Need Some Help/advice for Getting Tubes Tied

You should just let your husband know your done having kids. And then have your tubes tied.

Tubal ligation is not major surgery, you got to be put to sleep but is a simple procedure, you'll be capable to resume your regular activities in approx 48 hrs.
Now tubal ligation against your husband wishes can cause him to become resentful and you can be opening the door to other problems. You got to be teammates.
My personal experience with tuboligation isn't good, for one, my periods or cramping didn't vanish, my libido definitely took a deep dive. Besides that, later on I got divorced, now engaged with someone who is 46y/o and have never had children therefore I'm looking into tubal ligation reversal which is complicated, it isn't 100% successful and usually not covered by insurance.
I know you are probably anxious about this issue, but please reconsider and weigh benefits versus risks.
fondly,
M

I don't understand the relationship between the bleeding and tying the tubes. It did not help me. I would suggest you keep a record of what goes on with you and continue to talk to your husband, let him know that you are suffering. (I am a Navy wife also and it took 2 DNC's until they gave me a hysterectomy which is what cured my bleeding which had gone on for years). The waiting until he deploys again sounds a bit selfish to me, it is so easy for them to plan for something work intensive to happen when they are gone!!

There are books about ensuring the sex of a baby but no promises. Keep talking, get a second opinion, and come to an agreement as a couple. Talk about what difference the boys are than having one of his own. Would they be treated differently after his boy gets here? Be gentle and respectful (Respect is what men crave) so he stays willing to talk but stand up for yourself. SEMPER GUMBY!!
Go to www.gocompass.org and sign up for a class. You will be glad you did!!

Hi R.,
What timing! I was at my dr.s yesterday for very heavy and LONG periods (11 days). There were some different things we talked about, but tying tubes wasn't one. She mentioned an IUD that is called Mirena, which has made many women not have periods altogether. It may be a better solution for you if you are not sure you are done having kids, or don't want to go through surgery. I have not yet looked into all the info on it, and I plan to before making any decisions. Just thought I would throw it out there, and you could talk to your dr. about it. You may want to get a second opinion as well, it sounds like your Dr. is a little surgery happy.

I didnt' read your replies, so I am sorry if I am repeating what others have said.

When I looked into tubiligation, the Drs all told me that it would not correct my issues with menstrating. I was told that it could even possibly make things worse. The one thing they all said though was that the Mirena would help level out the hormones and possibly correct period issues. So ask your dr about that.

Also, don't have your tubes tied if you don't both agree. It is a permanent decision. Unless you are wealthy and can afford to un do it later. Again, Mirena is an option. You can remove it when you are ready to have kids and supposedly it doesn't affect your ability to have kids later.

In the mean time, have serious talks with your husband. Speaking from someone who has regrets...don't make a decision that could hurt your husband or your marriage. He deserves to have a say in how many kids you have just as much as you do. Within reason of course. Hear him out, make sure you share your truest feelings with him about it. Don't risk making a decision without weighing all your options. It isn't a decision to be made lightly.

Hi R.,It was a little confusing for me !!!are you looking for solution to end your heavy/irreg menses or more of permanent birth control?....Tying your tubes will not solve your periods problem however using extended type of oral contraceptive pills such as yaz/loestrin 24 fe /seaseniq or DMPA injection will be better options.Now these days you can choose to have no periods or 4 periods per year or shorter ones.If you are scared of surgery there is a new BCM known as essure which is permanent and can be performed in a doctor's office,it is FDA approved and in use for five years with no incisions or general anesthesia.for more info you can visit www.essure.com .please discuss your options with your ob/gyn who knows your medical history to offer you the best BCM .good luck with whatever you choose to do.

I have not yet found any solution for me. Everything has many downfalls that are not openly shared in the market or public. I sure wish we had a female President. Maybe then the dollars would go toward bettering lifestyle and not for funding wars.

Hey R.,

I see the predicament that you are in and defiantly not a easy decision!! My name is V. and have a 17 and 16 year old, and had my tubes tied about 15 years ago!! My husband and I wanted four kids, but when I had my daughter we knew two was a good number for us!! And truly have not regretted the decision, we still however occasionally talk about "what if we had one more" so be real sure that this is something you really want to do!! Tying your tubes is not scary and I feel really great, the sex is better and the freedom from birth control is awesome!! Good luck!!

V.

I'm a little confused. Are you contemplating getting a tubaligation to regulate your periods or was it just an added information given because tubaligations do not regulate/stop menstruation unless you are considering an oopherectomy (removal of ovaries) If you are considering a tubaligation, know that it is a permanent procedure therefore think about it with your husband at nauseum. If you are sure then he should understand, especially since you will be pretty much raising your kids without him if he is awat on leave.

R.,
A tubal is not going to 'help' your menstural cycle. If you do research you will see that several women end up with worse cycles. There are several other suggestions you should consider. As for your husband wanting another child, you two need to talk. Make a list of your thoughts and feelings so you can be rational when you have your conversation. If you need to, seek counseling from an unbiased party; pastor, doctor, therapist. Do NOT do anything behind your husbands back (as was suggested) unless you plan on getting a divorce attorney immediately after. Karma will catch up to you. Pray about this a LOT!
Best of luck to you.

This is somthing you really need to talk to your husband about, not us...you both need to see eye to eye especially before you have major surgery. Is it that you don't want to have one when he is away? Or never again? Someone needs to give, and I don't think you do anything until both of you sit down together and go over the Pros and cons.

If you did not have any complications with your last pregnancy, and you don't want to have another just because you think that 3 is the best number of children, you should reconsider. Can you afford another child? Do you have enough time to devote to 4 children? If so, then I would give your husband an ultimatum. Tell him that if he wants another child, it will have to be right away and you will not wait another year and a half. It is selfish of him to want to wait and be gone while the baby is young, as he did before. He should be a part of all the baby stuff too! To sum it up, if you have the time and can afford it, I'd say go for it! But, only if you do it right now, not later. The baby deserves to have Daddy around.

You should look into the Mirena IUD. It lightens periods or some women don't have them at all. It's a simple in-office procedure. It lasts for five years. You can have it easily removed if you do decide to have another baby. You can try for pregnancy immediately, you don't have to wait. It's much less hormones than birth control, most women have zero side effects. There's some cramping after you have it put in in some women but that goes away.

Personally, I'd want a second opinion about having your tubes tied. There may be some hormonal issues that need to be addressed which wouldn't be solved by having major surgery to have your tubes tied.
Having a guy "fixed" is much less invasive; let him do it (this was the advice from my male anatomy teacher when I was a biology major).

Good luck

Like everyone else said already, don't do anything drastic until you and your DH are on the same page together. And if you do decide not to have any more children, it is much safer and less invasive for him to have a vasectomy than for you to have your tubes tied.

Have you thought about trying to heal your body naturally? Sounds like the cause of your symptoms is hormonal. If you are interested, you can check out the website of my nutritionist. She deals specifically with women who have endometriosis and fibroids, but her site gives you some good information to start off with. It's www.endometriosissupport.com. I worked with her for 7 months, naturally cleansing and strengthening my organs, then I got pg with my daughter. After I stopped breastfeeding I started working with her again.

Right now my periods post-partem are heavier and I have labor like cramps. So I am trying to slowly detox my organs again, exercise, and eat better. All three combined really helped with my PMS symptoms before. Now I just gotta get back on board with it all.

Good Luck!

The way I see it is you have two issues here that need separate solutions. One is your irregular periods and the other the your husband wanting one more child when you don't. If you are not ready to have the heavy conversation with your husband about one more baby, then you should talk with your doctor about an alternate way to regulate your cycle. Some other time you owe it to your husband to let him know your feelings. Hopefully, he will be open with you about his feelings as to why it is so important to have another child with you. The two of you should decide the solution to this in a way that you are both satisfied, if not this is an issue that can divide a husband and wife. You are both entitled to your feelings, but this one will definately require someone to give in. Good luck with both the situations you are in.

This is not an issue that anyone else can decide for you. Good luck working it out with your husband. Prayer always helps us when we have a big descision to make.

Dear Rachel,

The thing that jumps out at me while reading your letter is the line, "...and having this" (tubal ligation) "come between us." My feeling is that another pregnancy and baby would come between you, too. I would suggest REALLY talking about both sides of this issue - probably with a counselor who can guide the conversations and help you two to really hear and ultimately understand each other. Men who do not stay home with a baby (as their primary job) tend to not understand how labor intensive and draining the experience can be - and your husband may not realize how overwhelming the idea of being "left" at home with four children, including a newborn, after his deployment, is to you.

Best wishes!
God bless!
B.

Hi R.,

You need a diagnosis. What is the cause of your heavy periods? I imagine it is not that your fallopian tubes are intact. Therefore, I seriously doubt tubal ligation a reasonable approach.

Regarding your decision to have another child or not, perhaps doing some counseling with your husband is an option- just to have someone help you sort through your differing points of view. Keep us posted on how it all goes.

After my second son was born I, once my periods came back, they were super heavy and painful. I was bleeding through the highest absorbancy tampons in a matter of a couple hours. I was also having really irregular cycles, super short ones a lot. My doctor tested my thyroid. It came back slightly elevated. Not so much that they treated it with anything though. I started using the nuvaring which is a little ring you insert like a tampon with birth control hormones in it. While I found a totally unrelated problem in that my body didn't like the artificial hormones it did seem to "reset" my system all the same and I've not had the same severe problems I once had. Having a baby can throw off your thyroid I was told and an out of whack throid can mess with your periods. It's something to consider. It's a simple blood test.

Hi R., I have my tubes tied, but had it done during my last c-section so I'm not sure how it is getting it done by itself. I had irregular periods after having it done & horrible cramps due to endometriosis. My doctor suggested Novasure (endometrial ablation), which is less invasive and drastically improve/reduce periods. I had mine done on April 8th and have only had spotting a couple times since & the spotting wasn't even bad enough to wear a liner. The procedure also causes sterility in a lot of cases, which may be a way to handle both issues for you. Since you don't really want to cause any problem with hubby, it may be a great way to -'unfortunately' not be able to conceive anymore- Depending on how you tell him, it may work in your favor. The recovery time is cut down to only a few days with this and almost painless. There's some discomfort, but after a few days, everything is fantastic. I would definitely talk more with your doctor, because tying your tubes might not do anything for your periods. (I also have 3 kids, 1 boy, 2 girls, so I know exactly how you feel)

I let my husband pressure me into having kids before I was ready. I absolutely love my kids, but I still think it was the worst decision I ever made. I would be very careful/reluctant about getting pregnant just because "he wants to try for a boy."

I would talk to a different doctor. I have my tubes tied and my periods are the same. A tubal will not effect your periods at all.
Sounds like the issue is more about having more kids than bad periods. You and your husband need to talk.
I can't tell you much about the surgery. Mine was done during a C-Section.

Do more research and Pray.

R.,

You are in a God sent situation. Please honor your husband by giving him the opportunity to have a name sake. I can understand how you are feeling and just want to get back to normal. But the body belongs to our mates and what a blessing to be able to conceive an bare healthy children. So many women would cut off their arms to have a baby!

You are right, if you get your tubes tied, it can bring a wedge between you and your husband.

Pray about it and bless your husband!

J. P.

I wouldnt do it. It is too final and against your husbands wishes. Great contention make come up in the future because of it. Even if you dont have more kids, the option is still there. I thought I wanted my tubes tied 6 years ago but am glad I didn't do it now. Now, I am considering having another child. There are great IUDs available for 5 and 10 years and they make your periods lighter.

Hi R.,

I sympathize with you - I do! I never even had cramps before I had children. After my 2nd, I didn't stop for 3 months straight - and then it took birth control pills to regulate me! I had to do the same after my 3rd. In my family we both had previous marriage children, so we badly wanted one together. We did, he got fixed (since it is outpatient surgery compared to major surgery for us females) & we lost our son just before he turned 2. Doing something drastic like tying your tubes is something you really need to agree together on. I realize he wants one thing, & you another but marriage is about compromising - and especially until you can agree together, don't do anything hasty. Have you tried birth control pills? To this day (my youngest would be 7 now) I have to take BC pills to keep me regulated. I went off (because we didn't have the $$) for a few months, & it was AWFUL! Now that my daughter has gotten hers too, we need some time without PMS'n women in the house. There are lots of different kinds - YAZ works really well for me, but it is expensive too! I am on a generic again, for cost effectiveness. It is sooooooo much better this way, & you won't get pregnant either! God bless you & enjoy the shore time with your hubby! I was in the Marines for 5 yrs. I know it is hard to be in & have any kind of family life.

I would strongly consider Chinese medicine to work on those periods. My mother-in-law practically bled for 12 years straight and is now healthy once more. She was seeing a Chinese doctor, and is now seeing her top student, which also happens to be my husband. :)

My mother-in-law is also a Natural Family Planning instructor (Billings Method). This is the best way you could postpone pregnancy...no surgery required! It's the only thing my family has ever used and we've gotten pregnant right when we wanted to. boma-usa.org has more info or I could put you in touch with my mther-in-law.

Good luck!

I had my tubes tied after my third child was born, and my periods are heavier than ever. I don't think that having your tubes tied has anything to do with how regular or heavy your periods are. You still ovulate when your tubes are tied (your egg gets absorbed by your body somehow) so your periods will most likely be the same as before. You may want to talk to your doctor about the pill, patch, etc.
As for having another child, I've always thought that if there's any question at all as to whether or not to have another, you'll regret not having one more than having one. Of course you'll fall in love with a new baby the minute you see it, but you may always have a hole in your heart if you don't have one. Good luck to you. :)