Need Advice for Stressed Out to the MAX Mom

First let me acknowledge how hard this must be on you. My husband works but I am the one to worry about the bills, taxes, etc. so I know the feeling. However, I wouldn't threaten him, that might send the message that you are only there during the good times. Let him know your expectations that he look or do some type of "job hunt" everyday. I like the suggestion of the other mom about doing the budget together, having a garage sale or picking up extra hours if you can. Now, I would cut the extra's like cable, lawn care, dry cleaning right away. Budget meals are in order. If you have unemployment insurance on your credit cards, see about differrment on those now. Don't be too proud to seek state/gov assistance for food. If you belong to a church see if they can help with finances and mental support. If he refuses to work, then you need to get to the reason for that. Is he afraid of rejection, starting over, being too old? Again, your church might have support groups to help. For your own piece of mind,

My friend (a guy) was out of work for 10 months. Whenever I asked him how the job search was going he would say that his wife and her attitiude was the only bright spot of his day after getting rejections. Hang in there.You may find yourselves growing closer during this tough time.

Hi, I heard recently that DFW airport is hiring for people who bring the plane into the terminal. You know the people out there with light cones that they wave around. I don't know if it's a specific airline, or just the airport. It's worth checking out, I think. Hope this helps.

D.

I know how you feel, I am having some similar struggles with my hubby. The thing I know is that he is just as stressed about this as you are, if not more so. The problem, like Maggie said, is that he feels so bad about himself, that he cant see what to do, or how he can possibly make it better. Maybe he has not succeeded in his previous jobs, or he has never been happy in the work he has done. We are 31 and my husband has gone back to school for chiropractics. It is something that he thought about when he was younger, but due to family pressure, and difficulty with change for him, he did not follow his heart, and we have struggled for yeaers trying to figure out what to do. Maybe try to help him see what he is good at, what does he love, or have a great desire to pursue. School life has been hard, and will continue to be for a few years, but in the end he will be happy, and proud of himself for his accomplishments. It could be that he is suffering from depression, so try to talk about that and maybe seek the help of a dr. I KNOW it is hard to stay supportive and positive when you feel like your husband is being lazy, and selfish, but I assure you that he feels far worse about this than you do. Threats are never motivation, so I wouldnt encourage that yet, try to help him see his good, and if necessary, help him find job ideas. I really feel for you, and would be happy to chat any time. Let me know if there is anything else that you need. Good luck ~A.~

A man without a job has about zero self esteem, so constant nagging about it won't do any good. It's hard, but you need to reaffirm his abilities and try as best you can to build him up. If he's confident that his home life is solid, he'll be able to transfer that confidence to his job hunt. Sit down together one night after the kids are in bed and work on a budget based on your current income. Pay minimums on debts, prioritize what the most important bills are and pay them first. Sell something if you have to. Work together and come to some kind of agreement that things will be ok, and let him know you're willing to change how you live for a little while so he can look for the right job.
Also, you didn't mention: What are the reasons he doesn't have a job? Is he actively applying and searching? Is he trying not to just take the first thing that comes along, but wait for something he'll really enjoy? Or is he just sitting on his bum watching TV all day? Is it that he WON'T or CAN'T? Is he being prideful so he won't work somewhere "undesirable" temporarily just to make ends meet? Are the kids still in daycare while you are low on money? Maybe he could keep the kids at home during this time while y'all save a little money.
Fact is, when you say "for better or worse" you should really mean it. This is the "worse" part of the deal. The good part is that when you've weathered the "worse," the "better" is even more better.

The longer he doesn't have a job, the longer it will take him to get a job. I'm 22, the father of my children is 21. We lived together for 2 years with me being the only one working. He never had a job and he didn't have his GED. I went through all of it with him... I took him to his classes, but he didn't take the test. I drove him around even when I couldn't afford the gas (and pawned everything I could think of). I tried being supportive, and I tried nagging. Neither of which worked. Now I have left him, he is back at home living with his mom, and I'm in a woman's shelter.
Sometimes life isn't as pretty as we painted it. I do agree that you should try to be supportive and explain to him the stress you're feeling, but don't let it go on too long. After a while, he is going to have to take up some responsibility. 3 months is long enough to have a break! (That's more than most women get for maternity leave!)
Keep your head up and try to keep in mind the reasons why you married him! It helps to think of the good days, just to get you through the bad days!

WHAT TYPE OF WORK DOES YOUR HUSBAND DO OR DID? THERE ARE LOTS OF JOB OPENINGS ON CRAIGSLIST.COM

Sounds like you got some great advice on how to encourage your hubby. I have some videos by Gary Smalley if you want to borrow them. They really helped me understand how to motivate my man without nagging. It would be great to watch as a family. PM me if you are interersted.
Good luck!

I don't know what kind of background your husband has but if he has his high school diploma or GED he could apply at the rail road. They are currently taking applications online at www.up.com it will be under the emplyoyees tab and then employment info and on the left side you can click to view open positions. The easiest way to get your foot in the door is with the mechanical shop laborer position. Decent starting pay, excellent insurance and is union so you don't really have to worry about lay offs. Hope this helps you, I have been there myself with my husband.

Hi K.,

I totally know how you feel right now! I have been in this situation before. My husband is a fantastic father and he works incredibly hard for us, however if he ever looses his job for any reason, it takes him quite a while to get motivated to find another job. This has created problems for us in the past. I never understood why he could be such a work horse ( I mean this in a good way, he is very strong, one of his biggest qualities) and then if for any reason he was laid off, or had to move, he would get a "whatever" attitude. So I had to also learn that this is his nature, he has no motivation therefore I have to push him.
The last time this happened (4 yrs ago) I ended up getting so mad I created a resume for him then practically pushed him out the door and told him that He needed to leave the house for at least 5 hours a day until he found a job. He had no money to go anywhere so he was forced to go to the unemployment office and the library to look for jobs. Guess what? Three weeks later he was employed with a good company. It was hard because he felt at times that I was being "mean" but when he was hired he admited to me that he needed that!
Don't know if this helps you but you know your husband better than any of us, if he is genuinely looking for work and just can't find a job, give him more time, get creative and help him look for jobs he shines in, if he is just waiting around cause he thinks he has all the time in the world, then you probably need to get strict, don't threaten that never works but you will have to put your foot down. He will understand once this passes that you had to :)
Good Luck!

I also had one of those husbands who kind of needed a kick in the butt to find a new job after he got fired from his old one. He felt really useless and upset after he got fired, so I waited patiently for him to work it out and move on. Only he didn't move on, he just moved to the couch and made himself comfortable! It was so frustrating, because we were completely poor and he had no opportunities coming his way. I finally had to sit down and put it in financial terms for him to get him to see how much his lack of ambition was hurting our family. He went out the next week and filled out applications left and right. It still took about 3 weeks for him to find a good job, but he worked very hard and redeemed himself in my eyes, so all is good. Be patient with your husband, but not too patient! The finances will probably be your better ally to get him going than to threaten him with anything, other than going into debt! Good Luck!!

Hi K.. I know that it is really tough on you right now, and the fear of not paying your bills is really setting in. First, is your husband collecting un-employment while he is looking for a job? I am not sure what kind of past job experience he has, but we have two Sales Centers in the DFW area that could use great Sales or Service Employee's. We sale Travel Trailers, 5th Wheels, and Campers. One in Mesquite and one in Denton. Just respond to me if you think he would do well in either area, and I can tell you a little more info.

Otherwise, remember your vows. Through richer or poorer. That is really important. Money is very stressful, but I strongly engourage you to try and seperate the issues. If he is really trying to get a job and can't, that is one thing. If he has made no effort at all, it could be becuase he has lost all drive. Maybe he no longer has faith in himself, and really needs you to help rebuild that. It may also help to get him to talk to someone .

Whatever you decide, Good Luck!
Jen