I have a very narcissistic parent and I'd like to develop a better understanding of their behavior and how to best cope with it. Does anyone have experience reading a good book about this? If so, please share!
I have a mother who has a personality disorder. So, I can very much relate. A great read on the subject is, "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger. It explains personality disordes in great detail and also gives great suggestions on dealing with these types of people.
http://daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/
This website is very accurate and doesn't try to sell you something.
Totally avoid the Australian couple who offers you a free email and claims they found a way to cure him of it. They give no real info and keep asking you to buy their book.
The only way I can stand my MIL is to limit contact and her influence on our life.
Here's a great website that helped me deal with the narcissist in my life:
http://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/
The "popular topics" and "featured sections" at the left of the page has alot of great info. Then read the boards to see what other's have to say. There is a section for children of narcissists.
The best thing I learned from this website if how to maintain "no contact" to regain your sanity after living with a narcissist. I hope you find some ideas on how to cope as well.
I wish I could help you with a resource. I have one of those, and the only thing that worked for me was minimizing contact and having a polite relationship. Just remember, it's NOT you, it's them. And it's OK to cut toxic people out of their life, even if it's family.
That website MMM recommended to you is a good one. I thought the book Will I Ever Be Good Enough (about having a narcissitic mother and how to heal in life...would work if it was your father too) was very good. It is frustrating bc it is not something you can ever change about that person. For me it was helpful to kind of go through a grieving process for the mom I will never have. For the mom I wish I had. And then accept I can never really be close and keep up good boundaries while still being friendly. That book helped.
My mother is a total narcissistic parent. If she wasn't interested in something or had never experienced it why would anyone else want to. I am gonna check out the website MMM recommended.
This is a great start to helping you understand what has probably been sheer confusion, by asking us here.
I would also recommend "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?" Kary McBride.
Both my parents are such extreme narcissists, that they really lean more towards being sociopaths. I have had a life long process of sorting through their shenanigans.
A couple of other recommendations: read books about boundaries too. This will help you help yourself. In addition, I would take this exact same question above to a licensed clinical psychologist and have them help you sort through your interpretation of your parent. Then they will recommend the best fit for you as the market if flooded with self help books.
There are books on this! I forgot, but my friend mentioned one. I just googled and saw one called Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed, And below that are a few interesting titles on Amazon regarding narcissistic parents. There also appears to be a blog called blog.thenarcissistinyourlife.com.
If you read any Al-anon approved literature and where ever you see the word "alcoholic" read the word "narcissist". The techniques for dealing with one are basically the same as dealing with the other. The key is to limit the power the narcissist has and realize that the only life we can control is our own.
Said with love
L.
