Need Some Advice - Corpus Christi, TX

That is not unusual my niece does that and she is almost 5yrs. my son loves going to one grandmothers but doesn't care to much for the other one. just take it as seperation anxiety and find a way to deal with it.

If you cry when you are taking the child home, you are making the situation worse. I have a beautiful daughter who is very loved and well taken care of, but when she goes to Nana's to visit it takes 3-4 days to get her back on schedule. Nana has no visitation rights, but I let her go often as her father chooses to see her very little. Nana's house is fun, at home there are routines and rules to be followed. Everytime Nana brings her home, Nana is crying and my little one says she doesn't want to come home because Nana is sad. As soon as Nana leaves, she is fine.

D.,

A lot of 3 yearolds go throught the same thing. They hate to say good bye. Ask him why he is so sad to go home?

I am also a grandmother, have been a full time student while being a grandmother, and have worked full time; but, was not self employed, or did I get to see my grandchild. His mother moved to another state with him.

With all that being said, I do feel your pain.
He's still very small and maybe just has some separation anxiety ?

If you are uncomfortable with his responses and your grandmother intuition says something could be wrong here, I encourage you to speak with a licensed counselor. Follow his or her advice and pay close attention to any bruises, marks, unusual remarks about body parts, etc. Does he cower if he thinks he has done something to upset you ? Could there be a chance of drugs in the home ? You must take action to care for a child in time of need, otherwise, you may never be able to look yourself in the mirror again.

The price you will pay is never seeing your grandchild again if you should not be able to make a case. So, check it all out very carefully and be certain where you stand legally.

Best wishes and my sincerest thoughts go out to you and your grandson.

D., it seems to me that your grandson is trying to tell you that something MIGHT INDEED be happening in his home.
It doesn't seem to me that you are over-reacting to anything, but rather that in the privacy of your daughter or son's home, that little boy's parents are doing - or not doing - something that makes him very unhappy.
I love my family relatives as such, but I must admit that in their own homes, I have learned that they act in ways that I find unacceptable, even when they act so perfectly fine when we are together.
As I said, in the complete privacy of your grandson's home, his parents are behaving towards him in a way that must not be suitable at all, either by ignoring him, not giving him affection, not giving him enough food, who knows!
But one thing, in my mind, is for sure: a child who is loved and cared for in a very reassuring way would NOT cry EVERY TIME he/she is about to be dropped in his/her home. Period.
Best of luck with your grandson D.. Hope things DO IMPROVE significantly for him!
G.H.

Well, Im not a grandmother but my sister, my brother and I all have children all from ages of 15 to 3 months and all of them have cried for there Nanny.(except the 3 month old) The very first baby in our family was my sisters daughter and I think she might have been the toughest one for my mom to deal with. My sister at the time lived next door to us and when they would all go home (next door) my niece would cry so hard for my mother we could hear her all night, sometimes the kid would make herself throw up! My mom didn't know how to handle it and she couldn't listen to the baby cry so she would put on her house slippers and go get the baby.
That little girl grew up to become a beautiful, smart young lady, and even in her semi rebellious grown ups are dorks teenage rampage she still loves her Nanny! There is a door that will never be shut between them.
I use to get resentful toward my parents for spoiling my little girl. Shes 7 and is her grandpas little angel. But then I realized what a privelage it is for me to have parents who are so wonderful.They have impacted our children's lives so much that those children would fight us for one more moment with grandma and grandpa before we take them away for the day...
In a nut shell if grandchildren aren't begging to go to there grandparents house its not because the parents are doing something right.I never once begged to see my grandmother. But I also never had a relationship with her as a child...
I hope this helps.
T.

I don't know, that sounds rough. Either y'all have too much fun and home is 'boring', or something is up at home. It's odd for a child to act that way, about going home.

I think that the visit with you is like fantasyland for the kid so he doesn't want to leave it. Don't know a 3 year old that doesn't throw a fit when they aren't getting what they want. Probably that simple.

D.,

This is upsetting for a grandmother and it happened to me as well. Both of my grandchildren, from the same parents prefer to stay with me. My daughter and her husband have an at home business. They are very busy and have little time for their children. They fight a great deal of the time. There is so much stress in that house you can feel it when you walk in the door.

I tought that my grandchildren would out grow grandma's house. They are 14 and 10 now, and even though they have every electronic toy on the planet (to make up for the lack of quality time with Mom and Dad) the children still would rather stay at my house. I used to worry that they would run away to Grandma's house. I live about 20 mins. from them. They call me and beg me to come get them.

There is most likely something going on in your grandson's home that he finds too stressful.

L. Z

My daughter went through the same thing when her father would visit. She goes through the same thing with me as well and she's 8 now. A child of 3 is being entertained being with you. It will get better when he starts to understand that this is the new process. The only thing you can do is not cry in front of him and to be sure to say that you love him and will see him soon. He will start to understand as he gets older, but it's always harder for us than the child.

I did day care out of my home for eight years and had one similar issue. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I feel you may have to so some digging into your grandsons emotions. Yes there are signs that something is going on at the home, yet it could simply be that YOU give him the attention he craves. If he is three he will tell you honestly how he feels and what is going on best he can. He doesn't know how to decieve yet, for the most part. Ask him if Mommy/Daddy is mad at him. Ask him if they yell or talk loud at him. If he is spanked, etc. If he can tell you what is going on he will. They are still young enough to tell it like it is to someone they feel comfortable with. Now on the other hand, it may as I said just be an attention thing. I had a little one prefere me becasue I flat out played with the child. We had a great bond which was stronger than the parents bond, and they crave LOVE in any form, we all do. Ask him about it when you are playing or doing something he likes real casual like and see if you can uncover any info into the matter. That is where I would start.. But do it- especially if there is something horrible going on, you don't want to wait.
A loving parent myself, K. C.

He is just trying to get his way and get a reaction out of you. Don't let him manipulate you. Tell him you'll see him next week, give him a hug and kiss and get out of there. Keep it brief. My little girl did this with preschool, Grandma, and if I tried to go somewhere without her. Be consistent and he'll get it eventually.

This is a tuff one. Have you asked him why he doesn't want to go home? Maybe, he just doesn't have as much fun there.

From: H. S.

Get him something special from you. Like a button shaped like a heart. Or a special stuffed toy. Tell him that you will come and see him again but until then he can hold whatever you get him when he think of you. Or here is another idea. Kiss the palm of his hand. Tell him that whenever he misses you he can touch his hand where you kissed him and think of you.

As far as what is going on in his home with his parents there is no telling unless maybe you make a surprise visit one day.

A little about me:

I am a stay at home mother. With 2 girls 4 and 7 years old.

If he is the only child he want's company. He enjoy's the visit with you and the attention. He is not old enough for school and it's always a good thing to have interaction with other children. He should be fine when he starts day care on a regular bases. You are not overreacting, just concerned. Children will talk if there is a problem at home and they feel comfortable with you. They are inquisitive by nature and can not lie.

Dear D.,

My ex-mother-in-law (my sons' grandmother), hated that my sons cried when they visited her and her husband. They cried constantly for their mother.

The absolute thing that I do know is simply this....a child knows when you truly love them and that you are just not going through the motions of pretending to love and care for them.

I also know that children outgrow this stage. My sons miss me when they visit their grandparents in the summer and can't wait to come back home. When they visit dad on weekends, etc, my sons always jump out of his vehicle and run and jump into my arms!!! My sons are (8&6). My sons complain about going away from me, but they no longer cry about it. They know that they will soon be back home where they are truly loved for themselves and not some trophy for me to show everyone. My 8 yr old son figured this one out on his own after a visit to his dad's one weekend 2 yrs ago. On the way home he said, mom....dad doesn't love me like you do. I said what do you mean Dustin? He then replied with, daddy tries to buy my love by giving me things, but you love me no matter what.

Children are not stupid. Your grandson knows that you love him deeply. Your actions prove that you love him by picking him up for visits. His time with you is different from his time with his mom. Cherish these moments.

The only other advice that I have to give is simple....is his mother abusive? If she is not, then let it go. If she is, then report it and let the authorities handle it.

God Bless!!

P.

I am a proud stepmom of a beautiful young lady I have been since she was three. When I had a son right before her 5th birthday and when he was old enough (3 yrs old) he started spending weekends with her at her mom's house. Now my relationship with my husbands ex-wife is a very good one so I trust her with my little one but he would have so much fun with them that everytime I went to bring him home he would scream and throw a big fit about it. I think it was just the fact that he wasn't going to see his sister and her other family for another week. I asked his pediatrition if there was anything that I could do to make it easier on him and he said, "no, some children just have a real hard time with seperation from the ones they love even if someone who loves them just as much is right next to them, they want everyone who loves them with them." Now six years later we live in Texas and they are still in California he goes to spend the summers with them and he still cries when he has to come home but this time he is able to tell us that he misses his big sister and he wished he could have her closer. Don't be worried that there is something going on at home because chances are he is just hating that you will not be with him for another week or two.

C.

D. P, what a wonderful grandmother you are. I would suggest that unless you have reason to feel that you can't trust your daughters mothering abilities and that she has been known to have bad judgement and irresponsible behavior patterns I wouldn't worry too much. I was very, very attached to my paternal great-grandmother and I spent a lot of time with her as a child (I had four siblings and always preferred to be with her than them) I was always broken-hearted even in tears everytime I went home. (I was very young and even up until she died I was still attached to her and felt somehow that she always needed me and believe me even to this day I always talk about her - I'm 51 years old now). I have a wonderful mother who was also a single parent and people probably would have thought that something was wrong at my home the way I acted when she came to pick me up :). However, unless you see other signs other than the upset, i.e., not sleeping well, very agitated or angry, wetting the bed if he's potty trained and had not done this before then I wouldn't worry. Just continue to reassure him that you will be back to pick him up. Maybe you can give him a special stuffed animal and hot glue a picture of yourself to it and let him know that the bear will keep him company until you come back for him. Keep us posted.

What a natural reaction. My granddaughter was the same way. I finally told her how much I loved her and so did her mommy and daddy. If she couldn't let me go without throwing a fit I might not be able to see her as often. When you quit paying attention to it he will eventually stop. From another grandmother that loves her grandchildren.

What does your gut instinct tell you? What does his mom or dad say about this? You might try asking him some simple question. Maybe ask a couselor what questions to ask. Does he cry when he leaves his parents to be with you? If not, that does seem odd.

We women sure can get our heartstrings pulled! It is what makes us so wonderful -- we can LOVE! Just some thoughts on past experiences, you say you have "visitation" so that to me says there may be some unusual circumstances going on. Little ones can pick up on anything, but they often feel their loyalties divided - and he may be feeling some of that. My 3 year old used to cry when we left the park after having such a good time, he didn't really understand that we could come back another day. I don't know the relationship with his parents and yourself, but ask them how long it takes him to get back into being happy at home after you drop him off. Just stay consistent and LOVE him and as he matures he will get better. Also keep your eyes and ears open and listen - kids are very honest.

My niece does this very same thing to me and my mother (her grandmother). You'd think they were abusing her at her home or daycare. I always thought it was a form of manipulation...but we NEVER give in. We explain in a firm, unbudging tone that we will see her again at the given time. Her behavior NEVER improves. She screams, cries, and hangs on w/ her whole body to my mother...begging her to take her. I wish I had a solution for you because I know it is heartbreaking. I think children in those situations are just so happy to have one on one attention. The attn they are so desperate (and deserving) for on a daily basis. My niece is 5.5 yrs old. It started when she was almost 3. So, it isn't going to stop for you for quite awhile. My thoughts and prayers are w/ you. I wish it were easier.

I went through that with my step-son. As he got older, he did get better but the biggest thing that helped was that I became friends with his mom and he got to where he could communicate better with all of us and be himself in both places. The biggest problem with what you're going through, is that, if there is nothing 'illegal', there is nothing you can do. It's just a hard time for him and maybe the parent he is with is going through a hard time. Try talking to the parent to see if there is anything going on and if there is anything you can do to help. Let them know you're worried about the crying but be sure they don't feel accused. That's my two cents, hope your grandson gets better.
A.

Have a long loving talk with the child's mom. I assume she is your daughter-in-law and there may have been some issues since you have a specific visiting schedule. The most important thing is open and caring communication. Your grandson may sense your anxiety or worry. Assure him that his mother loves him and that is best place for him (She does have custody) Unless you see obvious problems, you need to be as tactful and reassuring as possible for his sake.

The idea that you refer to your visits as "visitation" leads me to believe that this might be a sticky situation.
Keep in mind that all grandparents are FUN... with a capital F. And often grandma's shower little children with so much time, in addition to love... well that time can be just wonderful. Who wouldn't want to be the center of someone's world!! Parents are often struggling with bills, chores, groceries, meals, baths... etc.... to really be all that FUN! Our 2 year old sometimes cries when its time for grandma to leave, or when we pick her up from an overnight visit. That bond between them is a special one.
I can assure you that my dd is well care for by her 2 doting parents.. we waited a long time to have our little miracle.
Unless you see signs of problems, I'd just reassure your grandson.
Also keep in mind that the more emotional YOU get... the worse it will be. Kids are intuitive, and the are a bit manipulative also... I feel guilty saying it, but we all know it is true.
Good Luck!

A little about me... RN for children's hospital, 38, very happily married, on precious daughter- 22 months.

Are you sure you aren't spoiling him too much? Grandparents so often ruin a child for their parents. I know my mother-in-law did. Everytime she had my son for a few days, he was almost a brat when I got him back. Of course he was older, like 10. But I distinctly remember resenting her terribly for giving him too much, making me look bad, etc. And I loved my son dearly.

Also are you praising his mom, making her look good, giving him something to look forward to when you have to take him home versus making him dread going home?

Three is the most precious age. Kids are the most impressionable they will ever be. Give him positive input about his mom, about everything! And don't spoil him.

If you're doing that and he still cries, have you asked him if anything is wrong? Maybe there is something going on that's not right--such as his mother not giving him enough quality time, etc.

Have you discussed it with her? What does she say when he comes home crying after every visit? Isn't she concerned? Have you asked her to tell you her routine, so you can stick to the same routine? That might reveal something.

You didn't say it your grandson was your son or daughter's child.

Good luck!

Hi D. P,
Have you noticed another sigh from your grandson? I remember crying when leaving my grandparents home to go to mine. I had such a good time with my grandparents that going to my house with my parents ment I had rules to follow. I would keep an eye on other things maybe he just loves to be with you and hates to see you go. Keep a close eye make sure his behabior does not change constantly. Is he sleeping well? Does he enjooy bath time? Is he eating ok? Does he keep to himself often? Does he like to make new friends? This are some questions that I hope help you to understand him better. I am NOT a psycologist but I read quite a bit. Good luck and I really hope that this is just a phase he is going through.

Good luck,
Elisa

My son would cry like that when I picked him up from day care. This was a home day care and she only kept boys. So, I was concerned as well. I would drop in unannounced different times during the day and even came in the back door. I would see him sitting quietly with the other boys watching TV or just playing. But, when he saw me, he would burst out in tears. He just wanted his mommy.

So, maybe your grand child just does not want to go home. He is having too much fun at grandmas. To set your mind at ease, you can check up on your little one at different times, different days. Just drop in. There is nothing wrong in doing a simple little drop by.

I've not been in a situation like this, but have you and the parent discussed this at length? It seems the two of you need to work together on this one.

I'll say a prayer for this little guy!

Deborah

YOur grandson is fortunate. He has a grandma who loves him deeply. A healthy relationship between the natural grandparent and grandchild is always special. I'm sure the attention he gets from you is not as divided as the working parent(s). Keep the relationship healthy so that he'll always have a wise avenue to turn to. You are fortunate to see him so often. And God has blessed you with the heart to be able to give so much.

Unless you think something is really wrong in the home you shouldn't worry. My 3 year old has a really hard time leaving her grandmother after each visit. It is so much more fun to be with a grandmother... you get spoiled, you get one on one attention and all that extra love. At this age you need to just make the goodbye short and leave. Mom or Dad should be able to divert the attention once your gone.

Dear D.:
It could be nothing (just a lack of fun) or it could be an indicator for a problem he cannot or does not want to express. If it is not his parent, it could be a day care, as he is looking at a work week ahead of him where he may be somewhere else while his mom/dad is working. You could try to find out yourself. But if his parent is cooperating, you may suggest going to a psychologist who may be more helpful in finding out the reasons.

Since you have visitation as a grandparent, it sounds as if he only has one parent - it could be a recent divorce or death that triggers such behavior. For example, if the boys mother died or left for good and you remind him of her, he could be reminded of that at the end of your time together.

Give it some time at first, but keep looking and asking for what is wrong.

Regards,
W.

Hi D.,

First of all, I think its wonderful that you, a grandparent, has visitation rights. This should happen more often!

I have 4 wonderful children here in Katy. My brother has 3 in Houston. Our mom lives in Louisiana. When we visit it is always the same thing. The kids flock to Grandma like she's the best thing since sliced bread. They have big fun and never give us, the parents, a second thought. After the weekend, when its time to go home, its the same for all 7 kids. We have to physically tear them away from her. There is much kicking and screaming and hanging onto doorframes! Thank goodness they're getting older so it is getting better. My Mom says she cries for 20 minutes every time we leave. She can't even wave from the driveway, having to hide from the kids inside the house.

Feel blessed that your grandson loves you sooooo much. In a few years it will just be "Bye Grandma" as he jumps out of the car.

All this being said, please listen to your own intuition. Maybe try to get invited in for a while to see how Mom settles him down. Good luck and try not to worry!

why doesn't he want to go home? have you asked him?

I dont mean to imply that there is or isnt anything going on in his home i just want to let you know our story. My brother-in-law has a boy that is 4, he divorced his mom and she has custody of him, he gets weekends, anytime he is here at my house or really anyones house in the family he cries and throws a fit that he doesnt want to go home, we thought it was nothing at first, but then he started to do other things around my son and tell us things, anyway we found out that his mom was with a child molester (sp?), now someone called cps and got them involved, and he wasnt "touched", but anyway they took him out of the house (cps not the mom, i know i know, but you cant tell her anything). Im not sure of your grand babys situation at home, but just listen to him kiddos will say things that will give you clues as to what is happening at home, just listen and watch the way he plays. Good Luck, i will be praying for you guys, and i hope that it is just that he is missing you and his time with you and not anything horrible.

It could be many things, if you think something is going on please call a child therpist and have him evaluated on one of your weekend visits. They use toys, etc., age appropriate materials to allow the child to act out his surroundings. At home most children have order in there lives, at grandma's they have fun. Who wouldn't want to stay at grandmas. The choice is yours. This is from on grandma to another.

This is also typical behavior for kids of divoriced parents. When Dad picks kiddo up, kiddo has so much fun he often doesn't want to go back home where there are rules and not nearly as much fun.

However, if you feel he's being abused you should definately not keep it to yourself.

Best wishes!

hI!!! I just want you to know I went through this with my older daughter when she was small, she is now 19...When her Dad would bring her ome from the weekend she would be crying uncontrolably and her Dad finally asked what was going on and was something happening to her. I explaind to him after he left she was fine in a few minutes. He said she cried all the way home. I told him she just knows she will not is you and she is getting alot of attention when he makes a big deal about it..He started talking to her about seeing her again and then he would not make so much of a big of her crying,which was hard but it did work...Its kinda like when you leave her child at day care they cry make a big deal then they are ok...I hope this helps and makes you feel better,but if you feel he isnt living in good conditions you may check into it but if he isnt then I wouldnt worry...God Bless,L.