My Marriage Is at the End of Failing, I Need Advice

I agree with Sally. You do not need him to agree but you will need a lawyer. My mother eventually got her divorce even though her ex decided to stall as long as he could. I do reccomend counceling for you (and possibly the kids), since this will be a trying time in which you could use the support.

C.,

I am sorry to hear that your marriage is not working. All I can tell you is that my mom is 47 and after 25 years with my dad who is 8 years older then her she finally left and has never been happier. I am not saying you should leave and I know it is hard with kids, but you deserve to be happy and he sound like he is pulling away. What about a separation (move out) and maybe that will give you both the time to think about what you need and want or maybe he won't but you don't need to be divorced to take some time to think. I believe in Love and that relationships are a lot of work but I also believe that we only have so much time on earth, so don't waste 25 years like my mom did if you don't think it will work or your not putting everything into trying. Good Luck

Gosh, not sure what to say but I can be straight and to the point as well. If his bed sharing complaints just came up and out of the blue I'd find that odd and suspicious, especially after being married so long. He is looking for an excuse to get out of sharing a bed. Its sort of a first step perhaps. So I am assuming there are other issues other than the bed issue?
All I can think of is he is cheating. And he wont give you a divorce right now, but use this time to get your things in order. First off try talking to him to see what the problem is. Then try counseling. But if you are already ready to end your marriage then make sure you have a place to go and that your kids will also. Make sure you have money. Then get a lawyer and draw up the papers and have him served. IF it comes to it he can be court ordered to sign if he doesnt have a reason not to. YOu can present a case of abandonment if you arent sharing a bed.... Thats it in a nutshell.
Without many details its hard to give proper advice, so I hope some of this makes sense to you and helps. I am all for marriage so try to see if you can work it out first.

You don't need permission to divorce his sorry a**. Sounds like he needs a wakeup call. Maybe he's getting it elsewhere. If you can make it on your own I would get the he** out of there of kick him out. Get a lawyer. Ask around for a reference or check the internet for one that will give you a free first consultation. I am sorry he being is so hurtful. If you feel the tension the kids are feeling it as well. I hope I am not being to forward with you but you did ask for guidance. I speak from experience.

He is obviously making up reasons not to be with you. It sounds like to me that he is already getting it elsewhere. The only reason he would not want a divorce is he has a lot to lose. You do not need his permission to get a divorce. But you will need a good lawyer. Do not, as he put it, "go find it somewhere else." Don't give him grounds. It may be what he wants you to do so he won't lose as much as he could.

Ouch. I turned 51 today, and when I was 43 my soon to be ex-husband (in June) decided to withdraw physically from our marriage. It wasn't until 2 1/2 years later, while he was captive in the counselor's office, that he gave me a why: I had apparently complained about his bony knees and elbows one morning. I stuck it out, stayed hopeful, stayed faithful, didn't file for divorce until it went from verbally abusive to physical. I shouldn't have waited. It is so hard to believe it will be better if you divorce, you start to buy the story that it's all your fault, you get afraid thinking about how you'll manage alone with the kids. Been there. Your husband is being abusive. See a counselor if you can't give up without feeling like you've done everything possible, but from the other side of this issue my advice would be see an attorney. He can't stop you from getting a divorce; you may come away with nothing but child support for the kids, but it's worth it to get out from under a man who is only looking to break you. If he won't go to counseling, there's your answer, isn't it?

You have gotten good advice from previous messages, so I won't repeat those. There are many reasons that he could have withdrawn. Sometimes, a person projects the problem onto "you", when there is something going on inside of him that he doesn't want to face. You could be the best person on the planet, but if something is going on with your husband-- physically, emotionally, or mentally--then you cannot fix those things. He could be having impotence problems, premature ejaculation issues, all of which could make him embarrassed and frustrated in bed with you. If those are the reasons, you both would have to attend counseling. You don’t have to ask him if he’s experiencing sexual dysfunction. Just ask if he’s willing to go to marriage counseling with you. If he’s not, you have some serious thinking about your future. Ask yourself if you’re willing to live like this forever. This very well could just be a rough period in your marriage. We all have something to overcome—sickness, disease, poverty. I know this is frustrating, though, because it’s really hard to make decisions when you do not know what caused the breakdown! In order to empower yourself, here are a few suggestions of things you can do until he is willing to have an honest dialogue with you about this.

Take care of yourself. Sometimes, wives can contribute to the withdrawal of intimacy in little ways by neglecting ourselves. You wrote that you have three children, one of whom is 4. I also have a 4-year-old, and honestly, I’m only now starting to feel a little more comfortable with my post-pregnancy body. If you are not spending time on your appearance, take some time to honestly assess what’s going on. Do not be overly critical. You have had three children. But, make sure that you do those little things, like makeup and soft scents, that are naturally enticing and make us feel sexy. Some cute nighties and a scented bubble bath with candles might do wonders for your own self-esteem, even if he doesn’t respond.

Nurture yourself. Sometimes, moms make our families our world. If you have a husband, a 4-year-old and two teens, how much time do you spend nurturing yourself as well as your relationship? Do you do anything fun for yourself? Is your husband missing the spontaneity you used to have? Offer a few dates to your husband. If he turns you down each time, then just take the kids out sometimes. Once in a while, drop them off with their friends or do something special for yourself at lunchtime. If your husband sees his family moving on without him, he’ll have to do some serious thinking, too.

Nurture your spirit. Throughout all of this, be prayerful and vigilant. You are fighting for your marriage and your family. If you have a prayer circle at church, drop your name in the basket and ask for prayer. You don’t have to list the specific problem. God knows.

Be patient, yet persistent. Do not nag, just remain open. Listen if he offers a few nuggets about how he’s feeling about life. Sometimes, just talk about something you learned about life. Try to be friends again.

Get real. If he’s totally shut down and non-responsive to any of these suggestions, as well as the others you read, ask yourself if you are missing something. I think it’s strange for a husband to have no sexual interests in over a year. I’d be watchful of patterns. And, I’d start taking notes in a journal I keep at work or someplace inaccessible to him. Do not bring in a surrogate husband! There is enough drama going on without adding another human being to the equation.

Mind your business. Research your State’s rights as a spouse (in case he decides to leave) and make sure you’re getting the training you need at your job for advancement opportunities. Be conscious of your spending and personal savings. Understand your health plan, life insurance, mortgage payoff, etc. Don’t be surprised, be prepared. If he eventually initiates divorce proceedings, you need to be in a place to take care of yourself and your children. Yes, you’ll grieve. But, if you’ve been nurturing your body, your mind and spirit, you’ll at least have a healthy self-esteem to recover from and go through the ordeal.

Hi C.,

Please get counseling immediately. You have waited a very long time. It is time to buckle up and move forward. Youare a yougn woman with a full fun life ahead. Do not let anyone hold you back---EVER.

Ask him if he wants to join you. If he doesn't, then you tried. Hopefully things might be better, but if not, there are plenty of men out there who would love you and love being with you.

Wouldn't hurt to find out where he is in the day. Sorry, but I am sure it has crossed your mind.

I wish you good luck. Don't wait- go make the call. If nothing else, the counselor will hopefully give you some very good ideas.

He can't not let you get divorced. He may not agree with it but he can't stop it. That said I would definitely try counseling first. If he doesn't want to go with you then go by yourself. I've been in counseling a few times for myself for different reasons and it worked tremendously for me. In the end you need to do what's right for you. God bless you, you will be in my prayers.

Hi C.,

There is no need to divorce. You have a family to think about.

You have lost your identity as a woman. You have become a mother and not the person you were meant to be.

How do you start to think about yourself?

1) Join a health club if you are not going at least 3 times a week.

2) Go to a support group meeting. If there is or has been alcohol use in your childhood family or currently, go to an Al-Anon meeting in your area.

3) Get a hobby.

4) Ask your husband to go with you to family mediation to discover the real source of the break down occurred.

5) Go to a therapist yourself to discover how you lost your identity. There are many places that offer sliding scale fees so you can afford to get counselling.

Ten years is a rough milestone for marriages. You have invested too much time in this marriage to throw it all away.

Take a trip by yourself and get away for a week. Do some reflection and planning.

Good luck. Hope this helps. D.

C., please consider a counselor, therapist or whatever you'd like to call it. If you are Christian there are a lot of Pastoral counselors out there and they can help you. I am almost 40 and divorced (2 kids) with many issues of my own. I never imagined I needed any help. I have been seeing my counselor every week for a few months and my life is completely changed. I have been carrying around things for 20 years that were affecting my relationship but I couldn't see them on my own. Do it for you FIRST, then try to get your husband to join you. He may have issues that are supressed that you don't even know about. He may be depressed or have low self esteem, etc. You have to keep the lines of communication open if you want to try and save your marriage. This may be a stretch but have you considered he may be gay and is pushing you away because he is afraid to admit it to himself and doesn't know how to deal with it?? This is more common than you think and the wife is usually the one that suffers the most. There are many methods to help you 'sleep' in the same bed. You have to heal yourself emotionally before you can work on fixing your relationship. If you are already seeing someone, maybe they are not the right match for you. If you need a referral, I have a wonderful one to share. If you want to email me at ____@____.com I would be happy to share. It sounds like your husband is reaching out for help but considering that men have a hard time asking directly, leaves you having to solve the puzzle. There is hope, don't give up.
C.

Have you tried putting on more flattering sleepwear? What about doing something special for him? Such as cooking his favorite meal, complimenting him on a tasks or job he's done recently, or maybe ask him to consider counseling? Have you communicated to him of how he makes you feel and where you think the marriage is going? We all can get complacent and be simply okay with the status quo, so openly speaking to him about this situation might help. Hope this is of some help. Take care and God bless.

I too struggle with this problem and I am not sure what causes it. I do think any hurt that we have caused them is harder for them (Men) to deal with than the way we deal with issues. Example would be mistrust in the finance area, etc. I decided to ask God to take the feeling away from me until my husband has allowed God to enter into his life again and be open and honest with me about what the problem really is. I realized now that it is not me. I feel better having that confidence and still want the comfort of knowing that he cares, but it makes it a little easier. It's been about six months now for us and we still sleep in the same bed. Divorce is not an option for us because we said "For better or For Worse" and made a vow in front of so many people and to the Lord that we serve. I pray for you to get confidence about who you are and what you are doing to help in taking care of you family - For Better or Worse. Love and a hug to you.

have you started with a very honest and open conversation? does he know how you feel? my sister in law just had to do this with her fiance and despite our thinking that it was going to be a waste of time, her fiance actually had no idea about the way he was acting and how she felt about it. he thought that since she never said anything, things must be fine. They had similar problems- been together for a long time, he's older, hadn't slept together in almost a year, but don't have children. Start with a very, very honest and open conversation and if he cant/won't agree or see your point of view, i would suggest seeing a marriage counselor. you can always go to them on your own initially and they might be able to point you in the direction that would be best for you. good luck, stand strong- don't let him bully you around or stay in a marriage that won't work for you. you're far too young to resign yourself to a loveless, sexless marriage!

I think It's time for counseling. It's quite possible that your marriage is not the problem but that you both have brought your own baggage to the marriage. It can be worked out!!!!!!!! if you want to be intimate with him then plan something romantic and sexy (if you can work up the nerve). Don't let him say no. Treat him like a King (probably doesn't deserve it). Do not find intimacy anywhere outside the marriage, It would surely be ruined. If he continuously rejects you and counseling doesn't help then send his butt separation papers. Obviously, I am taking your side. I don't know his side. Has he been hurt by you. Do you need to make amends of something. If you are feeling hopeful than break him down with your love and kindness and try your very hardest to focus on his good qualities. I know this is hard to do but with practice you may start to see him with different eyes. good luck. Be Strong!!!!!!

I think you need to go to couple counseling. I willpray for you. AF

Dear C.,

Would your husband go to his doctor (and get a referral to a good urologist) and get his health checked? Many men his age have enlarged prostates which inteferes with urination and/or sexual relations. This is treatable!

If he checks out okay, then you next need couples counseling. If he refuses to go, then go alone. Do you get along in other ways? Do you talk? Do you do things together? Do you both parent the kids? Or is your life like a war zone with him?

Good luck,
Pam H.

C.,

Like the others, I agree that counseling is the best thing for you and - if he agrees, your husband. I encourage you to go alone if he won't. You could also try consulting a pastor or pastoral counselor. I'm so sorry to hear what your husband is putting you through. Please consider that perhaps your husband has his own issues, perhaps ones that make him afraid of intimacy - the reasons he cites aren't things that truly have anything to do with you. With regard to the divorce question - you may want to try consulting with a marriage mediation lawyer. If you end up going in the direction of divorce, they can help keep the whole thing as amicable as possible, which will be of benefit to your kids.

Good luck, and hang in there!
-M.

Hello C.,
I am so sorry you are going through this bad situation,but *Everyone,please cut the bull *C. I am tired of people saying to every bad situations in a ralation ship to seek some sort of help.Honey the only way seeking help is going to work if you both agree to it. It sounds like your husband already has other things going on,so he use an exscuse to justify what the real deal is.C. those things that you mention are so minor,I my self get up in the middle of the night and my man snores and hates that I get up in the middle of the night , but we are very strong together, but it took a Divorce of 20 years and a minute to find someone who I was *compat* with. I still care about my x , we are the best of friends, we were not comp. I belive when it smell like it( it is it.) This sounds to petty . Being Sexy Is all I know.
Don't waste you time on Follishness , You will realize you let time by past you ,and you could have been happy.

Consider going to counseling by yourself so that you can get a better understanding of yourself and be able to make a wise decision about your marriage. Ask if he'd be interested in counseling after you've gotten good results for yourself. I hope this helps.

Please find a good marrige counselor, and if he will not go, go your self.

Are you saved? if yes then, Pray!... go on a fast for 3 days and just listen to God. Don't do a lot of talking just listen. After the third day wash your face and do what you know in your heart. it will do two things, 1) it will clean your side of the street and 2) it will show you his. If you are not saved the best advice I can give is to give your life to Jesus and then your husband and marriage will become His problem and not yours... In the meantime try the suggestions for bettering yourself physically and mentally.. but the bottom line is that God will fill that void and give you the strength to deal with whatever....If you need any help email me and I am there for you.....

Hey C.! Thanks for sharing your story. The best advice I know how to only give is to seek God girl. This subject is so touchy and so important b/c God created the marriage covenant which is a blood covenant. Firt ask yourself do you still love him and do you still want to make this marriage work. If yes to these, turn it over to the Lord girl. And ask your husband does he still love you and does he still want this marriage. Because both of you have to want it in order to make it work. If he says yes, then I would seek couselling at a spirit filled church with a spirit filled Pastor. And I know of one girl. Pastor Randy Gilbert with Faith Landmarks Ministries. But pray on this marriage girl and allow God to direct you on what to do okay. I've been married for almost 9 years and me and my husband went thru it all. But God is faithful and God and ONLY GOD COULD CHANGE MY HUSBAND AND ONLY HIM ALONE HAS THE POWER TO CHANGE YOURS. We cannot do it, it just draws them further away from us. I pray right now in the mighty name of Jesus to come into your home and into your marriage, holy spirit, take over every situation right now in the name of Jesus, satan, we bind you and cast every plan down and it is failed right now in the name of Jesus!! Amen!! Take care and hold your head up, continue to walk in love towards him, so those good seeds and God will honor that and you will reap a good harvest. Be strong and things will work out girl okay! Keep smiling! :)

Hello C., I really feel sympathy for you because I can truly understand what rocky years are like in a marriage. I have sort of the opposite type of problem in that I have been married for 24 years and my husband has never understood the differences in men and women when it comes to the act of sex. We usually have to be there in mind body and spirit in order for this to be a satisfying event. I have gone through the motions many times just to keep him from thinking that I was being satisfied elsewhere.

In your case, I think you might be a little desperate, just to save your marriage. I personally think your husband has issues. I really feel that he, himself may be getting satisfaction somewhere else, because men just don't operate that way. My husband is 53. I know everyone reaches a sexual peak at different times in life, but most of them what it at some point. A year and a half seem a little absurb. Something as trivial as farting is one of those things you never get used to, but they sort of come along with the familiarity of the marriage partners. He is picking, so that is another indication that he is experiencing a little discuss and disatisfaction with you, personally.

I would definitely ask him to go into marriage counseling and that should shed some light on the situation, as well as be an avenue for professional advice for you. If that doesn't work, I would be going to divorce court, even without his good graces. He can't have his cake and eat it too. In essense, having you there to tend to the family, keeping everything in place for the sake of appearances. Oh, that brings to mind another thought. He may be gay, and in the closet. You certainly have grounds for a divorce an he can't legally prevent you from moving forward. You deserve to live a wonderful life that the Lord gave you. Only when you are happy will you be able to make a happy life for your children, without this jerk.

God Bless you in your efforts.

T.

C., I'm sorry you are dealing with this. My suggestion is for you to decide if you really want a divorce. If your answer is yes, then it is not up to your husband to decide, you have the right to file for one.

You may have to separate from him, but he doesn't have to "give" you one or agree, and you may have to be separated from him for several years to be granted one when there is no consent from both parties. You will have to find out your rights.

I recommend that you find a good attorney who handles divorces and who can tell you what your rights are and how to proceed. Most attorneys will give you a consultation for free, and then you can decide if this is what you want.

Hey C. girl.. I feel for you. A marriage gone bad is just bad. But I'll tell you-- you have to do something now. If you don't, it will simply get worse. Not sleeping together for the last year and a half-- girl no... unless, y'all were creeping into eachother's beds at night.. which could have been fun. Nonetheless, its gone too far. We all need love... and him telling you to go screw someone else-- is not love.. so you don't need it. So either make it or break it. If you want to try to save it.. see a marriage counselor.. or make some kind of steps toward recovery. Both of you.. if he doesn't agree-- and doesn't want to try to make the marriage work.. then he has made the choice for both of you. It is over. But if you feel like you don't want to put in the work to try and fix it.. and the thought of him with another woman doesn't affect you at all.. then I believe it is time for divorce. I'd suggest though, next time.. whether with him or the next man you get (remember Beyonce's song, irreplacable- so you'll be okay).. with whoever, whatever problem should be nipped in the bud... a year and a half is way too long to suffer. Communication really is key. Sooner rather than later... Good luck

L.

Hi C.

Please visit mikeanddeedeefreeman.org

I am sure this can help

PRAY! Do you love your husband? Is it worth fighting for? Will you destroy yourself in the process? Does you husband really love you? Just Pray and ask for wisdom.

You need to find out two things: One, does he want the marriage to work? and Two: do you? It doesn't matter if it's been 10 years or 10 months; if one or both are not happy with the other person's traits and what they bring to life, then it will not work.

It's not failure, it's life.

If he truely wants you in his life, and you do as well (and this should be an honest question to yourself); then go to any length to get over this hurdle.

If the answer is no by anyone, then it's time to call a spade a spade. Divorce can be liberating in the right circumstances; and devistating in the wrong ones. It's hard either way and it's not an instant fix in either regard, so don't expect Wonderbra miracles.

Serious times call for serious questions and honest answers.

Dear C.,
Another consideration is that your husband may be suffering from extreme depression which may require medication. As people age, hormone levels in the brain can change just as your metabolism can change. Most people are able to deal with these changes through extra physical activity, fulfilling sexual intimacy, hobbies, relationships, etc. But for whatever reason he may just not be pulling out of it -- he may be pushing you away because he doesn't feel he deserves to be happy because he has given up on life in a sense. He may need medication as well as counseling -- go as a couple as well and go by yourself it is not easy dealing with people suffering from extreme depression.
I would also suggest going on dates or perhaps eventually a romantic vacation together. I know it is probably discouraging but there is also no harm of continuing to try to seduce your own husband -- put the kids to bed early and be sexually aggressive and try to break down some of the barriers he built up around himself.
I wish you the best of luck.

This topic seems to have really struck a nerve. You have gotten a lot of really great advice. It boils down to do you want to save your marriage or not? Can you see a future with this man? If the answer is yes, than you need counseling, but he must be willing to go and he must be willing to put some work into the marriage. I agree with those who think he may be cheating, so I think it is worth it to find out for sure. If he is, does that change your decision? If you don't want to save your marriage, then you don't need him to agree to a divorce. You need to see a lawyer.
Good luck and I wish you a happier future!

Hey C., funny you should bring up this subject. I've been married 13 yrs with 9 years of resentment under my belt towards my hubby. Sex? what's that? I sleep with the kids often due to his snoring. If you truly want this to survive (which in my case, I do) I did counseling for and by my self and prayed alot. It wasn't till 2 weeks ago did I switch up to couple counseling and he agreed to come. If he wants to keep the marriage together, maybe he'll give it a try. It has helped us to speak to a mediator rather than to each other. And pray like there was no tomorrow. It surely will keep you sane! Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers as well. I know this is hurting you

Hey C.,

I feel your pain. But if you love your husband that much, I would move back into his bed and fight for my marriage. But don't be no fool. If he hasn't touched you for 1.5 years, there's a problem. I hate to say it but he's probably sleeping with someone else. He not only told you to find someone else to sleep with and he made up that lame excuse about you moving around the bed to much. Excuse me but thats BS! If you want a divorce do what you have to do but don't continue to be this mans fool. I'm sure the ladies out there would agree with me.

Have you talked about seeing a marraige counselor?

C., You and your family need to go to marriage counseling. And Pray Pray Pray girl.

Not only do you two have to work on your communication, but as a wedded couple your bodies are one (Gen 2:24, Matt 19:5, Mark 10:8, Eph 5:31) and you are not to refrain from intimacy (1Cor 7:3-4) unless for an oberservance religious in nature because it might lead to temptation (1Cor 7:2).

Is your husband a believer (1Co 7:13), are you? If he is he is not treating you with love (Eph 5:25 & 33).

I understand the "just get it over with" feeling. My husband and I have had difficulties and disagreements before. We have abstained whrn we shoulden't have nad it only made the resentment grow deeper. I can be a very bitter woman if i let myself (Col 3:18) but it is very wrong for me to do so. When we finally have submitted our bodies to one another nad come together, things always begin to set to right.

As married couples we are to lust after our spouses well into our twilight years. My grandparents were still intimate into their sixties before my gmother passed. I think that that is a beautiful testament ot how solid their love was. I pray that my husband and I can do the same.

However, this is about you and your husband. Have you thought that there might be some other underlying problem with his lack of intimacy? Is he dealing with some undisclosed guilt or resentment? Have either of you ever been unfaithful? Not necessarily in a sexual way, but in a casual glance and double take, a breif uttered observance of another person's attractiveness, a sidewys comment, etc. Those pains can run very deep.

Is your husand's anger stemming from some thing else? Being a man in his 50's is he dealign with a mid-life crisis? Do you think that he might be experiencing low labido, and is so could he be dispalcing his anger towards himself to you, blaming you by rationalizing that you must not be attractive enough (not true every wife ahould be atractive to thier husband if they are trully loved).

I wish that I had solutions to help. But I can give you the scripture refereneces that point out that there is a problem that must be resolved. Your children whether or not they tell you do know what is going on. You do not want them having difunctional marriages due to the only experience that they have being one.

I am not trying to be harsh or critizing. I am saying all of this out of compassion and love. I hurt for you. Every woman wants to be loved by their husband, and it is in our nature to love in return.

In my prayers,
C.

The Ann Landers answer would be to talk to a counselor. Sometimes pastors are good to talk to. Have you ever been tested for sleep apnea? Or restless leg syndrome? I know lately my husband has even been hitting me in his sleep. So now he is scheduled for a sleep study.

Communication, I've found is the secret to a good marriage. I went through 30 years of hell and finally ran away. Now I have a really good marriage, with the key to it being our nightly devotion and prayer time.

If you would like someone to talk to and confide in, I would be happy to be that person because I believe I went through what I did to help others.

N.

A marriage is a partnership not a one way street. Love grows stronger as the years go by. When you first married there was a different kind of love that you felt, the goose bumps, the stars and the like. This love later turns into something more valuable and stronger than before. It is the kind of love that only a handful can experience. Thinking the same thoughts,a touch, an understanding. As the marriage progresses and we get more comfortable with one another, those things you mentioned are no longer kept in the dark, the love will be there wheather or not he "burps", passes gas etc.
If things cannot be worked out with counseling,then you have to love yourself enough to say - I am better than that, I am worth having and move on "girl friend"

C.,

I think you need to decide if you love him with or without sex. You should also seek hobbies/interests to you and find your own source of happiness. Love is freely given and you can continue to provide him with compliments, etc with no strings attached. You need to be the best wife/mother/individual that you can be even if he is gruff or hurtful. Pray for your husband and yourself. I know this is difficult, especially to love your husband unconditionally after he's hurt you. Then reevaluate your marriage and your situation to see if you want it long term, if it's improving, or you want a separation. No matter what choice, you'll be the best you can be.

My husband is older than I am and they say that women are difficult to figure out when men cannot even figure themselves out!!

C., seek god in prayer, because he will not put more on us then we can bare. I will keep your problems in prayer.god bless.