Need Help with Resentful Teen Daughters

I can't give you foolproof advice, but talking to them does more than you will know, and trying to show them what a strong person you are now can never hurt. women hate to see weakness in the women that they respect, it causes resent, so show them that you made mistakes but you are stronger now and will not make those mistakes. also, be wary of bringing other men around them for a while. my mother lost me respect by not talking to us about what was going on, she thought we wou8ld think terrible things about my dad and didn't want that to happen. she eventually got our respect back, but has made stupid mistakes with men since and now we all see her as a weaker person for it. take on projects with the girls, show them that you are strong, treat them like women and friends, don't take out your past troubles on them, and don't make the same mistakes. they may keep having problems, but they will eventually see you for a strong woman who made a mistake but didn't let it ruin her life. good luck

Listen, it's not just resentment towards your choice about your ex. It's also not just them trying to heal. It also has to do with being teenage girls. I know....because my girls are 17, and 15, and my ex has been gone for a year, because he molested my 15 y/o. They are "healing fine," but they still tend to get a little rebellious, and/or mouthy. It's part of growing up. You just have to love on them, as much as possible, especially when they need it. You're not the only one, hon.
L.

I haven't been there yet, but I can say that they sound like typical teenagers to me. I do have experience in counseling. The best thing you can do is just let them know you want to talk. I know that I was very hard on my parents, my Mom especially. I think it's a natural move toward independence from "Mommy". I'm sure the bad marriage and problems have contributed to their attitudes and difficulties talking to you about resentments, but I doubt that's all it is. Don't expect to be their best friends. Maybe try to talk with them and explain that you made bad choices and are sorry. Let them know that you are trying your best not to repeat those same mistakes. That you are their mother (the head of the house), provide for them and are doing your best to raise them into responsible adults. You deserve their respect regardless of past mistakes. Outside of that you can't do a whole lot. You can hold them accountable for their actions. They need limits to feel safe and know that you care where they are, what they do, etc. Are they seeing a counselor? I would highly suggest that you all see one together.

You say you have them in couciling and they don't like it. Have you tried a phsycotherapist? (i know i had to misspell that one) All they do is listen to what the child has to say and recommend ideas for them to handle the situation or give them idea's on how to approach parents in a different way.
we cannot change what happened in our pasts but we can tell them we done the best we knew how at the time. My phsycotheraptist told me that once my kids reach the age of 13 or 14 that my job raising them is basically all done because now they think they know it all and i know nothing. I'm just here now to guide them, give advice and keep them out of trouble. And since i have taken a few steps back and let go a little, both have chilled out and we actually get along better now. Let them do the church activities on their own, maybe with you being there they feel like they are being forced or watched over constantly. Give them a little space and understanding and hopefully you will have a good out come.

Hey, G.!
I'm going through the same thing with 12 and 14 year olds (daughter and son). I've been divorced for 4 years now and we are all getting better all the time. The first thing you need to realize it that 12-13-14 year olds are already going through so much just with school and puberty and the regular teen age stuff. (You just have to try to survive and keep everyone safe--anything else is gravy!) First of all--don't blame yourself for any of the bad history--you got out, you're trying to fix it for yourself and your daughters. Congratulations, and be proud of yourself! The best advice I can offer you is to talk to them, honestly without blame or frustration. Let them know how it hurts you for them to disrespect you, let them know you love them and that you're all working toward a better life. Try to stay patient on the outside (even if it means screaming into a pillow when you're alone!) It will take some time for them to feel secure--just tell them every day that you love them and appreciate them--keep in mind that they're in as much turmoil as you are, if not more. Hang in there, and love them--give them some space, but be there for them. Good luck!
M. C.

I have been there, not as the mother but as the daughter. My mother made a few bad decisions when I was younger. She choice her boyfriend/husband over me, that hurt me alot. Yes I was very resentful toward my mom for years I turned 16 and rebeled against everything she said not to do, I ended up preg. at 17. At that point me and my mother became great friends, we talked alot about the past and how things should have been different, but she said I cant contol the past but I can control the future. There isnt any magic words for everything to be better...It takes alot of time I mean alot, I am now almost 23 and my mom is my best friend, but it took me alot of years to understand everyone makes mistakes you live and you learn.