My Little Boy - Bedminster,NJ

K., have you taken him to the doctor? You asked about this last month. I don't think he's spoiled. This level of crying is not normal. Crying is the only way that babies communicate, and if he cries all the time when he's awake, something is bothering him. Can anyone else hold him? I wonder, if he only stops crying for you, even that may mean that he's not feeling well, because being close to you makes him feel safe.

PLEASE take him to the pediatrician to be safe. He could have reflux, he could have sensory issues. You'll feel better finding out what's going on for him.

I wouldn't leave him in a room to cry it out. have you thought of giving him a passafier? You could always ask a doctor who to do too...sorry, not too helpful, but thought I'd say I wouldn't leave him in a room to cry it out. May not be too helpful towards him. thought--could he be having problems with his bottle? Someting might be bothering him.

Babies cry because something is wrong. I really hope you are not even considering the "advice" you got about leaving him alone. I get that you are tired and frustrated (my son was colicky at a young age too) but there is something wrong!! There may be an allergy, he may have some sensory issues, he may be teething, ect. If he really cries as much as you say, you really need to get him to a doctor that can do a full evaluation.

I just noticed that you had a similar question about your son a month ago. You refer to him as spoiled. I think you are getting resentful of him and you need a break! When you are with him, try wearing him or putting him in a swing or bouncer so you can get a break. At that age my son loved his supersaucer. It kept him busy for hours.

Do NOT leave an 8-month-old baby who cries all the time in a room and let him cry it out! I am all in favor of cry-it-out when used correctly, but this is NOT using it correctly! When an 8-month-old baby cries constantly, SOMETHING IS WRONG. Go see your pediatrician immediately, and if s/he can't help, go see a different one until someone at least gives you advice of some things to try.

K.,

I understand its frustrating and you all need some rest. The crying won't last F.. Your baby is only 8 months old. Your baby needs you to meet his needs and leaving him in a room to cry it out will only teach him that you won't come to him anymore to pick him up. Babies don't have a sense of time--everything is waaaay too long for them. The best thing you can do is meet your baby's needs. Try to anticipate when he is getting tired, hungry, lonely, overwhelmed etc. When you are one or two steps ahead, you will find a good routine for him to nap, eat, play, etc. I suggest you co-sleep. Babies are meant to be with their mama's and he will sleep so good and you will too. If you make a sidecar to your bed you can co-sleep safely. As for your 2 year old---schedule time every day when baby is napping or when daddy can hold your baby and you can go play with your 2 year old. You will find the balance in time. Hang in there and go to your baby when he cries--meet his needs and he will settle down.

I would suggest two things: babywearing--i.e. sling or carrier
and possibly check to see if it's tummy troubles. Is he a big spitter or gassy or has a rumbly tummy? If so, modify his diet (and yours if you're breastfeeding) starting with cutting out dairy to see if that helps. He may be trying to communicate to you that he doesn't feel well.

Poor guy! Can you wear him next to you all day while you do things with the rest of your family? My son needed to be next to me a lot when he was small - he was way more needy than his sister when he was a baby. He was so much work! Do you think it is teething? Do you think he has an upset stomach? Perhaps he is allergic to something? I am sure you are trying your best to figure this out.

Okay - we need a little more help from you, K.. When you say he cries all the time, are you talking all day or all night? Or both?

If anyone told you to let him cry all alone during the day, they are wrong. If you are talking about sleep training, there is a way to do it and definitely a way NOT to do it. If you are talking about night time, then you are doing it wrong.

I wish I knew which you mean. I'll start with day time. Surely you would have talked to your doctor if he is crying all day long. What did the doctor say? How does he eat? Is he gaining weight? Does he have a lot of wet diapers? How are his poops? Do you breastfeed or bottle feed? Does he tolerate regular food?

This is important to know. Babies cry when their tummies hurt. They can't tell you what is wrong. You have to figure it out. Start a diary. Write down what time he gets up and if he cries. What time he has breakfast (food?) and bottle. What you feed him and when he cries (before? after the food?) Does he have gas? Are you burping him enough? Write down about his diapers - when and what they are like. Does he take naps? Are you getting him up at the same time every day and putting him down for nap the same time every day? Is he going to bed at night at the same time? You should have the same routine for him with meals and sleeping/waking every day.

Does he cry when you hold him versus you putting him down? When does he NOT cry? These are things you must figure out so that you can explain to the doctor. Otherwise, the doctor is stabbing in the dark at trying to figure out an answer.

If he cries when you don't hold him and he can't stop crying, I would get a sling of some sort and wear him. I know that's hard, but if he is not able to break this constant crying jag, this is what you need to do. That way you can get something done with your hands. When it's time for him to take a nap, put him in his crib and sit beside the crib with your hand through the slats touching his leg. Sit on the floor so that he'll lay down to be closer to you. Don't sit in a chair because he will stand up and scream for you to take him out of the crib. You don't want to take him out of the crib. He must understand that sleep takes place in the crib. Always. Hopefully he will fall asleep soon. Don't let him sleep longer than a certain amount of time so as not to mess up his next nap or night sleep.

When you can, sit in the floor with him and your 2 year old and let him play on your lap. When he's comfortable that you aren't going to leave him in a room by himself, you might be able to do something in the room without him crying after you, but that might take a while.

For night time, I would recommend that you put a chair in the middle of the room, with a nightlight on, and sit in the chair after you put him in the crib. Don't look at him. Don't talk to him. Don't engage at all. If he cries, he cries. But he KNOWS you are there. He will get tired of the crying and fall asleep. Then you go out of the room. If he wakes in the middle of the night, do the same thing.

This is a different form of night training. You are very uninteresting at this point. You aren't picking him up or talking to him. You are NOT feeding him. You aren't fussing over him. Yet you are there in his presence.

I do believe in the Ferber method which I did with my kids. However, I think that you have been very inconsistent with your son and that he has issues that you have not figured out and because of these two things, I would not leave him in his room to cry. At all, K..

It might take a while, but if you are 100% consistent, it will get better unless he has a medical condition that causes him to be in a great deal of pain.

If he is crying all day, you need to get to your ped with this diary I'm talking about. He needs to have some tests run and your doctor needs to help you figure out what ails him. He's too old to have colic, unless this is an unusual case. I want to say that it's reflux, but you haven't said anything about his eating. Anyway, Good luck and keep us posted, okay?

Dawn

a short sentence that meant the world to me and made me sign a sense of relief when i had a moment like yours....

"this too shall pass"

remember that! When you have a moment or two when you feel u just had it and frustrated beyond belief....say to yourself "this too shall pass"

If you have to...walk out of the room for a moment, take a deep breath (be sure baby and 2yr are some where safe before doing so), scream in a pillow or cry it out yourself.

My son as a baby was difficult to keep happy and bored VERY quickly. You literally have to think out of the box to keep these babies happy. He may be over stimulated too when he cries. Or his belly hurts him. Babies cry for a reason and we must do the process of eliminate to find out why. If you check a to z and nothing seems to help, consult your sons dr. He may have an underlying problem you do not know about and he is telling you something is wrong. Especially if he isn't colicky.

Oh also pay attention at the times your son cries too. That will help learn his pattern. If he be hungry, tired, dirty diaper, or just bored. Again, they cry for a reason. Good luck and oh...this too shall pass!!!

K.:

At 8 months - crying is the ONLY thing that he has to tell you something isn't right. He can't use his words - he doesn't have any.

I probably have more questions than answers....

Are you saying that your son even cries in his sleep?
Has the crying been ONLY recently or for the WHOLE past 8 months?
Have you talked with your pediatrician about this?
Have they run any tests to see what might be causing his pain?
Is he breast fed or formula fed?
If breast fed - have you tried changing your diet to see if that helps?
If formula fed - have you tried a new brand that might not be as harsh?
What is the stimulation he receives during the day?

Put him in a car seat and drive.
Get him occupied with things - activities - to help him see the world outside of you. My second son was a crier. He had ear problems - laying down bothered him - he had to sleep sitting up. Once he had tubes put in his ears - he was a happy baby!!! It was a life changing experience!!!

Try putting him in a bouncy seat or some other bouncy that gives him stimulation....but what would **I** do? I would take him to the doctor. AGAIN. I would record his crying and show it to the doctor. YOU are your child's advocate. Do NOT stop trying to find out what is causing the crying...

Pain?
allergies?
Gluten?

Give him "white noise" - a un-tuned radio station, a fan, a clothes dryer.
Give him interaction.
Wear a baby sling or other type of baby carrier..that's what I had to do with mine to keep him "upright".

Good luck!!!

Check his clothes, make sure nothing is pinching or scratching or catching. Look for hair wrapped around a toe even.
Is he bottle or breast fed? If bottle, try changing bottles. He may be getting too much air but can't burp the bubble. If your breastfeeding, he might be sensitive to something you are eating. Dairy is the most common.
Wear him in a sling or other carrier during the day, keeping him upright. If you do not have a sling or other type carrier that you can wear him in, I highly recommend getting one
I had a fussy baby and he loved when we stood in front of the tall room fan we had. It wasn't blowing right on his face but that breeze and the sound were soothing to him.
The one thing I do not recommend is putting him in another room and just let him cry it out. This is the worst advice! There is obviously a reason for that cry. You need to find the reason because he can't tell you other than to cry.
If you've looked at every reason you may have a "high needs" baby. http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/high-need-bab...
My first son was a high needs baby. When I first read the section in Dr Sears' The Baby Book I cried because that was my child to a tee. I bought the book The Fussy Baby Book and there was my child in the pages of that book. I had 2 more children after him and neither were, or are, anything like my first.

K. like the other said, some more info would help - he can't really cry all the time, he has to sleep and eat and such. Can you tell us more about when he sleeps and what he eats?

My oldest was a cryer. He was colicky from weeks 2 - 8 and then after that, seemed to cry more often than not during the day. It wasn't inconsolable crying non-stop for hours like colic, but he would just get easily upset - if I left the room or moved out of his sight...cry. Frustrated with a toy...cry. Trying to roll over or sit or pull to standing...cry. Not ready to get him the second he woke from a nap...cry. Didn't get what he wanted the second he wanted it...cry. But the big difference between that and the colic crying was that you could solve the problem and the tears would stop. He was able to be comforted.

If you literally can't comfort your child, there is something physically wrong. Teething, ear infections, hearing loss and digestive issues are good places to start looking, as are sensory issues. If, on the other hand, he's just quick to cry and a bit of a mama's boy, preferring your comfort above all others, he will grow out of this, I promise you.

Please share more info when you can.

If you haven't had a good exam of ears, etc. you should do this and be sure there isn't a physical problem causing it. He could be teething. But even if teething he shouldn't cry all the time. Is he sleeping at night at all? Do you play with him during the day? Does the 2 year old entertain him at times so he's happy? Do you ever let him cry short periods of time when you lay him down or someone else holds him? You really should do that. It isn't going to hurt him and will teach him that he is not going to get held all the time by only you. On the other hand babies his age are usually more into one or the other parent. You need rest and that's more important than a baby crying for a short time. Our pediatrician told us to let our son cry at night and it only lasted about 2-3 nights and was over and done. He as a year old so a little older. I would start with the check up at the doctor though and see what your pediatrician advises. You want to keep your marriage, you have another son to love and attend to and if this little boy is not in pain then you need to let him cry some.

I say this frequently to people, but I would take your son to a good, holistic pediatrician for a second opinion. It's not normal for an 8 month old to cry that much, as you know, so there is something going on. I thought "ears" too, like another poster. Many times chronic ear problems in kids are linked to dairy sensitivities. I have an excellent pediatrician near Caldwell--he's worth the drive for a one-time second opinion. His name is Howard Schlachter and he's in Essex Fells. Good luck.

Have you had his ears checked? Sometimes babies cry constantly with ear infections because the pain is so bad. Laying down makes it worse. Take him to the pediatrician to rule out any sickness. Crying may be his way of telling you he's in pain.

Good luck!

First, I agree with everyone else that we need more information. Is he literally crying 24/7 non stop? Or is he just fussy during the day and sleeps well at night? Have you checked with your doctor to make sure to rule out actual medical issues? Has he been like this since he was born or is this a recent development? If he truly is crying non stop and you can find no medical issues, and he has always been like that, I would guess you have a colicky baby. If this is the case I will tell you everything my grandma and mother told me. (I was lucky enough to not have a colicky baby but my father and myself both had it horribly!)
If your baby is colicky you will probably not be able to stop the crying no matter what you do. It's not because you're doing anything wrong, the child is simply going to cry. Sometimes things like bouncing, rocking, white noise, or music can temporarily alleviate or lessen the crying, but that's about it. No one is sure why babies get colic, there is great disagreement in the medical community, so there is no real solution for it except wait for it to pass. Usually by about 5 months it has passed, but some babies have it for up to a year. If it gets too much for you to handle there is nothing wrong with leaving the baby to cry for relatively brief periods so you can regain your sanity. My mom used to just lay me on her stomach and let me cry while she slept if she got too tired. It is better to leave the baby for 20 minutes or so and keep yourself together than to stay around the baby constantly and get so tired and frustrated that you make a dangerous mistake. Remember that it will not last forever!

I could he wrong, but I get the feeling you're exaggerating. That's ok. You're exhausted, and to you it feels like it's non-stop. Right?

My youngest cries a lot. She's been that way since birth. She didn't even like Daddy until she was around 8 months old. Literally, she would scream even louder if Daddy was holding her. She's just always been glued to my side. She really enjoys the extra attention. She got better for a few months, but now she's starting up again.

My advice is to eliminate other possibilities first. Does your child get juice daily? That helped my daughter because she was always constipated. Also, consider gas issues, sleep problems, fears, etc.

You will have to let him cry so you can cook, clean, and care for your other child. Don't feel guilty.