Need Advice on Telling 5 Year Old About Death

I'd do what Heather B. said.

To make a long story short. What I did. I took my son (2 or 3 yrs. at the time) w/ me, when I had to put my elderly (very old) dog to sleep. Because her whole body was shutting down. Anyhow, it helped my son out (taking him w/ me - when she was put to sleep). He wasn't traumatized or anything. I explained what was going. From time to time, he'll still say he misses her. But I remind him. That we'll see her in heaven some day. And that she's up there in heaven playing w/ Bailey, Klondike, Bingo & etc.

Anyhow, hope this helps.

C.

T.,

I would suggest calling one of your local funeral homes and ask them if they could suggest a good book. I was recently at a few funerals and noticed some picture books at the homes also call a local church or library.

I know that it is a very difficult time and sometimes keeping things simple is the best. Tell the child that the parent is no longer here with us because of a very bad illness or whatever caused the death then go on to say that it is okay to be sad and maybe help the child think of good things to remember the parent by. S/he could even draw a picture. If you are religious then talk about God and heaven.

I hope this has help some. When I was student teaching I had to talk with a child who was dying and help the child understand what would happen to her/his body and spirit. It can be difficult. I know the child will miss the parent but, only time can truly help some of the pain heal unfortuntely.

Take care and God Bless.

A.

We recently went through a very similar experience. I explained to the children that the child's Mommy had died. I told them that it meant they would no longer get to see her, and that their frind may be sad for a while. We then thought of some things we could do to help their friend feel better (make cards; invite them along on trips to pool, parks, bowling, ice cream, etc.; invite them to come over and play more one-on-one. Another thing I did was read the book "What's Heaven" by Maria Shriver.
Hope this helps.

this is a hard one we had to explain this to our 3 year old when her baby sister passed away, we let her know that kaitlynn (her sister) loved her and that no matter where she was kaitlynn would always be with her even if she couldnt see her:) Kaitlynn had a twin our little one Taylor and we on a daily basis remmeber kaitlynn together wiht our children to them kaitlynn is in the sky in the stars watching over them if you are religious you can use heaven we use the stars casue you can see them and we want our kids to make thier own choices about religion I hope this helps you.. Also just be straight with the child children are way more perceptive then we tend to give them credit for

Two years ago my brother passed away suddenly in a car accident, my daughter who was almost 3 at the time, was very attached to him. We had to tell her in a way that made sense to her, so we told her that he was in an accident and that he got hurt really bad and that God took him to Heaven so he wouldnt be in any more pain. It required a lot to tell her that and she asked often about it and still asks and even still cries for him. They really do wear their emotions and it seems fairly normal for them to repeat it over and over, as a part of their healing process. I always try to get her to talk about some of her favorite memories with my brother so that she has a positive memory of him to focus on when she misses him. Some days she just sits on my lap and we cry about how sad it is that he isnt with us. That is normal too. It is good for her to see that I miss him too. Hope that helps you, it is a hard journey and they feel it as much as we do.
Good luck and if you need more help there are a few web sites I found just searching on children and grief that were very helpful.

My family and my preschool class lost a friend to an ATV last year. We called in a councelor from our local Hospice and told all of the children together. Including my then 5 year old daughter.
We simply and honestly told them that our friend was in an accident and died. We explained that die meant she wouldn't be able to play with us any more and that she was being taken care in heaven (depending on how religious you want to get) Then we all talked about how much we would miss her and all the good memories we had. We all drew pictures of our favorite memory and we had a good cry!
The councelors firmly believed that being honest was the best way to get them to understand.
Time has past and we still have a picture of Alyssa hanging in our classroom. Her little brother has since moved into our class and I think he actually enjoys having her look out for him.

With my own daughter (who grew up with her at the preschool) when she was sad we explained to her that Fred (my cat) and her grandma were going to watch over Alyssa and play with her and maybe some day we would see her again. My daughter still talks about Alyssa but, in a happy way now.

Good luck- H.

Well if I can remember how my parents told me about a family member when I was 4 years old was talking about angels and that the person who died has gone up to join all the angels in heaven. Then here is some other adice if you know that the child has pets let the child know this person has gone up to take care of those pets and make sure that they know that where they have gone is not a scary place but a very beautiful place where they don't have suffering and no pain at all.

Hope that works for you. And just to let you know alittle about me and where I get my information.
I had a great aunt die when I was 4 years old and then my mom's oldest sister when I was 9 so at really young age I have know what death is.

T., in my opinion, there is no good way to inform a child about a death. But it is just as natural as birth and it is a part of life, like it or not. My own father died at 37 of a massive heart attack one night while getting ready for bed. I was 4 years old. I remember waking up the next morning and asking where my daddy was. I don't remember the ambulance the night before or any of the commotion. Maybe I slept through it. Anyway, as I recall it, my mother was not at home (probably either at the hospital or making funeral arrangements) when I awoke. My grandmother was there and simply told me that my father was dead. I don't remember the crying or the long months that certainly followed for our family. All I remember is that sentence: "your father is dead." Now, 30 years later, I have a wonderful stepfather whom I love and call "Dad". But I'll never forget my father. I think the truth is as good as anything. I don't try to sugarcoat death for my children. When a pet fish dies, I tell them that the fish died. Sometimes of old age, sometimes no explanation. I don't replace the fish without my children knowing. The human spirit is resilliant. Death is a part of life and in my opinion, it should be explained that way.

I have two daughters (2 and 4) and a nephew (5)
When their great grandpa passed it was really hard on the older two. Especially as their birthdays and things rolled around. And I am sure your situation will be different (not sure if you will go to the funeral?) But giving them that chance to say good bye and always talking about them. For months after the funeral my daughter would wake up and say guess who I saw in my dreams...Grandpa Pete!! And I always encouraged that. When they are feeling sad I remind them that Grandpa is always listening and that they can see him in their dreams.
It won;t be easy, but with time she will be ok

We miscarried twins earlier this year and had to tell our 4 and 5-year-old sons about the whole issue. It's amazing how well they understood it. Our children know that we have very strong beliefs in Jesus and the sacrafice he made for us, so we could live eternally in heaven. They really get that concept and are just happy to know that the babies are living without pain with him. Our church has a lot of really good children's books that talk about death -- why it happens and where people go when they die. I recommend checking a bookstore, or I'm happy to give you information about our church as a reference.

Death is the toughest thing to tackle. My son lost a friend of his, who was 3 when he passed away, and my son took it hard. He was just over 2, so he understood to a point that he wouldnt see his friend anymore, and he took it a lot harder then I ever though a kid would, so what we did was we went to a store and we had him pick out something, he choose a frog, which was what his friend really loved, to help him remember his friend. It really helped him, and sadly he does not remember his friend anymore, but he still loves that frog. I think the hardest thing for us was my son realized that kids can die too, not just older people, and some days I wonder if that part he remembers. So if its possible to get a tribute to your friend's little girl to help her remember will take some of that edge off. Good Luck!! and I am so sorry to hear this.

Hi T.,

My boys are 3 and 5, and my husband's grandmother just died last week, so I have some pretty recent experience with this. We've tried to be pragmatic about it with our boys so they don't get scared, although we talk about being very sad and, because we're active in our religion, we also talk in simple terms about heaven and God during these discussions. I would keep it simple ("Dead" means a person stops breathing and their body doesn't work anymore. Sometimes people die when they have grown very old or very, very sick."), encourage her to be loving and sympathetic to her classmate, and only go into more depth if she asks more questions. I've found that it helps my five-year old if my answers are consistent even when he's asked the same question about his great-grandmother for the sixth or seventh time. He finds comfort in that repetition. Overall, I think it's unlikely that a child this age will freak out if the loss is dealt with in a straightforward way.

Best of luck,
J.