Need Help with an Escape Artist

I would suggest putting slide bolts on very high up where you can barely reach them. I would also suggest putting two gates on her door, one on top of the other, or in the hall the same way. Put a lock on the outside of her door, a hook lock or slide bolt. I've known some triplet parents who installed a storm door outside their kids room where it latched/locked from the outside where the kids couldn't reach it.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

That is so hard to deal with. I have one that is like that now. Try the chain locks again but put a small combonation lock (like for a suitcase) on the chain to hold it close tight. I did this and its a huge help. With a small combo lock there are no keys to loose and they are easy to open only if you know the code.

hello N., i can feel for you. i have a 6 year old who started doing that at 3. i found her outside jumping on the trampoline in her undees; then decided that she can leave while i am sleeping and knock on the neighbors door to play with their 4 year old at 7am; then she started going for walks in the park alone and once i had an officer bring her home...talk about embarrassing. i am not sure still how she snuck out that morning but somehow she did. i finally had to ground her from baseball practice and swimming until she stopped for a while and went back to it again. i actually got frustrated and took her to the police dept. and privately explain my situation and an officer spoke to her. sometimes they need to hear it from someone more impressive than us parents. she has since been much better. most police officers are very understanding with this.. so far so good. have you seriously tried deadbolt locks on your doors until she understands NO. this is the only thing i can think of. i know children go through this stage and like to push the limits (especially when they have no limits everywhere BUT home) and that makes it hard. i am a single mom also and yes, there are times i want to tie her to a chair she is so willful.lol. other than taking away very favorite toys; places of play; play dates; mcdonalds (something or everything that is special) sooner or later you will find the right punishment. they dont understand the seriousness of it and us as parents in todays world especially must be sooooo careful. i hope some of this helps in at least knowing YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS ONE.

Get a dead bolt with a key.
Jade

Hi N.,
This must be extremely scary and frustrating for you. I would put the locks as HIGH up on the doors as you can. If you need deadbolts at the top--see if that can be done. Talk to someone in the hardware section of Lowes/HomeDepot/local hardware store for recommendations.
Do her grandmother and father spoil her or just ignore her? You need to really try to talk to them about all getting on the same page as far as rules are concerned. If you can't at least be clear about what the rules are for YOUR house. Post a list on the wall/refrigerator/etc. and go over them with your daughter. Can you do an alarm on the OUTSIDE of HER door so that when she gets up & exits her room--it will wake you up? I understand that you work different shifts, but I think you need to be awake before her if possible. Maybe occasionally you can catch up on some sleep while the grandmother or her dad has her? Hope that helps a bit. Hang in there. Good luck with your Little Houdini!

N.,

I totally understand your world. I have a 7 year old little girl who thinks independence is a wonderful thing. It can be, but unfortunately it sounds like she is scaring you to death.

Since the video hasn't worked, I would go buy a lock for the door that needs a key. Put the key in a safe place out of the reach of your daughter.

Sit down and tell her that she must come get you before going outside. Since she is getting close to school age she might understand if you give her the rule of you may not go outside until the digital clock says what time you would prefer her to be outside. This way you set a guideline for her that she can understand. Tell her that if she doesn't start following guidelines then privelages could be lost.

I hope this has helped you. Good Luck and hang in there.

A. C.

I agree with the police idea. As a teacher I have heard about some crazy things that kids have done. I'm sure I'll be going through my own in time, my little ones are 2 and nine months. Taking her to the police dept. is a great idea, knowing many officers myself I'm sure they would be really good sports about it, and seriously scare her straight. That seems to be what she needs. Good luck to you.
C.

Obviously, some immediate safety measures like the deadbolts and possibly a good talking-to by a policeman come first, but after that I was wondering if some positive reinforcement for staying inside and following your rules might help. You could come up with some things that your daughter really wants and have her earn them. Start small so she can achieve it and see the sense of it. If she does as told a whole day, or whatever portion you oversee, she gets a small but desirable reward. For a whole week (I know, unimaginable at this point) she gets something she's longed for. Ideally, the daily thing could be your time and attention, reading or watching something together, playing games, etc. That might just be what she's really after but doesn't know about....

Get a dead bolt that you can only open from the INSIDE of the house with a key. Just don't lose the key or everyone will be locked in the house. But you also need to punish her appropriately for this behavior. If you catch her outside on her bike, then you take the bike away. If she goes outside while you are sleeping, then when you are awake she is grounded to playing inside. If she does it again, then ground her from all toys and let her only have books and crayons. ( because you can't obviously make a 5 year-old sit still all day or that would be punishment on YOU.) If I were you, for safety reasons, I would get the dead bolt with a key for the inside.

If its only at night when your both sleeping and she gets up early, I have a friend who has installed a chain lock on the outside of her door so you have to let her out and then she can play in her room. Just a suggestions. Hope this helps

Have you tried telling her to wake you up before she goes out and you'll play with her. Not sure if you've tried that.

Hi, have you tried finding out why she does it? It sounds like she is trying to get attention. Maybe you should sit her down and talk to her about what is driving her to do this. Maybe she is looking for you to freak out, negative attention is better than no attention. I had a similar problem with my son, he was acting out to get my attention because I was so caught up in a project for his school that he wasn't getting any of my attention. I sat him down and talked to him. Then I made sure to give him a few minutes of my undivided attention each day. It worked.

Also, have you tried putting one of those hook & eye latches on the very top of the door. Try to put it up high enough that even if she stands on a chair she can't reach it. I believe it was that age that my son thought he was invincible so when I told him someone could take him away, he told me he would not let them. Maybe it's time to show her a movie or book (or the news) about true stories that happened to little kids. As harsh as that sounds, the reality may sink in. I also took my son to Sam's Club and made him look at all the faces of missing children on the board. He told me he would scream and fight so the stranger couldn't take him, but it scared him enough that he started being more careful.

My kids are with my Mom too and it is hard to push for rules when they don't apply to all of the care givers.

In the end we let some rules slide while others must be upheld by all with her.

She sounds so smart, probably smart enough to work the system. She will need to know that the punishment will not just be with Mom but everyone will follow the rule (and punishment) Mom gives out.

This way she has no out. She is showing how free she is, but giving you a heart attack is now way to do it!

PS We have an escape artist too. Helped himself out to the driveway this am. So we constantly have to reinforce safety all of the time. We put a fence around our yard, and driveway so they are locked in, but no fence/door/lock is infalable.

My daughter had the same problem with her son at that age. She put a hook all the way at the top of the door where he could not get to it even with a chair. This worked for her and may help in your case also.
Barbara

They make deadbolts that are keyed only. They are a little harder to find, but Home Depot or Lowes should be able to help you out. Put one on every door and make sure she doesn't know where you keep the keys. My 3 year old used to do the same thing -- problem is we live on a rural highway which is very very busy from 6-9am. I was afraid for her life. Once she realized she could not get out, she stopped trying.

Good luck,
K.

I would discuss the problem with your ex and parents. If they are letting her do everything she wants at their houses, it's no wonder she doesn't listen to you about not going outside by herself. Express your concern with her going outside to them, maybe they will be willing to back you up and let her know they will punish her too, if she don't listen to you. Let them know that it's for her safety that you are asking them.

how about a dead bolt that is keyed?

Try the Door Guardian (thedoorguardian.com). They also sell similar things at Home Depot.

This must be terrifing for you. I would listen to the other moms and do a deadbolt with a key up high and try to speak to your local police. I am also a little concerned when I read your little about me section. It sounds to me that your daughter is not obeying your rules....such as stay in the house. I am concerned that her grandparents and or her father are not standing behind you when it comes to disipline. You need to sit with her father and the grandparents and get on the same page when it comes to disipline. They need to know that everyone HAS TO BE on the same page when it comes to rules..... especially when it comes to rules about saftey. Remind them that it has nothing to do with your relationships, but everything to do with the saftey of your little one. If your daughter does not learn to respect you soon, I can only imagine what it will be like for you when she is 8 - 16. I had problems with my inlaws and rules as well. I simply told them that if they would not abide by my rules then she could not be there any more. Which would have killed me, because I NEED them to watch her, but as I explained to them, how can I EVER get her to listen to me when she SEES that you won't. We still have a few small issues when she goes there but the major things were worked through. And they know that disregaurd to rules about keeping my kids safe, will not be tolerated. Saftey of your little girl needs to come first and she needs to re-learn respect for you. I wish you the best of luck. Also I wanted to mention that many pediatricians have a nurse or a conseler available to talk to about disipline issues.... Maybe they could talk to her about the going outside as well.