Need Help with Kids Who Won't Listen

K.,
Because you work outside the home you are NOT alone in this. Your children's teachers should be able to help you develop a plan to get their behavior under control.

This is such a difficult thing. As a daycare provider I know that sometimes I am able to train children to my rules in my house and the kids can still be just wretched with their parents. Sometimes they are trouble with both of us and sometimes it's more with me than them. Each child is different.

The only thing for certain is that you and your boyfriend need to be on the same page with each other and with their teachers. Children will laugh at us when they know they have won. And even someone like me with over 20 years of experience sometimes gives in to a child or lets something slide that we shouldn't. Staying consistent and keeping the rules the SAME everywhere will go a long ways. But just know that at first the harder everyone tries to be on the same page, the harder they will look for the weakest link.

If a child is not dangerous to the other kids in care, more than any child will sometimes be, then I don't believe in calling a parent out of work. I am so fundamentally AGAINST this. You can't deal with the stresses and pressures of work and what's happening during the day at school and daycare. This may be something you need to address. But you should be able to address it by sitting down and meeting with your teachers. This should not draw you away from your work during work hours.

I look at it like this. When I am having a problem with a child it is normally a phase WE can work through and should work through without the parents because it's part of MY job. You don't ask your daycare providers/teachers to come to work with you and help you with your work and they shouldn't expect you to help them with theirs.

I hope I am not sounding contradictory. You need to figure out where to draw the line in the sand. What part of this can you help with and is there a chance they are being lazy or taking out their own lack of classroom discipline on you?

Suzi

K.,
Check this website out by John Rosemond http://rosemond.com/index.php?action=website-view&Web...

Also, check his books out...one that I highly recommend is Family Building. You won't be able to put it down. It has great suggestions and includes letters from parents that have discipline problems with their children of all ages. He has great methods. I have used them and they really work.

You could try out the 1-2-3 Magic System. It is written by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. I have four children and one of my sons has been diagnosed with ADHD but this system has worked for all of my children. It takes a few weeks to get it implemented into your daily routine, yet is far worth the benefits once the kids understand your terms of discipline. Contact your local library or the school library to see if they have a copy of the book or the video that you can watch for free. The book is the winner of the National Parenting Publications Gold Award. It says that it is effective discipline for children 2-12 years of age. Good luck!

I have 4 kids two that are grown now and two toddlers. Its not easy for the older ones who are used to your attention to become second in line because lets face it, babies need alot of tlc. I suggest finding a little one on one with the older ones to give them special attention. Reassure them that they are loved and special. Incorporate them on the babies care and praise them for their help and how you are so glad they are older and so helpful. Sometime negative acting out is their way of getting attention because of all the changes. It helped me to take the time to make sure my older ones still felt loved and needed. Even my 18 year old still needs to be mamas baby sometimes. Good luck.

All I can say is be CONSISTANT! They will laugh at you if you threaten to punish them and they know you will not follow through. Also, a parent friend of mine said she made her kids write a rule book with punishments the kids came up with (with your guidance of course) and if they broke the rules they had no excuse to be mad at the punishment or say its not fair because they made the punishments and rules. also this helps them think in advance what the consequences are going to be. You might do something special for them if they agree to doing the rule book and do a good job. This will motivate them to think of appropriate punishments.