Need Ideas for Better Mornings.

There's an adjustment period, but the more responsible they are for themselves, the better it will be. My mornings used to involve a lot of screaming on my part and grumpiness on their part. I stepped back. I actually go back to bed until 5 minutes before the bus comes. I wake them up, then they have to dress themselves, feed themselves, get their bookbags ready, brush their teeth, get their snacks/lunch together. My kids are 9,8,6.

We have a pretty strict routine for my time-challenged middle schooler. She started with a printed schedule and that really helped. Now I just have to remind her to move on to the next thing and she gets it down pretty easily. We try to send the kids to brush teeth or whatever separately, so there aren't as many moments when they can feed off of each other. As long as we get her up on time, she now takes care of the rest for the most part. It took a few weeks to a month to get her doing everything without many reminders. I think breaking it down into steps for her helped.

Turn the problem over to them.
When they are awake (after school, etc) tell them you want mornings to go more smoothly - what are the ideas THEY can come up with to make it happen?
Then let them try it and see if it succeeds or not.
Repeat as necessary.
By middle school my sister and I were getting ourselves up, showering (fixing hair, etc) getting ourselves something to eat and getting on the bus without any input from Mom.
We'd trade off weeks - one got the bathroom (we had one bathroom to share) first while the other had toast and tea then switch the next week.

i found that when i brainstormed WITH them, they were much more open to following the guidelines. they were theirs, after all, as were the consequences for not following them.
one thing that surprised me was how much i was tweaking them by bursting in cheerfully, singing, opening curtains, starting their mornings 'brightly.' in retrospect i can't imagine what i was thinking. i'd have strangled me. but it took them telling me what they wanted for ME to get it. they loved having their breakfasts made for them, so i obliged them there, but they had to have their clothes and whatever they needed for the day ready to go.
homeschooling made most of it obsolete, which we all liked better yet.
but you'll probably be surprised by how creative and useful your own kids' suggestions are when you turn it over to them as their problem to solve.
khairete
S.

What I find with mine (and we've been there) is that if they have stuff they are responsible in the mornings for, they don't have time to be grumpy/squabble.

I have a disability so I found by accident that the mornings I am not around, they jump in (yes, teenage boys) and actually get stuff done - like a well oiled machine. Shocking. They will get the younger ones cereal, do their lunches, take care of garbage even ...

I agree with the other moms who say be prepared the night before - that helps. Stress just adds to grumpiness and tension in the morning.

As for sleep, I agree with limit electronics before bed. Some kids can drop right off regardless, but I have one who gets wired .. so instead by 8 pm he's in his room reading. If he went at 9 (his actual bedtime) it would take him to 10 pm to fall asleep (which is too late with our early wake up). So even downtime (quiet) in their rooms ahead of 9 pm may help them drop off into a deeper sleep.

Good luck :)

** we also have a rule that no one can snap at each other - so if this means they don't talk to each other at all, I'm ok with it. Some of us are bears in the morning (I know I am until I've had my coffee).

It was around that age, I got fed up with arguing at bedtime and in the morning. I was sick of waking them up multiple times and then rushing. Finally, I just told them that they could go to bed later IF they got themselves up and ready in the morning without me. It was amazing! They learned to wake-up to an alarm and get themselves ready without my continual reminders and get out the door on time. The consequence of NOT doing this was an earlier set bedtime for them, but they learned to set their own schedules. If they were showering at night or the morning, THEY had to adjust their timelines instead of me nagging them. And, it made the teenage years much easier. It was pretty rare I had to check in to make sure they were up and moving

It's a tough age because they need more sleep than they think they do, and their natural rhythms don't line up well with school hours. Studies have shown that teens are really better suited to staying up later and getting up later - but of course the schools have the oldest kids going earliest.

Given that, I think they are old enough to take some responsibility. If you don't have to be out the door yourself and at a job (or if you do but your employer can be flexible for a week or so), try letting them get themselves ready. Tell them you are not nagging them and reminding them of things every morning until you are blue in the face. They are probably pushing you for more independence anyway, right? So give it to them.

Here's what will happen. They will be late to school, because you will be reading the paper at the door, ready to go, while they muddle around. They will be late. I told my draggy-butt kid that we'd go when he was ready, but reminded him that late arrivals check in at the office and don't go directly to the classroom (school policy, not mine). So when he arrived late (after TV and whatever else he thought he should be doing), he'd be sitting down with the principal to explain why he didn't think he needed to be in school on time. That took care of it.

I'd set some ground rules about what you are willing to do and not do. Maybe getting them up - turning on the light and giving them a poke - is what you're willing to do. Maybe setting out some muffins and yogurt is on your list. Maybe making lunches and nagging about folders/homework and hunting for clean socks and constantly saying "You're going to be late" are not on your list. Spell it out, and write it down. Let them know the consequences of their actions. If they arrive late, they talk to the principal about why they are so slow and disorganized. If they make YOU late, maybe your paycheck gets docked and you don't buy them X Y or Z that they are itching for.

Assuming they don't like you pushing them, then you can tell them you're hearing them, and you're stopping. Yes, you can get them to organize their homework at night or whatever, or ask them to make their lunches ahead of time. If they go to school without homework or lunch, oh well, they will survive. They might have to stay after school or get a lower grade, but neither one is catastrophic at this age. If they have to use their own money to buy lunch, oh well.

I think, if there are consequences for being so pokey, they'll streamline their routines. I also think an earlier bed time is indicated, even if that means they don't get to do some things that are taking up their homework time (like activities and clubs).

Don't think of it as being the bad mom. Think of it as giving them the life skills they're going to need in a few years when they are in college or off working and you're not there to make sure they meet deadlines.

Even wearing uniforms, things need to be complete. Have them make sure their stuff is ready for the next day.

Do they have a cubby or hook where their stuff goes? Do a "bag drag" before bed - ensuring they have EVERYTHING they need to walk out the door in the AM - clothes (complete uniform), homework, lunch?

What is the problem with the mornings? If they can't decide what to eat? Maybe already have the table set in the night after the bag drag?

Have you asked them what THEY NEED to get out the door in the morning?? They are old enough. At some point they need to take ownership and make their own mornings. With a middle schooler and high schooler? They take care of their own mornings...and my middle schooler is NOT a morning person - but yet he manages to get out the door every day on his own.

He knows where his stuff is, his clothes are set out and his breakfast is readily available.

Middle schoolers are old enough to get themselves up and ready without mom.

You need to tell them this. Mom will prepare breakfast.. Plan this the day before you go grocery shopping, so you have what they will want each morning. Same with their lunches..

Our daughter and I are not morning people. We do not like conversations and questions first thing when we wake up. So we discovered that if on Sunday we discussed breakfasts and lunches, things ran smoother.

Our daughter also had 2 alarm clocks..one right next to her bed, the other across the room next to her door. This was set 5 to 10 minutes later. She had to get out of bed to shut it off.

Yes, there were times when she did not get up even with the second alarm... So I would go in there and turn on her light and have to wake her, but it was a rare occurance.

We had a bench in our living room next to the front door. This is where her backpack, and anything she was going to need for school the next day was placed the night before. Art homework, gym clothes, for me my handbag, my husbands backpack. It is also where I and my husbandd also placed our things for work, etc.. For the day..

Time to turn it over to them. Just tell them, you noticed they are more mature now, so you are going to allow them more responsibilities.. And mom, if they live up to this, you can start giving them some more....

Start also allowing them a bit more freedom. Very soon they will be in high school and they will need to know how to be out and about without you. This is the time for them to step it up.

Do they wash their own clothes? Do they iron? Do they prepare any meals for the family? Do they baby sit? Have they take a babysitting first aid class? , do they do any of the house cleaning? Clean their own bathroom, vacuum?

They need to do these things so they can learn, but also because they need more responsibilities to see that they can do them.

HANG IN THERE, IT CAN HAPPEN!

One thing we did for my SD was to tell her "okay, if you want a later bedtime, you need to earn it. If you can go a week without making us late, you can have 15 more minutes. But if you make us late more than 3 times in one week, you need more sleep and your bedtime will be pushed back 15 minutes". If they are not getting enough sleep, that might be a solution. I know it's hard to get everything done and them in bed on time, but you may have to cut showers shorter, etc.

What can be done at night? Lunches made, uniforms laid out, shoes found? Do they bathe at night or in the morning? SS showered in the AM to wake up but SD showered at night to not have to bother in the morning. Currently my DD bathes at night.

What is breakfast like? I would have simple things available for them to make and start them off with a glass of orange juice. Orange juice is supposed to be as good at waking people up as a cup of coffee. Get them hydrated to start their day.

For the one that dawdles, can there be a timer? 10 minutes for this, 10 minutes for that...do they catch a bus, and what time must they leave the house? Is getting up at 6:15 an hour before school or 45 minutes...?

When they spazz, are they fighting with each other? If so, over what? In college, we had 5 women and 1 bathroom. We had a schedule. I showered at 6:30AM for a year, to make it work. Can you give them a schedule? It might help the dawdler, too. "DD, it is 6:30. Your bathroom time is over. You need to get out and let your sister in." I would not expect miracles, but I think if they know that 1. you have a time limit and 2. will enforce it for each of them, that they will learn to get faster. And if they are not in the same activity then they won't interact to fight.

I'd also try music in the morning (maybe a CD they both like) vs tv. TV is like kryptonite when my DD is tired and not getting ready. She can watch TV IF there is time.

You can also sit them down and enlist their help. Make a family list of ideas and then as a group pare them down to a few that will really work or you're willing to try. Brainstorm anything, but as a parent you get ultimate veto. They can veto a few, too, and it might make them feel more invested if they created the idea.

With my stepkids, DH always made sure they didn't sleep through their alarms. SS had a clock that got louder and louder and only woke everyone else...it can be hard when they are not morning people. I would help them get a plan, even if they mostly implement the plan themselves later.

You're in the thick of it. There are just SOME stages that are tough. Middle school is a tough time. There's attitude and hormones. You may have to ride this one out.

A couple of thoughts, have them get their things ready for school the night before. Make sure their folders are ready to go. Have them make a list of things that they have to do each morning to be ready for school. That way they are in control of the list. Maybe they can mentally check things off as they go along? Just a thought.

Make the most of the sleep that they are getting. No tv, computers, video games or phones an hour before bed, it takes longer for the brain to settle down and move to REM. Speaking of phones, make sure they are not on their phones all hours of the night.

Don't make the weekend schedule very different from school nights, if they are allowed to stay up past midnight and wake up at noon on weekends, it will be that much harder for them to readjust weekdays.

Do as much the night before, showers, lunches made, clothes set out, etc. and make breakfast something they can grab an go.

Don't squabble. Tell them when they need to get up. Remind them 10 later. When it is time to go, load them up ( in their PJ's and no breakfast) and take them to school. Since they have uniforms, have a set ready that they can change into, once they get in the school. If they ever whine again about getting up, remind them what the other option is.

Talk to them. Ask them what would help them. We could throw ideas at you, but we don't know them. Plus, they're at an age where they need to become more responsible for themselves, so give them the practice. You asking for their help treats them as part of the solution.

By middle school, all of my kids were getting themselves up and ready. I found one key to getting my 4 kids out of the house every morning was not to give them too much time. They literally got out of bed 30-40 minutes before they had to walk out the door, I started this routine when they were very young and it eliminated a lot of wasted time (this was the case both when I had to carpool and when they took a bus), it also cut down on the squabbling. Showers happen at night, the rare occasion I allowed them in the morning was if they promised to only take 5-7 minutes. My husband and I are currently working long hours and are up late every night. My teens are up and out the door before I even get out of bed now.
I also agree that fruit juice or tea in the morning helps tremendously. Not only is their blood sugar low, but they just went 9+hours without anything to drink, they are likely to be a bit dehydrated.

Have most of their non-perishable lunch packed in their lunch bag or at least
on the counter ready to pack in their bag if you keep it in the freezer to
stay cool.
Know ahead of time what you are going to put into that lunch: the snacks,
the drink, the main part of their lunch. I, also, keep a frozen pack in their
foil lined lunch box in the freezer to help keep it cooler longer.
Have their shoes ready to go by the front door.
Have their socks in their shoes.
Back packs are packed & either by the front door or in the car.
My clothe are picked out ready to put on so I can get them into the car & off
to school.
Have an idea of what you want to feed them for breakfast. Hv it out & ready
on the counter.
Be sure they are getting enough sleep. They may need to go to bed 30 mins
earlier if they are getting up that early.
Also, be sure you're not getting them up too early. Is there any time to shave off in the mornings? Can they sleep in a tad bit later?
Try to start the mornings off a little softly. It's a better way to go. Talk softly,
try not to rush too much, plan ahead, have things ready etc.
I have backpacks, my purse, phone, keys ready by the front door to grab & go.
You can always grab a breakfast bar on the go for them to have in the car.
Make sure their lunches have plenty of food, things they like & you know
they'll eat & things that will give them energy.
Realize that mornings are tough, the kids are most likely tired & try to be
soft when getting ready. :)

Updated

Have most of their non-perishable lunch packed in their lunch bag or at least
on the counter ready to pack in their bag if you keep it in the freezer to
stay cool.
Know ahead of time what you are going to put into that lunch: the snacks,
the drink, the main part of their lunch. I, also, keep a frozen pack in their
foil lined lunch box in the freezer to help keep it cooler longer.
Have their shoes ready to go by the front door.
Have their socks in their shoes.
Back packs are packed & either by the front door or in the car.
My clothe are picked out ready to put on so I can get them into the car & off
to school.
Have an idea of what you want to feed them for breakfast. Hv it out & ready
on the counter.
Be sure they are getting enough sleep. They may need to go to bed 30 mins
earlier if they are getting up that early.
Also, be sure you're not getting them up too early. Is there any time to shave off in the mornings? Can they sleep in a tad bit later?
Try to start the mornings off a little softly. It's a better way to go. Talk softly,
try not to rush too much, plan ahead, have things ready etc.
I have backpacks, my purse, phone, keys ready by the front door to grab & go.
You can always grab a breakfast bar on the go for them to have in the car.
Make sure their lunches have plenty of food, things they like & you know
they'll eat & things that will give them energy.
Realize that mornings are tough, the kids are most likely tired & try to be
soft when getting ready. :)

Remember, this last month of school is hard on everyone. I mean it's not just high school and college students who have "Spring Fever." Teachers and younger students get it as well.

Love the suggestions you've gotten so far. Hang in there and try yo remember that it really will be easier next fall.

Many times people are grumpy in the morning because their blood sugar is a bit low.... it makes sense, doesn't it? You've been sleeping, and haven't eaten for 10 hours or so.

Have a glass of orange juice or apple juice ready for them... maybe even take it into their bedroom for them?

If that is part of the problem, then it could be an easy solution... just wake them about 15 minutes earlier with the juice, and maybe that will help ease the grumpiness and sluggishness.

Some people are more sensitive to blood sugar lows than others.

I have the same problem, but mine are 1st and 3rd. I knock on the door, wake them up, they stand in the shower too long. Oh its rough. This week I thought wonder if I played their favorite song in their room if it would motivate them. Sure enough I played Fallout Boy's Centuries for my son and God's Not Dead by the Newsboys for my daughter and they are up on their own. My daughter was just dancing a little. Yet it was not a fight to get them up. They they play the song again while getting ready. Now mine are littles, but wonder if you played some songs they like, ones with a strong upbeat song they like. Hey might work for a little bit, but key would be the songs they like.

:) good luck.

In midddle school, my kid was responsible for getting herself ready. I had to get ready for work and didn't have time to repeatedly prod her.
She had an alarm clock, just as I did. Mine went off half an hour before hers, and I got up and made coffee.
When her alarm went off, if she didn't shut it off and get up within five minutes, I went into her room, turned on the lights, and pulled the covers off her.
If she wasn't dressed and ready to go by the time I needed to leave for work, she finished dressing in the car.

No one is slower to move than my son...what worked for him was getting an earlier bed time until he figured out how to manage time in the morning. Then it went back to regular. He's in high school now and gets up and ready with no issues 99% of the time, but I did have to say how about going to bed at 8 tonight once this year, problem solved.

People are people. Some of us are grumpy in the mornings. It's just part of life. Plus your girls are older and they have hormonal stuff going along with just being awake and present.

There isn't any way kids this age will go to bed before 9pm. I'm surprised they go to bed that early. Most kids their age are still up at 10 and some even later.

I wonder if you can turn on a radio to music that makes YOU feel calmer and better. I had a friend that played the local christian radio station all the time. It was always there, in the background. The kids were quieter and nicer to each other because they could hear the music playing and it reminded them to be more Christlike to each other.

If you like classical music and have it playing it will soothe you. If you like country then turn on country and you'll be humming along and feeling better. If you like rock it will get you going and you'll feel good and maybe even dancing around a bit.

The point is YOU'LL feel better and their petty stuff won't bother you so much. If you all like the same music then that's fortunate so they'll get distracted by the music and they'll feel better too.

I have a 15 yo that gets the bus at 630am and a 12yo that I take to school because there is no bus for him. They both have always gone to bed on their own and get up on their own. They also make their own breakfast which has always been easy stuff like cheese sticks, yogurts, fruit cups, fresh fruit, frozen waffles/pancakes, oatmeal or cereal or any combo of these. I also try to make a breakfast casserole and keep it in the fridge which is easy to take a scoop and heat up but mostly hubby and I eat that. My 15 yo buys lunch at school and my 12 yo makes his in the morning. He also wears a uniform so that is easy. If I were you, I would just make it as easy as possible for them and make sure they do as much as they can themselves. When they move out, you will not be there to make sure they have everything. Good luck!