Name Calling by Adults Is It Okay?

That quote is DVMMOM is referring to is "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

If only more people acted like that.

A quote I heard somewhere goes something like, "Everyone is fighting a battle." I try to keep that in mind before I am too quick to judge.

People seem to be much less diplomatic online than in the real world b/c you are hidden by obscurity. If someone does that to me, I don't take the time to respond. In fact, I don't even read the full post. They obviously aren't trying to be helpful but instead have a soapbox to stand on. One lesson I've had to learn over and over (slow learner I guess!) is that you never really know what someone's life is like - ever. What I think I'd NEVER do has often been easily understood once I understand their situation. In a short, board posting there is no way to reach that level of understanding, and I think many people forget that. Oh, that and people are idiots ;) (sorry, had to!)

Well, things don't always come across right in text/type as they would in person either. I don't say anything here I wouldn't say to someone in person. I'm not going to waste my time here to give snarky responses or act like an internet tough guy.

That said - I won't always be nice. I won't always say what the poster "wants" to hear, because sometimes thats not what they NEED to hear. There are plenty of times that people get news they don't want and decide people are picking on them or being mean. You have to realize if you ask on a public forum there are going to be a WIDE range of reactions and opinions and they won't always be comforting or coddling. I will always be honest, I will always say the same thing I would say to a person to their face.. but I won't lie.

** I just saw your update.... I started typing this and then got pulled off nursing a baby. I think it goes without saying that name calling, harassment or generally being a B is out of line. I know that sometimes I don't come across right in posts, some times something will come across as crass/blunt or rude. I still believe that is ok. Name calling and especially harassment in private emails is NOT okay. Hope Mamapedia staff get on it.

Hope that helps :)

The people who call you a name or are outright cruel
are not worth your time or energy.
They either are ignorant or haven't had their hearts and minds
sufficiently developed/matured to be able to be supportive
and kind of other people and their situations.
If possible, please ignore those kinds of responses.
Just look at and appreciate the responses that are helpful, kind, etc.

I think it depends on what you mean by name calling. Saying someone is "stupid" or a "jerk" would be really different (to me) than saying someone is a bigot or a homophobe.
If you don't like someone or treat someone different because of their skin color or sexual preference than you ARE those things. It sucks cuz it's a name, but it's not a lie, right?
If someone PM's you and says "you are so stupid" than I think that would be different.
I think sometimes this board gives people a chance to be rude and bitter, when in real life we never would be! So, I take what that person has PM'd me and then I delete it HAPPY that I will never have to know that person IN person....make sense!?

I know that it's easy on here to get your feelings hurt on occasion. You should try not to wear your heart on your sleeve. What amazes me is how you can ask a simple one sentence question and then get answers that read like books! I find it VERY interesting to read all of the responses, it truly makes you realize how drastically different all of our minds work.
I have a question I want to ask but I'm almost afraid to.... I know it would be one that would get some responses that I wouldnt want to hear.... which means I probably already know the answer. You have to be brave and ready to hear just about anything when you do ask a group of ladies for their opinion on something, it's not for the meek ;)

Your last post, the one on biracial kids, it got over 50 responses. Could you imagine having all of those women in one room eating coffee and cake? That would be an interesting group.

I think having a different opinion should be okay.
I think possibly having a writing style that is more straight forward should be okay as well.
I think sometimes not really understanding the poster's query or perspective and using your personal history to draw upon for advise that may or may not fit your particular circumstances is understandable as well.
Name calling or verbally violent language should never be okay.

Sorry that you have had some less than pleasant responses. Please focus on the good responses that you have received and forget about the rest. I know it is always startling when people are blantantly unkind and hurtful in their responses but I think the majority of us moms that are on this board are not like that. Focus on the good and not the bad.

Have a good weekend.

I agree with Heather A. Not everybody is going to answer your questions the way that you want them to and there are plenty of women on this site that only want to hear one side. When they hear an opposite opinion they get offended because someone has a different opinion than they do.

That being said, it isn't right for anyone to email someone and call them names. Now, with that said, some people get carried away in thinking that every little comment to them is name calling when it is not. Did she call you a name or tell you are being like...? There is a big difference in calling someone a name and telling someone to quit being like....!

I once got a private email from a poster because, she didn't agree with what I said in response to her question. My response was not a bit mean or rude to her, I just happened to disagree with her about paying attention to what your toddler is always doing. She sent me an email and told me to F--K OFF! I didn't report her or respond to her. She made the last comment and was the one who looked trashy and her behavior is on her, not me.

I don't see the need to report anybody on here. Aren't we all grown adults and can handle our own problems with out tattling and reporting people? Just ignore messages you get. If you don't respond to them, then they can't keep it going!!

I do wish this site was more diverse in peoples answers. Most people tend to say what others want to hear instead of what others 'need' to hear. There are a lot of "lightweight" answers as well as questions on here. Just look at all the postings that end with, "only nice comments please", "no judgements please", etc, etc. Don't you post your questions wanting an array of different answers?

S.,

Yes I have.

I think where you went wrong is by trying to explain the situation and contact the poster personally.

When it happened to me, I ignored the cruel remarks and took comfort in the posters that supported me. I even had a woman write me to apologize for other poster's remarks.

I knew I could explain things in a way that was truthful, but would trash another person and make me look like a saint, while the person that I was asking advice about would look like she was selfish or worse. Making myself look good and her look bad would not solve the problem. After all, my goal was not to win, but to imrove our relationship.

I agree that we all need to be mindful of another person's situation and be good role models.

When you are doing the right thing or doing your best, you have to find peace in that.

Jen

Yes, I have had the same experience on here when I posted a question about ADHD meds. I was called a crazy mom who wanted a zombie for a child....among
other pleasantries. :).

Sorry you came across someone so tacky. :)

Yes, I have gotten some pretty abrupt responses to some of my questions. Never been called a name (yet)...but it's not impossible.

I think the anonymity of asking questions/ giving advice to people you don't know and will never meet presents an interesting issue. Some people feel free to express themselves without scruples. The social norms that keep us polite in public are not there on the web. Sad.
The sensitivity barometer is totally turned off for some people when they are on-line.

I have posted questions about my teens and have had people imply that they are 1) depressed 2) need to be tested for drugs or 3) my husband & I need serious marriage counseling (all due to some teen "stuff"). WOW.

I do report things that I believe are inappropriate, though that is a very grey area. Found that out the hard way----did reply once to one person who asked "do you pop your own zits or have someone else do it?" Told that person that was a rude and ridiculous question and I was sorry they took the opportunity / space from some mom who had a good, serious question.
"Zit popper" reported ME as inappropriate and I got an nasty email from the moderators telling me if I did that again I would be cut off. hmmmm.....

Take blogs and the people on them with a grain of salt, I guess. I don't know what else we can do. Have a good weekend.

Wow, sorry that anyone did that to you. You always should report those kind of people. They do not belong on a site like this. It is different if people post an opinion that you do not like. You threw out a question and people answered it, but to be called a name is something altogether different. That is cruel. Please report those people that do that right away.

On mamapedia, I have been called a bigot and a homophobe and have been singled out by other posters as giving stupid advice.

I believe the reason why I was called these names were the posts were about very emotional, hot button issues that tend to be a lot harder for people to be civil. If you see a post that is a bit out of control, as far as name calling you or others, then you can click on "report this" to the moderators and/or privately email the person and ask them to please not speak to you that way.

I also try and remember that throughout the history of our lives, all of us have been rude to other people here and there, especially when our emotions are high, so maybe if you knew that person in real life, you would like them. People tend to be more vocal and outspoken on the internet than in real life but it doesn't mean they are bullies.

Updated!

"If you don't like someone or treat someone different because of their skin color or sexual preference than you ARE those things. It sucks cuz it's a name, but it's not a lie, right?"
This comment just illustrates S.'s point. Why is this person assuming I am a bigot or a homophobe, AND saying that it is true if someone called me that? Does she know me personally? If someone calls me a name then it's true? Are you even kidding me? It's crazy how some people's minds work. The post where I was called a bigot and homophobe was I think on gay marriage. I said I didn't believe in gay marriage and would not teach my kids that it was right, but that I would never teach them to hate, bully, or be self-righteous. It still cracks me up that statement as a free-for-all to call me all kinds of names.