My boyfriend recently told my 8-year old son that he was thinking about asking me to marry him and asked him what he thought about that. He got a blank look and very little response. Is that a normal response, or am I missing something?
Thank you for all of your responses. I emailed the counselor at my son's school and got some great advice. She also met with my son to see if she could tell if there were any hidden problems, and she thinks it's just typical "I really wish my real mom and dad were together" type stuff.
My nephew just went through something similar. At this age they are very much into, "what about me, me and me" even if they are not selfish or spoiled kids. Make sure he understands that this is wonderful for him too and it means MORE for him. More time together, more love, more of everything. He'll be just fine.
What does your son think of your boyfriend? Do you and your boyfriend include him alot in the things you do?? I have learned that is a big thing. I have two young daughters and my boyfriend has three teenagers so our transition was kind of tough... So, lots of family time and some one on one was important. I also told my daughters that he was not replacing their father. Your son might feel like his dad is going to be replaced. In my opinion, just tell your son that his dad will always be his dad..
Your child may not know how to react, so just look out for other signs like withdrawl or acting out. Try to find opportunities to talk to him about it yourself. He will probably have an easier time talking to you than your boyfriend. Also remember, your child comes first. It is great that you are moving along with your life, but make sure that you make your child feel like he is still important. My parents are divorced and are both remarried (my mom is getting married this next January). No matter how long I had to adjust, it was still a very hard transition for me. I am 25 and my mom is finally getting remarried this winter and it is still a hard process for me. Just be sensitive to him, but don't be overbearing.... yes, it's a hard balance.
M.,
It is hard to say exactly since I don't know how mature your son is, but I remember when we told my boyfriends daughter that I was pregnant (she was 6), she didn't have a very big reaction either. And when my father annouced to me that he was getting remarried (I was prob 11 or 12) I did not have a big reaction either. I think that is natural because it isn't "real" yet, he doesn't really know what that will mean for him. I'd say your best bet is to keep talking about it and introduce what some of the changes will be before they happen, ask his opinion about stuff and keep him involved as much as he'd like to be. Maybe your finace could involve him in some of the manly wedding decsions. Especially if you and your finace plan to add another child to your family, I know alot of kids (especially ones you only have half the time) can feel like they are not a part of the big picture anymore.
Hi, M.!
I'd have to say I think that his reaction is probably pretty normal. I mean, that is a lot for an 8 year old to compute. He's probably just trying to process the idea and figure out how that'll affect him, ya know? I'd suggest that you ask him if he has any questions and let him feel safe in expressing his feelings about it all. It doesn't mean that he gets to make decisions about your life, but knowing how he feels and helping him work through those feelings would be a great thing!
We have a yours-mine & ours family and it's worked out great. We have very open communication with our kiddos who are 8 & 9 (and from our first marriages.) Even after we've been married for over 4 years, questions still come up sometimes and feelings need to be talked about.
Best of luck with your upcoming marriage!
I have a thirteen year old stepson. His father and I were married when his son was only six. When I asked him what he really wanted, he told me for his father and his mother to get back together. They were never married, but he wanted them to get married. I honestly think your sons reaction is very normal. He is likely suprised that there is a possibility that you are getting married when it is likely been you and him for awhile. I would be prepared for some different reactions as the time progresses. Some not so pretty either. But he is older and may be able to handle the situation better than my stepson did. Congratulations and good luck to you. I think your son is going to do just fine
I think that is a totally normal response. When I was in the 3rd or 4th grade my Dad came over to my grandparents with my new step mom. SURPRISE! They has just left the courthouse and came directly there to let us all know they were now married. I remember feeling SHOCKED! I was confused and worried and I'm sure my facial expression was similar to your sons. I really liked my step mom to so I wasn't upset or anything.Your son could have some jealousy issues though he's been the little man in your life.
