completely. I live in a community where there are lots of kids. Two of those kids have a nasty habit of opening my front door and helping themselves to my home because the people who used to live here was best friends with their mom. I have had to get stern with them and tell them that they are not invited in at this time and to go play outside. Their mom is just as bad and doesn't seem to understand the rules of knocking first then entering and to go away when someone is busy. Good luck to you. My only suggestion is to be firm.

Good luck. Start setting boundaries now. I have two next door neighbor boys that are older than my daughter (she is almost 4 and they are elementary) and I made the mistake of letting them come over once to jump on the trampoline. Now, every time they hear us outside they run over. They want to come over all the time and will hang out at our gate (chain link fence) and say "now can we come over?". I finally worked up the courage to say they couldn't come over except every once in a while, but they still try and try and try. It sounds like your little neighbor may be really lonely. I know my next door boys are and I feel bad for them, but it is definitely not my job to entertain them. Good luck!!!

I think it would be totally ok to tell her that she can't just walk into your house...it would freak me out if there was someone in our house I didn't know was there. Tell her if she wants to pet the kitty to knock and wait for you to answer, because if you don't know she's there, you might come into the room and bump into her or something. Also, I think you need to talk to the grandfather and ask him if it's ok for you to even have her in your kitchen and make sure he knows she's going in every time...can you imagine if you step away then look outside and your kid is gone.

It sounds like the norm in neighborhood is for all the kids to treat the backyard area as a common area. Probably some of the families don't mind the other kids treating their houses as their own. It also sounds like a blessing to have all the families sharing an area and looking out for each others' kids. Keep in mind that they would probably welcome your son if he was playing and just wanted to come in. I know during summer months my neighbor and I leave our back doors open and the kids will go between houses.

As far as just walking into your kitchen- since you just moved there, you need to establish your rules. I think you can nicely say to her the things that Riley J. suggested. I think that is reasonable.

Just explain that this is your home, and you make the rules. If you are fine with her in the kitchen, then let her know. If she needs to ask for permission to come in, then let her know that too.
I understand that you want to be nice, but she also needs to understand you don't just walk into someone else's home. Every home she walks into may not be the safe place yours is.

I have neighbors that are in and out of other neighbors yards then leads into their home.I tell them nicely to go home yes I have 3 kids but i'm not the neighborhood sitter.My kids no better than to run off to a strangers yard/home.Ask her to please not enter your home its ok to play outside with your son but if there is something that is needed ask.

Years ago, a neighborhood kid walked into our house without knocking. I smiled & said he could come in to play with my son, but that the polite thing to do was to ring the doorbell & wait for someone to let him in, & that he should always do it that way in the future. He never came into the house unannounced after that. If you don't tell kids these things, they don't know any better. Just be kind in the way you tell them.

As far as wandering around the house goes, no one is allowed anywhere in our house unless escorted there by someone in the family. I.e., if you let her in the kitchen, she should stay in the kitchen unless you invite her into the living room or somewhere else. You could just say something like, "I'm sorry, but you'll need to stay here & visit with me or go back outside to play."

Just be firm and tell her it's not okay for her to go into your house. Honestly, it's a liability issue--

Be honest with her, but do it with a smile and a kind word. I used to have this "problem" a lot when we lived in an apartment complex where my ground floor apartment had a sliding patio door that opened into the yard.
I would say something like "Hi Sweetheart ! How are you today ? I am very busy today, so you may say hello to "Kitty", but then you must go back outside and play with your friends so I can get my work done. Thank you so much for understanding ! It's such a pretty day today, you really will like it better outside anyway, rather than in this old house."
Do it with a smile and stay right with her until you decide it is time to inch her toward the door.
On days when it's OK with you that she is in the kitchen, but she gets curious about the rest of the house, stop her when she starts that direction, and tell her you will be happy to show her the rest of the house, but she must have her grandfather's permission first. If after running home to ask, she comes back, take her on a tour of your home. At her age she is just curious anyway. End up back at the kitchen, and then kindly tell her that she must always, ALWAYS have your permission to go beyond your kitchen. She is not to be in the rest of the house without you.
Most 5-year-olds can understand and obey that. They just don't know the unwritten social rules yet. This is what they mean when they say "it takes a village" (LOL ... I hate that phrase, but it is true). We all participate in teaching children how to get along with others in this world. Occasionally her curiosity will get to her, but then you bring her kindly back to the kitchen and reiterate the rules. After all, 5-year-olds forget. LOL.
Sounds like you have a sweetheart of a visitor. I hope this develops into a wonderful little friendship. :o)