Need Tips on Cutting down Whinning and Crying

my niece and nephew are the same way, 4 and 7 years old. when they come over they know if they want or need something they need to talk or not ask at all. I have even told them that if they don't stop whining they will get put in a timeout, one minute for every year they are. Since they had one timeout each, they have stopped whining when they come over. I believe that if you give into the whining it will never stop

If you are giving him what he wants when he whines/cries then he is definitely going to continue doing it - because it works! When my daughter whines or cries for something I tell her "stop whining/crying, and tell/show me what you want" and then she will stop and either point or say it if she can.
At first he might not get it, so be patient and try to help him. Teach him how to explain to you what he wants in a more appropriate way. Best of luck to you! :)

You have recieved some great advice here, as usuall. Some have said to ignore your child... I feel that would be a mistake. Children need to feel safe to be able to communicate effectively, this is very true now, at one years old, as it will be when he hits his teens. Listen to him and he will listen to you. Children learn by modeling their family members behaviors, then their friends, ect. Set a good example by letting him know that he is important, and what he has to say has value. He is learning so much, and you will be amazed how quickly he will pick up and start to use: signing, his "big boy" words, and not just emotions. Give your little man patiance, and he will do anything for you. These early communication skills will all but eliminate the "Terriable Twos", because being frustrated about being understood, is the main cause of tantrums. Check out Penelope Leach's "Your baby and Child; Birth to Age Five" the best parenting book I read as a young mother. Notice his efforts, and tell him "I like it when you....." ...use your big boy words, ...brush your teeth, ...say please, etc. Praise the positive, and ignore the negative. Tell him what you want him to do. Easy things, that are extreamly effective.
Best of luck and love to you and your family,
M.

D.,
Totally normal!!! You got some good advise. Using your words is definitely the way to go. My 16 month old has been saying "please" for about 3 months now. If she wants something, I ask her to "show mommy what you want." She'll walk to it and point, and then I tell her what it is called and ask her to repeat the word. (she is a little parrot) Next time she wants it I ask her "tell mommy what you want" and she will try to say the word. Over time she got better and better at saying the words. I ask her, "how do you ask?' And she say's "PEAS..."
I don't think walking away from your child and ignoring them is not the way to go. They get frustrated because they can't communicate with you. When my baby would whine and cry over something, I usually got on the floor with her and figure out what she wants. It takes pacience, and some time to learn their language. But it does get easier as they develop the english language. He's still so young. You will see in the next few months that things should get better.
Good luck!

It IS his age! And another thing - at this age, and for about the next 7 to 8 months, you are their world - and if they aren't with you, can't see you, they think that you have disappeared forever. So, try to realize and relax into this new situation and maybe invest in a sturdy baby back pack (I cooked many, many dinners wearing my sons!) Try to organize, streamline your daily routines so that he you are insight, or he is super distracted while you shower, etc. - but realize that kids only have two things to do for about the first 8 years of life: 1) Play 2)Be safely in the shelter of their parents. And not necessarily in that order!! The more secure he is that you are there for him, that he is safe, the easier things will get.
Your free time will come when he is sleeping - so work on strong nap and bedtime routines.
THERE WILL BE SACRIFICES - I had to give up the gym because baby was so traumatized by being left. But that's ok - I can stop being self-centered and take care that this little tiny person, who didn't ask to be born after all. Now we do exercise videos at home and park in the farthest corner of the store parking lot!
Relax - soon enough he wiil prefer friends over you, and then other girls and women! YIKES!
Good luck!

D., it's just another one of those lovely stages all our babies go through that we love and train them out of! Lol! Believe me you are NOT ALONE in this. I have 5 children, one more baking in the oven ;o) EVERYONE of them go through it. They all go through stages of the "whine" and clinginess. Some worse than others. One of the best pieces advice I can give ANY mother is TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Yours are telling you, that this is a problem.

What I've done is similar to other moms. My favorite phrases become "use your words" and "use your normal voice." Then I show them. My 17 month old is having a hard time with words so I show her what she is doing and what I want her to do. She whines "uh uh uh." I say (while shaking my head back and forth), "No uh uh uh." "Use your words, say UP" or whatever it may be. Every child is different. Some need more attention than others. It's not a bad thing, just a different need. Spending one on one time teaching him with love and patience how to "use his words" and not to whine will be some great quality time for him.

As my children's speech became better and they had the words AND the whine, I would simply say "Use your normal voice, not your whiney voice. Try again." And again, I'd show them what I meant by imitating their whiney voice and then showing them how to do it in a normal voice. Eventually, my children would give a grin and try it with no problems. When it didn't happen, I let them pout about it for a while before I talked to them in a calm voice and showed them again.

Remember consistency is the trick, not necessarily winning each battle. With consistency, love, and patience you'll win the "war of the whine" without all the negativity! Good luck!

Hi, D.! Hang in there--a lot of it is really the age. Around 12 months, babies start to explore the world away from Mommy, but they will either come back & check in or want you to come back & check in. It's a phase & will likely pass soon--and then he'll be wanting to do EVERYTHING by himself, which comes with its own set of frustrations for you!

Honestly, when he whines & cries, he is using the only tools he has to get your attention--there's really no other way! He's not speaking yet, & he doesn't know how else to communicate with you. The whining & crying is really the most effective way for him to say, "I need this! I need you! Etc." If you give him a tool that works for you & for him in a positive way, you will both benefit greatly. One great thing you could try is teaching signs to your son. We did it with our daughter, & it was amazing how many signs she could use by age 1 (more than 50!). It really lessens 1) the frustration for the child, 2) the whining & crying, & 3) the frustration for the parents!

It also sounds like he is in the perfect phase to learn signs quickly, because he will be very motivated. Let's say he wants you to get the toy boat off the shelf. When you respond to his whining, say, "Boat? Boat!" And show him the sign for boat (cupping your hands & rocking hands back & forth like a boat in the water). Repeat it a couple of times & ask him, "Can you show me boat?" while you sign. If he even tries at all, even if it's not a very clear motion, reward him by giving him the boat. And then each time, encourage him to use the sign, & reward him for attempting to sign. He can learn a new sign every day; they learn soooo quickly at that age. And he WANTS to communicate with you in a way that will get a positive response from you.

And all I did to sign with my daughter was get one book from Borders--SIGN, SING, & PLAY. It has a glossary in the back, & I would just look up a sign when something came up--like if we saw a dog in a book, or if we had an apple at a meal. I also just Tivo'd and watched SIGNING TIME with her--I learned tons of signs just that way. It really doesn't take much. And you can start with "please" (rubbing a circle on your chest with an open hand) and all the signs for the things he likes most. Before you know it, he'll be signing for things instead of crying--and the more you respond positively to the signing, the more he will use it--and the more sane you will feel! You'll be communicating with him & he'll be using a type of communication that is quiet, concrete, & effective.

I hope this helps! It might seem like a bit of work to do--and it is, but the positive results are sooooo worth it. Plus, it's just something fun to do with your kid. They are really smart, & if he signs, he'll demonstrate to you how intelligent he is and won't seem like that crying machine. You aren't creating that--you just need to give him an alternate method of communicating with you! :) If he whines & cries & you respond, then you are in a way reinforcing his communication method. If you respond to his signing, then he'll do that instead!

Best of luck & feel free to email me if you have any questions. My friend is also starting a signing class in Rancho PV for your son's age group if you want the info. :)

A., Mom to 2-yr-old & 4-mo-old daughters :)
"____@____.com"

Teach him baby sign language! THIS is a BIG help in communication both for the child and the parent.

This is normal for this age. Just be careful that you teach them HOW to "express" themselves... versus teaching them that they "cannot" express themselves.

He's only 12 months old. And they do this. Even at older ages, 2,3,4,5,6 years old they WILL whine and fuss. So be prepared for this. Children as young as this do NOT have eloquent communication, nor the impulse control, nor the "abstract" reasoning for doing things or obeying like adults or much older children.

It's just something you need to manage WITH him. At each age... they develop a different way to communicate... and whining is one of them. And each child has their own temperament and personality.

At this age, distraction and redirection works best. They aren't going to understand wordy and heavily verbal explanations. And besides, "full" impulse control does not develop until much later, around 3 years old, for most kids.

The whining will continue, sorry. At this age they all do this. I would teach him sign language.... teach him functional words like "help", "more," "hungry", "drink," "stop," "eat," "sleep", etc. I did this with both my kids and it REALLY helped US to understand them.

Also, their emotions are just starting to develop... and more emotions will develop as they get older. It's all about ages and stages and phases. A baby does not come fully equipped with ALL emotions fully packaged from birth. It develops. So, they need to be taught about feelings, the words for it, and how to manage it as they mature, age appropriately.

Also at this age, my son understood "shhhh..." and holding our finger up to our lips. You can try simple ways to "explain" sounds and "voices" too. Remember, you are building a set of tools for them to learn how to use... and introducing them to the child as they develop. It's not easy for them either... and so they yell. In a child's mind... WE don't understand THEM. And, they are partly right. LOL.

Good luck,
Susan

Go on your computer and go to American sign language website. I am a daycare provider and teach my little ones baby sign. Depending on their coordination I start them as young as 9 months. I start with the "more" sign. It seems to be the easiest one to learn and as their coordination adjusts then maybe "please" is next. Then we go to "cup", "eat" and so on. Usually by age one they know at least 8 -10 signs from....help, more, cup, milk, hungry, please, tired, up, apple, cheese, cheerios etc....you can add signs which are used more in your home. As one woman basically stated before, your son is only 1 and that is what they do. The sign may not get rid of the whinning but it does reduce it. The sign language takes away some of the frustration which is a sign of not being able communicate. Try it you will be amazed. Some say baby sign helps with early talking.

M.

D., it is very normal for your child's age. My son is now 18 months old but it was around 12 months when he started the whining and gesturing for things or for me to pick him up, etc. The first word I taught him at this stage was "please". Very quickly he caught on that he needs to say "please" rather than whine. He actually says "pease" without the "L" but uses it appropriately instead of crying and gesturing. It won't take long, just choose a word and repeat it and he will use it in context faster than you think and he will forget the crying because he can express himself with words. Now my son has many words like "open", "mas", "down", "up" and he speaks a lot more than other children his age. He also uses Spanish and English words indiscriminately. Go for it... give him the tools he needs to stop the whining! Good luck, this too shall pass... quickly!

My youngest is 13 months and I try not to give them what they want until they ask for it. Starting at about 10 months (you can usually figure out what they want) when she would whine, I would say "do you want up" or "do you want ice" now instead of whinning she will say "up" or "ice." The first couple of months, while they are learning the words, I still give them what they are wanting but now I will not give her what she wants until she asks for it! My biggest mistake with her was saying "do you want this" because now EVERYTHING is "this." Try to call things by their name "do you want your horse" etc. etc. They will still whine when they want something because they do not know how else to ask for it but it gets better (and easier) as they learn what everything is!

There is a book you can try to read called The Happiest Toddler on The Block. There are a lot of ideas on how to talk "toddlerease" to your child so you can nip that in the bud almost instantly. I had to skip some parts of the book that I just couldn't get into, but picking and choosing sections that apply to your child's age will still help.

I agree with Julia M. Also, baby sign language will help tremendously for communication. Good luck.

You are not doing anything wrong, it is a stage that he needs to be near you. He is also struggling to communicate. Teach him some sign language. go to babysigns.com or just get a book from the library and try it. It is very easy to do. You don't have to buy a lot of stuff or take classes to learn how to do it and it is very rewarding. I taught my second daughter signs and she had a vocabulary of 150 signs!! She also spoke really early. Once he can "tell" you what he wants, the whining will abate and he will be more confident in his ability to get your attention.

He is only 12 months old, and your a stay at home mom of coarse he is going to act this, way, the only thing is he doesnt know how to talk to get what he wants so he whines, in a form of commuinacation. As he ages and learns to talk more he will whine less.

I agree that 12 months is a tough age to "discipline" since they don't really understand what you are saying and they can't verbally communicate to you what they want other than crying or fussing. BUT, I do believe babies are WAAAAYYYY smarter than we give them credit for. They may not understand exactly what we are saying but they do understand/associate our body language, facial expressions, tone of voice with particular actions. They have done so since they were in utero and could hear your voice.

So he does know at such a young age that certain actions on his part, get you to do or not do things. They aren't trying to manipulate you on purpose, but they are trying to manipulate the scene to test what will or won't happen if they do this or that. And unfortunately, if you can't handle the whining now at just 12 months....wait until you see what a 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 year old can do.

I don't really think my kids starting whining until they were a little older (around 16 months). Does he get enough sleep at night and naps during the day? Could be he is just a little over tired. I know for my kids they get REALLY whiney when they are too tired or too hungry (but who doesn't get this way when they are tired or hungry?).

There are so many "Parenting" books out there. I have flipped through a bunch and have taken what I can use from each book and applied it, and disregarded the other tips that don't apply to our family. One that I really liked about raising boys is by Dobson, and I believe it is called How to Raise Boys in a Christian Way. Or might just simply be called "How to Raise Boys". My hubby also read it and still continues to flip through it every once in awhile when he doesn't know how to handle situations with our 3 yo very rambunctious and energetic son.

I agree that baby signing can help you both understand each other. For my kids, that wasn't necessary since both are very verbal or could physically show me what they wanted, even at such an early age.

I also agree that you shouldn't give in to his demands when he is fussing/whining. It only encourages the "bad" actions. If you are consistent with your body language and tone of voice and say something like "No whining" or "Calm Down" in a deep authoritative tone everytime, he will eventually associate it with his whining and not getting his way.

But you've also just got to get used to the fact that whining is part of a young child's life. It will happen over and over and over again. It's part of their way of testing the world (especially their parents). ANd it will happen in the most uncomfortable places for you...on a crowded airplane, in the middle of the grocery store, in front of your friends at a huge wedding reception, in the middle of the sermon at church, etc. All been there, done that for us. So embarassing, but it's all normal.

My hubby and I just do our best to tell our kids that the action is not acceptable and that there are consequences for their actions. We do our best to not give into their demands unless they calm down and ask us nicely (we are starting to work with our 16 month old daughter on this right now). If they don't calm down and the tantrum escalates, they are removed from the situation (taken to the car, put in their room for time out, etc.) On occasion they will get spanked if they start throwing things or doing something that will hurt themselves or others. Often times with our 3 yo son we take away privledges (the movie he was watching gets turned off, if we were on our way to a playdate or at a playdate we go home immediately, etc.)

But right now with our 16 month old daughter, we just do our best to not give her what she is demanding until she can ask nicely. That's her level right now . Later on down the road, time outs and taking priviledges away will work.

my daughter did that but much younger. i focus a lot on her doing solo play and when my husband comes home then he takes care of the interactive play. what i did (and i started this at like 3 months) was leave her in the living room while i did dishes even if she cried i would just tell her im right here ill be right back and with time she started to entertain herself. now i can leave her alone even when i take a shower (which is only 15 mins long). she sits quietly on the floor listening to nogin on tv and playing with her toys. just give it time and start out with the 5 mins and then goto 10 and so on. good luck!

Whining is a perfecly normal activity for a one year old. They can't speak yet, and whining and crying are there only forms of communication. When he whines, say "Do you want your milk?" etc. If he hears you say it, he'll eventually learn to ask for what he wants. Be patient, before long, he'll be talking so much, you'll wish he was still in the whining stage! :)

Thats the problem! Your doing everything he wants when he whines! He needs to ask nicely and say please and he needs to 'use his words' . This sentence I use alot with my 14 month old. He is trying to communicate and if you respond to his whinig and whimpering he will keep it up and it will get worse. " We cant go into the grocery store untill you sit in the grocery cart and buckle up." If he doesn't do this there needs to be a circumstance to the action. If he wants something and he is whining he needs to stop whining and ask you nicely. Say please and may I have this instead of 'I want this" they understand this. Another thing I tell my Daughter 31/2 years who gets really whiny after spending time with her little best friend. I cant hear you if you whine. And when it gets really crazy I say whiny little girls get NOTHING!

Another note is there is nothing more admirable when in public when parents teach their kids manners and to respect other things and people and animals when shoping or interacting with others.

Most of all is patience. Be as patient as you can. Don't give in to his whinig and give it to him anyway. If he continues into a tantrum you need to allow him to calm down. After this start over and try again.

Its alot of information and you can take it or leave it. It works for me and children appreciate the boundaries also!

Teach some basic signs. What your baby is doing is totally normal. Julia M. says it well.

M.

Hi D., it sounds to me the whinning and crying gets him what he wants, so that's why he is doing it, it's hard with a 12 month old because they can't talk real well to express what they want/need, so they cry, when he does that, if it's to get his way, don't give him his way, if it is something out of reach that is OK for him to have then wait until he stops crying /whining then ask him do you want your what ever it is, and help him to start using his words, if the toy is not working same thing wait for him to stop crying and whining then say lets see if daddy can fix it, he has to be taught that things work with communcation, and you will have to tell him, no crying, stop, ,maybe sh what ever works for him, but don't yell, don't raise your voice, talk to him in a calm respectful manner, you will be surprised how fast he will learn, because right now at 12 months, he's not set in his ways like a 2 year old. Don't say you can't walk away from him for more than 3 minutes or he cries, yes you can you are the parent, you leave the room he cries, dad gets in there, and tells no crying, stop, sh, again what ever works, you can't not be controled by the strong will of a child, you and your husband have to be the ones in charge, you need to work together for the sucess of having a well behaved child. You are going to have to be patient, firm but loving, and consistant, don't back down and give him what he wants while he is crying. If you would like to talk furture, send me a personal mesage, I've raised 3 kids my youngest is 19, and I have ran a Home Day care for 11 years, I don't know everything, but I do know what works for most kids, J. L.