Need Advice: Preschooler Difficulty with Bowel Movements

it's possible that he might just be embarrased to go. maybe you could just tell him you'll leave him alone (I'll say "do you want me to go away?") just act like you don't know he's about to go #2. that seemed to help with my oldest when she was the same age.

Hi S.,
Almost all the kids at my son's preschool (including my son) did something similar at that age. With our son, we had been using a sticker chart for potty training, and he got a special balloon sticker only when he pooped in the potty. It seems like kids think they are losing a limb in the toilet or something! Also, many people I know bought a small but much desired item and put it in the bathroom, within eyeshot of the toilet, and let the child have it after the first poop in the potty. We also spoke to our son about relaxing (made a silly looking relaxed face and said "blaaaaaaaaah") and that holding in his poop leads to pooping hurting. Our son had suffered from constipation, and that made him avoid the pain of pooping. We explained that holding in poop made it worse. It took a month or so of balloon stickers, but he moved on from that stage. We also tried not to sound super concerned because that leads to a total power struggle (had already been there, done that, and had to take a several month break from training because of it). My cousin had a similar issue w/ her son, and her pediatrician told her to use a Baby Fleet (or a half an adult Fleet) enema. We had to use them a couple of times when our son was younger to relieve his constipation pain. They cause some cramping and then pooping within a minute, and I promise you your son will not be able to stop it. I don't know quite how I feel about this approach personally, but my cousin followed it. She gave her son the enema, put him right on the toilet, and gave him a special treat right after he went. For her son, going once or twice in the toilet and seeing that he was okay seemed to take care of the problem. This is TMI (apologies in advance), but before I could bring myself to give my son (about 18 months at the time) an enema for his constipation, I had to know what it would do to him, so I gave one to myself. It gave me some cramping, which was uncomfortable but not really painful, and then, well, I think you can guess. It was all over quickly and I felt fine afterwards. Just remember that you will get through this (eventhough, if you're like me, you've prolly convinced yourself that your child will still need a diaper to poop when he's 12!). K.

Hi S.,

I feel for you!!! My son went through the exact same thing. He just started pooping on the potty about 2 weeks ago!! It is a very long story....but I NEVER thought we would make it through. I was very frusttated and felt like we tried everything. He is 4 and has been pee trained for about a year. He too would not poop on the potty. In the beginning he would wait until nap time or night time when he had a diaper on and poop then. Then it came to the point where he didn't need a diaper for those times anymore. He would start to ask for a diaper. I tried to get him to sit on the potty and tried many different methods....but nothing worked. He would get all upset and so would I. He would hold it for days. So the dr. told me to back off and started him on a stool softener. I did slowly get him to move from only pooping in diapers to pooping in a pull-up in the bathroom (easier to get on and off). He refused pull-ups for a long time. I finally got to the point when he needed to poop he had to go to the bathroom, get the pull-up, put it on and do his bussiness in the bathroom ( a ton of work for him...you'd think it would be easier to just poop in the potty :)). This took awhile to get him to do. Very small steps. This lasted for months. When I would try to push it, it was traumatic for him and I. For me it just wasn't worth it. Finally about 1 1/2 months ago my husband (I'd been trying for months....) got him to sit on the potty with the pull-up on to poop. We did this for a couple of weeks. I could feel like he was coming around and feeling more confident about it. Then I told him we only had 5 pull-ups left. When those were gone he had to poop in the potty. Every day we would talk about how many more pull-ups were left. We finally got to the day none were left. He got a bit upset, but nothing like the past. The first day he didn't go. The second day he said he needed to go. I told him he knew what to do. He got a bit upset, but nothing like in the past. He sat on the potty for a bit, but wouldn't go. I told him we would try later. About 30 minutes later he told me he needed to poop. I again told him he knew what to do. And he went to the potty and did it!!!!! I couldn't believe it. I thought this day would never come. He got a huge smile on his face and said "That wasn't so hard!!!" It was a priceless moment.

Anyway....it is a control thing and for some kids a fear thing. And your child will do it when he is ready. You can only do so much. I do know how frustrating it makes travelling and having a babysitter more difficult (most expect kids at this age to be pooping on the potty...), but hang in there. He will get to a point that he will do it. For my son the key was to do small steps at a time and once he was comfortable with that move onto the next step.

For me potty training has been the most difficult aspect of parenting....I know some people say their kids were trained in just a few days and I think I had a totally different view of potty training until I was in the midst of it. It was much harder than I ever thought it would be, but I made it through (my son is a twin, so I was doing two at the same time....)

Good luck and hang in there....do know that you are not alone...I have found that this happens to many kids....people just don't talk about it much.

J.

Hi S..

Unfortunately, this kind of thing can turn into long-term problems with retention and constipation. I would say take him to a child/play therapist now so he can work it out and not have problems later. Also, there are lots of 3-year-olds who are not fully potty trained, so you're not alone in this. Try to work on your own anxiety (which the therapist can also help you with) and that will help him.

Good luck!

K.

It sounds as if the 'shame' is a real major player in your issue. Take it out. In other words, let him know that there are just as many 3 yr olds that are afraid to poop in the potty like he is as there are those who learned to NOT be afraid. I would even tell him that he is absolutely NORMAL and there is nothing wrong with his fears - because it is true. Get that shame out of there and fast.

Here is one thing I learned being a parent (my kids are 22, 13, and 11 - all boys) and while getting my degree in Child Development: around this potty training age many kids have problems with pooping. Why? Pee isn't as easy to 'see' when it is in the water of the toilet - it blends in. Poop does not. Some kids see poop as literally being a part of themselves - their body - a part of their body that is solid - and the thought of flushing it down the toilet scares the hell out of them - as if they are flushing themselves down the toilet. I actually got this exact description not only from all 3 of my boys but also other friends little boys. They were terrified! Poor things...

So - take the shame out of it. He has nothing to be ashamed of anyway - some kids don't make it to full potty training until almost 4. We won't even talk about bed-wetting...that's a whole 'nother topic. But also ask him what his issue is. Ask him if there is something he is afraid of - explore his 3 yr old mind - and then be sure to let him know his fears are normal.

Good luck...

Warmly,
J.

Natural Calm (Magnesium Citrate) & 1,000 to 2,000 mgs of Vitamin C a day...Both my children had this problem... and not no more... and laxatives such as too much fiber may cause him to depend on them forever!!! Magnesium citrate is a natural stool softener and great for relaxing muscles... Vitamin C is a much needed antioxidant... you will see over time you may need to lower the dose once the body finds its balance...

Love, G.. :0)
http://stemcellforautism.blogspot.com/

Hi S.~
This happen with my alomost 3 year old daughter. For some reason she hated to poop in the toliet. And I figured out it was becasue the water was splashing her. and it was scary for her. I started to put her on the training potty w/no water in it, and it was fine!~ Do you think the water can be an issur for your 3 old? If so, try the no water thing.

Hi S.,

Is he drinking a lot of water? Is it filtered? I found that giving my granddaughter piwater along with barley jade greenzymes helps her with bowel movements.

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Good luck to you.

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N. Marie

Let him use Pull-ups. They are less like a diaper.

Hi S.!

Potty training is SO DARN HARD AND EMOTIONAL!

Both of my boys "held it" until the last possible second because they hated going. I just let them "figure it out" for themselves. I tried so hard NOT to say any "reminders", or make any "hints", but to let them figure it out.

Even when my oldest went to Kindergarten at age 5 1/2, I was scared to death about him being "potty perfect" at school. But after a regular schedule evolved for him because of school, his body naturally put him on a poo-poo clock. At age 11, he now goes regularly everyday~well, that I know of :o).

I would take the diaper away FOREVER and let him "hide", let him "wait", let him "cleanup himself", let him do all those things we moms usually help out with. He WILL learn how to mastery the potty, it just takes time :o)

Hang in there! Love, N.

Hi S.,
Both of my girls had this trouble at one point or another. Aside from Miralax and Mineral Oil in liberal doses, what resolved this for us was when I observed that they needed to poop, I'd sit them on the potty and make them stay there (physically holding them there) until they went. I noticed that they would try and "hold it in" by standing up and squeezing their little butts (jeez, the things you talk about as a mom!), and they can't do that if they are sitting down. Also, once they get the hang of pooping in the potty, you're home free on potty training.

For us it took a day or two of pooping on the potty before they got the hang of it. From what I've observed, there have been no lasting effects with either of my daughters (people told me that I shouldn't force the issue because it would scar them for life, but that has not been the case.) Good luck!

We had a horrible problem with my grandson not wanting to poop. He had had a painful BM and so decided he wasn't going to do that again. It got to the point that he would hold it for several days, possibly as long as a week. It would become so painful that he would lay down and cry - he couldn't stand up and walk - and by the time he did sit on the toilet, he would literally holler it was so painful because the BM was so large and dry from holding it. We finally found a wonderful ped who explained it to us like this: He has a bad experience and decided he wasn't going to have a BM anymore so he started holding it. The function of the bowel is to take the moisture out of the waste so it forms a BM. If it sits in the bowel for too long, it gets really dry, hard, large and is painful to pass. So the cycle begins. He holds it - it becomes large, and dry in the bowel. When he finally absolute has to go, it is very painful and he strengthens his resolve not to do that again. What is also happening is the bowel itself is becoming enlarged so the don't feel the need to go as often. My grandson would not feel the need to go for 3 - 4 days at a time - not a good thing. So, what we did was we had to deal with the psychological fear of going and the physical aspect of shrinking the bowel again so he would know he had to go every day. We started off with a suppository to clean the bowel out. One suppository each day for two days. That pretty well cleaned it out and also gave him a "pooping" experience that did not hurt. Thereafter, we gave him mineral oil twice a day, every day. At first, because he had so much up there, we gave him 1/8 cup two times per day for about a week. That is alot of oil, but what it does is it soaks into the feces in the bowel and helps to make them softer so not as painful to pass and it also lubricates so they come out easier. After about a week, we decreased the mineral oil to about half the amount. We continued to give him mineral oil on a daily basis for months until he had completely gotten over his fear of pooping. It is not two years later, and he is regular as clockwork. I am finding, however, that his sister is doing the same thing. She came to me the other day and said something about pooping on herself. when I asked her what she meant, she explained to me that she can't stop the poop from coming out and she's afraid she'll poop on herself. At first I thought she was having diarreah. turned out that she had been intentionally stopping herself from pooping because of a bad experience she had had with a painful bowel movement. Since then, she had been sitting on hard surfaces pushing it back in so she didn't have to pass it! I ran to the drug store and got a suppository. I gave her that which cleaned her out pretty well. after that, it was mineral oil, lots of water and raisin bran cereal. the combination worked like a charm and she's been fine ever since although I watch and when I see or she mentions having a hard bm, I immediately get the mineral oil out and give her a dose. Hope this helps. you need to get this under control right away because these poor children litterally suffer in silence until they can't take it anymore!