Need Some Counsel, Words of Wisdom.....

I worked in a daycare for 3 years. Only once did I have to do the heimlich (sp?)manuver. One of the kids started choking on piece of candy. I think it scared me more than him! After the candy finally came out, we just stood there holding each other! I'm not sure if I was comforting him, or he was comforting me! It was very scary! I can't even imagine how I would feel if it happened to my own son.

Now that I'm a mom, I am very paranoid that I'm going to get in a horrible car accident with my son. I have a fear that we'll get in an accident, and I'll be completely helpless to help my son. I think as moms, we get so scared that something terrible is going to happen to our kids. That is the worst thing that could happen to me. I try not to dwell on that fear, otherwise, I won't be able to enjoy my son. When I find myself thinking about all the horrible things that could happen, I push it away and focus on the good that is happening instead. I don't want to live my life in fear, b/c I'll miss all the good.

I think that over time, it will be easier for you to not be consumed by the horrible memories of what happened with your daughter. You didn't mention it, but if you haven't already done so, I would recommend taking a CPR/First Aid class. That way you can be prepared if something were to happen again. It helped me when I had to do the heimlich on that little boy. You can probably find a class online or call the fire dept. and ask about classes. Just being prepared helps ease my mind a little. It's something that you never want to use, but if you are in a situation, it's good to know that you are prepared.

No, you are not crazy nor alone in this!! Once (this way 4 eyars ago BTW) I let my MIL take my then 4 year old to the bathroom at a restaurant while we were all getting in the car. I know she is not as vigilant as I am, but I thought she would be fine! Well, I am sitting in the front passenger seat, and I see them come out to the parking lot..SHE IS NOT HOLDING GRANDMA'S HAND!! Now, I am crazy about that, I understand, but I watched in horror as my 4 year old ran out to the parking lot, while my MIL was going to her seat on the other side. We were lucky, nothing happened, but the reality that it could have has plagued me for years now. I have never in my life been more scared..I was helpless to save her if a car had been coming...they would never have seen her. (And, what would you know, MIL blamed Haylee, because she knows she is supposed to hold her hand...since when did we leave up to the child, but that is another problem all together!) Anyway, I knew I should have trusted my gut on this one, the insinct that told me I should have taken her, but I did not for fear of offending grandma. I still think of that when I am in a similar situation, which is good, it helps me remember and keep my kids safe, so in time, it will do the same for you! In time, you will get better, but be sure that you relay this experience to the teachers at school, so that they know she might be more sensitive to choking than other children. Some kids dont chew as well before swallowing, and others have a super sensitive gag reflex, so they choke before they can swallow it. And, keep up your CPR and first aid training, that will give you peace of mind that you are being procative in her care! Hang in there, it will ease over time!! ~A.~

Hi K., First, I am SO sorry you had that experience, but you are not alone and while you cannot beat yourself up about it forever, I can validate the way you feel because I felt the exact same way about a month ago when my son fell pretty badly and knocked his head on our tile floor. I was literally sick to my stomach for the first day after it happened and I still shudder when I think about it, and it was over a month ago. He fell because I was careless, so I too understand I was to blame and now I am vigilant to know hiw whereabouts at all times. You are not ridiculous for feeling the way you feel, you are a mom and its our job to love them and care for them and when we mess up, its tough to get over. Like I said, I still shudder everytime I think of my son's fall, but it no longer consumes me like it did in the beginning. Hang in there!!!

K.-
It will become easier and you won't think about it in so much detail. My 10 month old fell off of a high bed when we were on vacation and I was way more traumatized than he was. And I was like you, I kept replaying it in my head so vividly that I would get sick to my stomach. So, the only thing I can really tell you is that it will get better with time. You won't think about it as much.

Hi K.,
As the others have said your reactions and feelings are very normal. Last November, my family had to travel to AL to attend my grandfather's funeral. While unpacking my Suburban at my mother-in-law's house, one of my two year old twin boys was in the driver's seat pretending to drive. To make a long story short, he somehow managed to get the truck out of gear and it flew down my MIL's steep driveway, went across the street, jumped the curb into the neighbor's yard and slammed into a tree while I just watched helplessley (but chasing the truck). Needless to say, I has hysterical as was my little boy. For days and weeks, I played the scene over and over in my mind, often imagining what could have happend. He could have fallen out of the driver's door and been run over. His twin brother or my daughter could have been behind the truck and run over or I could have turned the truck around (as I often do to make unloading easier) and He would have hit the tree head on and the airbag would have blown up in his face probably severly injuring or killing him. Obviously, this whole scene was completely my fault. But, the memories and fears did subside and now it's just a story. I will say this though, that I went back to AL a few weeks ago to visit and upon pulling in my MIL's driveway, my heart skipped a little when I thought back to that wild day. Oh, don't let me forget to mention that my lapse in responsible parenting cost $1800 in damage :-) So, try to relax, it will get better with a little time.