Need Help with Relaxing

Hi! Can you join a gym? Daycare should be included. It's a great way to have some time to myself while the kids are being supervised. I find it rejuvenating.

Good luck!

A.

There's a book you can get at Barnes & Noble called " The Secret ". Rhonda Byrne. Best 184 pages you'll ever read.

I don't know the whole situation, but maybe finding things you enjoy that you can do with him would help. It is hard for me to find the energy for crafting at the end of a busy toddler day. But meeting friends at the park is fun for the kids and a must for the moms. I find if I am just going to places by myself and not directly interacting with other moms it is harder for me to keep sane.

Have you thought about joining a playgroup? We have great one based out of meetup.com. We do Mom's night outs, family outings, mom outings, toddler playdates, etc. We always have a great time. I hope you check it out.

http://moms.meetup.com/2556/

I'm also a stay-at-home mom who has a traveling husband, and I know what you mean about needing time away!! I found some high school girls in the neighborhood who are more than happy to come entertain my daughter while I sew, study, read, or whatever. And my daughter is always happy to see someone else's face for a while. :) We also have a college girl who comes in every Monday. If my husband is in town, we go out together for "date night." If he's out of town, I go out with friends or take an evening to go window shopping, see a movie, or whatever else I've wanted to do. I can't tell you how much it helps to always know Monday is coming and I'll have my evening out! Not that I don't adore my daughter ... I absolutely do! But 24/7 gets to be a lot for both of us!

Hang in there, R., and enjoy these times, even though they can be stressful. The kids will be grown before we know it!

Geri

Sweetie--God did not mean us to do this job by ourselves! What you need are friends--other moms who stay home. Google MOMS Club. If there's not a local one, check with the school district for an early childhood pta group. MOPS is a Christian group that meets every other week. There are other groups, and you need one! Good luck , God bless!

I'm a stay-at-home mom with a husband who travels a lot also. We have had some rough years in the begining, but after almost ten years we are still learning how to deal with each others schedules. Maybe once or twice a year (depending on the buget) He lets me get a treat like a spa day while he watches all three kids. It doesn't have to be something that cost a lot of money. Since you like crafty stuff, sometimes I just go to a friends house and scrapbook or make projects for a few hours. It's a nice way to get away from the "mommy...mommy...mommy I need...I want.. or honey can you do this or that"
Just an idea!
A. T

Check out your local YMCA. I go to Town North and they have amazing free child care as long as you are on the premises. They have wonderful classes including yoga. They also have good kid activities such as swimming lessons that your son would love. I cannot say enough about the positive impact the Y has on my family. It was a real life saver for me after the birth of my 2d child. Regular exercise was amazing for not only my health, but for my general outlook. And my kids love it! (They also have a scrapbooking group that gets together regularly). Good Luck!!

Do you have family or friends nearby? What about a neighbor who could watch your son for a couple of hours each week, so you can have some time to yourself? Or sometime with your girlfriends. If not, why not take a walk with your son or go to the park. You just might meet another mom who is in the same type of situation. The weather is starting to get warmer and being outside in the sunshine always makes me feel better. Good luck and if things get too bad talk to your doctor.

From personal BOY experience - Jackson will be just as happy playing in the back yard from sunup to sundown as going other places. If you wish, you can use one of those big flat tupperware containers to hold your craft stuff (I'm a CM freak).. I lay everything I'm working with in it, and put my album on top of it and put the lid on when it's time to go inside and put it up.

Of course, I get my kicks on the slide and swings too.

S.

Your baby could still benefit from afternoon naps. I found decades ago to catch up on sleep by napping with my children. If you are both tense, try taking a warm bath together first. If you have a pool, try playing in the pool before your nap. If you do this daily, you will both be relaxed as well as bonded as Mom and child!

Join a local MOMs Club. www.momsclub.org It's very helpful for new mommies to help you adjust and find friends going through the same life experiences in your area.

It's time to go away for the weekend! Have a girls' weekend - go to the spa, and go out to eat and/or drink. Have your husband stay with Jackson all weekend. Taking a break for a couple days helps you be a better mom and wife.

You don't even have to leave town. My girlfriends and I did that one weekend - we went on priceline and got a good rate for a hotel downtown. Even though we stayed nearby, it still felt like we were on vacation. Definitely worth it!

Do you have any friends with children your son's age? When my girls were little my friend and I took turns watching eachother's kids one day a week. It gave us each a day to ourselves to catch up on stuff or go do something for ourselves as well as gave our kids time to play with a few close friends. Also, if your or your husband's parents live close by you might enlist their help to enjoy their grandson's company one afternoon a week or on Saturdays.

Also, sometimes just taking a nature walk outside and looking for rocks, feathers, leaves, anything interesting is a peaceful and fun thing for you to do together.

Hope this helps!

I do not send my child to MDO b/c of money, so I have to entertain. We have a PlayStation2 and a kitchen timer, he gets 1 hour in AM and maybe another 30 min in PM. There are some educational games out there. He also takes a 2-3 hour nap during the day. I ussually relax and crochet, read, check e-mail...
Hope this helps. Many people don't like game systems, but I feel with limited time to play it give us both a break for sanity!

Massage!!! I think it's like $40 for a hour massage at the Massage Institute in Haltom City. It makes me feel like a new person! Next best is a pedicure.

If your child is in MDO two days a week and that is not enough try increasing it by one day a week.

R., You are practically a single parent but not to fret. You found the MDO outlet, now set up play dates with some of the MDO parent's. My group exchanged 10 popsickle sticks as a form of payment outside of play dates. One stick per hour, with 9 popsickle sticks you could arrange an overnite stay, one stick left for an emergency. On play dates the parent's would agree to take your child for 2-3 hours allowing you time to regenerate yourself. You are free to take a nap, long bath, have a lunch date with another adult, uninterrupted time with your mate. Another source of help is your local church. Our souls need to be fed as well and going to church functions allows your child time to socialize with peers as well as you and learn about God. There is an organization called Bible Study Fellowship that meets at various times am/pm and they have a program for children to attend while parent's are in their class. Look them up on the web at http://www.biblestudyfellowship.com/
Many cities have list of home daycares that are registered with them too. Some exercise facilities have daycare while you exercise. YMCA, city park and recreation centers are good places to look. I taught my child to honor boundaries and set up a daily schedule (like a school program) for time to read, playtime alone inside/outside, nap time, lunch time/set the table time and whenever I spoke on the phone not to interrupt unless an emergency (unusally during a scheduled activity that kept them busy). The structure helps to prepare them school and time management. Incorporate their help wherever possible, folding laundry--my child helped me get the clothes out of the dryer due to a hurt back. Each area of assistance built life skills for them and self confidence in their abilities. Hope this helps!

Look into a local MOPS group--you can find one in your area at:
http://www.mops.org/

You'll be able to leave your little one in the care of loving folks & visit with other women who are in your shoes.
Try not to isolate yourself--get out there and mix with other moms.

Hi R.,

I can imagine how hard your situation must be some days!

It's really hard with a small child, but exercising and trying to eat better has really helped me.

Good Luck to you!

L.

Everyone had terrific advice: get into some Mommy groups, playgroups and such. Only one piece of advice: do not ever say in front of your spouse that you feel like a single parent. My husband works a ton of hours too, travels, and often has weekend meetings!! I once complained that I felt like a single mom and it hurt him deeply. I know how you feel, but please chose your words (even when your mad) carefully. He's working for you and the kids, don't make him feel bad for it.

Join a Moms Club! This is the one I'm a member of and it saved my sanity. http://www.momsclub.com/

I have a very active 3 year old boy too and my husband works a lot as well. Staying home with my son and racking my brain for ways to keep him entertained was starting to get to me. The poster for this club was on the back of my Pediatrician's door. It has been one of the best things I've ever done! :-)

We have scheduled activities: playgroups, trips to the zoo, the park, crafts for the kids and a Mom's nite out. It's great to sit and chill out with other women while the kids run around and tire themselves out. I've made some good friends, received lots of advice and my son has made some good friends too.

Check it out..it will help a lot!

Hi R.,

I'm so glad you love and recognize your opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom. You are young and so fortunate to have a forum for opinions and support. I hope with the many replies you receive, you find a few ideas and tools that benefit you and your family.

If you are a woman of faith, pray about peace of heart and for doors to open to meet your needs. Request wisdom, as this is the only way it is received.

Based on experience personally and with other mothers, I suggest taking B-vitamins (a multi-vitamin if not on one). Stress is extremely hard on our bodies. It uses up our nutrient stores and releases cortisol into our bloodstream which can cause long-term damage. B's are known as the "happy vitamin" and they coat and soothe our nerves. You will notice a difference immediately with a good B-Complex. (fyi, If you have PMS, it is normally a symptom of being nutrient deficient in B's, Omega-3's and Calcium/Magnesium).

I recognized early in my marriage that when my husband and I did not have quality time due to work, travel or events, I become agitated with him but the root of my shortness with him was that I missed him! When I felt this way, I would actually say, “I’m short with you because I miss you”. Think about this from your perspective and if this is also a root for you. If so, consider specific time with him when he is home. You all can plan a Saturday night or Sunday afternoon date by having an arrangement with a family member, neighbor or church family to watch your son. Even though Joe needs time with the son, the marriage must come first. A date could be a sandwich and chip picnic, 9 holes of golf, a walk to build intimacy, a nap together or simply cheese, olives and crackers with candlelight at home. It doesn't have to be a big outing. If possible, join your husband for a weekend where he works instead of him coming home. Let him show you around town or stay indoors relaxing in one another's company.

Have sex when you are together. This ties the bonds like no other. If not in the mood, have it anyway and see if the action warms up the body, then a connection can follow.

Do deep breathing - FROM THE BELLY, not the chest during the day or before going to bed. Very relaxing and healthy. Most of us do not take in enough oxygen as nearly everyone chest breathes.

If not exercising consider yoga or walking (push your son in a stroller). Exercising releases excellent hormones for well-being. If you don’t like yoga, find a new teacher or dvd. When you find one you like, it is tremendous even if you can’t do downward dog. 

You are fortunate to enjoy reading which can be relaxing if you find a genre you truly enjoy or a topic you are passionate about. You may want to try this once and see if you like it, when your son is at MDO, go to the library. It is relaxing. Try new books while you are there. My favorites are historical romances, nutrition based books and vegetarian/raw food prep (even though I eat meat and cooked food).

I've also recognized frustration in women that don't know/feel their purpose; therefore they are feeling unappreciated or bored. Being a stay-at-home mom is a blessing you recognize but you may have talents that are nudging you to do more. Listen to your convictions! It is OK to find a sitter or if money is tight or you want other kids for your son to play with, work out a deal with other mom's for needed time for an event; you keep their child, they keep yours. This allows you to possibly join a book club which fits with your reading hobby and gives you an outing out with the girls once a month or so, finding a bunco group leads to an easy night of relaxation since anyone can play bunco or prayerfully consider starting a home business. When passionate about the product, you will impact others lives. There are many companies in the market today, so find one you are passionate about from a long standing 'cause'.

Blessings and if I can be of support, contact me.
-M. ###-###-####, ____@____.com

p.s. After more than 25 years on various supplements, the most effective brand I've discovered is Shaklee. If you are going to try the B's (or a multi-vitamin if not on one and possibly Stress Relief), find a rep at www.Shaklee.com.

exercise, great stress relief. i walk the kids once a day like a short walk then go to the gym later. i am a sahm of a 5 month old and 4 year old, both boys. my husband lives and works in mississippi and my family lives in indiana. so i am here by myself. we are finally moving to ms at the end of the week. i've been doing this for 4 months. they say the best stress relief for mental exhaustion is physical activity and the best stress relief for physical exhaustion is sleep. give it a try. also make your son walk with you but still take the stroller with. make it fun like tell him you will race him to the next sign or tell him to hop like a frog. something to work his mind and body...

Find a Pre-school PTA. They have resources and you will meet many other Mother's who are living the same life you are living. They will have babysitting co-ops which are wonderful. My sons are now 22 and 25 and I'd was a SAHM and although I didn't LOVE every minute of it, I wouldn't trade the days away for anything.

I know exactly how you feel. I am 8 months pregnant and also have a four year old son. My husband works out of town Mon thru Friday. I take my son to the park, he stays with his granny and we also try to do crafts at home. It is getting really difficult to do anything now with the baby getting so big but most of our outings are on the weekends with my husband. He isn't in a MDO program b/c I just haven't found one that I like. It gets very lonely sometimes and I long for adult conversation. I have been a SAHM for 2 years now. Believe me, I understand what you are feeling.

I agree with finding a mom's group. I was a member of a mom's group and it was a fantastic outlet for me. I have really close friends who are always there to help me in a bind, to provide adult conversation, to celebrate with me, laugh with me, cry with me. My daughter also made her friends via this group. I did a quick google search and found this email for you. I see that others have listed their mother's groups places. Keep searching and I hope that you find one that is a good of a fit for you and I found for me! I moved here and knew NO ONE and now I feel like I have an extended family!

Best Wishes!

LOL..oh yeah and here is the email! ____@____.com

Hi R., my suggestion is to meet another mom with a kid around your sons age. I know during all my stay at home years, this is the only thing that kept me sane. Sometimes just having another adult to talk to and run around with, even during housework or errands, helps knock the blues. When my kids were younger, my friend and I used to spend one day a week at her house and one day at my house doing all our cleaning and laundry, it was so nice to work together. Sometimes we even cooked dinner together then took it to our own house to eat. We also went one day a week into town to run errands, pay bills, buy groceries and walmart stuff. The kids formed an awesome friendship also, they loved having somebody to play with every day!

You should look for a Mom-to-Mom circle. Some churches called it MOPS. You will be around other moms with children. I go to Christ UMC in Plano. We meet every other week for 2 hrs. The cost is $37.00 plus the cost of a book. I also go to a Scrapbooking class at the same church for $30.00 and we meet once a month. I am a stay-at-home mom too. I have two children. My daughter will be 3 in May and my son is 1.

Good luck!

M.

Your son is the perfect age to start exploring nature. Try visiting different parks where he can play and then explore nature. Walking through the trees, walking on trails, watching/feeding ducks in the pond. Looking for new ducklings. Collecting "treasures." Visit the Ft. Worth Nature Center. Remember, variety is the key, don't keep going to the same park.

I too struggle with this cabin fever. I just started at our local YMCA, and it is great to take 45 minutes to watch tv with headphones while I do the eliptical (sp). Emily enjoys the childcare they provide, and I even get to take a shower while I am there, before I have to get her. Also, finding a M.O.P.S. group close to you could help. You can do an internet search for this.

Hi R.,

Have you joined a moms group in your area? I haved and it saves us from the boredom my son and I get from being in the house together so much. We look forward to the weekly events.
Like going to the park or a inside play area. I see moms all the time when I take Nathan places to play, but it so nice when I see friends I've made through the moms group.
I get to visit with my mom friends and my son, Nathan who's also 3, gets to play with his friends. Google a moms group for where you live. Hope this is of help.

Hello,

Just a question-if your husband is having to work out of town...does he come home at night or is he staying away? Why not move closer to where he works so he can be home more? My husband used to work in Los Colinas and we live in Greenville so it was at the very least an 1 1/2 hour comute WITH GOOD TRAFFIC. By the time he got home and got dinner it was around 8pm and then he was off to bed. He finally switched jobs to something local. Anyways, it helps to have dad at home to bond with the child at night and maybe give you a break. I like to take long hot showers when I get a chance but now I have a 17month old and a 5 year old so that usually doesn't happen without interruptions ;). Also, you might look at putting him in a pre-k program next year along with the MDO or maybe sending him to 2 different MDO's so that he's watched 4 times a week and gives you more personal time.

Hope this helps!~

I feel your pain. I am a mother of a 20 month old boy. Sometimes you get so overwhelmed with the constant daily household chores and taking care of your son that you get so tired you just don't want to do any of it. At least that's how it is for me! My husband doesn't work out of town but he does work a lot of of nights in addition to his daily 8-5 job. I was about to go stir crazy about a month ago and to put it simply wasn't being a very good mother. I decided to join a local gym that has a little child care center and you can even check on them through the TV's that are on the treadmills. Anyway, I go every morning and even get ready for the day in the locker room. It has been my saving grace. My son LOVES playing with other children and I'm getting a break. Not to mention the fact that I'm feeling better because I'm working out. Also, I joined a MOPS (Mothers Of PreSchoolers) group and have meet a bunch of moms that have been a wonderful support. Just knowing you aren't the only one seems to make it all better! Go to www.mops.org to see if you have a local MOPS group. Those are the two things that have really helped me! I hope you'll find something that fits your family just right!

Hi R. - I'm glad you get to stay home with your boy but it really CAN be stressful. My girls and I have joined a Mom's and Mocha group but I live in the Keller area. We get together for play-dates as well as Mommy time (I've never done the "Mommy time" because my husband also travels all the time and I'm more like a single-parent too. Anyway, getting my 2 and 3 1/2 year old out to other events (99% of the events are free with a $5 a year fee to the organizer). We also joined a mommy/child group at our church and we go to the local Library for their weekly Story Time sessions.

Contact the Organizer at the Meetup.com website for more info:
http://moms.meetup.com/2188/suggestion/

Is there a "mom's day out" program at any of your local churches. Also, there are some mother co-ops in which the mother's take turns having a few hours out. All are relatively inexpensive and worth the effort to find. You need some time alone. Give yourself (and your husband) a break. Everyone needs some time to breathe.

I'm a mother of 4 and grandmother of 10. No mother needs to spend every waking hour with her child. It's nice you can stay home, but talking on a 3-year old level will drive you nuts. Perhaps you have a neighbor or friend who would be willing to go with you and your child to a park to play. You would be interrupted a lot, but also have a nice time for adult conversation.

Figure out how to save your sanity and protect your husband from your wrath.

Good luck, J.

I am 8 months pregnant, and a mother of a 2-year-old and a 3-year-old. My husband is out of town for work about 75% of the time, usually in 2-week stretches. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to go insane, but I've found a few things that really help me get through each day halfway productively:

**doing activities with our homeschooling group (field trips, parties, etc)
**letterboxing (www.atlasquest.com)
**staying connected with other moms
**working part-time from home (this lets me interact with other adults and gives me a break from parenting)
**hanging out at Starbucks with the kids (they think it's a huge treat)
**going camping now and then, or just state-park hopping
**projects, projects, projects. Gardening, raising chickens, building things, fixing things. These all give me a sense of accomplishment and forward motion.

Also, we have a cleaning lady who comes every other week. Knowing that the bathrooms WILL get scrubbed at least every 14 days is a big weight off of my back and keeps me from feeling guilty.

Good luck, and let me know if you'd like to get together for coffee sometime. I completely understand how hard it can be to get shoved into that "sometimes-single" mom role, and would love to hang out with someone who is going through it too.

Look into young mother groups, a lot of places have them, or a day care half a day sometimes while you have a girls day lunch with a friend. No matter how much you love someone, sometimes you need interaction with other adults and fun time, even if it is an exercise group. Some Churches have play days or luncheons with babysitting provided. You sure don't want to used the limited time with your husband in a foul mood. I'm sure some of these things will work out for you.

I feel children AND their Mom's need "play dates". Look around your neighborhood and in local churches. Your son needs others his age to play with, but you also need adult interaction. It will really help!

S.

I am going to agree with most of all that has already been said. My husband is out of town for 7 days and then home for 7 days and has been traveling at least that much if not more since both of my kids were born. A few things that I have found helpful are a church group where you can meet friends for yourself through Bible Studies, MOPS if you can find one, or small groups. Also, a balance between going out and doing things with other people (playgroups) and being at home is important. The best thing for me and for my kids has been a somewhat structured schedule (with wiggle room at times). For example... WHen my husband is gone, we know that Monday is a stay home day, Tuesday is a ladies Bible study day (they get to play with their friends at church this day and I get to be with my friends too), Wednesday is playgroup and dance, etc... Before we know it, dad is back in town and we are doing things as a family again. I have to make sure that my kids are getting things they like, but also that I am too. It does get exhausting trying to do things every day to get them out of the house. Then, you don't feel like you have any time at home to get things taken care of or just relax. I felt like by scheduling a few things for them and a few things for me, then a day to do whatever we all wanted has helped us a bunch. Good luck!

You ought to find a play group where you can take your son to play with others his age and you can join in on adult conversation with the other moms. You can use mamasourse to find other mothers in your area or sometimes certian churches have groups. You also might think about joining a gym where you can work off your steam and have time for yourself. HTH

R., You didn't mention if you had a church home, but that is a wonderful place to start. Often there are women's Bible studies with childcare where you get to meet wonderful ladies who offer support, an ear to talk to or call or to just laugh with! The best thing of all is you get to experience the peace that the Lord has to offer you. He wants to bless you. You are doing the most important job in the world. You are nurturing your son and caring for you husband in a way that No One else could.

The MDO program is also great that you are doing. Make sure when he's there, you take time to do the things YOU enjoy rather than using that time to just catch up on errands. There is a balance to be kept. Moms need to be pampered a little too, and with your husband gone so much, you really do need to make time to do that. It doesn't have to cost money either. I like to go to the bookstore and find a couple of books that look interesting and read a little to see if I want to buy the book, or check it out at the Library.

The other two things I would say....is there a play group either in your neighborhood or church near by? Great fun for kids, and you meet other moms who are in your similar situation! And this is a BIG one....EXERCISE! Even if you have to do it in front of the tv with a video while your child is napping. That's the best stress reliever in the world! Beginners tapes for Yoga are fun and challenging and VERY relaxing.

I hope this helps!

I am also a SHM with 2 boys. One is 9 and one is now 6. I am 43 now, and have been married for 10 years. My husband travels a lot! He is a great man, and I've had to work hard at not taking out my frustrations on him because he's not there to help. I pray a lot and ask God to help with that....He is very Faithful to help me!(-: You are at a very challenging stage right now. Hang in there....you're already doing the right stuff by taking Jackson out to do things....but keep in mind he will need to learn that sometimes he will need to keep himself busy while mommy attends to things that need to be done around the house. It's good for him to learn that a family works together and will benefit if you are able to accomplish your tasks at home.

Boys are so active...I've learned to get them in to sports regularly, and take reading or crafting with me to work on at their practices. They need to burn lots of energy every day!

God Bless you and hope I was able to offer some sound advice! J. D.

Hello R.,
It sounds like you need some adult interaction. Where do you live? My neighborhood has a Mom's Club that I belong to and it did wonders for me. I made friends for myself and my kids. I don't do as much with the club lately, but I have my many friends that we still do things together.
Try to google moms clubs for your area and see what you come up with.
I am a single mother of 4 young kids. I have a 6 yr old son, 5 yr old b/g twins, and a 3 year old son. If you want, feel free to call me at ###-###-####. My name is J.

Take a walk in the daytime with your son (the fresh air and sunshine help me). I also try to eat really well and try to avoid sugar (sugar makes me much moodier). I also don't take in caffeine - ever. These all help me quite a bit. Also, I journal to God during naptime and it really helps me to tap into my Lord daily. I so hope things get better for you!

I can understand completely...I would suggest meditation and friends.

Another option may be to look into a pre-school or daycare just in the mornings...that would be good for both of you: you can run errands, have quiet time, join a gym, meet with friends etc and he'll get some good socialization time with his own peers which is very important for his natural development! You could also consider finding some other young moms and schedule some "mom & me" times where you alternate houses or places to meet on a regular basis.
Good luck!

Sounds like you need some adult interaction. You might want to join a playgrouop so that you can meet other moms or join a gym or take a class on the days that your son is in MDO. I know when it was just me and my first daughter, I had the same feeling and it wasn't until I started to go back to school that it started to disappear. You might even volunteer in the MDO.