H.K.
I know my answer will not be popular (especially with working moms) but someone has to say it. I have to question if you have really sat down and "run the numbers" so to speak.
If paying for daycare for 3 VERY young children will practically take everything you make ("I'm coming to work to give my check to daycare")then obviously that is not a solution.
After you subtract the cost of childcare, the second vehicle needed for work transportation, work clothing, convience meals (no time to cook at home), the higher tax bracket and other expenses associated with working...are you really coming out ahead?
Could you potentially make up the actual income you receive after subtracting all the above mentioned if you worked part-time (opposite shifts of your fiance so that there would be no childcare expense and the children would always have a loving parent care for them)?
As for the insurance, my husband and I were able to purchase policies through Blue Cross Blue Shield HMO for a better rate than even his employer offered. Perhaps you might even qualify for state funded policies such as KIDSCARE that require you to pay a premium based on your income (which would be reduced if you were not working).
I am not advocating social services or welfare, but there are programs to assist temporarily while young families get through the children's formative years and off to school with the best start possible.
This time in your children's lives will never come again. Isn't it killing you not to be the one at home raising them every day and having family members do it? The youngest will be in school in in four years...work full-time then. I believe a lot of "problems" can be solved with proper budgeting and a commitment to have a parent in the home raising the children.
I am so sorry if I have offended anyone. I know there are situations where the family will starve if the mother doesn't work, or single moms that have been abandonded and have no financial help, but this doesn't appear to be your case. You say you are "family oriented" but when do you have the time for that family when you are working full-time?
Just something to think about....and not a very popular opinion in todays society I am afraid.