Need Advice - 2 1/2 Yr Old Won't Stay in Bed

Hi there! I'm new to this board but wanted to tell you that what has helped my daughter is having a lamp on in her room when she sleeps. That way there are not so many shadows to scare her. My daughter is 3 1/2 now and JUST started sleeping in her own room (after she falls asleep on me in my bed, we move her to her room). She was coming to my room if she woke up but I told her that with the lamp, all she had to do was just roll over and go back to sleep. She does that now. I realize there is a world of difference in understanding between a 2 1/2 year old and a 3 1/2 year old so telling her to roll over and go back to sleep may not work for you yet but the lamp might help. Good luck!

I am sorry I don't have any advice. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My 2 1/2 year old daughter was sleeping fine in her bed before and all of a sudden she's scared now. I have heard that it is the age and they will grow out of it.

I have the same problem in my house. It takes a huge battle of screaming and temper tantrums for him to even go to bed and he gets up in the middle of the night to get right back in my bed. I have tried rocking, singing, but I wont lay with him cause he clings on tight and I cant move. I just wander if he is not feeling well or if he is just getting old enough to know where he wants to sleep instead of knowing where to sleep. If you get any good advice let me know!

There is a great book that will help. It's by Dr. Ferber and the title is Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. I bought the book with my first child, she was waking up two or three times a night to nurse and she was over a year old. I used his method for that issue and within two nights she was sleeping through the night and has ever since. She is now almost 5 years old. He addresses many issues in his book that have to do with a child's sleep problems. So it is a good book to have. I have an almost two year old who is climbing out of his crib to get in our bed in the middle of the night. I need to order that book again, I can not find mine anywhere. I hope that helps!

Try a non-flexible bedtime routine (the same every night at home especially until it gets better). Calm down time should begin at least an hour before lights out - dinner, bath, calming tv show, story, etc. I found that giving my children warnings (like 10 min. until bedtime, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1) works very well - not military like, just calm notices. My first child did not sleep in his own bed until he was over 3 - I was so sleep deprived. My second has slept in her bed nearly every night of her life. She still wants me with her from time to time, but I just tell her that I can only stay for 2 minutes during which time we talk about things she loves so she can "dream" about them, say her prayers and say good night each and every night. Honestly, I stay longer than 2 minutes sometimes, but not more than 4-5. I then make sure she has a favorite baby doll and say, ok, mommy has to go now, and I'll see my big girl in the morning. I found that it helped when I'd calmly discuss how the sleeping routine would work with my children off and on throughout the day. Then when night came, they weren't surprised. It may take some time, but consistency is key. If she gets out at night, just calmly take her back to her bed, sit next to her bed (not in it) and give her a 2 minute warning that you're going back to your bed in 2 minutes and say nothing else but it's sleep time or good night. I thought nothing would work when I was going through this with my first child, but this has worked very well for us. Hope it helps.

Hi R.. My husband and I are going through this somewhat. We had the same thing except our 2 1/2 year old was in our bed. We then put her bed into our room at the foot of our bed. So then when she went to bed byherself long enough we moved her bed to her room. My suggestion to u is to move her bed into your room for a little while and then read her a book and turn the closet light on with the door cracked slightly and then walk out. She will cry I promise and if it gets too much to bear go in there andf comfort her for a minute but then walk out again!! She will cry herself to sleep but with each day it gets less and less time I promise!!! If that doesn't seem ok to u then this is what we do now because she is still transitioning from our room to her own, we tuck her into bed at 830 or 9, and put her favorite dvd in and let her watch tv until she falls asleep it may be 10 sometimes 11 and it sucks at first but u get to sleep in your own bed and after a couple weeks now she has been asleep at 930!! And we are trying to push that farther and farther back! Good luck with everything. Also, what size bed is she in? If it is bigger than a toddler bed then u can try buying a new or used toddler bed that takes the same size mattress as the crib because trust me you can't fit into that bed with them!!! And its a great excuse as to why you can't lay next to them!!

I went through this same thing with my daughter around the same age. She is now 3 1/2. At this point it is going to be a matter of changing the way you put her to bed at night. You will have an ugly couple of weeks but it really will be worth it in the long run. She needs to get used to going to sleep without you there. Tell her that she has to be a big girl and go to bed without mommy. Read to her, sing to her, whatever you want to do. Then tuck her in and leave the room. With us it took 2-3 weeks of doing that and she finally figured out that we ARE NOT going to lay with her. The first few nights she would cry for hours. But each night the crying time got shorter and shorter. By the end of 2-3 weeks, she would kiss us and say good night, roll over and go to sleep. All at the same time it stopped the middle of the night screaming because she figured out if I wasn't going to lay down with her at bedtime, I'm not going to do it now either. It is terrible as a mommy to hear them scream for you. I would cry just as hard as her some nights. But it is a pattern you have to break before you start having other kids. It really is worth it. Good Luck!!!

A. K

I feel your pain. My now 13 yr daughter, also wanted me to sleep with her and also her brother who is 3 yrs older than her, when they were toddlers I played ring around the beds at night. I would suggest trying to teach your dgt.to fall asleep on her own, without you in the bed. I know this can be hard and probably sounds exhausting to do, but it will pay off in the long run. Start out sitting beside the bed, then gradually over the period of a few days , don't even stay in the room. When she wakes up at night , she wants to go back to sleep the same way. I understand how difficult this can be, I also worked when my children were small, and I thought a little sleep was better than no sleep at all. If you can take some time off or start on the weekend, as this will no doubt be difficult the first few nights.
My daughter was finally sleeping by herself when she turned 4, because she wanted to be a big girl so badly, I told her big girls slept by themselves and she told me one day that she was a big girl and didn't need me to sleep with her anymore. Maybe you can find a similiar motivator for your dgt.
Good luck, and God bless you with some sleep.

Maybe try giving her a stuff animal and put something of yours on the animal, like a shirt or something that smells like you.
Aw

An episode of Super Nanny helped me cure this in a dog. I know. I know. I used the technique on a dog...how can that help you? Well, remember that Super Nanny helps children!

Here's what she told us to do.

Turn off the lights and put your child to bed. Then sit right beside the bed. Don't engage with the child. Every time she sits up, crys or reaches out, simply lay her back down in her bed. Don't say a word. Then sit nearby with your back to her.

The first few nights this might take some time. The main rules are not speak and to consistently replace her in bed in a sleeping position.

Then gradually begin to move away from the bed. The idea is to eventually leave while she's still awake so that she breaks the habit of you being in bed with her. Don't leave the room immediately, but also don't continue to allow her to fall asleep with you still laying beside her.

As time passes and she awakes in the night continue this process. Eventually, she'll not expect you to be in the bed with her to fall asleep.

For my dog, it took ONE time to cure the howling. I imagine for a child, it will take longer. It did on Super Nanny!

My son was the exact same way, but about being in our bed to watch T.V. So bad he would wait until he thought we were asleep and drag his blanket in and get in ours. What I started that work is I made a chart on his wall with days of weeks and then as many of lines to make weeks that I could fit on 1 page. If he was good and stayed in bed with out getting out or complaining he would get a shap of his choice, if he was bad then he would get an X for that day. I would sometimes use that when he was acting up during the day. "do you want and X" and he would get better. If he had only 1 or 2 X's for the week then on Fridays he could sleep in bed with us as a treat. It only took a few weeks and he would have no X's. It work so well I only used half of the page and I have no problems getting him to sleep in his bed by him self and he hasn't even slept in our bed for over 3 mths. But if you do have to give an X make a big deal about it hold her up and show her that you are putting it on there b/c she did sleep in her bed by herself. Make sure that it is right by the door so when you go to walk out you can pride her on how good she is being and make a big deal about putting what ever shap she wants on that day, it will also help on learning days of the week. When she gets more comfortable about sleeping by herself she will come into your bed less and less. Becarefull about just letting her cry it out. I tried one of the things on Supper Nanny with my 14 mth about inching your way out of the room. Before she was fine as long as I was in the room but a dr. told a friend they will have abandonment issues later, I tried it for just a few days and she got to the point that even during the day if I walk out of the room she will cry and before she wasn't like that.

Hi,

I'm the Mom of 5 kids, 22,18,15 year old boys, two girls, 11 & 12, just be consistant, just kep putting her back to bed, I watched it on Suprnanny, You'll put her in bed, dont look at her say goodnight one time. Sit turned away from her, continue the process, until she know's it's going to be o.k.I know it sounds kinda wierd, but it works.

Good Luck
Teri

it will take about 3 days, but you can teach her to stay in her own bed. just be prepared and be strong for those 3 days! go through your regular bedtime routine, bath, story, drink, potty, etc. then put her in her bed, say prayers, kiss her, tell her you will see her in the morning and walk out. if she gets up, send her back to bed. do this as many times as necessary. day 1 if she cries, wait 5 minutes before going in to check. if you go in, do not get her up, and do not lie down, just pat her, say goodnight and leave. extend the time by 5 minutes each time she cries. do not get her out of bed, and do not stay more than a few seconds. she will be alright and so will you. day 2 the same process, but wait 10 minutes before entering the first time and extend the time 5 minutes if you have to go in again. day 3 wait 15 minuted before entering. she will get the message, and you will both get sleep. i had to hold my husband down, but it worked. you might want to do this on a weekend or holiday, because the 1st night you may lose sleep, just don't give up! years ago 20/20 did a special on this, and that was what it took to convince my husband not to get the baby up every time he cried! it worked!

I had the same problem with both my now 4 year old and 2 year old. My husband and I watch The Nanny show one night and tried what she suggested, it's working, here's what she says:
Stick with routine (we let them know about 30 min before bedtime that it's almost here) once it's time we take them to their room, turn on their bedtime music and tuck them into bed. We no longer get into bed with them, instead we sit in the middle of the floor, close to their beds but not within touching distance and we don't look at them...the did cry a lot on the first and second night but it gets better. they'll yell and scream but don't respond to them other than to tell them they're okay, if they get out of bed simply put them back in bed and tell them not to get out, the other important thing is to not face their direction, you can be parallel to them, but don't face them from where you're sitting.
continue to do this, but moving farther away from their beds (every few nights or so) until eventually you're outside of their bedroom door.
it took us about 2 weeks total. after the first few nights they stopped crying and were eventually able to silently put themselves to sleep.
they're sleeping in their beds all night long now and while it was hard doing it, it's been well worth it (for all of us to get a good nights rest)in the long run.
I hope this helps some. Good luck!

This thread went through mamasource about three months ago so you might go back a few months and see what the results were. I was one of the frustrated mommies, just like you! Here's what we did to break out son, just a few months older than your daughter, of "jack in the box" syndrome.

First night, kiss her, tell her you love her but that it is time for her to go to bed in her bed and that you are going to bed in your bed. Shut the door. She will get up or cry. Each time, pick her back up, give her a silent kiss on the forehead and place her back in the bed with NO WORDS and do not stay in the bed with her for any length of time. Repeat this until she stops getting up. If she cries and does not get out of bed, wait at least ten minutes before you go in, kiss her on the forehead, and tuck the sheet and then leave again. For us, our son got up about 20 times the first night but then, he didn't get up again.

The second night, repeat above steps. Our son only got up twice that second night.

The third night, repeat above steps. Our son only got up once, about 3:00 a.m. When I walked towards him he ran back and got in the bed himself without me having to do it and without one tear or whine.

The fourth night - we didn't have to do anything and haven't had to since. He's a sound sleeper and I finally have some rest too!

Hi R.,
I am 47 years old and have 4 children. My three Boys are all 20 and older. My youngest is 5 years old. She is a wonderful child and I have never had this problem with her. However, a couple of my Boys were the same way as your child. Didn't want to go to bed. So, I got a night light and put it where it wasn't in their face. Then I gave them my robe at night to cuddle with. It was fluffy and smelled like me. It was followed by a short and firm lecture about how big kids stay in the bed and only babies need someone to sleep with them. I don't know about your child, but, my Boys didn't like being called a baby. It really isn't as cruel as it sounds if you say it with a possitive attitute. If all else failed, bribery works too. "If you stay in your bed and go to sleep, tomorrow we will go somewhere special". Your Daughter might like new pretties to put in her hair. Make sure and do it if the child responds appropriately. I hope you get relief soon.
Goog luck, K.

The best way to solve the problems of staying asleep during the night is to teach her to go to bed without you. Unless there is an underlying condition, (e.g. fluid in the ears or infections)she should be able to go to sleep and stay asleep. It created a routine when you started going to sleep in her bed. This will be difficult to break, but soooooo worth it. Create a new bed time routine and include lots of hugs and cuddles. I find it best to tell the child what the plan is up front. Tell her that you will not be lying down with her for her to go to sleep and that you have your own bed that is for you to sleep in. Show empathy, but be very firm about stating (and following through) that you are not going to lie down with her. There will likely be lots of tears and attempts to get you to change your mind. She may be requesting you and not daddy because he is more firm or she is just going through a mommy phase. You will probably have 2 or 3 long nights, but when she knows that you and your husband won't cave in, she will start going to sleep on her own and also be able to put herself back to sleep when she awakens during the night. Everybody awakens during certain stages of sleep, but many don't realize it because they have learned to successfully put themselves back to sleep. Right now her only technique for putting herself to sleep is to have you present. Talk very positively and encourage her in her successes. If there is time in the morning or at least on weekends allow her to come cuddle in your bed after she has stayed in her bed all night. Sometimes sticker charts work. You can implement this by letting her earn a sticker for each night that she stays in her bed without you all night (or even start with a smaller goal) and let her earn a prize when she fills the chart. The "prize" can be something as simple as special time doing something with mommy or a toy that she has picked out. Keep assuring her that she can do it and you know that she can. We have three girls ages 3, 5, 7. When sleep issues have plagued us, we have found it best to nip it in the bud. We are all happier and healthier after a full night of sleep. Good luck!

Don't let her fall asleep with you in her bed...she will expect you to be there everytime she wakes during the night. Try sitting beside her bed for a night then the next night sit closer to the door until eventaully your out of her room. I also suggest the book "Good Night, Sleep Tight" By Amy West...it has helped me out a lot. My daugher is two years and four months.We went through the same thing with her about a year ago...the book saved me!!

Good Luck,
D.

R., my daughter was the same way (and still is). She is 13 years old and is afraid of sleeping alone. When she was an infant she would cry even after I fed her so I tried putting her in bed with us and she would go right to sleep. In order to get sleep we'd just let her sleep with us and now look where we are. We finally put our foot down and she stays in her room with all the lights on but at least she stays. The best thing is to put on some white noise, a radio or a pretty night light and make sure she gets over it now because it just gets harder to break them of this.

K. D.

I have read several of the responses and many have some great tips on how to handle this so I am not going to give any more tips but I do have something to add.

I have four children, ages 11,8,7, and almost 4. and all to some extent have co-slept with us when they were young. Our youngest now goes to sleep in his own bed and crawls into ours around 2 am still. Our eldest was like yours, I had to lay with him at bed time and nap time and then ease out of bed. And guess what? All of our older children sleep just fine. What I am saying is.. there will come a time when they dont even want you to hug them in front of their friends, enjoy the time you have with them. Obviously, if it is a HUGE issue between you and your husband then you need to try some of the other tips offered here. But my tip to both of you is to enjoy the snuggle time now while you still can.

Just my 2 cents :-)

I agree with Courtney. The not talking routine and just putting her back in bed every time really does work. It'll completely wear you out for a night or two, but after that, you will be really glad you stuck with it and amazed at how easily your child goes to bed at night. I suggest trying it over a weekend since you work full time so you're not completely wiped out at work. Try it though, you won't be disappointed!

When you first tuck her in at bed time, try leaving before she falls asleep. When she wakes up alone, she is surprised & scared because you aren't there, but you were when she fell asleep. Create a new bedtime routine. Get a drink, go potty, read a book in bed, tuck her in with her favorite blanket, sing a song & leave her to fall asleep on her own. Tell her you are tired too, so you are going to sleep in your bed. If she crys after you leave, you can open her door to let her know you are still there for her, but don't go in. Tell her you are tired too & need to go to sleep & you will see her in the morning. If you don't have one already, get a safety knob to go over her door knob so she doesn't roam around the house at night. Good luck!

hey R., I would love to share some techniques that you would do with her daily that would calm her down (let you go sleep in your own room) and at the same time boost her immune system ....... I am a new grandmother and massage therapist, but when I invite someone it is on me.
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It'll be a hard two weeks, but my advice is to not put her to bed by laying down until she falls asleep. she is using you to fall asleep, so during the night when she is waking up..she's not trying to be annoying, she just needs you to lay in her bed so she can fall asleep again. she needs to relearn how to fall asleep - maybe a baby or a special blanket would be a great replacement!

This is going to sound a bit silly but do you ever watch "Super Nanny" on TV...it's on Wednesday nights... I think. Anyway she has technique she uses to get kids to stay in their beds. She has the parents put the kids to be as usual with their normal bedtime routine... story, prayers, whatever your family does. The first time the kids get up you are supposed to say "Bedtime darling" and put them back in and leave their room. The second time they get up you just say "Bedtime" sternly and put them back in and again leave. Then every time after that you don't say anything and just put them back to bed and leave. On the show it looks like it takes a few nights before they actually stay in their beds without getting up and the parents always look really tired, but it always looks like it ends up working.

Just a thought... wish I could help more! Good Luck!

I have battled with bedtime since my son (2 1/2 yrs now)was an infant. I have tried every trick in the book. I know what your going through. Honestly it is pure hell.

My mother came in town a few weeks ago and mentioned I should try doing our normal routine and when he comes out of the room to put him back in bed without saying a word and without making eye contact and that it would probably take two hours the first night to get him to stay in bed.

Well, sure I had tried this before...and it didn't work. Besides I couldn't let my mom think her trick would work better than what I was currently doing!!! (which was screaming and crying at the door until he finally would fall asleep-on the floor at the door!:() So, no, I wasn't going to try that again. Or was I??...

After I thought about it, bedtime was not working and it hadn't been so whats the harm in trying again. So I did our normal routine...bath, book, songs, lights out...and then he came out of the room. For an hour we went back and forth but I did not make eye contact and I didn't talk no matter what he would do to get my attention, and finally he came out one last time and said,"I will sleep in my big boy bed." I gave him a kiss and that was it.

It is so hard for me to find the patience to do this. I have to dig deep and breathe deep. I tell you, seeing him sleep in his bed is the best feeling and I am so thankful my mom stepped in.

I know this is really long and I'm almost done...after the first night of doing this, we packed a moving truck and stayed four days w/ my inlaws. My son slept with us. Then my husband and I went on a business trip for 7 days and he slept with his grandparents. We finally made it to Pelham on Monday. The first night was a bust. Tuesday it took me an hour to get him to stay in his bed. Today for naptime it took ten minutes. So, after all the chaos, it is still working and getting better every time.

Good Luck.

Hello R.,I know it is hard to listen to your baby girl cry for you,however you are going to have to bare it for a few days.She is doing this because she knows she can control you by crying and getting you to respond. Put her in her bed kiss her goodnight and let her know you sre there,maybe even read her a story and say her prayers with her. Walk out of the room leaving the door cracked open,she will cry herself to sleep she may even leave her bed looking for you. Without words place her back into bed as many times needed. She will soon get the point and realize the rules have changed and start to go to sleep on her on. You have to be patient and tough, it will pull at your heart strings for a little while. My prayers are with you and your little one,may God bless your family,D..

Supernanny! I had the same problem with my son when he was 2 1/2. I did the Supernanny method and since then he goes to bed great. There's two ways, you can put her to bed, and sit on the floor in her room, and after she gets up the first time, you tell her it's time for bed and put her back. After that you sit on the floor with your head down and DON'T talk to her. Everytime she gets up just gently put her back in her bed, but don't say anything to her and go and sit back down on the floor. Eventually they wear themselves out and realize that your not giving up. Second method is pretty much the same but you don't stay in the room, you leave and just keep bringing her back in. But remember you can only talk to them the first time you put them back. It's really amazing how well it works. If my son starts to try and test me, I just implement it again, and he stops right away and says "I'll stay in my bed mama". He hates that I won't talk to him. So anywho, if you're as desperate as I was, you'll try anything, and believe me this really works. Good Luck!

If you've always been with her until she fell asleep then you may have let her learn to soothe herself to sleep... dare I say, cry it out? If it's only been since the new bed, then maybe she is scared of the bed and needs a lovey or something to help her? My youngest needs additional care during his bed routine such as pulling up his socks, pulling down his shirt (because sometimes it slides up his back when he lays down), pulling down his pant legs, closing the closet, putting the puppy (stuffed) on the bed, etc. He's really into consistency, right down to the way I brush my hand across his head when I'm singing to him. Maybe she just needs a little more routine cuddle time outside of her bed prior to sleep? Just a few ideas. Good luck!

R.,

My sister had this problem and her son would even throw up from being so upset. I told her to let him sleep in the throw up and he wouldn't do it again. She couldn't bare the thought so she always went in and changed his sheets and stayed with him.

Finally one night, she didn't hear him throw up so she accidentally let him sleep in it. He never threw his fits any more and slept through the night after that.

When my daughter wouldn't stay in bed, we escorted her back to her bed, if she cam out again, we propped a chair up outside her door and sat there so we could quickly escort her back to bed if she opened the door. It only took one night of this for her to know that we were serious and she slept in her own bed after that.

Kids are sweet, but they will manipulate you to get their way if you let them. You have to be the boss.