N - Moores Hill,IN

The principal and the guidance counselor or school psychologist need to observe in the classroom to see what is really going on. No, the teacher should not be asking kids to keep an eye on your daughter, but your daughter may be engaging in behaviors that are not appropriate or are disruptive. Your daughter may have been "yelled at" for doing something other than the assignment when she wrote things in her agenda book - and you need to find out if she is being yelled at truly, or redirected into her assignments. The principal can meet with you and the teacher, but not with your kid in the room. In the first meeting with the core teachers, it is appropriate to address all of your child's issues and clue you in to what they are seeing - but you didn't expect this and so you felt ambushed. Right now you are in an endless cycle of having your child report to you. Why is she texting from school? I'm sure they have a no-cell-phone rule, and she is not helping herself by violating it. There may well be a big problem with this teacher - I have had 2 horrendous teachers in my son's life so I know what it's like. However, there may be something your child is doing, and you need to be open to hearing about it so that the year can get back on track. Set up another meeting with the principal (or assistant, whoever handles this) and any psychologist on staff, and get to the bottom of it.

Just for some perspective... you will not likely be permitted to "shadow" your child for a day nor will you be permitted to sit-in the classroom for a period due to privacy issues and union contracts.

It seems like there is a lot of finger-pointing going on without a lot of discussion about your child and her behavior in school. She knows the rules, but elected to break them- that's a red flag for me. She has graded homework in her bag... was it supposed to be turned-in somewhere? Many teachers have the kids "swap and grade" their homework and then ask them to pass it in.

You have put your child on a "witch hunt" and have made her a target in school. I highly doubt that the info you are getting from your child is 100% valid and I don't think the info you are getting from the teacher is 100% valid either.

Schedule an appointment with the guidance counselor to go over your concerns. Your first several sentences lead me to believe that you are not actually looking to collaborate with the school team and have already made that clear to them. Going through the guidance counselor may be more productive as you have made yourself "that parent" and your child "that kid".

Sorry, but it's the truth and now you have to work through it!

she is asking the OTHER kids to gain up on her?!?!....i'd get all the documentation i can and take this to the board! can you go "shadow" her for a day in class? i know that may not prove cause teacher's will act differently. when it comes to issues like this i try not to have any verbal conferences but e-mail, or phone so i can record what is going on....some kind of paper trail or "proof" as to what is going on and what i am being told

I'm a teacher and a parent and, from your description, I THINK I can see what is going on.

My suggestion - meet with the teachers to find out what your daughter needs to do to be more successful in school and what she needs to do salvage the rest of the year. If they say, "She needs to remember to put homework in the homework bin" or "She needs to bring her supplies to class every day" or "Stop talking so much in class" you can say, "Ok, I see why that is a problem and how it can hurt her education. I will talk to her at home about this." NEXT: Say, "What routines do you have in place to help students with these problems?" "What consequences do you use?" Essentially - What are YOU doing to help my child make the right choices in school? Then, think about the consequences they mentioned. Are they appropriate for your daughter and that situation? Will they work for her? Make sure that they are doing THEIR job by having clear routines, clear expectations, and reasonable consequences. If the consequences they have dont seem reasonable or do not seem to be working, suggest some that may work for your daughter. If the teachers see you as a partner and not an advesary, they are more likely to work with your daughter.

I would also suggest talking with your daughter about the importance of learning how to do the right thing, do her work, make good choices, etc. in less than perfect work environments. Even though she does not like her teacher and even though she thinks her teacher is doing a bad job, she STILL is responsible for education and work. Think of how many times in YOUR life you have worked with coworkers or a boss who you didnt like. If you couldnt get along, you couldnt keep your job.

Finally, its hard to figure out a good balance between being an advocate for your daughter and undermining the teacher. If your daughter knows that you dont respect the teacher and knows that you will always take her side, it gives her permission to not follow directions.

I just read your "So what happened" and it seems like you have already met with the teachers alot. If you are in a big enough school, you could request a different teacher...

I'm sorry you are having all of these problems - it sounds very frustrating. Good luck!

It sounds like your daughter's perspective and the teacher's perspective are very different. At this point, I would ask to sit in on the class and see for myself what is going on. How is the teacher's classroom management? What kind of relationship does she have with her students? How does your daughter behave? Is she attentive in class? etc. Once you know what is truly going on you can decide how to proceed.

*I just wanted to add that I am a high school teacher, and I have had parents sit in during classes before, usually because they were concerned about their student's behavior. I didn't mind at all, and it ended up helping resolve the situation. We have parents here all the time - in the halls, and in classes.

I had a teacher like that in 3rd grade. Try not to panic or say things in front of your child. Rally behind your child and support her but at the same time, give her teacher the benefit of the doubt until you know her side of the story. this will help your daughter in the long run. Good luck!!

Could you first work on your daughters problem areas and then hope that her relationship with her teacher gets better? Teachers arent going to get along with a child that they always have to redirect, especially if they are older. It gets old. They are not babysitters. Teachers have a HUGE responsibilty with their job and it shouldnt be to babysit. If your daughter is acting up, talking, not turning in her work, that distraction is going to effect other children trying to learn and doing what they are supposed to. You have tried getting the teachers to lay off her, that hasnt worked, so now try changing your daughter and see if that helps.