Need Advice on Dealing with a Constant "Canceler"

Myself: I would simply tell her to call me when she gets to the park, zoo, wherever you are going to have your 'playdate'. If I am available then I would tell her that I am on my way and head over there. Or just tell her that these are the places you will be for the next month and if she can join you that would be great. It is a good idea to meet other mommies so that you don't have to rely on her for your playdates. Perhaps you can meet some of us; we have a very small, casual playgroup. :-) Good Luck!

Hi A.,

Oh how I know what you are going through, only it isn't about "play dates". I have lived in Colorado almost 4 years. I have tried to make friends, and have been a good friend and neighbor, only to be "used".

My neighbor who has called upon me 3 or 4 times to watch her 4 dogs, feeding and medicating them now does not even return my e-mails. She borrowed several dvd's from me and has not returned them even after I have sent her an e-mail asking her to just put them in my mailbox if she is too busy.

Another so called friend (used to deliver our mail but got fired) would e-mail me and send forwards, and occasionally we would go out to eat, or shop at Sam's club. She offered to evaluate a horse we were looking to buy, (being she said she had worked for Wayne Newton, and knew Arabians.) We set up the appointment, she never called to cancel and now does not reply to my e-mails.

My friendship group that meets a few times a month, are lovely people, and I love them, but I guess the busy-ness of life keeps them from wanting to e-mail or call (despite the fact my husband and I have had two barbeque's to which some have attended.

My advice to you...let your friend make the dates and hold her to them. If she continues her disappointing you..."move on". I know there has to be someone out there who will appreciate you and I for the friend we are trying to be.

Blessings,
C.

I think a clear cut talk with your friend is very much needed, she has to realise the importance of others time too. You sh talk to her clearly putting up your concerns in a respectful manner and if it does not work out, may continue with your friendship but stop such play dates. An informal meeting now and then would be much better than getting frustrated with play dates schedule. Moreover, we make up our kids mind too before hand about the play date, so you may always tell her how your daughter gets upset us such cancellation at last hour. A clear talk helps in longterm relations rather than grudging in mind.

hope you will be able to put up your words with your friend.

Hi A.,
My best advice is to schedule the playdates every other week or less often. then see if she is able to stick to it. if not, maybe just make it once a month. Maybe she'll value them more. Good luck!

Have her make the play date and let her know if anything changes on your part you'll give her a call either the night before or the morning of and you'd appreciate it if she will do the same for you.

Another option is you can call her the night before or the morning of and ask her if she's still on for the playdate.

Another option is don't call her, let her call you even if it takes a month and then see if it's worth keeping a friendship.

Another idea is to just confront her about it. Maybe she is doing it unawaringly, give her the benefit of the doubt even if you think she doesn't deserve it.

I hope you find something you are comfortable doing!

A., being direct with your friend by using I messages will help alleviate your frustration and declare your boundaries. Such as when you cancel our play dates or (how ever you want to open) I feel like ..... You can still remain friends, just find something else that doesn't put you out like what you have been doing.

I would try a new play group. You can still make playdate with her if you want, but try something new while your at it. There is a group called Mops (mother of preschooler) that I like. They are usually run through churchs and kid can play and moms can have mommy time. Its a good way to find new friend and hang out, and they have a set time. Go to Mop.com or Mops.org. There are also mommy and me groups and tiny tots classes you can check into. Alot of rec centers have these kinds of groups.