Need Help with 5 Yr Old Daughter

Hi A.. I think it would definitly be wise to talk to her pediatrician and ask the dr. if a behavioral evaluation could be given. Oppositional Defianance Disorder (ODD) is what comes to my mind without anymore than what is above.

In the meantime you can teach her how to identify and cope with her feelings. For instance over lunch you can have a conversation about some things that make you happy, sad, angry etc. Show her what you face looks like when you are talk about them. Then ask her what makes her happy, sad, angry. Let her know it is ok to feel happy, sad, angry. Instruct her on what to do she feels certain ways. When she is happy she dances. When she is sad, she hugs her doll and cries. When she is angry she should count to 3, 5 or 10 (whatever is appropriate for her), take a deep breath, and use her words. Give her the words to use. "It makes me angry when my sock doesn't fit well."

Try and maintain a consistant bedtime routine also. I know it must be difficult having your husband deployed but your daughter sounds like she needs to be able to predict what is coming next instead of surprises. If she knows she will be sleeping in the same spot every night after a bath and a story, it may help.

You have mentioned that moving is a trigger and you are doing the right thing in preparing her for it well in advance. Continue that. Transitions and change are not easy and some children require much more notice and involvement to prepare themselves.

I wish you all the best and I hope things get better. I'll be praying that your husband's time will fly by and he will be home safe and sound soon to help out. God bless!

A.

I am in shock that this is the first itme I havew EVER been on this site and the first thing I read about is ME!! But it's not me and my daughter-it's another family with the SAME PROBLEMS!!
My 5yr old is sweet as pie one minute and ruder and fresher than any 5-year oldI have ever met the next. She is afraid of her bed and bedroom and will only find comfort in my bed BETWEEN me and my husband. Needless to day, we don't sleep well!
I actually have taken her to a "play" therapist and she diagnosed her as being "oppositional". It is better than bi-polar which is what I would have thought. She said my daughetr is very bright and gets confused and cant always verbalize her confusion so she acts out instead at the flip of a switch. As far as the bed is concerned we have tried everything. The therapist suggested not making it her time-out place b/c you want it to be a fun, positive place for your child. Also, she said praise her for every day she stays for 30-minutes, 40-minutes, and so on. She will want to make you proud. I have onyl started so we will see how it goes!!

A., I'm so sorry to hear your problems.. No sleep is awful for her AND you!

We had similar troubles with my 2nd daughter. She never slept! Even as a newborn she would only sleep a max. of 10 hrs a day, she had a lot of other sleep problems.. like night terrors, sleep walking and anxiety about scary things that went bump in the night.. all night long..

Her temper flares started before she was four, and everyone told me it was a 'phase". Well.. we tried the the consistent discipline by following up on consequences and counting to three.. also using what I called the "rule of 3" (as in I tell you once, I scold you twice and if I have to tell you a third time you're OUT of there" Off to home, into bed, whatever...

But as the little one got into grade school, and the "phase" didn't pass, something else happened...

Our older daughter also started being very angry and had mood swings that didn't seem normal.. (even for an adolescent.) We first thought she was mimicking her sister's behavior for attention, and we began to punish her. But then the migraine headaches started and she developed sleep problems and was missing a lot of school ,We brought her to a pediatric neurologist for the headaches, and was also diagnosed with bipolar depression. At that point a little light went off in my head.

So we had the little one screened by a pediatric neurologist, and sure enough she had a sleep disorder. We treated the sleep issues with medication and her behavior improved, but she still had the temper outbursts, that would flare up and burn out.. She was diagnosed with anxiety and depression also. Both girls were put into therapy and the little one doing well without any psychiatric medication.

Through therapy learned specialized "tools" to use in dealing with their temper (hardest of which is to not get emotional in responding to them Oh boy is THAT easier said than done!) My girls are now 17 and 13 and they are doing great.. They have become "regular" kids who have learned what THEY need to do to diffuse their feelings, and when and how to ask for help.

I'm not saying this is necessarily the problem with your daughter, because both my kids were also diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, and their pain and fatigue may have contributed to the depression, because they were misdiagnosed as having "growing pains" until I pushed for specialized screening...

There is also the possibility that this is anxiety associated with your husband's deployment.. Even kids that young pick up on tension and they hear you talk and see the news etc.. She may just be terrified that her dad isn't safe. No matter what the issue is, maybe talking with other military moms might help there.

Anyway... I'm simply sharing my story because it's important to know that if YOU have the feeling that there is more than meets the eye.. that you should push to investigate the problem; both for your peace of mind, and your daughter's health.

Best of luck, and I hope it is nothing more than a phase.

Look into her diet.... maybe too much sugar, caffeine, dairy, even too much bread products can make a child crazy.
Diet is the key to solving alot of problems.

A.,

I have a 5 y.o. boy who can have similar outbursts, few and far in between, but when they happen there is no end until he is ready to calm down on his own. I noticed you mentioned her sleep is a problem right now, and my boy definitely has more of these episodes when he is over tired. They are so young and trying to learn how to deal with their emotions - patience and modeling behavior can do wonders, frustrating as it can be. I have similar "flaws" so I feel a connection with my boy when he acts this way. I have instilled a behavior/rewards chart and he gets a smiley face (which he likes to draw in by himself) for good behavior and/or overcoming his anger in an appropriate way. Once his chart is full we do something fun of his choice. Right now we are working to fill the chart so we can go bowling (he need 50 smiley faces so he is going to have to work hard for it!) but it is important to reward small success along with the big ones. He might get a smiley face for following a command without whining/questioning or for saying unprompted pleases and thank yous. The excitement from these small successes give him motivation for the larger obstacles.

We also talk about his emotions and I encourage him to come to me if he is feeling frustrated, sad, lonely etc., the more he talks, the less unknown there is.

I also have a separate sleeping sticker chart. Each night that he stays in bed all night he gets to choose a sticker to put on his chart. Once he has so many stickers (I do one week/7 stickers) he is able to choose a small reward like going out for a donut, to his favorite playground or to the library to pick out a book.

It is not a quick fix, but each time his behavior starts to slip more continuously, I notice I have been slipping on my end. Setting expectations and following through works for me when things seem to be getting out of hand.

Good luck to you and your family, I hope your husband is home soon.

Sounds like you have your hands full!
Well, the one resource that I say made our lives change with our "spirited" 5 year old, just turned in Dec., was the book I bought which was recommended by a friend of a friend, was MAGIC: 1,2,3.
I know it sounds funny and I never would believe I had to buy it as I was an elem. school teacher of young children and had no big problems with discipline and there were 25 of them and one of her.
Well, as far as behavior, as it sounds like structure, routine and consistency is what is needed, just my opinion, this book would be great.
YOu can get it at Amazon or in Borders.
Try out the chapter on behavior and giving a warning, counting and then taking "5" 5 min. for the age of 5.
It is not perfect but if we did not buy this and started using it when she was 2 1/2, I think we might have been where you are as she is smart and knows what she wants and respect is important and i was not willing to be yelling and spanking mom.
HOpe this helps.
K. P