My Mil-to Be

Well it sounds a little confusing, but it seems like she was upset that you took something (Pepsi) without asking--now I know you thought the dad offered, but I'm just saying I wouldn't worry about taking a drink if she is offering it. I would probably apologize to her, saying "I'm sorry about the Pepsi, I thought (dad) said to get a drink and I thought I was being thoughtful by taking the one out of the freezer" or something. see what she says. Who keeps soda in the freezer? It will explode or be flat, I thought! Maybe she likes it super cold and had timed it just right to drink it when she got home?
I would also ask the dad what he actually said, when you thought he offered a drink, just to jog his memory, and maybe he'll remember that he did offer.
Do you normally walk in the door without knocking? Why did she make it a point to ask you to knock? If you do normally skip the knocking, I would be sure to start to knock first. It would bother me if my kid's fiancee walked in without knocking, I think. Perhaps your family had a different idea of privacy or courtesy than his family does, and you just need to learn their "rules?" It's not that she doesn't like you, but maybe she feels a little disrespected in these little ways?
You could SWEETLY ask her if there are things you do that bother her. I emphasize sweetly! Don't make it a confrontation or anything, she doesn't sound like she likes direct confrontation. Like after you apologize and explain about the Pepsi, you could say "please let me know if there is anything I do that is annoying or upsetting. I want to learn to fit in with your family" or something like that. Even if she denies anything, just the fact that you asked shows that you care about her feelings, and then the ball is in her court to tell you about it.
I would also tell your fiance that if his mom complains to him, he should tell her he doesn't want to hear it and that she should go directly to you instead, because it is not his job to relay her concerns. He should tell her that you are a reasonable person (assuming that you are!) and that you would want to know if she was bothered by something.
Did any of that ring a bell or help?
Blessings,
Lynn

Well, you have one of two choices, you can not go there anymore.. or you can just let her complain and ignore her. Personally, my bf's dad is nice to my face but he talks about me to my bf. I dont feel comfortable around him, and therefore has made a decison to not deal with him. I tell my bf feel free to go see him, but im not. I am currently a week overdue with my bfs child, and he says whats going to happen when the baby is born, I said your going to take your daughter to see your dad.. LOL !! But could your mil be jealous of you taking her baby away... I know my sister has started to act that way towards my nephews gf. She says she never sees her son anymore and as time goes on she likes her less.. I pick on her all the time, telling her she is turning into the future mother in law from hell... I make jokes to show her how stupid she is being, or how dumb things sound that she says. It doesnt sound like your bf takes much into what she says into consideration, maybe you can ask him to speak to her on your behalf that she is hurting your feelings and see if maybe this can be resolved.

I suspect that if there are issues about a soda, there will be more issues about serious things as time goes on. My husband and I have serious problems with his mother. Having gone through this myself, the best advice I can give you is to have your fiance talk to her about your concerns. Anything that she could perceive as a problem should initially come from him, not you. That way, she understands that you and your fiance are united and that if she has a problem with you, it is also a problem with him. She needs to understand that it is not OK to badmouth you to him. If he stops her when she starts this behavior, then she can't point the finger at you as the "troublemaker" if you confronted her. If it continues despite your fiance talking to her, then maybe all of you should sit down together and talk it out. Good luck--I know how hard this is.

Take it with a grain of salt She is tame to my mil I was told after we took a trip to austin for a holiday (she called and yelled at my dh because in her eyes we used the trip as a fun trip and not a family visit) that i was not welcome in the city of austin or her home his father told him "the best thing is for uson to come home by yourself" i was not in austin for 7 years the next time i went down was for her funeral my dh went all the time because he would not choose but imop he did it is a very sore subject in our house don't fight over her, just stay quite it is not worth it the fights because if he is like my dh (mama boy)he will always stick up for her and take her side as of today my dh says he did nothing wrong

Whatever! I totally disagree with the "sweetly" thing! The next time you go over there bring a 12 pack of pepsi, make a point of showing her and then "sweetly" set it down and ask her if she'd like some in the freezer. One thing is for sure, you have got to talk to her before the wedding, I had to with my mil. I finally asked her if she had a prob with me and why she kept insisting that we move the wedding back, it was then that she came up with her bs reason to set the date back, but from that day on she stopped being fake and wasn't as big of a pain in the ***, it also helped that after she gave us HER wedding invite list that I told her she would have to cut her 100 + people in half unless she wanted to help chip in, she started to realize that I was a person who was not going to be disrespected or pushed around. Stand up for YOURSELF, forget about trying to get your hubby to do it, because he won't is he's like mine, stand your ground! Stop excepting everything she offers and say no thanks, do whatever you can think of to get her to realize that the backstabbing stops NOW!!!!! There is no reason for you to kiss her a**! You are the mother to her FIRST grandchild and as such you demand respect because if she can not 100% be respectful when it come to you then why should you be to her. Oh, yeah, one more thing, make sure you knock every time you walk through that door, and if she comes over "sweetly" ask her to make sure SHE knocks EVERYTIME as well. If you can't tell I'm a bit of a smarta** and when I am being treated unfairly I let it show. It really does work though for some reason.

wow now that is freaking werid! i guess you could say im in the same boat. my soon to be MIL is really nice to my face but i know deep down she blames me for why her son doesnt come see her all the time. in reality its not my fault. she could come see us to. my problem isnt just his mother though i have the whole family it feels. well the one side anyways.
now how to deal with your problem!!you have to talk to her. im not saying it will stop bu at least you will come to an understanding of why she is soo upset, if she tells you! i did so with dominics g-ma and well i know she still doesnt like me, we can tell each other a "little" more. i dont think there is a way to fix this. see in your case she goes out of her way to make you think she really likes you but then says things to your fiance. maybe you could tell your fiance to stop telling you what she says so you just dont think about it when your around her or ask him to tell her not to say things to him. well good luck! this will be tricky!!!!

I must agree that you need to stand up for yourself. However, I would explain to my fiance how I feel and have him handle his mother. You don't want to confront her and then have her telling him how horrible you are. Plus, it would be easier coming from him. Also, I wouldn't 'pop' in on her, have him go get his smokes or just go buy him a pack at the store. If she has this kind of fit over a 50 cent pepsi imagine what the future holds, ouchies! Best of luck!